Why do the nice guys go after the users?

I see this happen over and over. I see the guy tripping over himself to impress a girl that any other girl can can see from a mile way that she is only in it for herself. Sometimes I just want to slap them silly to wake up and realize they are going to get hurt. These girls are pros and know just how to get what they want with out any disregard to the other person, While they are a small majority it seems like every decent guy out there has been burned, because they go through men like crazy. Even if you tried to warn them, they aren't going to listen.
I guess the nice guys just don't like to go after the type of girl that they could have a healthy relationship with. Only the ones who like to flirt with every man that crosses their path.

We have to get burned at least once, after that if we get burned again then we become idiots.

I got burned once, unfortunately I married again but this one is going on 9 years. If I didn't' have a son, I'd be happily single.

reply to post by calnorak


i feel for you
i still believe marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries :p

reply to post by calstorm


Mainly because a lot of those girls are extremely attractive..

Calnorak I am glad that you learned from it and are in happy relationship now.
It's just that it is so frustrating when you know that someone you care about is going to be hurt and you can't do anything about it. Or you see certain guys who don't seem to learn.

reply to post by ShaithisFerenczy


You know what they say, marriage is not a word, its a sentence.

I trip over girls who pretty much tell me to my face "Uhh only as a friend".

While old chicks go out of their way to invite me over for "pizza and to fix their PC"

I don't get it.

I'll just stick to porn and beer. that way I know who is in control.

reply to post by mainidh


Hey, those old chicks might know a few tricks if you know what I mean

Originally posted by calnorak
reply to post by mainidh

 

Hey, those old chicks might know a few tricks if you know what I mean

I know they do, I had many Emails of their ... times !! o.O

Lol

Ahh nothing like the mother of 5 whose lost her way cracking onto a 27 year old (at the time) guy... 56 to 27.

whod have expected I'd say no.. O.o

she was a nice chick tho, her sons were my age.

Because nice guys are shy and reserved, they typically have more manners and decorum than to chat up women, unlike those just out for conquest and sowing oats do...because they want something with depth and more meaningful. So the nice guys typically date women that have approached them. Flip this over and its the same for nice women and why they typically date douchebags because they are the ones asking.

Nice women shouldn't be afraid to approach nice men, and engage in conversation, because it is not the same typically when a guy is chatting a woman up...he likes what he sees and wants something physical. It is more likely to be taken by a nice guy when approached by a woman, that she has genuine interest as a motive. As you stated though it's a usually a woman just out to use the nice guy a douchebagette if you will.

If you're having a bad time dating and you never approach but wait for an approach then, maybe you should. ladies don't bother with the signal game either, most nice guys are bad at reading body language. Apologies for some generalization, this may not always be true...but generalizations exist because, whatever it is more often found true than not.

The truth?

It takes two to tango - the guys let themselves get taken in, so must be afforded some responsibility in this.

Why is it so attractive?

Because we all want what we cant have?

Because getting something that isnt easy to procure means more?

Because the girls understand the power they can exert and push it to the max? They're intelligent as well as beautiful and know how to adapt their behaviour.

Sometimes it's not about deliberate and evil manipulation, but just a restlessness and a curiosity to see how far you can go. Just to see how far you can push a situation - how much you can make a man do for you.

How do I know?

I know because I have done it...not something I am proud of now and I regret the way I treated some men.

It's all a lesson - just remember those girls doing it will likely get a major wake up call at some point and will question their own morality.

reply to post by calstorm


Yes, and we need to give a warm humbling thank you to those girls.

If not for them, no good man will see and appreciate his next girlfriend.

I have found that the most pernicious type of bastard is the one who thinks of himself as a "nice guy." This douchenozzle hides behind the camo of being soft-spoken, shy, affable, etc. But scratch the surface and you might find a selfish ass whose only claim to being a good person is the thin veneer that masks the asshole within. And when that asshole does emerge, this type will usually justify their behavior by declaiming loudly, "But I'm a nice guy!"

I have noticed the men who are consistently decent and who go out of their way to be good people have no problem meeting suitable ladies, and don't find emotionally unavailable women who view them as an ambulatory ATM machine attractive.

"Nice guys" on the other hand pursue the Show Ponies for reasons just as deplorable as the Pony's quest for material succor: status, a boost to their tiny egos, and (probably) a lack of desire to actually connect with another person in a meaningful way.

Originally posted by selfharmonise
The truth?

It takes two to tango - the guys let themselves get taken in, so must be afforded some responsibility in this.

Why is it so attractive?

Because we all want what we cant have?

Because getting something that isnt easy to procure means more?

Because the girls understand the power they can exert and push it to the max? They're intelligent as well as beautiful and know how to adapt their behaviour.

Sometimes it's not about deliberate and evil manipulation, but just a restlessness and a curiosity to see how far you can go. Just to see how far you can push a situation - how much you can make a man do for you.

How do I know?

I know because I have done it...not something I am proud of now and I regret the way I treated some men.

It's all a lesson - just remember those girls doing it will likely get a major wake up call at some point and will question their own morality.

I hope they don't expect they can just get back on it with a nice guy because nice guys are nice but they are not stupid.

Originally posted by Eidolon23
I have found that the most pernicious type of bastard is the one who thinks of himself as a "nice guy." This douchenozzle hides behind the camo of being soft-spoken, shy, affable, etc. But scratch the surface and you might find a selfish ass whose only claim to being a good person is the thin veneer that masks the asshole within. And when that asshole does emerge, this type will usually justify their behavior by declaiming loudly, "But I'm a nice guy!"

I have noticed the men who are consistently decent and who go out of their way to be good people have no problem meeting suitable ladies, and don't find emotionally unavailable women who view them as an ambulatory ATM machine attractive.

"Nice guys" on the other hand pursue the Show Ponies for reasons just as deplorable as the Pony's quest for material succor: status, a boost to their tiny egos, and (probably) a lack of desire to actually connect with another person in a meaningful way.

edit on 20-2-2012 by Eidolon23 because:

If this "nice guy" you are talking about wants a girl with status, that automatically disqualifies him of being a nice guy and he is a bad guy. So your argument is invalid.

Originally posted by Jepic

If this "nice guy" you are talking about wants a girl with status, that automatically disqualifies him of being a nice guy and he is a bad guy.

Uh, that pretty much was my argument. Thus the quotes around "nice guy".

Not to change the focus of the thread, but females do the same thing, you know, the nice girls who only like "bad boys".

You know, I've had the ATM hunting types, and the emotional cutie you think you can handle, no more.

I think the next girl I go after is gonna be rich and ugly.

That way, at least I get a new Mustang out tha deal.



ETA: Oh wait, I'm married, probably be good if I didn't forget that..(WOS)

Originally posted by calstorm

I guess the nice guys just don't like to go after the type of girl that they could have a healthy relationship with. Only the ones who like to flirt with every man that crosses their path.

I think the nice guys you're talkng about just don't know what they're doing. They're naive and inexperienced. For lack of a better way of putting it, they don't know WHY they're being nice. And the user women? They can see those boys coming a mile a mile away. Those boys are going to end up getting burned a few times and some of them will get tired and settle for a user while others will start living like the women who taught them. They'll "mature" into users. And the cycle continues.

But some guys eventually end up being nice again because they know what living the other way can get you. You can only be an a**hole for so long before it starts to burn you out. To all you nice women out there: this is the type of nice guy you want to latch onto. He's not being nice for the sake of it, he's being nice because experience has taught him that it's the only way you're really going to get a nice, mature woman.

reply to post by Eidolon23


This is true, its taken me like 30 years to realize it but I am a selfish person ( I truly wish I knew this before I got married, I don't want to hurt anyone). Its all about me, I do try to care but for some reason can't. It drives me nuts sometimes, I don't even know what love is and I tell it to my wife because it makes her feel good.