My Family Seems Broken

It reminds be of what the bible says about a family being divided against each other except not mother against daughter, my mom and my sister are best friends and my sister shows no respect for me. My dad has slowed down and my mom takes care of him so he does not have a word in anything anymore. Maybe because of 10 years ago when I was being raised my mom treats my sister differently, I'm ok with that because she did really good in school, never got in trouble while I went joy riding in the car, but I think that some of the disrespect rubbed off on my mom from my sister because the holidays just turned out to be stressful with bad communication. It's sad because I would like to be perfect now, but it is kind of uprooting the truth because my mom will not face the truth of the loss of love. My sister did not say hello, good bye, or look me in the eye for 2 days, so I didn't take her christmas present (a candle) home. Who do we have in the world without our family, I guess I need to make more friends...

reply to post by greyer


Explanation: S&F!

I am sorry for the loss you are experiencing as Xmass time is time to be intimate with family.

Personal Disclosure: You have enough posts to come into ATS Chat and I for one would greet you with a warm welcome! I recommend ATS Chat for making many new connections!

I'm sorry that you had a rough Christmas. My family is dysfunctional as well, so after many screwed-up Christmases, I don't bother with "family" get-togethers any more.

I think the problem comes from our societal expectation that Christmas is supposed to be this magical time of togetherness, family closeness and happy times spent basking in each other's love. This expectation is unrealistic in many families. Most people become highly disappointed and stressed-out this time of year because of this expectation.

For future holidays, it helps to remember a few simple things:

1. Don't expect a dysfunctional family to suddenly become like a Norman Rockwell painting. Nothing changes over the holidays, and, in fact, most people become even more weird. Accept them as they are, but never let them walk all over you.

2. Get together with your family and try to get through it. If your sister has issues, confront her directly and let her know that her animosity makes it hard to be together. If she insists on giving you the cold shoulder, know that you did what you could and let it go. The problem is obviously hers, not yours.

3. You also have the option of not seeing them at all. Yes it sounds cold, but sometimes we have to let certain family members go because their presence in our lives is toxic. I have a brother I haven't spoken to in over a decade because being around him is too difficult. I wish him the best, but I cannot be in the same house with him.

4. There is an old saying that goes, family is made up of people you wouldn't choose as friends if you had a choice. Therefore, a little love is necessary. But don't expect it in return. 'Tis the season to give, don't worry about receiving.

Know that there are a lot of us out in cyber land who have families who put the DIS in dysfunction. It's sad, but it will be ok. Be a good person and be thankful for what you do have, and let the rest slide.

reply to post by greyer


I'm really sorry to hear that things aren't that great right now in your family. It does suck that those that should love us the most and love us unconditionally can't always seem to do that. Sometimes they even seem to outright try to hurt us, which stings even more because we don't expect that from the ones that are supposed to love us the most. I think that if people are truthful, most of us have some of this stuff going on in our family. I mean truthfully, we all can be a little selfish and hurtful and selfcentered sometimes. But, then there are those who seem to do it more than the rest. I have a sister that is somewhat of a con artist. She will try to get you to give her money by saying that they can't pay rent, buy food, etc. Then when you help her out she uses it to go out to eat or go buy more clothes or jewlery or whatever. I've just had to face the fact that this is the way she is and I don't let her con me anymore. Then there are other people in the family that aren't always friendly or only seem to be out to get what they want and don't really care about others feelings.

I guess my point is that this goes on more than most people probably admit to, and it is hurtful. Just hang in there. You aren't the only kid that got into trouble growing up. It's tough growing up, and it's a work in progress. It's too bad that not all parents can just love their kids unconditionally no matter what happens. Some can and some just don't have it in them. I've found the one family member that loves me unconditionally always and never betrays my trust. That's my cat. Pets just have a kind of love that most people no matter how hard they try can't seem to offer. If you don't have a pet, I would reccomend one. They are the best most loving family member that one can ever have!

reply to post by greyer




Having a bad time, eh'? Sorry to hear that. When I was growing up sometimes my parents would argue to the point of near violence, I'm 40 now and still remember it like it was yesterday. Now that I'm a parent myself I know that I don't want my kids to hear me argue with my wife, the odd time we do argue the kids are oblivious to it because I make sure they cannot hear. What I'm getting at there is that although you may not have the best homelife right now you may become a better parent for it as you will not want for your kids what you have now. In the meantime though, why not open yourself up to those around you and tell them exactly how you feel? Take the initiative and clear the air, it'll feel like a tonne off your shoulders if you do.

Thanks for the feedback all, I am taking suggestions and listening closely.

reply to post by FissionSurplus


This has helped me a lot. I saw some of my moms friends and they all have large families, surprising enough very few of any of their kids were in town or visiting for Christmas. I had the idea that I am going to visit frequently while my dad is slowing down, but realistically in this enviroment I should not be visiting as much.

The idea of confronting my sister is something I cannot face, just because it has been years, ever since I was a little boy that she did not like me. I am sure there is nothing I can say to change the way she feels about me, she might be able to be polite at the dinner table in the future but the moment we walk by each other in the hall the true colors come out. If I told my mom how I feel she would give me sympathy but what I seemingly uncovered is our true unconscious thoughts and feelings about each other.

reply to post by britelite1971


Thanks, it is true that psychologically my mom is against me, eveything I say for small talk or simple conversation is not argued against but is kind of stepped on as if I shouldn't have said anything at all. I can't understand it, it is more like delusional than antagonistic. So I figure subconsciously the foundation has already been made with my sister's influence. Certainly I am aware that they will do things that I don't want and have no valid reason behind it. Everything I do has reasoning, I am very big on that, so I can't udnerstand why someone would do something that directly affects another's feelings and have no reasoning behind the action, literally there is no answer to the question of why, so this is the subconscious level of those in our family who make it seem like they outright try to hurt us.

I don't want to feel like a bad person just because they don't get along with me...