Met myself/the creative spirit; confused on what is real.

I'd like to tell you all about an experience that I had last night..

I went on a "trip" yesterday and I met myself! I've taken "trips" (mental vacation from reality) quite a bit throughout the years, but this time is was so different.. It's as if I was everything within my life, and made me feel so lonely and scared. I made thunderstorms happen, and then I lectured myself on why I hide that power from myself and never allow myself to have it. It was the scariest feeling, and the loneliest feeling. I was talking to myself, and I was content for a lot of the time, until I called my significant other and she seemed like a robot, like none of her responses were real. There was resistance, and a lot of going around in loops until at one point I became "stuck" in the "NOW", nothing else mattered except for NOW, and this went on for quite some time before things got kinda scary and lonely, because I realized that there was no space between me and my significant other even though she wasn't around, that we were one, but she didn't realize this.

Then at some point I mentioned how this had been going on for infinity and she agreed and became an almost entirely different person, like she was the other part of me that has always existed and always will exist just to play with me, but not just as a human, as EVERYTHING. it was such a strong sense of duality, but I broke beyond duality after a while.. it was a very confusing experience.

I mentioned that I wanted to go to space, but she said that she wasn't ready. This upset me, and I cried for a while. I thought about leaving her, but I just couldn't do it. After mentioning that I wanted her to come with me, She took on an entirely different state of being, like she was stopping me from going to space because neither of us were ready. I'm so confused about the entire thing. It's like she became the force that has always been and is everything.. like she wasn't just her, she was the entire universe and she understood that.. like she understood that her and I have always existed and always will exist. Afterwards, it was as if everybody went back to the robotic programming.

Eventually, she seems to have broken her robotic programming and became real, understanding that she knew all of this, and that it was just a game that we're playing. She broke through and we laughed for a while, at how we're never going to be apart, and we'll always be together and whole. We laughed because we knew it deep down inside, and it was so familiar, and absolutely amazing. We both knew that this game had to be played longer, and she eventually hung up on me which ended in laughter on both of our parts. We couldn't be separate, she acknowledged this, as did I.

I feel lonely, like I'm the only real person in the world. Can you just tell me that everything will be fine and I'll be happy? Can you tell me that my higher self/me will fix everything? I'm worried that I've got into something that I'm not ready for. I'm kinda scared. I feel like you won't understand because you're just a part of me.. if I'm confused, how would you be able to help if you're just me? Are you even real?

If you're going to respond and say "Dude it was just a trip, none of it was real", then don't bother responding. It was very real, and I've reached states of consciousness similar (but not to that extreme) while being completely sober.

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical


You are suffering from a very serious disorder called dissociative disorder with a combined Depersonalization disorder. Both very serious and in need of a clinical check ASAP!!! That before it blows out the last remnants of your normal self and into a full fledged psychosis at which point it is to late.

This sickness is usually genetic but also sometimes triggered by trauma, or preceded by stress, psychoactive substances (heavy druguse) and so on.


Dude believe me when I say seek help as soon as possible....


Best luck.

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical


Yeah I love taking "trips" too. One thing that I have noticed is that setting and current mental state are very important before "committing". Also dosage is important, too much will make you bug out. Just a few months ago, a very cose friend of mine had a similar experience. She got caught in a loop and was a very scary thing to watch. Took her a week or so to get completely back to normal, but once she did she seemed a lot happier than before the incident.

Dude, everything is gonna be cool... just remember that you create your own reality, so if you chose to create one in which loneliness is a pervasive theme, then your life will begin to reflect that.

I suggest getting to a quiet spot by a body of water and let the healing powers of nature run their course.

Good luck man!

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical

you are good, you will be till you die. but there could be a spirit, guide, angel or demon with that tries to trick you to not see the truth anymore. you are you, and maybe something else is interacting with your mind.

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical


A lot of what you brought back is very similar to the knowledge that i have gained over the years, both out there and sober as a judge. i'm in the process of writing up an experience i had earlier this week while sitting on my back porch drinking a beer which was very similar. i will make sure you see it when finished.

Relax, you are going to be just fine and everything is exactly how it is supposed to be =).

Much Love!

edit to add: Thanks for sharing!

Dood,let me start off by saying that I can totally relate to how you are feeling...Since my experience which is too long to tell right now,I have been thinking and thinking and thinking non-stop on the daily about what happened that day and now where I really am now.
Some things I will tell though in which to relate to your story would be,I was with my GF too and I remember at one point being in absolute synchronization with her spirit her essence..she was me and I was her..And at one point I felt my mind transcending reality,my essence actually disillusioning itself(unknowingly) and I remember we were remarking on the beauty of this world,but how it has grown distasteful and we should leave..recalling more of the experience right now is scrambling my brain and its frustrating so I'll leave it at that...

But I do remember some of that "robotic" nature to her when I said we should leave...suddenly its like she was reluctant,despite having just been on-board..I think THAT was metaphorical,if you two KNEW you were ONE why would it matter if you left and she didn't?Its the final test man,Love keeps us bound,we forget that we will take that Love with is if we leave...the illusion of separation..

Also bro,I think you'll be fine,as long as you are able to stick to the "rules" of this "game",abide by "reality" I think you should be fine...as far as happy..I cannot say that for sure,since my experience I have not been all that happy,I am full of Love...but definitely not happy,and it feels as though as long as I'm stuck in this "prisoncell" of a body,I cannot be happy here,all there is to do is to gather the things that bring you happiness and nurture those..all we have is things to remind us of happiness,true happiness lies on the other side of what happens after Death.

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical


As I understand it, it's the bad trips that are the ones that you really learn from. Stop, relax and then analyse. But nothing to panic about, or ignore for that matter. At the worst, it is telling you to take stock, but only you can know that, and you won't be able to do so, until you can take a step back from the emotional reaction to the experience. If you try too hard to think about it, it won't do you any good, mentally or as a learning experience.

Take care.

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical


you are fine. Your just trying to understand things. You will work it out. When I have a question, I meditate on it and I write whatever I see down and I see/think some very odd things but after a while.... I understand and gain not a specific answer but a clarity or a 'knowing'...

and also,if you think that other people are just figments of the subconcious imagination,and by telling you convincing stories of empathy and similiarity are just to reinforce "reality's" grip on you,your not alone..
its a pretty psychotic mindset
I could just be assuming how your feeling,but when it comes to what your typing and what I think your feeling..we have similiar views and experience it seems

There is only one.

The loneliness is the reason reality exists.

Experienced "vacationers" all know what you're feeling.
And it's the truth.

the truth.
The feeling will pass and you will soon forget. But the mental vacations serve as a reminder to what you really are.

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical


You feel alone?

"Congratulations to those who are alone and chosen, for you will find the kingdom. For you have come from it, and you will return there again."

Welcome to atonement. You may feel lonely by this oneness, until you realize it encompasses everything. There's nothing to fear from that, because the true self is as infinite as it's creator, because it's a part of that creator - we all are, we all come from a single point of light. Take comfort in the yoke (the unity, the two that become one) that you're a part of, it's warm, loving, and real, and you've just learned that.

I'm happy for you and any others that realize their sovereignty. Really, the greatest conquest in this life is that of the self (and the dissolution of the ego: the false self), so steady on without fear. You'll feel better, don't worry - it's like staring at a bright light and waiting for your eyes to adjust: they will, even if it seems painful.

Oh, what a journey all of this is...

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical


It it exists and happened to anyone then IT IS REAL.

It is real because it is a part of creation and existence.

Basically you probably realized and experienced a glimpse of what we will learn in the future. How long from now? who knows really?

You weren't ready to understand that all because " we" are not ready as a people.....we are not unified and we do not stand together with one another and recognize that we are each other.

You won't be able to figure it all out right now. that is something you must accept. Just take what you can from the experience and learn from it and try to have a positive outlook on things.

The you that told yourself these things in the dream is you...but it is also us.

I assume ( dangerous right ? lol ) that the creator who created everything wanted to experience it's creation.

so it split it'self in many ways not understandable to us on this level we are on.

And though us, it gets to experience everything that is and ever will be.

Don't let the " know it all's " tell you anything. They think they know everything.

And anybody who thinks they KNOW for certain something about which they have no knowledge of isn't where they need to be intellectually and should not be giving advice or judging others.

peace

I agree with a lot of what you all said, perhaps this is just an experience that has happened to me to prepare me for something in the future. Maybe I'll understand more when the time is right.

I guess I just have to trust in whatever happens and appreciate the fact that I was given an opportunity to have that experience.

I think I have to realize that we are all connected, and all of us are experiencing this entire thing together. It's not only me who is having a hard time, it is everybody, because everybody is me. We're all going through this.. and that's extremely reassuring to know that I'm not really alone, but at the same time I am.

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical


since the first humans and beyond,,,, it has been a counties chain of life as humans,, hundreds of thousands of years,, hundreds of billions of human lives,, you are completely yourself, unique out of everything that has ever existed, what you are is what everything else that exists is not,,, you also can relate to any of these humans that have existed,, admire their accomplishments, thoughts, works, creations,, use that admiration in your own life to think and act and create,,, know that your existence is not nearly as bad as it could be, or as bad as has been experienced by a human before,,

Originally posted by johncarter
reply to post by OhNoItsCritical

 

You are suffering from a very serious disorder called dissociative disorder with a combined Depersonalization disorder. Both very serious and in need of a clinical check ASAP!!! That before it blows out the last remnants of your normal self and into a full fledged psychosis at which point it is to late.

This sickness is usually genetic but also sometimes triggered by trauma, or preceded by stress, psychoactive substances (heavy druguse) and so on.


Dude believe me when I say seek help as soon as possible....


Best luck.

edit on 31-3-2012 by johncarter because: (no reason given)

# that #..she is a disinfo...Or just stupid!

You are fine! How do I know that you are fine...is

Mother#er, Mother#er..
I never say that
Hop on POP...
What the hell is that
Why do we need to redeem
Our souls for lust or Charlie Sheen
The Wake that there is might not be your taste
All you fools run around in haste.

Wow...I'm usually not a potty mouth but thank god for ATS...they ediited my posts so I didn't say Mother#er! Way to go...ATS...thanks for picking up the slack on my morals!

Always Remember and NEVER Forget...ABERRANT FORCE!.......You're going down...Much Love!