I'm new and I need help.

So, my name is "Alex" I'm 17 years old and live in the U.K.
(Sorry for what may be "boasting" in advance)
I'm an avid apprentice of many ways, I study Psychology, Politics, Philosophy, Symbology, Etymology, Film, Religion, Culture and a variety of other subjects by proxy (Self-taught).
I am something of a theorist, novelist and am hoping to publish some books in the future.
I consider myself a part of the Psycho-philosophical school of thought I've termed "The memory school" of which its train of thought is primarily concerned with the study of amnesia, factual revisionism and mind control.
So, I joined here because quite frankly, I need answers, and was hoping to meet a few people who may offer some, sorry if this is the wrong place but, here goes:

My story starts in September 2010, my brother had just died at 24, I'd fallen out with my best friend, and shortly after started meeting new people.
Around early 2011 I'd met some people who were younger than me by 2-3 years, they seemed pretty reasonable and soon enough we hung out a bit, drinking and smoking weed.

This is where it gets interesting, I'd been trying for some time to perform some fairly simple mental gymnastics on myself, with the hopeful outcome of artificially creating D.I.D in myself, what happened instead was my thoughts became ever more prominent, I could think clearer and I had a more innate ability to theorize and create new ideas and find logical errors.

It was around this same time that me and my friends get into "Fight Club" an awful lot due to my recommendation, which I now regret.
Only just recently, my friends all seem to become dissociated at various instances, whether this is a trick I am unsure, but the other events, which I would discuss but will spare for now, I feel are far too orchestrated for seemingly belligerent people to pull off.
Now, Having first watched it, I was unaware of the Nietzschean themes and the "Fascism" and not unlike most, my first instinct was that it was SIMPLY anarcho-primitivistic.
It wasn't long after until I read "Beyond good and evil" which was when it started making sense, and though I have some quarrels with this work, I found most ideas perplexing and agreeable to my taste, to which, some thoughts therein had been of mine beforehand.

Now, I don't particularly remember what happened, but I had gotten into "1984" once more, thinking continuously about it, and considering my theory on it, that being "Dissociation" and/or "Korsakoff's syndrome" (Alcoholic dementia (Victory gin is my reasoning!)/Anterograde and retrograde amnesia) I found it appropriate. And it was near this time that a certain group, of which it's actual existence outside my own mind I am unsure (and which for certain precautions I will refer to as "Mark 5:9" (Biblical reference) enter the mix after being asked if I knew about them, and of which I am sure had not existed prior to the talk, this group were and continue tackling the C.o.$ and it is this aforementioned group that worry me, you see, having analyzed them, which they detest (doublethink perhaps?) they appear to me to be Fascists, with a lot of similarities to 1984's Brotherhood and "Mr. Durden's" Fight Club.


Now my problem is this, there are many factions today vying for control, some are only myths i.e. Illuminati (which I acknowledge albeit remain skeptical) the C.o.$ (of which I am hesitantly inclined to join), this "Mark 5:9", Project Monarch and Psychologists (regardless of what you think psychologists have Fascist tendencies as influenced by Nietzsche) the first four are relating to Multiple personalities, and being non-dissociated (at least from my knowledge) I find this to be something important and have no idea what it is I should do or who to trust, my mother is playing mind games, my father is a Christian who I've witnessed performing doublethink on me (easy logical errors etc.) my "friends" also share some (worded) memories of mine and are stuck on loop (memories repeating themselves) my psychiatrist detests my beliefs (anarchism in particular) and my philosophic questioning, and above all, I feel far too calm about all this to be schizophrenic, which, i disagree is real due to my theories on "1984" with regards to doublethink's " 'controlled insanity' = 'consensus insanity' = 'sanity' "

I know this is a lot for an introduction, and perhaps inappropriate, but I am in desperate need, and please don't dismiss me as "insane" keep an open PHILOSOPHIC mind i.e. (Subjectivism, Objectivism etc.)
After all, could be that I am experiencing a conspiracy firsthand, and I only want to try and be scientific and apply some apparatus.

Thank you,

"Alex"

with the hopeful outcome of artificially creating D.I.D

Why in the HELL would you want to do that? For other members that's what used to be called multiple personality disorder.

You are obviously bright, and have a wonderful command of the English language, but I have to say that you sound so similar to my friend that is schizophrenic it makes me wonder. When he was hospitalized he was under the impression that he was part of a vast conspiracy. What was the initial reason you sought therapy?

Hi ALex
Welcome I am sure you will find lots to do here.

reply to post by Prisoner7069


I am impressed with your depth for a 17 year old, but I can relate from memory to that time in my own life. I would say that you should probably not do any mind altering substances and try not to be paranoid. When you start thinking that people from different circles in your life are "out to get you" I think it's safe to say that it's in your head.

I sought therapy for grievancy, depression, and something of a minor case of PTSD, but my psychiatrist is only a child psychiatrist, but she's still quite foreboding.
And the reason I did it was because I felt I could only trust myself, that said, alters obviously aren't self, but it's a step-up from anything else, in any case, the people who I consider my friends are too close to my thoughts, one of my "friends" who's studying psychology can read my mind (no word of a lie), she puts it off as being able to tell by my expressions, yet my face is seldom expressive, so it makes me wonder, are they my alters, do I already have a co-conscious alter, or do I have a pathology of speech (like amnesic tourettes)
I know I sound schizophrenic but I reject a lot of authorities on a lot of matters, as must you all if conspiracies are of interest, perhaps schizophrenia is just a psychological interpretation for something that otherwise can't be explained and bear in mind, psychology is based on empiricism, whereas we don't yet have the tools to measure the possibility of such things being anything other than empirical.

Hi Prisoner,
Welcome to the site it should be a great outlet for you.

I suggest that you sit down and try and empty your mind of all that is swimming around (not easy I know) and then when you're feeling calm or as calm as you can be - re read your post like you were a third person and ask yourself - 'what does this sound like to your average guy' and you will then know the answer to your own questions.

Good luck and enjoy the site.

I am impressed with your drive to understand at such a young age. If I am right it sounds like the death of your brother (sorry for your loss) has caused you to question many things and set you down the path to find the answers. You have to remember that for every tragic event and obstacle that we face there is a lesson to be learned, and that is indeed the reward of suffering through the expereince. I myself have a hard time with the labels that are given to anyone with a "mental condition", it seems to me the more you think outside the box, the more you are labeled and chastised for your beliefs. We all have different coping mechanisms to deal with what life throws us, you are still young, and even though I know that you have already dealt with alot, there will be more. Do not let these "labels" discourage you, they are just words. Look at each expereince as a stepping stone towards the answers you seek. Keep faith and confidence in yourself, and above all else trust your "true" inner voice.

PLPL

reply to post by Prisoner7069


Perhaps "insanity" is the only sane response to an insane world.

Anyway, in spite of the trite response, everyone who thinks, comes to a point where the lies and deceptions start to become obvious. So just slow down and take things a step at a time.

Anarchy can be OK if its motivation is love and freedom. If it gets tied up with violence and power, its NOT OK!

Likewise, there are people who believe things fervently but they aren't necessarily trying to "force you to their will", they just fervently want you to understand how they came to their peace with "the world"... and getting someone else to believe the same thing reinforces their confidence (which may not be strong).

My guess is you'll always be savvy to the holes in the fabric of most peoples comfortable lives, but that's OK because you'll also meet others that can see through what you believe is true. Because we all live in our little bubble of beliefs. No one knows absolute truth but God.

I'm an old guy now and I know that there are no absolute answers. But I feel that we all have a responsibility to protect and care for others around us. Especially if those others are younger or less critical of the "ways of the world".

It is our crusade to care and protect.

reply to post by Prisoner7069


Hey "Alex"... Thanks for the introduction.
First, let me say... I couldn't really "make out" what you are looking for. Meaning - "Do you have a particular question?", or, "Are you wanting someone/anyone to validate your experience/s?"...
That said - Understand that you are not alone in questioning this reality.

Perhaps your questions are too numerous (or, seem too numerous) to define & describe here...but...if you can put some effort into an attempt to define them - the results might be a more open and lively discussion.

Anyway - Good Luck & Cheer Up (If the answers were so obvious, how boring would life be?)

reply to post by Prisoner7069


Hi Alex, unfortunately I need to remind you that this is the Introductions thread and your queries are best served out in the 'Main ATS Arena". We do this because otherwise the Introductions area would be inundated with 100's if not 1000's of unorganized information and questions.. So I'm going to close the thread down and after you get the required 20 posts under your belt, you can pursue all your interests in the main forum areas.

The Introduction Forum is for introductions To tell something about you; not to start a thread about a topic.“Intro threads” that are really “topic threads” will be removed.
Welcome to ATS, it’s time to introduce yourself.

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Welcome Prisoner7069

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