girls....

Im not normally one to post in this thread..
but, well im really struggling atm.
mid last year I met a girl.. the girl of my dreams.
life was great.
I knew she was from the middle east, but it was never a problem.
shed drink, she'd party we'd make out.
I told her id move to Sydney for her and make a life here with her..
life was good life was happy.
I went around the world on a trip that was planned before her, she let me go.. as long as I came back..
but the muslim thing caused issues..
she couldnt ever spend the night with me.. we'd argue..
she couldnt sleep with me.. but i was ok to wait..
i asked her if i could meet her parents so we could get that ball rolling.. but she wouldnt let me..

so i went on my trip.
while on my trip I was offered a job with BAE in london.. but i turned it down. Afterall I told her id come home to sydney and build a life with her.
while on this trip we had a discussion, where i made her PROMISE to tell her parents about me when i got home....

i came home.. i found a job... i lived in hostels...

she never told her parents!

She said if i had my own house it would be easier.. so, i fork out the money and i get my own house..

she promised me she'd tell her mum good bye if she ever made her choose..

on xmas morning her mum finally had enough and told her to choose between the family, or me..

she chose the family.

... so we fought and argued... i ended up moving out of the house selling what i had and haeding home.. afterall there was nothing in sydney for me, accept this girl.

at home we talked... we still loved each other.. so she promised me, if i came back and did it again she'd make her mum accept us.. she'd argue with her mum..

so... i quit my job and i came back.. she was my soul mate and i was prepared to do this..

I come home, i find a job i live in hostels.. i then find a rental..

she still hasnt told her mum
she refuses to post anything about us on facebook.. she lies to her sisters that we are hanging out.

its not at the stage where we argue all the time.. she's so unwilling to do anything for me.. and im realy lost.

I love her and i dont want to lose her.. but i feel everything ive done, the least she could do is post a photo of us on facebook, or tell her sisters she's spending the day with me at manly..

am I being an assh0le?
cause i feel like one!

I dont want to lose her, but i cant keep going like this...

Sounds like she's stringing you along. Without confirmation that she told her family I wouldn't have come back in the first place. Certainly not the second time. A relationship takes the participation of both for it to be successful.
Just my opinion- I do not know your situation beyond what you have stated.

Problem solved: Stop dating girls, and start dating WOMEN

reply to post by randomtangentsrme


she does genuinely love me, and has promised me in july (after her trip to the USA) she's going to tell her family to accept us or goodbye..

so i really need to hold onto that..

she's got a big heart, her problem is she gets scared easily.. if something stressful occurs she really struggles to think straight..

you know i spend my nights alone.. im a 28yr old man living a life like a 14yr old school kid.. sneaking around.

its crap..

she doesnt mean it.. and we love each other.. but we need to find a way to resolve this mes because its killing us.

Run son run!

The religious difference will ostracize both of you. While that should not matter, in the long run it will cause so much turmoil that it will become a problem.

Have you thought about converting to Islam?

“The gods never let us love and be wise at the same time.”
- Publilius Syrus

Then don't keep going like this!

Its obvious that the girl of your dreams has no respect for you or your needs - so why exactly is she the girl of your dreams.

Do you really really think that if she did stand up to her mom and actually married you, that all of a sudden you and the family would be best buds? Or do you think that you would spend the rest of your life fighting off tactics to sabatage your relationship? do you really think your children will be loved and cherished as grandchildren should be? Do you really want to spend your whole life dancing to some else's tune and trying to please them?

Some times its better to be unhappy for a little while, then to be unhappy for the rest of your life.

There are many factors that go into building a good marriage and family life. The acceptance of existing family is one of those factors. Even if you got the girl away from her family, the prognosis really isn't all that good. She would make you pay for the rest of your life for the "sacrifice" she had to make to be with you.

And to be honest - she is really toying with you.

Tired of Control Freaks.

reply to post by AllUrChips


haha, yea i know right?

I want a girl who'l go to the casino with me, get tanked, come home have mad hot animal like sex and wake up in each others arms..

... but when ya love someone ya meant to accept things..

A few keywords to avoid with some women...

-Facebook account
-Lies to friends/family (will also lie to you too)
-Unwilling to do anything for you

Don't waste years of your life chasing someone that doesn't want to be caught by you.

reply to post by TiredofControlFreaks


she does.. she's just in a difficult place ya know?
but my thinking is, im in an equally difficult place, yet i do whats needed to make her happy.. why cant she do the simple things..

i dunno..

we really are perfect when we are happy.. its just that these issues have consumed us lately...

Silly Kufr. You cannot fit a square peg in a round hole. No naughty double entender intended either !

I knew a muslim girl who met an aussie boy once. He had to convert to islam before her family would accept him. They're still together now almost 12 years later however, but that sacrifice ... baloney imo.

Ahhh, tolerance and joy. Wonderful one way street I believe.

Can't offer any advice, that you don't already know or haven't heard before...

Originally posted by randomtangentsrme

Sounds like she's stringing you along. Without confirmation that she told her family I wouldn't have come back in the first place. Certainly not the second time. A relationship takes the participation of both for it to be successful.
Just my opinion- I do not know your situation beyond what you have stated.

edit on 5-4-2012 by randomtangentsrme because: for vid

You know I hate you so much right now, before I read the OP, I was going to post that vid.

LMAO

reply to post by mainidh


ive been reading the koran and am prepared to convert but the parents still stand their ground..

appreciate ya thoughts but.

Originally posted by Agit8dChop
reply to post by randomtangentsrme

 

she does genuinely love me, and has promised me in july (after her trip to the USA) she's going to tell her family to accept us or goodbye..

so i really need to hold onto that..

she's got a big heart, her problem is she gets scared easily.. if something stressful occurs she really struggles to think straight..

you know i spend my nights alone.. im a 28yr old man living a life like a 14yr old school kid.. sneaking around.

its crap..

she doesnt mean it.. and we love each other.. but we need to find a way to resolve this mes because its killing us.

Ok so she has promised you for the third time to do what she has lied to you about twice before?
That Sir, is not love.
I've spent the majority of my life alone, due to the simple fact I would not string someone along if I knew I wasn't in it for the long haul.
It's not great to be alone, but it's a damn site better than having your heart ripped out. Which you are allowing yourself to experience.
From your posts on this thread, I doubt I'm going to change your mind. And so be it. Relationships are best discussed only by those in them. However, when will enough be enough for you? She has already lied to you twice. She refuses to tell her family.
Brother get the hint. In her parents lifetime, I don't see this working in your favor. Sad but IMO true.

Originally posted by Agit8dChop
ive been reading the koran and am prepared to convert...

Again with all the stuff you are doing.
From what you've posted so far, she has done absolutely nothing whatsoever except lie to you.
For years.

reply to post by mainidh


Even with the OP. The vid was still the first thing I knew to post. Cheers to them making the hall of fame- And cheers to all us trying to help this gentleman out.

I always used to hate hearing from my friends how much of a brat (insert your own b word here) my current girlfriend was. But in hindsight they always were correct.

If you really love her and would do anything for her the solution is simple..... become a Muslim and marry her!!!!

Im dating a Muslim girl at the moment but for me its easy as we know there isnt a future, its not her or her family thats the problem its this countries laws. Anyone who wants to marry a Muslim here has to convert and while many do in name only its not something I personally would ever do.

Its not that I think Islam is any better or worse than any other religion to me its just principle.

If shes Lebanese be careful dude, their menfolk can go a bit nutty when they find out their daughters are seeing infidels. A mate of mine got the crap beaten out of him by some guys from the fathers mosque when he found out his daughter was dating him

reply to post by randomtangentsrme


Read my mind! Awesome. Love that song, ".... to do the dishes, to clean up my room.. Girls.!..":lol

To the OP- I had somewhat of the same issue, let her go dude. obviously she doesn't want you in her life right now IMO.

Have a serious talk with her, it its a fail, walk away. Don't bang your head too hard into the wall. And a Star, because I know the feeling. Been there, done that.

Good luck Brother.

Pfft your 20 something. Grab your straps and pull yourself up man. Get back to traveling the world. Loving someone who places their parents over your and her happiness will end badly. If she was "the one" then she would leave the nest and not care what mama and the sisters thought. Go to Europe. Build your life the way YOU want. Time is your friend. It makes death and lost love easier and will give your girl time to grow up. Seems you are trying too hard and love should come easy.

The whole not telling the parents thing is a huge HUGE HHUUGGEE soviet red dawn flag.

Religion. Getting in the way of love.


Edit to add that I have been there. My best friend IS there. Women that still worry about the parents are just girls. Nothing but issues.

I'm in love with my guy, and he loves me too.
We come from pretty different backgrounds and Very different money situations.
His family has, mine has not
our families overall have nothing in common, but I wouldn't put him through what your gal is putting you through.
And vice versa, I really think there is a disconnect happening here.
Take a step back, don't idealize the relationship. Take off the rose colored glasses and listen to what you are saying.
If a mate came to you with this problem would you advise him to get crushed and beaten down every time the way you have!?
She is lucky to have you and you deserve better!
How many of my chick friends are pining for a bloke who'll change his life for them?
God, someone else is out there for you!
Good luck with whichever path you choose to take, but don't sell yourself short either.

Originally posted by Agit8dChop

I love her and i dont want to lose her.. but i feel everything ive done, the least she could do is post a photo of us on facebook, or tell her sisters she's spending the day with me at manly..

am I being an assh0le?
cause i feel like one!

I dont want to lose her, but i cant keep going like this...

Wow dude, that is rough. It sucks balls, but you gotta cut your losses.
The woman is being extremely manipulative, and you will find other girls even though you don't want any right now. Bite the bullet and suffer through the pain. That's no way to live.

Been having my own girl problems recently. Haven't decided if the relationship
is worth the differences in our lifestyle and the lack of compromise regarding any of our issues
on her part. In many ways she is a fantastic person, but the lack of compromise gets me.

Many females work to be the one in the power position, and like to control men.
I am 100% for equality, but the women's movement of the last generation left my
generation of women as self centered and egotistical. There are certainly exceptions
to this, but for the most part, that's accurate. They all consider men to be the
enemy that should be exploited. They lack the basic respect that should exist
both directions between men and women.

Umm ya, ok back to you lol. Cut your losses man.