Guys I have a relationship problem and in dire need of your critics & support

First of all I'm a normal guy, living in Romania, a computer programmer with a good salary ( between very good and medium life standards) - just to cover this part of my background, that had a relationship with a girl for over 3.5 years. I'm 23, and she is 25. Now the story begins.
I met her at a bar in my home town, let's say 3.6 years ago, and i was a little drunk. The only thing that i wanted to do then, of course we are men, i wanted to get in bed with her, but the relationship started like a normal one, i started liking this girl. The first 3 months everything was going ok, until, as in any relationships ( i don't know why we need to have arguments) we started having arguments. Of course I'm saying that the problem of the arguments was her, but you girls who are reading this will say that now, but please believe me she started all the arguments. Because she finished law school and because she is older than me, she went home 150 km( i'm also from that town) away from this town. Now this is the part that the arguments started to get worst.

Why aren't I going home more often? Why do i go out with that group of people ( i need to mention i never cheated her, and i never went out with 1 girl to drink beer and start other relationship ) ? ......... etc etc etc

Of course I said to her, come to my new hometown and stay with me, even though I'm staying with another guy, as a student, and i will take care of everything the expenses for the road, the food, everything. Of course the past months she said no, thus making things worst.

Of course I was the bad guy all the time. The only thing i was asking of her is to try and resolve our problems without arguing with me all the time, and i told her i can't resist if we continue like. She said ok, but she was continuing with the arguments eventually. 3 weeks ago i told her that we are finished and to stop. She didn't even apologized and left me like this. Everything was ok for 5 days until i called her to try to make things better, when i found out that she was going out with a c***suc***. All of her friend ( girls ) that are also my friend finished all relationships with her, and from 3 weeks now i feel like #.

She seems to be happy, I'm happy for her but i;m devastated. I don't ever want to see her again, but the question is :

1. Why does she had to do those things? I wanted to take her to Germany to have a better life there but she wanted me all the time near her.
2. Why are girls so evil? Yes evil this is the correct word.
3. What can i do to forget this feeling?

I'm in this community for 4 years now, and i can talk here freely, asking questions and debating on certain questions, but now I need your help people.

Just so you know, I know we can't debate the WOMAN topic, smarted people tried and didn't managed to come to a result.

P.S. I'm a good looking guys and have an athletic body and everything, just to make you understand sex was no problem in this relationship.

So there you have it: my life for 3 years ( arguing + loads of crap ). Help me with some opinions please. I will be very grateful.

Have a nice evening

I went through pretty much the same, although I was younger. We lived in Spain together and went to school then I moved to Nottingham and the same thing started.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Not all girls are evil, some are evil just as some men are evil. Don't let this destroy your faith in finding a beautiful person because they are out there!

I did everything for this girl and in the end it wasn't enough, you will always meet people like that, either with friends or relationships...

All the best of luck for your future my friend, it does not end here!

It sounds like this was a long distance relationship. Those types of relationships rarely work out. It seems like she didn't want to move to the town you were living in, and you wouldn't move back to the town she was living in. That doesn't make her evil - it doesn't make you evil either.

I would suggest you move on, and meet a nice girl who lives in the same town as you.

Women are the root of all evil (which is why many countries treat women the way they do) and should be approached with the utmost caution.

Have no trust in them until they earn it. That is the approach I take now due to past relationships and having 11 aunts just on my mothers side alone. You get to see how women really can be.

Not having heard her side, there is not much I can say. However one thing is for sure, if she is glad that you finished with her, then you weren't that important to her anyway. You keep saying that it was definitively her that always started the argument. I can't quite believe it. I have been happily married for over 20 years and yes we have argued but the great thing is that both want the same thing, which is to be with the other one. Therefore we have learned to listen and to compromise, both!
It is never just one persons fault when you argue. Obviously something has been winding her up for a long time about you, otherwise why would any human being start an argument?
Just reading your post, I can see selfishness from your side. Maybe when she argued with you, you should have listened what is getting her so angry. Did you ever listen? I don't think you did otherwise you would know why you are separated and she is happy about it.
I know a guy that has treated his wife appallingly for 10 years and when she eventually left, he didn't know why. Because he was selfish and never ever listened.
Women aren't 'evil' by default but you sound a little spoiled. Just remember that women aren't just dolls you can shag and that get annoying if they have an opinion, they are human, have feelings,needs and goals in life.
You obviously weren't a good partner for her. Whilst she was only a good partner when she shut up.
Sorry for not sounding too compassionate but before you get into another relationship you have to look into the mirror for a long time and face your own faults.

Good luck to you both.

reply to post by kimish


Yet the greatest attrocities in the history of mandkind has been caused by MEN, not women.

You are talking chauvanistic RUBBISH.

reply to post by songokudbz

1. Why does she had to do those things? I wanted to take her to Germany to have a better life there but she wanted me all the time near her.

You where not important enough for her. If you where, she would have sacrificed more to be with you. Face it.

2. Why are girls so evil? Yes evil this is the correct word.

They do not think they are evil, or at least do not understand it. But it is due to the inherent brainwashing in this society we live in. For example, they watch a hollywood movie where people meet up in the most dynamic and interesting ways, and where people have perfect, out-of-this world relationships, where the men are heroes and usually do the cutest most unrealistic and romantic things for their women. They come to believe this is how it is "supposed" to be, anything less causes them to be unhappy and eventually break up with normal guys.

3. What can i do to forget this feeling?

You will never forget it, but the feeling will get weaker over time. The time it takes, depends on what person you are. For me, as an example, i still miss the first girl i ever had, although it was 12 years ago now. And every girl since then as well. They will leave permanent scars in your mind and heart.

Facts of life.

Hey buddy, My name is Liz. I really hope that you start feeling better. I have been with my boyfriend for about 3.5 years, and I feel like it is the same story, some days we cannot stand eachother, and on many occasions we have come to the edge of our relationship.

Perhaps that was just her personality, she must have been looking for something different. In the end we all have to decide what it is exactly that we want, and it takes a while to figure out. I am currently 20 and this has been the problem of many of my relationships.

I encourage you to figure out what YOU want. You can't help what SHE wants. If she doesn't want you sometimes it sucks, and it hurts really bad, I KNOW that feeling. But in the end, you can only be with someone if they also want to be with you.

There are 7 billion people on this planet, I garauntee that you will make many more friends, your young! and have a great career going for you! There are plenty of women out there that are perfect for you. I'm willing to bet on it!

Have a better week, and for now focus on making yourself happy!

reply to post by Hecate666


I found that WAY too many people start arguments just to gain attention or "mind games" to see wether the other cares. I had a relationship with a girl like that. Starting arguments over nothing and everything because she needed constant approval.

reply to post by Swizzy


But let me ask you, why is it that men act that way? For the attention/affection of women, right? Men will do just about anything for a women, correct? And aren't women professional manipulators? Put 2 and 2 together my friend.

Men are evil too, don't get me wrong but all throughout history women have been suppressed because why? Because they have the uncanny power to manipulate, right? Manipulation is an evil entity so than in lieu of that, wouldn't a professional manipulator then be evil?

reply to post by kimish


Or a simpler explanation, the never ending thirst for power and wealth.

I'm not sure how you would impress a woman with commiting mass genocide.

Committing mass genocide to gain wealth/power seems more logical, and better documented.

Some men do anything to gain more power and wealth.

In the end its the person committing the attrocities, wether he is trying to impress a woman or not.

reply to post by Swizzy


Yes your right its a lot of people, my boyfriend does that, and at first I thought it was because he was always mad at me, I felt I was always wrong, but infact He just wants to hear me say everything is okay.

Relationships are insane. For real.

arguments started after 3 months only, that should be a hint that things won't work out. From my EXTENSIVE experience, there is a simple conclusion -when you meet someone you either get along well OR you don't really get along. It's that simple and usually you can spot that out from the first 5 minutes of meeting someone. You just got with the wrong girl that's all. I'm actually amazed you spent over 3 years with her wow..

Originally posted by songokudbz


She seems to be happy, I'm happy for her but i;m devastated. I don't ever want to see her again, but the question is :

1. Why does she had to do those things? I wanted to take her to Germany to have a better life there but she wanted me all the time near her.
2. Why are girls so evil? Yes evil this is the correct word.
3. What can i do to forget this feeling?

Take this as constructive critcism man, nothing else. I'm not judging you, I'm just calling it as I see it.

You sound very confused. You're devastated, you never want to see her again, and you want to forget that feeling.

What feeling?

Sounds like you wanted to get her in bed, which you did, but you couldn't handle the rest. You sound like the kind of guy who needs to find a woman with your interests. Sex. There's nothing wrong with using a woman for sex when that's the only thing she wants out of you too. People do it all the time man. You're just not ready to settle down I think, and you don't like that fact. That's all it is. Don't blame her because you're confused.

So she started all the arguments. Why do think that was? Maybe because you didn't agree with anything she said? That's when MY wife starts arguing with ME. And it's been happening alot lately.

In 1982 I was stationed in Germany when I was in the Army and that's when I realized that men are men and women are women the world over. True, they look at sex differntly, more natural, where you are than over here in the states,( at least they DID) but people are all basically the same. You're going through what men your age in Phoenix Az. are going through. It's no big mystery.

Go out and get you some man. Just be careful.

reply to post by Swizzy


Power attracts women, or so most men think.

I have the beliefs that I have because of the fact of growing up with 11 aunts, a sister, having relationships with women. I got to see how women work. It may be ingrained into them but, whatever, I have my beliefs and my beliefs are justified becaused of what I have experienced in my 31 years of life.

My father was killed in a car accident because, get this, my mother was cheating on him so he went out to look for her. He was hit and killed by underage drinkers. Now, let me ask you this, if my mother hadn't cheated on my father would an 11yr old, 4yr old and 3 yr old still have a father? I think so.

reply to post by kimish


I find it hard to follow your logic.

You are describing personality traits that occur in both sexes, yet you seem to ignore one sex completely.

Wanting power, wealth and control are things both sexes want. Some do it by destroying nations others do it by not letting their partner leave the house without an in-depth explanation as of why.

Originally posted by Swizzy
reply to post by Hecate666

 

I found that WAY too many people start arguments just to gain attention or "mind games" to see wether the other cares. I had a relationship with a girl like that. Starting arguments over nothing and everything because she needed constant approval.

starting arguments can be a great strategy to gain approval, only reserved for the most skilled manipulators out there. Wouldn't recommend a beginner to start an argument if he can't play the chess game. Getting a chick angry every once in a while on purpose and then KNOWING how to coax and pamper her to win her back...masterful.Much training you need young padawan.

reply to post by Swizzy


Many men don't allow women to do certain things because of what women are capable of. Call it insecurity on the mens behalf and I would agree.

Now, I am not a woman hater per se but I don't trust women, at all, I have my reasons, as many women have reasons not to trust men but history has shown and even today that women are the master manipulators. Can I get an AMEN on that?

Oh, and my mother is still a cheater. She is seeing a married man right now. I think that scenario has been played over and over since the dawn of man, hence the suppression of women throughout known history and even today. It may be wrong to do so but it is done for a reason.

reply to post by kimish


I am sorry for your loss. I myself lost my father at the age of 7.

However if he had a car accident on the way to a bank would you be demonising banks for the rest of your life? Or the car manufacturer for not making it safer? Or the police for not catching the drunk drivers?

Just like my father your father was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Your negative attitude towards women are heavily fuelled by emotions which makes it very clear that you are not thinking about it in an objective manner.

I'm not trying to attack you or your family in any way, I just want you to realise where your hate is coming from. I'd rather have you not hate an entire gender. Hate is a horrible emotion.

Originally posted by kimish
reply to post by Swizzy

 

But let me ask you, why is it that men act that way? For the attention/affection of women, right? Men will do just about anything for a women, correct? And aren't women professional manipulators? Put 2 and 2 together my friend.

Men are evil too, don't get me wrong but all throughout history women have been suppressed because why? Because they have the uncanny power to manipulate, right? Manipulation is an evil entity so than in lieu of that, wouldn't a professional manipulator then be evil?

edit on 18-12-2011 by kimish because: (no reason given)

Personally, I'd rather be manipulated by a woman, not a man because you're still going to get some in the end. I want what SHE has, not what HE has.

So women are manipulaters. So what? Men are stubborn old goats. What's your point?

On second thought, never mind. I work the graveyard and it's getting late for me. Goodnight all.