Am I a bad person?

Hello there,

I've been struggling to find a way of putting this into a thread for others to understand. I've been mistaken for not being English on here before but I assure you I am, I'm just not that good and explaining myself or wording things in the right way so please bare with me.
This adds to my first point actually, do ever feel so disconnected from society that you end up just staying away from everything and everyone? I know I'm not the only person who does this but when you've been in your own little 'bubble' (personal space) for long enough it seems too much bother to reconnect yourself with others. Am I making sense so far?
I had a large group of friends like anybody else but have slowly over time cut it down to a small handful of people I can trust which I rather prefer but it bugs me that I have also cut out my family.
I don't feel like I am part of my family anymore and the human side of me feels it is wrong but I can not connect or relate to them anymore. Is this a bad thing? It sure feels like it but I cannot take their pointless chit chat or unfunny sense of humour anymore!

When you enter your little bubble of bliss is there a number of 'stepping stones' that guid you to an easier understanding and patience of coping with nonsense?

I also find it hard to connect with my partner sometimes too. It's not anything on his part, I'm just too closed off at times that, I suppose I could use the word concentrate here. (BTY if you read this don't take it personal I'm just struggling to open up and looking for advice from others)

I know my threads are a bit scattered but that's the way my head works! Constantly thinking, so much so that I carry three or four books around with me just to write my thoughts down and try to make sense of them.

All of these things build up and build up to the point that's it's too much to talk about or to make sense of but this uncomfortable feeling of guilt and abandonment is making me question if I am a good person or bad?

Point being, I feel I have no time for anyone other than those that make sense to me and this is making me a very ignorant person and I don't like it!

The world hasn't gone mad but the people in have!

I suppose I'm looking for reassurance that im not a bad person and guidence on how to cope with mindless people.
(and a bit of a rant)

reply to post by Soulo


I feel your pain. You might wanna go get checked up for clinical depression though man. I have literally been through everything that you listed and it all ended up being a result of a nice little bundle of PTSD, clinical depression and social anxiety. Can't really give any advice as to how to get out of said bubble, as I am still working on that myself, but don't worry, you're not a bad person, you're just disconnected. I find that the way that works for me is to think on the terms of "OK I am who I am, and nothing anyone says can change that one iota." Once you start thinking like that it becomes easier to deal with people. I find the main thing that kept me away from people was the petty criticisms and narrow-mindedness. When you focus on how stupid these criticisms and headspaces are, you may come off as a tool to some people, but they don't matter, you do. That's the way you have to think, to get out of that rut, IMO. Peace.

Don't worry about it. You're ok.

Not everyone will be to your liking. Seek out those that are and disregard those that aren't. If people in your family are those that aren't, then so be it. You have no obligation to please anyone but yourself.

Remain cordial. Keep conversations to light chat. Visit family if you want but don't stay longer than you're comfortable with. If your partner really cares about you, then he'll understand you need time for yourself. Same goes with him. Give him time if he needs it. Clinging relationships aren't healthy, but enjoy the moments when you need each other.

dude, you sound just like me!
ive always been a loner but its getting to where i dont want to be around people much at all anymore.

when i go to family gatherings or over to friends homes, i can only handle it for a couple of hours max anymore.

i know they wonder what is wrong with me when i say i have to go, but i dont care, its who i am and i have to get away from all that noise and into the quiet again.
i know what you mean about having to go out and reconnect with people again. sometimes i wish everyone would just go away like in "I AM LEDGEND".
all they want to do is complain and yak about stupid crap that yeah, i can handle for a little while, but thats all.

NO, you are not a bad person. you are just a deeper person.
be true to who you are, try to be comfortable within your own skin, follow what makes you happy.

and no, i havent yet mastered these principals, but i'm trying!

Sound perfectly normal to me.
Have you tried the Myers-Briggs personality tests, I'd check that out before you start thinking you are a bad person or jumping to conclusions that you are depressed.

You are not a bad person! As it seems you have just a lot of other things going to your mind, that seem to be more interesting or important, because you need to understand something, that was not there before. There is a change going on in people and when that kind of change came to me, I did some strange and for my family disappointing things (emotionally). But it does not mean I do not like my friends and family anymore, I just got another point of view. It took me a while to understand what was going on and filling books with my thoughts helped big time. Now these books are filled with all kinds of thoughts because I didn't want to tell those things my friends or family, because it would have disappointed them even more, since all words and expressions are just very honest.
That is now 2 years ago ... I am still filling books with my ideas and thoughts, but it helped to understand my new standpoint. I can't say, that I feel as close to people I know as I was feeling before (maybe I can, but somehow in another way), but I am better in understanding my behavior and therefore also theirs, what helped me to reconnect with them in the end. It is sometimes still a bit hard, but I think it is a learning process. I've learned to see behind the curtain and I know, that it happens also to other people. Once a while I meet people like that and have nice chats (sometimes for hours) also I've just met them ... always know, you are not alone, in no way also it might seem like it once a while :-)
People tell me that I am depressed because also they see, that I changed but I can only tell them, that it is not as it seems ... some things make me sad (even more than before) and I do not want to lie to myself anymore only to be able to smile at everybody, just to make them feel better, but I can assure everybody, that I like "life" more than I did a few years ago, just the "world" we have created bothers me ...
As I know also my thoughts sometimes seem a bit strange and confuse, so I hope what I've written makes a bit sense :-)
Do not worry, it will get better!

As each of us mature we all find it much more difficult to “connect” with those around us.

It steams from becoming more comfortable with who we are. No longer do we require the approval of others to give us a feeling of self worth.

This is just part of growing up, everyone goes through the process.

When we have started to solidify our own personality we find that those who have been friends in the past did not grow in the same direction that we have, this is where the saying “We have grown apart” originates. Nothing wrong in this, it is normal. I know the TV tells you that you should be this or that and we take a personal accounting and find that we are not. Remember it is the job of society to place everyone in to the same mold.

This is not how real life is, we are all individuals embarked on a common voyage.

And, the more mature one becomes the larger the separation becomes. This is just as it is.

When we were children all it took for us to be friends was the other kid being in our yard, “You like candy, I like Candy, we are Best Friends”.

As we age, the requirements become more complex, we start to recognize that even our own family fall short of our requirements.

This is normal.

As one who has embarked on the last years of life, I will let you know that the ability to accept others as they are becomes much more improved.

I may only have to tolerate family a couple of dinners a year, with a few phone calls in between. It does not mean I do not love them, it does not mean I don’t like them, it means that I recognize that we have little in common. It does not make them bad, nor me. They can be themselves, so can I.

Don’t confuse maturity, with depression.

Recognize that you are who you have become, find the joy in being your own person, and allow those around you the same privilege.

reply to post by xXxinfidelxXx


First off thank you all for taking the time to reply.

I've been through depression and social anxiety and I have to say you sound exactly like me when I'm giving advice!
It's more the family side of it, they keep trying to spend time with me but I keep running away from them! They drive me crazy with frustration and confusion!
I do often sing 'I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses!'
But it gets to the point I don't want to leave the house or answer my phone!
That's when the Alarm bells start ringing and the odd thoughts pop in my head saying that they're all mad but the I think they can all be mad and I'm not! If anything it will be the other way round!
I have a devil on each shoulder!

Originally posted by Suspiria
Sound perfectly normal to me.
Have you tried the Myers-Briggs personality tests, I'd check that out before you start thinking you are a bad person or jumping to conclusions that you are depressed.

I was about to suggest the same thing

Being able to identify the different personality types can help you better understand yourself and the people around. It will give you some comfort about the way you feel about yourself and help you more effectively deal with others. You sound like an introvert and a thinker. It's not a bad thing, I'm an INTJ.

As an INTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others.

With Introverted Intuition dominating their personality, INTJs focus their energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. Their mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it. They are tremendously insightful and usually are very quick to understand new ideas. However, their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way. Unlike the INTP, they do not follow an idea as far as they possibly can, seeking only to understand it fully. INTJs are driven to come to conclusions about ideas. Their need for closure and organization usually requires that they take some action.

Link

Nope i feel the same way as well. My family like my sisters and brother are so far stuck into society and constantly fighting over who has the better house and who has the best jewellery, it sickens me and i cant stand them.

My hubby's not to bad, though he always has to contradict me though, so it gets kind of useless having a conversation with him. the only thing he doesn't ague with me is if its about the ET experience we have, or paranormal, but i don't even wanna talk to him about my thoughts on that either, its like its ok we say what we saw but that's it, no discussion or anything.

yeah it does get lonely and you end up babying the pets, and watching hours of youtube vids lol last night i watched how to make bread and butter and cheese lol

my hubbys been home on leave for about 5 weeks now, and i have hardly seen him, he stays in the study playing computer games. lol thanks for the winge by the way, i needed to get this off my chest .

This is the reason i was trying to get some kind of voice chat happening for other members like us, just to have someone there to chat with if you read something funny, or a comment here or there, just like you would if we were sitting at a table reading the paper, having someone opposite you to talk to like that would be a great for me.

any way nope your not alone

love and harmony
Whateva

reply to post by Whateva69


Hahahaha! That totally cheered me up!
My cats are my baby's and I tend not to talk to my boyfriend about certain stuff cause he always has to be right! (even though he's not) teehee

reply to post by Soulo


We sound very much alike. I consider myself an introvert. I don't hate people, not at all. How can I explain this?..... OK, My social life has a "battery" when I'm with people my battery runs out quite fast. So, to recharge I go for a short walk outside, get a bit of fresh air and put my thoughts together before I go back in. My closest friends, which are only a handfull, know this so they don't make a fuss. But my family think I'm weird. Don't get me wrong I love them with all my hearts and would take a bullet for any of them but we're so different. I do feel like I don't belong with them. It's always been like that, eversince I was a kid. But we're still pretty close. I make huge efforts to see my parent every week. I try to call my bros but we never have anything to say to eachother anyway. It's not that I don't like to talk it's just I don’t talk unless I have something to say. I hate small talk. I'm not shy either. I just need a reason to interact. I don't really sugar coat, social pleasantries are not my thing. I think that comes with being an introvert. If I need to say something I just say it. But that doesn't go over well all the time. People are so used to drama if you just speak your mind they tend to take it personal. I believe that people like us pay closer attention to our emotions and thoughts than most people do. Not that we dont' care about other, we just find our inerselves more satisfying. Ok, that sounds abit weird but if you're anything like me, you'll understand what I'm saying. Well anyway that's my take on it. Hopefully this helps you. And remember, you're unique just like the rest of us.

Double post...sorry

Not everyone is a social butterfly and I don't think you should condemn yourself if you are not. Families, too, can be very wearing and demanding. I haven't seen an extended family yet where everyone really likes each other. They are basically forced upon you. If you were not somehow related to these people, would you seek them out as friends? Probably not.

Although I have a few acquaintennces and neighbors I am friendly toward, I really don't have any close friends at all. Those few I once had have greatly disappointed me, or I them, so it's just not worth the effort. If you want to test them, just express the opposite political view and see if they are still friends. I "disappointed" a couple who pretended to be my friends simply by telling them I was voting Republican in the last election. They just assumed I was a socialist like them. It was nasty. Wait until you get old enough to see your own kids jockeying for position to see who gets your money and your stuff. That's pretty disheartening when you realize they wouldn't mind at all if you just went ahead and died so they could squander your money now.

If you have a partner who really loves you that can help immensely. It's worth putting some effort into making that work. Your attitude really isn't that rare. Funny someone mentioned Meyers/Briggs. I've always thought of that as valid as astrology, but every time I take it I wind up INTJ.