Friend's relationship situation is seriously messed up

I'm so mad I can't see straight. 

Got finished chatting with a friend of mine I have known for a few years. She has been dating this guy a little more than a year, she is 25 and he is 28.  Well today out of the blue the guy dumped her for her little sister who is 23. Worse still, it turns out they have been cheating behind her back for a few months at least.

She really liked and trusted this guy too. All if these people were fairly "normal," I mean in the sense that you wouldn't expect this kind of thing.

How can these people think it will work out? It's going to destroy their family. You think you can do stuff likethis and then get together and have a good time at holiday BBQs and things?




What is WRONG with people?? 

Underlying issues between the sisters. I have a healthy relationship with my brothers, we have all had the opportunity to go after or accept the advances of each other's ex-gf's, but, simply just not interested in it.

The guy in this case sounds like a pawn, and it's gonna bite him in the ass. And the girls really need to work out their issues. Obviously this new relationship isn't shaping up to be long term.

If it does go longterm, it's the second sister doing it out of spite, and that's a lot of spite to keep something like that going on over the years.

i liked the bit where you were so mad you couldn't see straight.

thanks for telling us btw.

I am known for saying exactly what is on my mind (for better or worse), so let me say this: The little sister is a ho-bag. No doubt about it. She probably went out of her way to steal her sister's beau. The boyfriend sounds like an idiot who is so full of himself that he was double-dipping between the two for probably a long time now.

This will tear that family apart. The worst part is, you know this new relationship between little sis and Mr. Thinks-with-the-little-head will not last. Once a cheater, always a cheater. But the damage from this will carry on through the years long after little head is gone off with some other bimbo.

Little sis is a backstabber. If I were big sis, I would cross her off my list as family and try to deal with it as best as I could. If that means avoiding family get-togethers, so be it. Yes it is sad, but I believe that loyalty is earned and is not a right of birth.

reply to post by Partygirl


You can't fight nature. Nature doesn't know what marriage is, is a humankind thing. I had a girlfriend that I wanted her sister because we found to connect. What's wrong with that?

Are you saying you have never?

reply to post by samlf3rd


Being in a relationship in which both parties agree to be exclusive, emotionally and sexually, means that one doesn't run off with little sister just because there's an attraction. That indicates an emotionally immature man who makes promises he cannot keep.

If we were all just rutting animals, then there would be no issues with relationships or understandings.

If this guy wanted little sister, he should have broken up with big sis FIRST, and then saw about perhaps having a relationship with the other one. Cheating and sneaking around while lying about it is just pathetic.

It is the cheating and the violation of trust that is the problem here. All men have attractions to other women, and as a woman, I understand that my husband may meet a woman that he finds attractive. It is not that he has the feeling, it's what he DOES about it that is at the crux of this issue.

I agree that there are underlying issues between the sisters, primarily jealously. The little sister has watched the relationship begin, develop, seen the problems & issues at hand. She sat & waited then offered herself up as the lesser of two evils giving him everything her older sister didn't & wasn't - be it confirmation, affirmation, an ego boost & acceptance for who & what he is. Once she has everything she wants she'll move on. In the mean time someone will be avoiding family gatherings & that person will be the main topic of conversation & gossip.

There is noway in hell a man could drive a wedge between my sisters , they would seriously kick his stupid A$$.

reply to post by boncho


That's a possibility I suppose. I never noticed too much tension between them before, but then again I never hung around all that much with both of them at the same time, either.

I tend to blame the evil little sister more than the guy although he's obviously skum too.

You know what? I'm going to drive over there and take my friend (the wronged one) out for a good time to take her mind off this. If I were her I wouldn't want to be sitting around alone. She needs a friend right now.

Logging off for now to do some good (hopefully).

Glad to see you are back. I knew you couldn't stay away.

However, that guy that wanted you off ATS, now. that was REALLY messed up.

reply to post by Partygirl

Wow that is MESSED UP! I dont get it either, humans are so selfish how could she do that to her own sister?! I CANNOT stand my sister but i would never do something like that to her. I even feel guilty for having a little crush on a guy that one of my friends like. But wow yeah very awkward on holidays, i dont think i would ever speak to my sister again.

I know what you mean. I can't see straight either...wait a minute...found my glasses, that's better.

I take it you are friends with the one sister and not the other? Seriously, don't get involved and don't sweat it cause it will work out in the end.

If you get involved, at some time in the future the sister you like may not like you anymore because you got involved in a family issue that was none of your business.

Just give your friend support but don't come on as choosing sides in this family dysfunction.

Originally posted by Partygirl


What is WRONG with people?? 

They think below the waistline.

Nuff said on that.

Originally posted by samlf3rd
reply to post by Partygirl

 

You can't fight nature. Nature doesn't know what marriage is, is a humankind thing.


I had a girlfriend that I wanted her sister because we found to connect. What's wrong with that?
Are you saying you have never?

On the first part.......THANK YOU!!!!!. Marriage is a man made "thing" and I think nature should override that every time.

On the second part, just don't go behind anyone's back like the case of the Op's situation. I've never been in that situation so I don't really know how I would act. I probably wouldn't because it would just feel too weird. There's more I can say on that but I think I'll go to another thread with it. It would probably be more relevant.

Once the guy screws up little sis, they can both reminisce about what a tool he was, and bond that way.
So, just give it some time, and he'll likely mess up again and this will allow the two sisters to then work it out.

I'm not one to dismiss family so easily. Some others in my family do this, and it is a crappy thing to do. Family should be more important than that.

reply to post by Partygirl


Partygirl you little do-gooder you, getting all pissed of over nothing, this seems like an easy problem to fix, because there is not much of a problem to fix. Little sis and big sis, no doubt have shared everything and been jealous of each-others toys even when young, so its likely it is the same thing now. Only you got a different kind of toy involved a ducheenizel, a rare toy indeed.

Ah Partygirl do whatever. take your friend out, let her meet some other guy and she will get over it with the quickness. But she might also get back into it with the quickness, because you cant change people Partygirl, that is a myth. As you no doubt know by now. If anything Partygirl, your a better friend then most.

What is WRONG with people?? Nothing Partygirl, people are just people and they do what they want to do, they all seek rides and thrills, and they all complain when the ride turns bad and the thrills get to be more then they can handle, but given a second or a thousand changes again. They will get back on the same old ride time and time again, and they will complain about it time and time again.

It's all illusions, see what you want to see, because everybody else surely does.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


I wish I could be as calm about things as you are! It would be nice to see it as all illusory.

That's much healthier.

I am like milk. If you leave a cup of milk in the refrigerator next to onions for a while, it tastes like onions. If I hang around with somebody who is feeling sad, I start to feel sad. If its somebody who is angry, I start to feel angry. Don't like that about myself.

Wellllll....we went out but we couldn't do much since we are both broke. lol. So we went to a place kids around here call "the quarry." Its just a big dusty pit of sand with a big rock face at one end. We threw stones as hard as we could at the rock face and screamed out loud!

If you don't have any money and need to release stress, its not a bad way to do it...

I guess she'll be OK. Luckly she doesn't live with the evil sister so they can stay out of each others way and not say or do anything they would regret later.

I have been friends with these three siblings since high school. Two brothers and a sister.
The older brother and I were close and were one of those friends that everyone else thought should hook up.
We reconnected through FB and were hanging out quite a bit, and decided to try dating. Well the baby brother immediately moved in on me, started sexting me, calling me and wouldn't leave me alone. He was married with children, lol.

Apparently after 15 years the sibling rivalry didn't die.
I ended up washing my hands of all of them because they seem to have too many issues then I was willing to deal with.

This actually happens quite a bit, among both men and women. I had a boyfriend a long time ago where he caught his sister n law making out with his stepfather.

Is it a lowlife thing to do? Absolutely. As others have stated, it is extremely selfish, it breaks up families. but hopefully this case, blood is thicker then water.

But it would also make sense, sisters or brothers are not the same, but they are similar.


But it also makes sense that basically there will be attributes that would be attractive from both sisters.
For some people, they have low self esteem and being able to steal a partner from someone gives them an ego boost. and the allure of a hidden trist is hard to ignore for some people.

I feel bad for your friend, but better find out now that he is a scumbag.

Originally posted by Partygirl
... So we went to a place kids around here call "the quarry." Its just a big dusty pit of sand with a big rock face at one end...

There seems to be some place like that in every town in America. No matter what, there is always a place for kids to go and break bottles, shoot off their .22s, and throw rocks. Good thing, too. Otherwise it would be storefront windows instead.

Sorry about your friend's troubles. I advise not making them your own, as other wise people in this thread have already suggested.

reply to post by Partygirl

I wish I could be as calm about things as you are! It would be nice to see it as all illusory.

That's much healthier.

To much drama for me Partygirl, also it sounds pretty boring.

But I am as calm and cool as a penguin chilling on an ice-cube in Antarctica, but then again I ain't in the middle of this heated dispute. If I was it would be kind of hard to stay cool in the heat.

But yes I am totally cool because I carry a big stick through this valley of shadows and death, most people cant see it, but if tried they will feel it when it smacks them upside there head.

Besides it's like this invisible friend of yours that you always going on about about once said.
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For thou art with me"

For a crazy person who talks to invisible people your alright Partygirl, and remember Jesus walks. I suppose.

I am like milk. If you leave a cup of milk in the refrigerator next to onions for a while, it tastes like onions. If I hang around with somebody who is feeling sad, I start to feel sad. If its somebody who is angry, I start to feel angry. Don't like that about myself.

You may be, but I don't believe for a second that its all you are...Oh yes Partygirl I see right through you, and you cant fool me. Besides I think there are many people even on this site who like that about you, so don't let it get you down.

And if people take advantage of that, remember a good smack to the head solves problems Partygirl, but I am sure someone as milk and sweat as you has others to do the smacking for them.

Wellllll....we went out but we couldn't do much since we are both broke. lol. So we went to a place kids around here call "the quarry." Its just a big dusty pit of sand with a big rock face at one end. We threw stones as hard as we could at the rock face and screamed out loud!

Sounds like really fun times. Really I am not joking.

I guess she'll be OK. Luckly she doesn't live with the evil sister so they can stay out of each others way and not say or do anything they would regret later.

Oh I am sure she will be fine, but her little sister ain't evil. She is just to clever for her own good. Besides last time I checked there are plenty of other people out there, and your friend just needs to quit being lazy and go look for some other guy. In the end they can say and regret all they want....It still wont change that fact that people are people, and people will move on.