Lets Just Have A Few Laughs!

One afternoon two good ol' boys over in a West Virginia trailer park were sittin' around talkin'
over a cold beer after gettin' off work at the local chicken plant.

After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"

The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his haid, and squinted his eyes thinkin' real hard about the question. Finally, he says,"Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even . "

Gun Wisdom

A . Guns have only two enemies rust and politicians.

B . Its always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.

C . Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you.

D . Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside arms length.

E . Never say "Ive got a gun." If you need to use deadly force, the first sound they hear should be the safety clicking off.

F . The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes, the response time of a .357 is 1400 feet per second.

G . The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win - cheat if necessary.

H . Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets . . . You may get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with it, cause it'll be empty.

I . If youre in a gun fight:

1 . If you're not shooting, you should be loading.

2 . If you're not loading, you should be movin,

3 . If you're not movin', you're dead.

J . In a life and death situation, do something . . . It may be wrong, but do something!

K . If you carry a gun, people call you paranoid. Nonsense! If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?

L . You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or any other word, but a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much a universal language.

M . You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and your family.

Where are those bubbles coming from ??? Don't eat Mexican food before you go swimming....

Here's another good one.

Originally posted by usmc0311
Here's another good one.

I'll have to ask my wife about those when she gets home from her Obama Bashing Meeting,,,,,,

Our neighbor Gary has a puppy he's giving away, free.
It's a Dachshund, it's house broken, and it's great with kids.

He's giving it away because his wife says the dog 'stares' at her
when she is undressing, and that gives her the heebie jeebies.
Can you imagine? I think she is just weird!

If you're interested, or know someone who is, let me know.
Here's a picture of the dog (see below).

Thanks!

BEWILDERED TEXAN

While hiking down along the border this morning, I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River . He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying. Along with him was a Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown. Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff's Office and Homeland Security. It is now 4 PM, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded. I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps...

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worse. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!

And Last But Not Least,,,,,,, Your Friend and Mine,,, The Wizard!!!!

*** REMINDER ***

Keep it clean and ATS Friendly please.

A guy is sitting at home one day and hears a knock at the door. When he answers, he sees a snail on the porch. He picks it up and throws it as far as he can. Three years later the man hears a knock at the door and opens it only to see the same snail from three years earlier. The snail says, "what the hell was that for?"

Loved the earlier Pilot humor, here's some more:

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign: Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

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