Communion after Divorce and Remarry

Is there a way around receiving communion if your a divorced (ex) catholic?

Marriage for 9 years (verbally and physically abusive the last 7 yrs)

I left. divorced in court.

I refused to go back to that relationship and met someone else. I was with that person for 12 year as a fiance'. He never wanted to marry. I left that relationship and married my current of 5 years.

Now. as far as i can tell everything says i can't receive communion because according to the church i am still married to my first husband. I can't get it annulled - 2 kids and we were together for 9.

I wrote the priest that married me but he said i never fell from grace but he also never said that it was ok to receive communion. it has been 23 years.

but what bothers me the most is am i going to hell for this? if i can't receive communion then i don't see how i can be right in God's eyes.

i don't really feel it was my fault. what do i do?

reply to post by dmonkey


You don't need to label yourself to be "right in Gods eyes"...

Just do as HE asks of you...

15If ye love me, keep my commandments.

16And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;

17Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.

18I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

19Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.

20At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.

21He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him


Though IF you are Catholic... i don't know how it works...

reply to post by dmonkey


Dear dmonkey,

I left the Catholic faith 40 years ago, so I cannot speak for current church dogma. I can however speak as a Christian and a pastor. The bible says that there is only one unforgivable sin and it isn't divorce. It is not about sin, it is about forgiveness. You know the line, forgive us our sins as we forgive those who trespass against us. Take a peak at your bible and find the story of the woman who met Jesus next to the well and he told her that she had many husbands.

My ex-wife cheated on me and I don't think that means she has to go to hell. Jesus died for our sins, it only by rejecting love for others that we condemn ourselves and that is a choice that is far worse for it is complete selfishness. Worry about loving God with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself rather than worrying about the fact that you are not perfect. I pray God finds your heart and soothes you. Peace.

reply to post by dmonkey


Oh, Honey...

It is reading posts like yours that really reminds me why I don't subscribe to any Christian religious doctrines any more.

Of course you aren't going to Hell.

Nobody should have to live in fear that their religion is going to condemn them for getting out and staying out of unhealthy relationships! Do you really think a loving creator would want to punish people for taking care of themselves?

In my opinion, you are a strong person who has survived and thrived and made your own way. You should be held up as an example, not derided for making the moves you obviously had to make. I, for one, am proud of you.

Don't worry. You will have the chance to decide what makes sense for you. What do you feel in your heart? Have you protected yourself and your children through the choices you have made? If so, then you have lived right and done your best. You are a righteous person, and nobody else can judge you. Let those rigid childhood teachings go... You are a GOOD person. You are smart. You are caring. Those fear stories were really intended to teach morals, not to be taught as dogma.

I hope the best for you,
Gwynnhwyfar

If you get filled with the spirit; that rush of profound energy of love,truth , comfort, refreshing, goose bumps or overwhelming peace that is the spirit and proof that God loves you.You can experience this by a song, movie or anything that is truth, love, hope or what ever the spirit wants to reveal to you.

Blessings

reply to post by Akragon



wow. i didn't expect to start crying on the first response.

deep sigh.

label? i didn't realized i was. maybe your right about that.

i do try and be the best person (loving, giving, supportive, as God would want me to be).

i had never read a passage like that. Thank you that helps a little.


Am I catholic? I wish i could go to mass but that just make me more depressed because I can't be included. It just makes me sad and depressed and a constant reminder that i failed.

No I am not un-invited, it is just no matter how many confessions i can never receive communion because i broke the sacrament of marriage. I can do everything except communion. I don't really like other churches, I have been to baptist, pentacostal, church of christ, etc.. before I married. I really do like the prayer, the meditation, the rosary. I was pretty grounded in my faith. Mass three times a week, was in the church choir, even taught for 2 years at the catholic school.

I can't go back.

reply to post by dmonkey


Dear dmonkey,

The story I referenced is about a woman who would have been hated by the Jews at the time. She meets Jesus at a well and he tells her that she can receive the water of life (salvation), she is then responsible for telling people that he is the Christ. She had five husbands, yet, he offered her salvation. Peace.

reply to post by mikeprodigy


as strange as it sounds before i left the church we had a special mass one night and i was asked to come to the front of the chruch and let everyone pray over me. it was a very special blessing and prayer. during the prayer i felt the most awesome experience of beauty and the brightest white light and i felt God hold my hands saying to me that he is always with me. i never forgot that feeling. it was almost like he knew what was going to happen in my marriage a year later and that God knew and he was preparing me for this distance from the chuch. that the experience would carry me through all my life.

You might find the place you are looking for in a high Episcopal Church. Henry the VIII started it because he wanted to have his church and be divorced too. The ceremonies and rituals will be very familiar to you and you will find acceptance and community there . God loves you, no matter what.

Originally posted by dmonkey
reply to post by Akragon

 

wow. i didn't expect to start crying on the first response.

deep sigh.

label? i didn't realized i was. maybe your right about that.

i do try and be the best person (loving, giving, supportive, as God would want me to be).

i had never read a passage like that. Thank you that helps a little.


Am I catholic? I wish i could go to mass but that just make me more depressed because I can't be included. It just makes me sad and depressed and a constant reminder that i failed.

No I am not un-invited, it is just no matter how many confessions i can never receive communion because i broke the sacrament of marriage. I can do everything except communion. I don't really like other churches, I have been to baptist, pentacostal, church of christ, etc.. before I married. I really do like the prayer, the meditation, the rosary. I was pretty grounded in my faith. Mass three times a week, was in the church choir, even taught for 2 years at the catholic school.

I can't go back.

Perhaps my dear THAT is a step forward as opposed to back like you seem to believe...

Church is good as far as bring people to "a belief" in God... though it can only take you so far...

Seek God on your own terms, and don't let anyone "preach" to you what you "should" believe...

You did NOT fail... YOU got out of a bad situation... that is not a failure my dear... that is a PASS

Think of the word "mass"... then read HIS words...

1Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.

2Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

3But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:

4That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.

5And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

6But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

7But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.

8Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.

You certainly can go if you want. I was divorced (real psyco) in 94. I didn't go through the annulment procedure because it is ridiculous. And on top of it all, the priest, I talked to said I didn't need to to even get remarried in the church as long as it wasn't the same diocese. Now I know that technically that is breaking the rules. However, the church has seen fit to change the rules more than once when it was in their interest.

Seems you have been out of it for some time. Things are changing slowly but surely. I go and receive communion, and the priest is well aware of my situation. I went and spoke with him at one point and he assured me that there are much more important reasons for going to worship and receive the sacrements than not getting an annulment. In my opinion, it is a technicality. It is so drawn out involving family members on both sides that it is almost impossible to get it anyway. I will say something here that will make many ATSer's happy.

I was even told that knowing the Bishop, he could just push it through without doing all the stuff required. At that point, what is the point? I mean really? I don't know if you have talked to a priest recently about it, but you should just run it by one because more than one has told me coming to church and receiving the sacrements is what it is all about. Nowhere in the scriptures does it say you can't worship God and receive the sacrements when you have to terminate a terrible abusive relationship. Hope this help you.

reply to post by AQuestion


I guess that is why i am not sure how this applies to me. my ex told me several times that i was not "allowed" to divorce him for any reason. we went to counseling and he told the counselor that she was supposed to tell me the same thing, we can't divorce for any reason and that we have to work it out no matter what.

to his surprise she told me, you can leave and i see why you want out. he was furious which showed her even more of why i needed to be out of that relationship.

which brings me to your post, how does events that happened a long time ago in the bible apply to me today? if Jesus or God told me it is ok, don't feel guilty or estranged from me and it is ok, i forgive you then i wouldn't be writing this passage tonight. those people were especially touched and they KNEW it was a message.

i dont' want wait till i am 80 years old on my death bed to realized that i punished my self for 50 years for something like this. is it misplaced guilt? or what. i don't know how to feel about this.

just live in love my friend.

reply to post by spirit_horse


yes, i did talk to my priest. he was the one that taught me about the chuch. it was also his church that i went to mass three times a week and taught at his school for 2 years. he was very close to our family because my husband's mom was ill in bed and he brought her communion every week. he and i talked a lot and he heard all my stories of my childhood, he knew all my secrets.

9 years later after the divorce (we had moved away) and i wrote him because he went to mexico to start a mission and asked about receiving commuinion. he didn't give me an answer, other than say i never fell from grace. he was not really "old-school" but he was very spiritual and i trust him completely.

if he would have said ok, i wouldn't be feeling this way.

reply to post by dmonkey


Dear dmonkey,

which brings me to your post, how does events that happened a long time ago in the bible apply to me today? if Jesus or God told me it is ok, don't feel guilty or estranged from me and it is ok, i forgive you then i wouldn't be writing this passage tonight. those people were especially touched and they KNEW it was a message. i dont' want wait till i am 80 years old on my death bed to realized that i punished my self for 50 years for something like this. is it misplaced guilt? or what. i don't know how to feel about this.

He did tell us that we were forgiven, I am not Catholic and disagree with their dogma, I left the Catholic church because I disagreed with their dogma. What use is guilt if Jesus died for our sins? Guilt is best used to teach us to be better people, not to condemn us for being imperfect. I have done bad things in my life and I have forgiven others for doing horrible things to me. We all mature and hopefully make better decisions rather than continually making the same bad decision.

I had meant my post to be supportive and I feel that perhaps you found it something else. Not my purpose and not my point. I wish you nothing but the best and life is not always fair or the best; but, we can overcome and we are forgiven. Peace.

reply to post by AQuestion


oh. i am sorry AQuestion..i am just trying to understand. i didn't mean anything bad by my response, just confused. i will try and understand what you are saying and i see how you might think that applies to my situation.

i really appreciate your input. i have not read the bible but i have tried many times and i get confused or fall asleep. it isn't on purpose it just happens. so since you have the knowledge, i am glad you wrote in.

thank you.

reply to post by dmonkey


Dear dmonkey,

They asked Jesus which was the most important commandment. He said it was to love God with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself. It also says that there is only one unforgivable sin and we believe that to be a rejection of others and God, the opposite of the most important thing. We know we are all imperfect and that what sin is, it is falling short of perfection. Jesus died for our sins not our perfection, he died so that we could have true free will, that we could choose to love others or not, the mistakes don't get counted against us or his sacrifice means nothing.

You say you left your husband because he abused you, it doesn't sound like a rejection of loving others. My wife left me because I got sick and she only cared about her own pleasure. She didn't think I would still be here and the doctors agreed. Under the bible, I can remarry with no consequence because she did so much wrong that she forever terminated our sacrament. It may be that we are forever connected to others unless someone completely violates the agreement.

I am sorry if this is confusing, perhaps I am not presenting my thoughts well. Let me say this, today I visited the resting place of my childhood sweetheart, I wanted to leave her some flowers and candy canes (she liked them). I had not seen her in decades and she died recently, the day before my birthday. I had considered trying to reconnect with her; but, she died. I never stopped loving her, we never had a disconnect on that level. If you were to ask me, I would tell you that she and I will always be connected because of what we had, a true spiritual connection. I am free of my ex because of what she did, I am free of the love of my life because she is dead (eternally emotionally connected). Should I be afraid to never connect with another again, I am; but, should I be? Under the law of the bible, I am free; but, what of my heart, how many should I allow to be that connected to me, to see every part of me?

What I am attempting to convey is that God loves us all, we all make mistakes, we are all imperfect and it is not about the rules it is about the love that is in our hearts, that is what saves us. Not to know a name, not to do some ritual, it is about having the mind of Christ, one of forgiveness and love, that is what saves us. If you have that, you don't have to worry about the rest. Peace.

reply to post by AQuestion


i read the posts written by everyone and i re-read them again 2 more times just to try and understand. it is hard to read texting because there is no tone of voice. all of this is such a different way to look at this. it is like an argument with what i thought was the way it was explained versus what it may actually be.

i always seem to think things differently than everyone else. not your fault.

and that explanation made more sense. thank you

reply to post by dmonkey


Dear dmonkey,

A friend of mine once told me that communication is impossible; yet we still try and that says a lot about us. We want to be understood and can never understand another completely or at least only one. Only one ever understood me and she is dead. Find the one that understands you and appreciates you, the one that truly loves you; but, avoid as many mistakes along the way as possible. If you do commit again, commit for life, it changes both of you, your lover and you learn that it takes work and that nobody is perfect. I would also recommend that you read the bible and question it, question the why it says what it does. The answers can surprise you. It says that you are loved and that your mistakes are forgiven. Too many miss that part and focus on the rules, we break all the rules, the only one we are held accountable for is not loving loving one another. Peace.

reply to post by AQuestion


i am totally committed to my current spouse, through thick and thin, sickness, poor, all those things that make it "work", i am still hanging in. even if he yells at me, i yell back so it is more of an even relationship. i feel more his equal than anyone else.

It has taken everything i have to not be insecure and he assures me that he will never leave and he too says till death so i think this time i have the right person. sometimes i think he doesn't listen or isn't paying attention and he will surprise me. he supports me but also leaves me to stand on my own and not depend on him for everything. it has taken about a dozen breakups the first two years but he is the air that i breathe. i feel really incomplete without him and i think he might be realizing that i am going to stick around. at least i hope so.

i know we are not perfect and i just take it day by day and i sleep well at night overall. it is just this one thing that i can't seem to work out and be at peace with myself.

i would think with all the years of counseling i would have worked it out by now. i'll keep trying. thank you for your patience.