My love decided to leave

Hey guys and gals. Mostly gals cause I would like your opinion.

Im a 27 yr old guy. I had an amazing 2 year relationship with a beautiful woman, She recently decided to break it off with me. She said she wanted to be alone and carefree. This is my first official post so I figured I'd make it a sentimental one. I did all the right moves, we've had our arguments but always made up. Then last Sunday she decided to call it quits out of no where. We still live together so I can save up enough cash to rent a house. Its really hard on my heart and soul right now. Last night was the first night she never came home. She said nothing happened and I believe her but you know how it is. I love her so much and Im hoping that any day now she will turn around and come back to me. I'm so lost and confused. I haven't eaten or slept since Sunday. What should I do ladies? Move on? Keep trying? I begged for three days and it seemed to make her really angry. I need the female perspective on this. Help me out! Do I move on or do I persist on trying.

reply to post by Daver2056


27 years old...2 year long relationship...sounds about right.

time to move on.

reply to post by Daver2056


best thing you could do is move on and as FAR AWAY as possible..you are better than that, enough with the begging, you're a man.

she obviously feels like she needs to experience more of life on her own...and to be honest this probably means she wants to be in other relationships without having to settle down..

get back on your feet, it hurts at first, but soon you will realise that the world is huge, and the right person is waiting for you..it wasnt her..trust me..get over this speed bump, and try to get your mind of this woman.


i guarante you that your TRUE soul mate is waiting for you...

you wont find her

she will find YOU

I would say move on. I find it hard to believe she is breaking it off for no apparent reason. Maybe the relationship wasn't as amazing to her as it was to you. Maybe she met someone else, and just doesn't have the heart to tell you. If she's doing this just to get you to chase after her, then it's a manipulation game that you shouldn't be playing.

I know it's hard, but you will live through it. You are young, and you have plenty of time to find the right one. And don't think that all women will do this to you. Lots of women want a nice guy they can stay with forever. I've had plenty of break-ups in my past that tore my heart up, yet I married a nice guy (and I'd like to think I'm a pretty nice girl), and we've been together for over 12 years so far.

reply to post by Daver2056


I'm 23 years old and I was in a relationship with a girl I thought I knew like the back of my hand, boy was I wrong. It is time for you to show no mercy and move on with your life. Broseph, word of advice, DO NOT BEG, save your dignity. A year from now its not going to matter anymore, and we as humans get over it. It just sucks that we do not have an off position on our emotions! You'll be alright man. The first few months are going to be horrible but in the end, you will get over it.

The faster you get away from her, the faster you'll feel better. She'll be on your mind, you'll worry about her, you'll think about what it could have been and how you wish things could have worked out. The longer you stay around, the more pain you'll be in, the more you worry, the longer it'll take you to move on. Just find the quickest way to up and leave, stop begging, let her live her life, live yours. She should be dead to you, starting right after you read this line. Go do you, you're free now, go hang out with some buddies, go have a some fun with some other girls if that's what it takes for you to get her off of your mind for a night or two. Act like nothing happened when you're around her for the meantime, don't give her attention, there will be a night when she's lonely and wishes you were around, it'll be her loss.

I don't care if you two have been together since babies. at this point, do not call her, do not have fun just friends dates, etc. do not show weakness.

if you do...she will feel smothered, she will look at you not with love and rememberance, but rather pity (like..I pity that poor mutant thing that is crawling around all disgusting like..eww..I can't believe I touched that).

alternatively, go on with life...even if you feel your forcing yourself and simply schedule her out of your life and she may indeed become intrigued and perhaps a bit jealous...and if not, well, you will rapidly become used to the new single life and find yourself forgetting her more and more..suddenly the social aspect seems less forced and more desired, etc.

Your ops already shows you are on the wrong path here...she didn't come home...she swears nothing happened...wait, how do you know? you called her up and demanded to know what this single woman was doing with her time? no, you don't have a right to know..and eventually when she is bored with pitying you, she will simply ignore you.

Move on asap..seriously...else your just opening your wound moreso than need be. Plenty of fish in the sea, and 2 years is absolutely nothing on the grand scheme of things..its barely a taste. You are just starting to learn a little bit about the persons true nature at that point.

Learn from this relationship about yourself...then on your next girlfriend, evolve it into something that last...oh, say 10 years, or 20..etc

Originally posted by Unvarnished
reply to post by Daver2056

 

I'm 23 years old and I was in a relationship with a girl I thought I knew like the back of my hand, boy was I wrong. It is time for you to show no mercy and move on with your life. Broseph, word of advice, DO NOT BEG, save your dignity. A year from now its not going to matter anymore, and we as humans get over it. It just sucks that we do not have an off position on our emotions! You'll be alright man. The first few months are going to be horrible but in the end, you will get over it.

Man speaks truth.

But, it doesn't have to take months. it can take a few weeks of being in a funk, or less..or years. It all depends 100% on you. Either focus on your newfound freedoms (sweet, time to game until 2am on weekdays and go bar hopping on weekends with the guys), or moan endlessly about how erm...she made good pancakes? Seriously...dime a dozen...

But next turn, don't go for a mirror image..try something completely different..if she is blonde, go for a redhead or dark hair. If she is with a kentucky accent, find a girl with an english accent, etc...but don't just hook up with the first girl that gives you attention...and dear god, don't tell other girls you just got dumped..keep that part locked up until after.

Originally posted by Daver2056
Hey guys and gals. Mostly gals cause I would like your opinion.

Im a 27 yr old guy. I had an amazing 2 year relationship with a beautiful woman, She recently decided to break it off with me. She said she wanted to be alone and carefree. This is my first official post so I figured I'd make it a sentimental one. I did all the right moves, we've had our arguments but always made up. Then last Sunday she decided to call it quits out of no where. We still live together so I can save up enough cash to rent a house. Its really hard on my heart and soul right now. Last night was the first night she never came home. She said nothing happened and I believe her but you know how it is. I love her so much and Im hoping that any day now she will turn around and come back to me. I'm so lost and confused. I haven't eaten or slept since Sunday. What should I do ladies? Move on? Keep trying? I begged for three days and it seemed to make her really angry. I need the female perspective on this. Help me out! Do I move on or do I persist on trying.

My heart goes out to you! It must be so gut wrenching to lose someone you Love!

But if she ended out of nowhere and say's she wants to be carefree (we all know what this means) then, stays out all night just a week after your break, well i'd say those signs are pretty clear and i'd move on right away without a single doubt!
Moving on doesn't have to include another lady either, in fact I think time on your own would be perfect, there's a lot you can learn when you have plenty of time alone with your thoughts and self reflection!

Good luck and hang in there whatever you do!

reply to post by Daver2056


I say move on. Your relationship with her was a learning experience. You are emotional pain right now deep into the core of your soul...(I know how that feels I've been there)....start now to take better care of yourself.

Eat regular meals, take your vitamins, exercise, go out with friends for coffee and a movie etc. Get busy; get involved with living again. Until you can move out...when you run across her...be polite and pleasant...but be busy.

Six months from now...you will look back...and know she just wasn't the one.

Reflect and think about what you learned in the relationship and move on with your life. This will be only one of many relationships you will have.

Use it to better yourself for the next one.

Been there a few time so I know it isn't easy but it can be done.

wow, just wow. Thanks so much everyone. I read all of them and it fills my heart with hope. The world is full of people that care for others even if they dont know them. For that Im thankful. It will take a while, but I will take all of your advice and try to move on.

I love this group on ATS.

Thank you!

reply to post by Daver2056


All these things about carefree is bull#. If she would have loved you in the first place she would have given everything for you.

Don't try to understand women, i just came out of a 3.5 year relationship, but now if i had the chance to get off this planet i will. Believe me buddy i know how you fell.

I know it hurts, but it's best to let her go. Think about it this way.....why stay with someone who does not want to be with you? You're both young, so use it as a learning experience and rest assured that evrything happens for a reason...this may be happening to clear the way for you to meet the one you are supposed to be with.....I wish you the best!

Although I echo the sympathy here I believe that is largely an expression of co-dependancy. You can always find people will commisserate with you over the idea that you have been "wronged," but I'm not sure that actually helps you in the long run. It COULD do more harm than good because you will never get to the bottom of what happened to understand how to make changes, if necessary. Two things about your statement struck at me.

First is that you two aren't (weren't., I guess) really committed to each other. You were in a trial relationship where breaking off is extremely easy. Basically one person says the equivalent of "I divorce thee!" and it is over. The only thing still tying you together is logistics. At this point in your relationship you really haven't had time to get as enmeshed as you do in longer relationships, where you might have joint property and other issues that make it extremely difficult to break up. The point is that you have entered into a relationship where there is nothing really holding you together.

That alone could put pressure on a relationship. Obviously, you are not independently wealthy. If she thought you weren't putting out enough effort to better your circumstances, weren't committed to making you two work better, that's a reason right there. "Commitment" is very much a female meme in relationships. Females historically want to know you're in it for the long haul. That's perfectly natural--I'm not saying its wrong, but it also happens to fit in very nicely with the "sefish gene" theory, which states, in part, that females want a secure home and hearth because it is in their best interests to do so.

The second issue is your statements that you had fights, but you always made up. That you "made up" does not diminish the fact that you apparently had serious disagreements. "Making up" does not make those fight okay. It does not diminish their importance, and it also takes a toll over time. They point out something seriously wrong with your relationship. Though you don't say what they were about, you might gain valuable clues by studying what was going on when you had them.

A third issue is not about you, but may help you understand. A long time ago I had a relationship with a wonderful woman. We did not live together, but she agreed to marriage, then disagreed, 'loved' me, then did not. There was a bit of a feeling that she was emotionally superior to me, not that I think that was true, but she thought so, and in these things her thoughts were all that mattered. After several years of back and forth we drifted apart. A few years ago I found her on the Internet. Turns out the intervening years had not been totally kind to her. She had married four times, for example, and her only son had also had marital troubles. As we began discussing our lives and getting back in touch I suddenly came to the realization that it was the same old pattern from years ago. I asked politely and said nice things about her mother. She responded that her mother was bat poop crazy. It was de je vu all ovcer again, so I retreated because I felt I did not need the same drama in my life.

I would suggest that your relationship has the same kind of patterns. Once they develop, they are very difficult to change. So I concur with the other posters here that it is best if you move on as quickly as possible. Move out. Don't look back. Don't keep in contact. Move further away if you can. But get out. It's the easiest thing to do in the long run.

Well I have been through a similar situation this year, only my ex and I were together for 6 years, and he moved out a few months ago. I cried for 6 weeks because I was heartbroken. I have learned a great deal about what I did wrong in the relationship and how it drove him away and my advice is for you to do the same, because whether she ever wants to reconcile or you find your way to someone else, those issues will come up. Better to learn the lessons of the relationship now so you don't make the same mistakes again. Also, sometimes the grass looks greener somewhere else and low and behold, it isn't. I would let her go, remain friends if your heart can tolerate it but not cling (and if she isn't being a bitch to you), and try to get on with your life. You never know what the next few months will bring.I know how hard this is but stay strong and believe in yourself!

reply to post by Daver2056


What you should do is give up...Yup! giving up sounds about right....And once you get over her which should take about 2 days or even way, way, way, way longer, then you should get another girlfriend.

The one you have or had, sounds like she is not a good girlfriend....She called it it quits, and I think deep down on a subconscious level you know you want to hammer the nails in that coffin.

She said nothing happened and I believe her but you know how it is. I love her so much and Im hoping that any day now she will turn around and come back to me.

There are not enough facepalms, words and explanations in creation on the internet to help you understand female speak and how there minds work, and express the fail in that little turnabout. OK actually there is, but it would take to much effort to put all that up or explain things....And really its just not worth understanding.

But listen to the great sage homer and his advice on women and what "nothing" means....I'll give you a clue! it does not mean nothing.

I'm so lost and confused. I haven't eaten or slept since Sunday. What should I do ladies? Move on? Keep trying?

Dude never ask advice on ladies from the ladies.
Because first, they lie about a lot of things and make no sense about the rest.
And second, they believe that they are telling the truth when there telling there truths. And they believe there making sense, even when they don't understand the sense they make.

I begged for three days and it seemed to make her really angry. I need the female perspective on this. Help me out! Do I move on or do I persist on trying.

Most of these type of things is an adherent to the will to power, a female is a perspective on that, and in all that it is there path, and it leads to a dead end in all eventualities...What you have done by begging is show weakness, really bro just consider females much like anything and everything else, infact just think of them like the IRS or politicians and you would get a better grasp on them and there natures.

With your begging you have made it worse, because she was probably looking for reassurances in persisting and carrying her faults and fears to her ends.....And such things are silly and pointless, because when the trials come it will crash trough any walls, like they were made out of paper. But still they believe in it and it holds there world together for it's due time, which only really existed in there heads to begin with.

I would not worry about it bro, you in all likelihood just saved yourself a long time down a painful road...It is all just a matter of timing and synchronicity, and in your relationship both were off the mark....And so consider yourself lucky that it ended now.

Listen it either works on both parts or it does not, if she wants to move on for whatever reasons, even if you don't understand them now, it does not matter.....Like others have said, consider this a learning experience.

And what you have learned is that you need to get a new girlfriend.... Lesson over.

I would agree with the comments about moving on this woman is not for you, and I also agree she most likely already has someone else. I have to disagree with the idea that it is not possible to understand women. Women (the modern woman in particular) is the most lying, disengenious, self-centered, hypergamous creature on God's green earth. Thanks to feminist (feminazi) attrocities today,s female has an hyper-inflated sense of her own importance, and a massive entitlement complex. She has been brainwashed to believe that all her worst desires are the very peak of sainthood, oh yes its true female desire is pure whereas the exact same desire in a man is wrong.
Dont believe me? how about these two examples:
On a recent hot summer I had a sandy, & salty session with a woman in the group I was out with while her husband who was also out with us was in a beachfront bar not fifty feet away. Or the tears (of an ardent, but pretty feminist nurse who used to tell her husband she was on the nightshift so she could spend those nights with me) when I told her I was ending our affair. I very nearly vomitted when I read about you begging, and for all the reasons above never seek relationship advice from women because (altogether now) what they say they want from a man, and what they actually want are two completely different things. From this point on adopt a use em and lose em approach and you will very quickly see that the one thing really hot chicks totally dig is a jerk who is the object of many women,s desires. There is not a woman on the planet who will be willing, or able to admit this but the truth even if unpalatable remains the truth. Let the shrieking of the harpy,s commence.

Kind regards

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


Wow, thanks for that! Love the simpson clip. Things seem to be getting better in the house with her but I think she's just being nice. If I want her I have to try, show her I care and love her. And in the end when its time to move, if she still wants it, then I guess thats it. The way I see it I have 3 months to make her fall in love with me again. I did it once to her in a day. This time will take longer but I think there is hope. I really cant just let it end. But all your comments and suggestions are in my head

Originally posted by Daver2056
Hey guys and gals. Mostly gals cause I would like your opinion.

Im a 27 yr old guy. I had an amazing 2 year relationship with a beautiful woman, She recently decided to break it off with me. She said she wanted to be alone and carefree. This is my first official post so I figured I'd make it a sentimental one. I did all the right moves, we've had our arguments but always made up. Then last Sunday she decided to call it quits out of no where. We still live together so I can save up enough cash to rent a house. Its really hard on my heart and soul right now. Last night was the first night she never came home. She said nothing happened and I believe her but you know how it is. I love her so much and Im hoping that any day now she will turn around and come back to me. I'm so lost and confused. I haven't eaten or slept since Sunday. What should I do ladies? Move on? Keep trying? I begged for three days and it seemed to make her really angry. I need the female perspective on this. Help me out! Do I move on or do I persist on trying.

Sorry I'm not a female but did want to comment.

You are much stronger than me. You can live with her and face all that emotional pain in the soul, I would not be able to withstand it. If you can withstand the pain like you have I think she will come back to you.

A lot of what make a girl want a guy is how mentally strong he is, how well he handles pressure. Simply if I was tolerant enough, much more tolerant than what I was capable of, I could have still had the loving touch of the one who causes me sadness as when I see my ex's that I love the pain is unbearable. It fills my soul and is very heavy, I still can't understand why one single thought can be so excruciating, that you're not wanted. I could have been wanted if I passed the emotional tests, the chance of you hanging in with the understanding that you love her more than anybody will be more of her finding someone more exciting in my opinion.