Divorce hurts.

Well as I write this I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. On one hand, I love him and can't see myself being happy without him. On the other hand, it just doesn't seem to be working anymore. There have been no recent affairs, no lying, nothing like that. It just seems like no matter what we do or say, we clash, butt heads, and fight. Can't live with him, can't live without him.

So, we are on the road to divorce. It would have been 3 years on June 5. Pretty sad. We also have a 3 year old son, who I will have because husband is active duty Army and it would just be easier if I kept him until husband gets out in 2014. Then we will go from there. We are pretty angry at each other right now, harsh words were said, and it hurts, regardless if they were meant or not. Here I am, on my way to being a single mother, just another statistic I never thought I'd be, especially before I even turned 30 years old.

Comforting words appreciated. This is all new to me.

Don't lose hope, I've been where you are and things all worked out. Perhaps a break would help... No matter what happens don't let your boy become a bargaining chip or a weapon - not that you would, but I feel it should be mentioned.

I'm not the best for relationship advice so I'll leave it at that.

Best wishes.

reply to post by TinkerHaus


Thank you. I hope it all works out. All I can think about now is growing old alone. Which also happens to be one of my biggest fears.

Personally, it seems like there is this rough three year cycle in relationships. I've been with my wife for eleven years and it's held true so far. But every three years we get into it, once we seperated for a couple months. I've had some friends mention similar cycles in their relationships. I doubt it's a real thing or there's any science behind it but that's my experience with it.

Either way, the rough times pass and have always gotten better. Since there is a kid involved, I think you should try to do what works for you both to get the passion that got you together in the first place back. Coming from a split home myself I can say it's worth it to the kid in the long run.

Anyway, good luck with however you proceed. This might help out. It saved my relationship once and the lesson has not been forgotten.

www.snopes.com...

reply to post by Noncents


That was a good read, thank you.

reply to post by Vanna


Yes, it does hurt everybody involved. Hang in there, it will gradually get better. It gives things a whole new perspective, you become less judgmental about a lot of things, or at least I did. When I was going through my second divorce I saw the "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" movie, and I cried through the whole thing. The movie is about someone paying for a service to erase all of their memories about a relationship they have found has become painful. The movie portrays extremely well, that all parties have played their part in the situation. I know some people who start down the path of a divorce, and want to make the other person out to be a rotten person, some even go so far as to try to portray them as a deviant in some way (drugs, sex, whatever). I am glad you aren't doing that. You will work through it and come out stronger on the other side. It just feels really awful while it is happening. If you get anxiety, as I did, talk to your doctor. I had one point when I actually called in to work because I felt so anxious. My doc gave me a prescription of anti-anxiety tablets and that helped a lot.

Yeah but do you know why divorce is so Expensive???



BECAUSE ITS WORTH IT!!!!


Dont be upset.. remember to breathe.. have a drink... relax

All relationships have their rough patches. I have been married for 32 years and have had my fair shair. Just keep the path to communication open and never take one another for granted. There is still hope.

Have you considered getting counseling?
I wish you well and will pray for you, your husband and especially for your son.

reply to post by Vanna


I have been through similar times. With me however there was an affair, not me my ex.

The hardest part to trying to work this through is communicating how you feel about the other person without it ending in an argument!
We used to get started with "talking" and before you know it voices would raise as each of us battled to be heard.
In the end the only way i could say what i wanted to say was to write it down.

Its actually quite therapeutic writing down your feelings, you can then read them back almost in the third person and get a better understanding of yourself.
The other person also cannot argue with a piece of paper and it may just give them the opportunity to listen to what your saying.
You could start it off with something like: "please give me 10 minutes and read through carefully"

Its tricky, sad, upsetting, annoying, infuriating, and every other emotion all wrapped up.

I'm now approaching the end of my divorce and can honestly say that looking back it was the right thing for me.

Good luck to you, i hope your ok.

Dave

Sometimes the best people to ask advice from when it comes to this are the ones who have seen the worst of relationships. They can tell you where not to go so you can make the best of hard times.

You never specified what it is you two fight about, but since you have a kid it probably is best that you two separate if you do it more and more. You don't want your kid picking up on those vibes. He or she might end up thinking that's what a healthy relationship is all about.

I'm sure you already know this, but when you had a child your life suddenly became all about him. Your own happiness and peace of mind are still important of course, but it has to go through the child first.