Why marriage is ruining everything!!!!!

First off, I am a nineteen year old male, and have never been married. I live a very happy life. My source of income is a working a part-time job for a bit over minimum wage. I sustain an apartment, make my car payments, take care of insurance, and enjoy nice meals. Living on my own, it is very easy to see where all my money goes. I am in control of my life at this point. Most kids, and I fear many of my friends, are being pushed towards a life that is laid out for them. High School, College, Work, Marriage, Kids, and then you can finally enjoy your life a little, once you cover all the debt that a life like this entails. I don't understand why I am 19 and already loving every day of my life, yet thousands others are going to be slaving away for many years until they can sit back and enjoy life. My idea isn't that marriage should be done away with, but I envision a future where people are as tied down and unable to control their direction in life.

Marriage is not for everyone. I have been married and divorced and would never do it again, but why force your beliefs on those who do want to be married?
There are happy marriages out there and for some people, the life you described is everything they have ever dreamed of.
So it's not for you? Simple, don't get married, but that doesn't mean no one should.

The thing with marriage is that its abused and thats why it comes out looking so negative and always taking the brunt of critisim.

Kinda like religion

a few jack offs abuse the system and people get the impression its all bad


With marriage its like these if you don't want to love one girl , spend the rest of your life just being her partner , respecting , her , treating like like your queen , and empowering each other . Marriage is not for you.


Many fools go into marriage thinking for the sake of family name or to avoid family gossip


They go in not understand wedding vows.

Thats where the problem arises.

You see a man of principal must uphold his wedding vows as something serious

But most just see it as a chore to do on the wedding day .

If more men took it seriously and understood its values marriages would be far better off today. But of course people rush in , not knowing there left from right and saying i do's like its candy in halloween.

I've never been married , but when i do i will take my weddin vows serious for my self , and try and set an example for the buddies also ,

i will uphold it like a consitution because marriage is not a joke when it comes to most womens hearts :p

they are promises of ones self to another soul , its a fusion of principals on the wedding day ,

when you don't take it serious and rush , you end up with todays divorce rates

when you do take it serious well i'm sure many men can vouch they did the rigiht thing

Dearheart, you're only 19 years old. Most 19 year olds have never been married. There are many things you cannot see because you haven't been around long enough. What I knew at 19 could fill a tea cup. What I know now at age 50 could fill a small library. When I was your age, I didn't want kids, the whole motherhood thing freaked me out. I thought women who wanted kids were insane masochists.

Then I had two kids, and they are the best thing that ever happened to me.

I guess my point is, you're very young. Enjoy your youth, and accept the fact that there may come a time when you may change your mind. Until then, know there are many things in life you may be unable to wrap your head around right now. And that's ok.

In all fairness, you are only nineteen. It doesn't suprise me that you don't want to get married..people grow older, they change, maybe you will change your mind in 10 years when you meet a special someone. Who knows?

My first brother was born when I was 11, second one was born when I was 13. I have basically been a dad to them, real dad wasn't around much( truck driver). Parents got married quite early, and just divorced after about 20 years of marriage. Mom is broken, Dad is broken. Savings have all been spent on us three kids. This is why I oppose marriage, it ruined everything about family.My 5 closest friends have divorced parents. 49 out of 214 in my graduating class had divorced parents. 8 out of 10 of us that graduated with honors, have divorced parents. Figure in this is a very small case study.

Originally posted by football6
First off, I am a nineteen year old male, and have never been married. I live a very happy life. My source of income is a working a part-time job for a bit over minimum wage. I sustain an apartment, make my car payments, take care of insurance, and enjoy nice meals. Living on my own, it is very easy to see where all my money goes. I am in control of my life at this point. Most kids, and I fear many of my friends, are being pushed towards a life that is laid out for them. High School, College, Work, Marriage, Kids, and then you can finally enjoy your life a little, once you cover all the debt that a life like this entails. I don't understand why I am 19 and already loving every day of my life, yet thousands others are going to be slaving away for many years until they can sit back and enjoy life. My idea isn't that marriage should be done away with, but I envision a future where people are as tied down and unable to control their direction in life.

I thought the same as you when I was nineteen but thought differently when I was twenty five...
...I have been married now almost thirty-four years...
...they have been amazing years.

Originally posted by football6
Most kids, and I fear many of my friends, are being pushed towards a life that is laid out for them. High School, College, Work, Marriage, Kids, and then you can finally enjoy your life a little, once you cover all the debt that a life like this entails. I don't understand why I am 19 and already loving every day of my life,

Being raised in the 50s I was definitely programmed that marriage was the ultimate goal.

It is not. You are correct.

Life is choices. And I'm damn proud of you

Most boys at nineteen can't imagine what tomorrow is like. You'll eventually grow up Peter Pan.

Funny, I had that talk today with my mother. She was talking about commintment and marriage. Probably because she is 79 and old fashion and a Southern Baptist. She is disappointed in me because I have been engaged for almost 19 years. I told her that the government has no business in marriage peroid. Marriage is a religious instutition and should not be controled by government in any way. And that it is not the governments business what we do in our own house and who we choose to live with.

I pointed out to her that no piece of paper can keep a mans pecker in his pants or a womans legs closed. It is the people in the relationship who make it work or not.

an old saying I heard ... A man marrys a woman hoping she will never change while a woman marrys a man hoping to change him!

reply to post by fnpmitchreturns


If the piece of paper means nothing, then it means nothing to you to sign it.

Since you won't sign it, and have a massive reaction to it, that means you know that the piece of paper means something.

It means nothing, but I will fight to the death to not sign that piece of paper. Yep. Totally makes sense.

reply to post by football6


Actually you make some good points, and many have come to regret there marriage. What with all the divorces going on among just one of the things going on....I think it would be best for more people to stay single and not jump into that ship just because others have, or there parents have.

Saying that however, I got to say that marriage is hard from what I seen, and lots of work. But then again any two people living together for long periods of time is not easy, eventually something will give and problems will start. At your age and given your experience, especially your family experience with marriage...I think you have done a good choice.

But trust me bro, eventually you will sing a different tune...It is pretty hard to bury nature and generational programming, not saying it cant be done, but its pretty hard..And for you eventually you will change your mind. And it is definitely going to be a lot of work, but at 19yr's old I say enjoy your singularity and don't complicate things to much while you can.

reply to post by Aeons


Marriage is more about conforming to the view of our Christian society.

I am not afraid of marriage! I just don't see the need to validate my relationship in anothers eyes through their religous beliefs.

in addition I have 5 brothers and sisters all older than me.

One brother is handicapped and never married;
One sister is on her second marriage
One sister is now divorced
One brother is a child abuser and is married to his high school sweetheart;
Oldest brother had three marriage and since passed on

reply to post by football6


I'm gonna tell you another thing - - from my years of wisdom.

LUST is NOT LOVE

Those pheromones - - are "devils in disguise". They are chemicals reacting to chemicals - - - they do not care about your welfare. They only care about protecting and continuing the species.

Real LOVE is a responsibility and a life time commitment. You have to have a common goal. Look at Bill Clinton and Hillary - - politics was their common goal - - they are still married. I know some will think that is crazy - - but is it?

MAKE A LIST. Seriously! Make a list of what you want out of life. Find someone who matches that list - - - and has a lifetime goal that you share. Marriage optional.

Originally posted by fnpmitchreturns
reply to post by Aeons

 

Marriage is more about conforming to the view of our Christian society.

I am not afraid of marriage! I just don't see the need to validate my relationship in anothers eyes through their religous beliefs.

Yep. Marriage is an almost unique concept that has rarely existed in any format in any society ever throughout history.

Originally posted by fnpmitchreturns
reply to post by Aeons

 

Marriage is more about conforming to the view of our Christian society.

I am not afraid of marriage! I just don't see the need to validate my relationship in anothers eyes through their religous beliefs.

There's marriage and then there is legal marriage.

Legal Government Marriage License - - a contract to protect rights and property of those joining together as one family. Plus rights and benefits not available otherwise.

Your choice. For those who have that choice. Not every citizen does.

Which then people will suggest that you then engage in some form of legal contractual entity to define the parameters of your relationship.

In other words, they'll suggest that you get legally married but sell it as something else.

A legal contractual relationship defining the legal parameters of your relationship, to define and regulate the issues of custody, property, finance. Yep. Sensible.

So long as you refuse to rely on hundreds of years of precedent, because that would just be like learning from other people's mistakes and you wouldn't want to do that.

reply to post by Annee


what business is my relationship in any way the business of the government. This is just another form of control by government at the behest of religion when they choose to decide whose marriage or non-marriage is worthy of the benefits you mentioned?

Where in the Constutition does it talk about marriage? Nowhere I know... this is just another place where religous people have the government regulating something that is in fact a "religous cermony" If you notice the government in many states sets requirements for people getting married in a church or the Justice of Peace's office.

Originally posted by Aeons
Which then people will suggest that you then engage in some form of legal contractual entity to define the parameters of your relationship.

In other words, they'll suggest that you get legally married but sell it as something else.

A legal contractual relationship defining the legal parameters of your relationship, to define and regulate the issues of custody, property, finance. Yep. Sensible.

So long as you refuse to rely on hundreds of years of precedent, because that would just be like learning from other people's mistakes and you wouldn't want to do that.

edit on 2012/1/11 by Aeons because: (no reason given)

what business is my personal relationship to the government?

I understand where your coming from however, the government is not suggesting but demanding to recieve equal benefits "under the law" that you have to submit to a particular religious social dogma.

Originally posted by fnpmitchreturns
reply to post by Annee

 

what business is my relationship in any way the business of the government.

You got reading comprehension problems.

I never said any such thing.