Kids are the root of all evil...

I've read your posts before about your niece and would never have guessed she's 16. I thought she sounded about ten. Poor you, I didn't realize she was so big either.

I think you had the right idea when you said you were considering packing up your stuff and putting it in the garage. You should do that, but do it when she and her mother are out so they don't know what you did with it.

Stop spending money on her and let her get used to living with just the basics - and let her know that if she doesn't appreciate nice things then she won't have any more access to them.

I worry for your dog, but if she wants to play with him perhaps a trip to the park would help. The three of you playing 'fetch' might help to build some bridges. I wouldn't leave him on his own with her, though.

Other than that, maybe try and talk more. If you have meals together that's a good chance to discuss your day. And if she throws food, don't give her any more. Let her go without.

If she really has the mental disorders your mention, she ought to be having some sort of therapy. I doubt she's capable of taking the initiative and making all the effort that's required to build any sort of relationship with you. Sadly, you'll probably be the one who has to keep reaching out and get used to being knocked back.

Let her know, at a time when she's quiet, that she has your attention and see if you can find out what she wants. (Besides new stuff). I think part of the problem is that she realizes no-one is giving her any boundaries and, at some level, she knows she needs them. She knows she needs someone to give her guidance in life and teach her how best to deal with people. I think kids get resentful when they notice that they are the victims of poor parenting, but you have some advantage in that you're not her parent. She might be looking to you to step in and make up for her parents' failings.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


Yeah, it's really difficult, with trying to juggle her, my sister, school, work and studying, not mention cleaning Hurricane Irene and Katrina, day after day, after day..

No it wasn't chichi. He disappeared. It's my Chow/Shepard. My protector. He does not like her, at all. And she gets very pissed off about that. That is one thing that sets her off, literally. The dog won't talk to her, the dog won't play with her, the dog won't listen to her.

Yeah, I told her mom to put her in some kind of activity after school or to go the red cross and have her volunteer.. No, mom is too lazy. My sister is drained everyday.

I do not have time to do it, because my hours are crazy as it is and on some days between everything. I am literally too drained to do anything.

Biology has me grindstoning. You literally don't get break with that class. If you don't get the material, you are screwed. Calculus too. And those take like hours.

I tried to kick them out that night that she threw food at me and threatened my dog, and she wanted to move all her stuff outside. Think that was first time, I've ever seen her room so clean. But, then she called social services on me, telling them, I was kicking her out and now she has no where to live. Blah Blah blah, blah blah. Just make me feel more crappier. Like, I'm the bad guy. So, I took her shopping and bought her these cool toys. No, not good enough, Got her a barbie guitar and microphone, that hooks up to a mp3 and Ipad, so she can sing Justin Beiber song all day. Ugh She was happy for a moment, then went half cocked crazy again when we got home.

I told her if she want to act that way, she could leave, and the when she calms down, and can learn to be nice, then she can come back.

No, to her the world was ending. You do not want to hear this kid scream. OMG.

reply to post by Char-Lee



love them...ALL parents will understand , and get the humor

reply to post by Manhater


A BARBIE GUITAR???....and she's 16??

There might be a few other issues here....

reply to post by berenike


Oh yeah, she been trying to call me mom and sometimes she does listen to me. But, boy that then pisses of her mom with the attitude, This my child BS, she should be listening to me not you.

Originally posted by wrathchild
reply to post by Manhater

 

A BARBIE GUITAR???....and she's 16??

There might be a few other issues here....

She lives in a princess state world. Acts and talks like she's 2-3 years old. Then some days she talks like she is normal at the age of 12-13. She's a light switch.

reply to post by Manhater


Sound to me like mummy is the root of all evil!

Dude put the little jerk on Craigslist and call it a day.



Not sure you'll get anything for her but if you say she's on the curb waiting to be picked up someone's bound to take you up. I did the same with an old big-screen TV recently

Originally posted by Hawking
Dude put the little jerk on Craigslist and call it a day.



Not sure you'll get anything for her but if you say she's on the curb waiting to be picked up someone's bound to take you up. I did the same with an old big-screen TV recently

Yeah, now that would be child abuse. Funny ideal, that made me laugh.

When ever I see you I think about how grateful I am that the people in my life when I was a child who needed extra help were all much better people than you are.

reply to post by Manhater


A complicated situation manhater, and like I said. It sucks to be in your shoes right now. And now that you mentioned it I remember you said your dog chichi disappeared. I just assumed you found him again.

No it wasn't chichi. He disappeared. It's my Chow/Shepard. My protector. He does not like her, at all. And she gets very pissed off about that. That is one thing that sets her off, literally. The dog won't talk to her, the dog won't play with her, the dog won't listen to her.

Sounds like she has a control issue, and the dog senses that.

Yeah, I told her mom to put her in some kind of activity after school or to go the red cross and have her volunteer.. No, mom is too lazy. My sister is drained everyday.

Keep bugging her till she is more tired of listening to you, then of getting up and doing something about her daughter.

Biology has me grindstoning. You literally don't get break with that class. If you don't get the material, you are screwed. Calculus too. And those take like hours.

I see that you are a busy person, they once tried to make me do that stuff. I know how much it sucks especially mathz, I hate mathz, and then they make you sit in a little chair and listen to them go on and on about boring things, and things that you already know....Yes its a chore just doing that alone.

tried to kick them out that night that she threw food at me and threatened my dog, and she wanted to move all her stuff outside. Think that was first time, I've ever seen her room so clean. But, then she called social services on me, telling them, I was kicking her out and now she has no where to live. Blah Blah blah, blah blah. Just make me feel more crappier. Like, I'm the bad guy.

Next time just tell them shes all kinds of complicated syndromes with big names, and likes to make things up, and also a little on the obsessive compulsive side, so they know not to take everything a child says as gospel. I would of not bought her anything after that, especially after she tattle telled on you. No body likes a tattle teller and if she is capable of knowing social services and how they work then she is capable of cleaning her # up in her room. And not acting like a child all of the time.

And maybe if her stuff is clean for weeks on end, then maybe give her a cookie or something.

Oh yeah, she been trying to call me mom and sometimes she does listen to me. But, boy that then pisses of her mom with the attitude, This my child BS, she should be listening to me not you.

This kid is just looking for somebody to look on, some sort of authority figure or somebody they know will always be there. And in her case it is also a control thing, as she will try to push your buttons to see how you react. Really I dont think you want any hangers on, or at least not all the time even if I think deep down your just might be enjoying the company. So anyways if she sees her mother in a low light, she will look to the next best thing to hang on to...That being you, since your in the proximity and seem to be there.

Tell her mom that if it she wants her kid to listen to her, then she has to do the mothering. And with three females all in the same house, occupying the same spaces...Oh man, the place does sound like the wrecks that were left after hurricane katrina came and went.

reply to post by Aeons


Was that a jibe or a jab Aeons?

Or was it an assumption.

And not only that, but possibly even an incorrect assumption.

Or were you just talking to yourself again?

Off course I am just speaking outloud.

See I am like totally nice to you Aeons.

Originally posted by wrathchild
reply to post by Char-Lee

 

love them...ALL parents will understand , and get the humor

I am a parent..sorry I didn't get the humor.

reply to post by Manhater
Kids are not evil. You sound self-centered. Being nice isn't about getting a good response. Be lucky you can afford a leather couch. Just sayin...

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


When I told her I wasn't going to put my dog to sleep, she got angry, then she said she was calling animal control to have them pick him up and put him to sleep, I told her "good luck with that", that's when she threw all the food and drinks all over me. I was so irate. That's when I told her mother to get her the heck out of my house. I think the next time she acts like that, I'm going to tell her mom to go to a hotel or a shelter. Because her butt is not going to stay here with that attitude.

Kids the root of all evil? Wtf and you're having trouble with ateenager. Were you in your right mind when you started writing this? With so much evil in this world you choose kids to be the root? Your post was not funny so we cant chalk this one up as a pathetic attempt at humor, can we?

Originally posted by JulieTruly
reply to post by Manhater

 

Kids are not evil. You sound self-centered. Being nice isn't about getting a good response. Be lucky you can afford a leather couch. Just sayin...

I earned that right to be self centered thank you. I work my butt off. While they sit home all day destroying everything I worked for. I don't have all this money in the world to keep replacing the things that she keeps wanting to destroy. Once in while does her mom clean. But, I do appreciate her trying. She needs to do more. Rather then sleeping all day and playing on the computer all day. They may pay rent, but being lazy is not healthy for either one of them. Her daughter sits there and plays stupid sims all day fighting with people, burning up the house. Being mean to the animals, trying to get pregnant. It's a no wonder this kids mind is so warped. It's from that stupid game. Which is a bad influence on her. If you take it away. She will scream holy hell. School is now a bad influence on her, from the crap she comes with hearing juvenile punks talking smack all day, then she comes home thinking she can do it.

Originally posted by Manhater
reply to post by galadofwarthethird

 

When I told her I wasn't going to put my dog to sleep, she got angry, then she said she was calling animal control to have them pick him up and put him to sleep, I told her "good luck with that", that's when she threw all the food and drinks all over me. I was so irate. That's when I told her mother to get her the heck out of my house. I think the next time she acts like that, I'm going to tell her mom to go to a hotel or a shelter. Because her butt is not going to stay here with that attitude.

I probably would have put her through the wall, but that's just me.

Originally posted by wrathchild
reply to post by lonewolf19792000

 

so your saying.......

The reason my daughter wants 60$ for hair extensions is because I didn't hit her enough as a toddler??

Damn!...thinking the Bible was a pile of crap all these years.

edit on 3-2-2012 by wrathchild because: (no reason given)

Sorry....I just noticed you were from Arkansas...my mistake

edit on 3-2-2012 by wrathchild because: (no reason given)

Don't blame Arkansas for all the bible thumpers

Sounds to me like you're not into kids at all OP and this is a difficult case on top of that. I must say I grew up with bi polar and frankly if you get in front of any professional worth their salt there is no hiding it from them (I've seen other posts where you mention her personality flip in front of authority) the way a person carries themselves should help them narrow down what to treat. Not just what is said but speech pattern handwriting and body language change. Aside from that treatment isn't going to just entail medication but how everyone in the house interacts with her...the right amount of soft/ understanding and firm, I'm the boss type attitude. I find nutrition plays a big role in keeping those brain chemicals in check....maybe even more than most meds help some days. 50% is the parent not squashing this when she was younger. These things are genetic she may need to seek the same help the daughter needs 40% is you (sorry to say it) you don't know how to talk to kids (which is OK in your situation because your not looking to have your own kids but your gonna have to learn if you don't want to kick them out) let alone a trouble kid remember its half her being mentally unstable and half her in a situation sane kids would act out in (divorce) 10% her not making the effort to meet your efforts half way

I feel for you but I do see where the kid is coming from (not that it makes the actions right). You can't lay down the law on the kid without laying it down on your sister to make sure she stays consistant with your rules...if she can't enforce the rules you have on her daughter and her self ''I'm sorry I really don't want to but if you can respect me,my dog (your ''child'' I'm guessing) and all I've worked for then you have [insert reasonable amount of time here] to find another place.

I have experience taking care of kids, taking care of the mentally unstable (my mother has always been bi polar but since her last big snap shes not quite the same and I take care of her) and I was a bi polar teen with separated parents at one point. If you need tips tricks or simply to vent U2U me...I know what its like from every angle of this...you have to trust me on this. I wouldn't judge anyone in this situation

reply to post by Manhater


That puts a slightly different light on things - maybe the focus should be more on your relationship with your sister (who, after all is the real root of the problem). If the child sees the two of you united she will find it harder to manipulate you both. Although it's still a good idea to try and find some common area of interest with the child and build on that.

Something occurred to me, bear with me. When I got my dog the people at the rescue centre warned me never to feed him from my meal at the table because that would just be teaching him to beg.

It seems to me that your niece has been 'taught to beg' because she keeps being given things in order to placate her. Poor kid will never learn to earn anything if all she has to do is throw a tantrum to get stuff. Or be nice for a day or two. You're busy with your studies so why not do a deal with your niece? Give her chores to do and pay her at the end of each week. A set amount for something well done and a smaller mount for a poor job. If she wants to buy something she can't afford, make her save up until she can afford it. No more hand-outs.

If she starts to feel useful and has her own earned money her attitude may improve. People like to feel useful and needed. Having her own money may help with her self respect. And if she learns the value of stuff she may be less inclined to trash it.

Of course, your sister may not like this, but you have to decide how to approach it. You don't want to do a deal behind her back, but you don't want to ask permission either.

Oh, The Sims. I think that might be something you can use to help the situation. If you can find the time to sit and play with her, you could show her different ways to do things. I know it's a laugh to set them on fire, but a kid can learn a lot from making them live productive lives You could teach her a kinder approach, especially towards the pets and she could control the adults to interact more kindly with the children. There's a lot of positives in the game - the player doesn't have to be mean all the time