Problems with Trust/Trust Issues with Girls

I know this is a conspiracy website but I just wanted to post up a thread regarding trust. I would like to say that I have been living life great being single, I don't have any problems or drama or any of that crap that I have gotten from relationships. My only problem is that I have a hard time trusting chicks when I meet them because I have had a REALLY bad past with girls who have betrayed me in one way or another. I am going with the flow and not really expecting anything but its really hard to let the past go with a lot of pains my ex gfs have caused me, especially my last ex. I just feel like so many new girls out there are there to get me and I have a problem of actually trusting them. I do not know if it is natural but I would like to get feedback from other fellow ATSers.

reply to post by Unvarnished


Don't trust them. Sounds like you've already figured that out. Live with it.

What's the problem here?

reply to post by Unvarnished


I hate to be the one suggesting this but...
Is there an aspect of your personality that either attracts a certain type of woman and/or makes it easier for them to bone you?

Not all women are like that (least i hope not) and nine times out of ten a re-occuring problem is a result of the victims behaviour rather then a string of coincedences.

The odds suggest that much anyway.

Having said all that (wow i use that turn of phrase a lot) I have had similar re-occuring problems myself, and after some sould searching and a considerable amount of time spent alone to ponder i came to the conclusion that i (in the last decade anyway) have been subconciously going for women that would not work out.

I had been intentionally forming relationships that were doomed to fail before i had a chance to get my heart broken.

I'd love to be able to say "damn all those b^%$#s, they all suck" but thats usually not the case.

Sorry for being a downer.

Originally posted by Raivan31

Is there an aspect of your personality that either attracts a certain type of woman

Similar thoughts myself. If you allow yourself to be victimized and taken advantage of by people, you will be. Maybe you could work on how you present yourself and come across to other people, and the ways in which you interact with them. Be dominant, but not rude or mean. If something bothers you, make it known. In general though, just try to recognize other people's personality traits and know when there may be a problem in the future. That way you can avoid it. Be careful with people, but recognize when you have a good thing.

Stop going after "chicks" and look for a real woman!

But yes, regaining trust in people after being betrayed is very hard. I'm currently going through something similar, although i'm still with the person who has done the betraying. So i can't just ignore this issue so easily.

My advice?

Just move on, try to tell yourself that your distrust is just a result of you feeling bad for yourself. The thing is, people are people, i'm sure you've betrayed someones trust before? We all have, we are only human. Forget about yesterday and try to only live right now.

I know it seems like i'm being harsh, but i try to live by those principles myself. It's not easy because of our ego but it's the right thing to do.

Forgive and forget.

reply to post by Unvarnished






It isn't just girls!! In my circle of friends/aquaintences there are five MEN who have

behaved badly and no girls ( no i'll ammend that behaved outragiously)


Indeed if i wrote a factual book on their lives of lies and deceit every one would say

"not true you made that up. Didn't happen"

reply to post by Unvarnished


Trust me, i've been there. It is extremely tough to really trust anyone. Even more difficult to trust someone with everything you are. Having had a girl cheat on me, and leave me for another man while I was deployed it did great damage to my head. Time and effort does cure it!

You have to become secure with yourself first imo. Once you realize that you are a good person, and that you know what you are capable of, and you can put trust into yourself. Then you can trust others.

Recovering from what can be a very dangerous issue(trust). I now can put confidence in a beautiful girl that treats me great. When I call her, and she doesnt answer I think "I hope she is ok" rather then "what is she out doing...".

Make the effort, work on it, and it will be ok.

reply to post by Unvarnished



Monogamy is obselete. What issue do you have with trust? That a girl will cheat? Big deal. Tell her she can do what she wants. That way you can do what you want. If you have a partner they are stll going to be attracted to others. Why shouldnt she have sex with others? Whats the big deal? Do you really want to have sex with one person for the rest of your life? You should be happy if she gets with some hot guy. If you are open with your partner and encourage them to act on their desires you will not have a trust issue.

reply to post by theovermensch






INTERGRITY........implies honesty, fairness, ethics and moral character



dosen't seem to be much of it around

Originally posted by eletheia
reply to post by theovermensch

 

INTERGRITY........implies honesty, fairness, ethics and moral character

dosen't seem to be much of it around

The reason that we want our partners to be faithful is because we are insecure and jealous. If your partner hooked up with an attractive member of the opposite sex you should be happy for them. Why wouldnt you be? See that is pure love. Unrequited love.

It works if you are in love or not but especially when you are in love. People have desires. We should act on them. We should encourage our partners to act on their desires.

There is nothing more honest and ethical than that.

reply to post by theovermensch




Does self control play no part in your life??

If you see something belonging to someone else and like it do you just take it??

I think you are more insecure and juvenile when you go through life without considering

the feelings of others!! and it's just me, me, me, I want, I want, like a two year old who

has not learnt any bounderies or self control and simply throws a tantrum and his/her

dummy out of the pram!!

Integrity plays a huge part in MATURITY.....................

Originally posted by eletheia
reply to post by theovermensch

 

Does self control play no part in your life??

If you see something belonging to someone else and like it do you just take it??

I think you are more insecure and juvenile when you go through life without considering

the feelings of others!! and it's just me, me, me, I want, I want, like a two year old who

has not learnt any bounderies or self control and simply throws a tantrum and his/her

dummy out of the pram!!

Integrity plays a huge part in MATURITY.....................

Im not saying that I would think its fine to get with someone that is in a relationship. But at the same time I dont think people belong to people. And I dont think we should have self control. We should we? We should not be ashamed of what we desire. We should not feel threatened by what our partners desire.

If we encourage each other to act on our desires it will set us free. That is total trust. It is a pure love.

Originally posted by eletheia
reply to post by theovermensch

 

Does self control play no part in your life??

If you see something belonging to someone else and like it do you just take it??

I think you are more insecure and juvenile when you go through life without considering

the feelings of others!! and it's just me, me, me, I want, I want, like a two year old who

has not learnt any bounderies or self control and simply throws a tantrum and his/her

dummy out of the pram!!

Integrity plays a huge part in MATURITY.....................

Very well said!

God I seriously get down in this modern age and peoples selfish actions, no wonder the world is a mess!

Originally posted by theovermensch

Originally posted by eletheia
reply to post by theovermensch

 

Does self control play no part in your life??

If you see something belonging to someone else and like it do you just take it??

I think you are more insecure and juvenile when you go through life without considering

the feelings of others!! and it's just me, me, me, I want, I want, like a two year old who

has not learnt any bounderies or self control and simply throws a tantrum and his/her

dummy out of the pram!!

Integrity plays a huge part in MATURITY.....................

Im not saying that I would think its fine to get with someone that is in a relationship. But at the same time I dont think people belong to people. And I dont think we should have self control. We should we? We should not be ashamed of what we desire. We should not feel threatened by what our partners desire.

If we encourage each other to act on our desires it will set us free. That is total trust. It is a pure love.

edit on 18-12-2011 by theovermensch because: typo

edit on 18-12-2011 by theovermensch because: typo

Pure Love is letting your partner go around taking there pants off for anyone they take a fancy too?

Seriously, if that is pure Love I want nothing to do with it! in my opinion it is no different to acting like an animal! I thought we were a little further along the evolutionary chain than to be still acting like animals and humping everything in sight every chance we get, disregarding what implications it has on others and even ourselves!

It may work for you but to me, it's ridiculous!

... and as for encouraging each other to act on our desires to set us free? seriously, one of the most stupid things i've ever read!

reply to post by theovermensch




Typical view of someone who wants to 'have their cake and eat it!' But your'e right no one

'belongs' to anyone else. However to freely and with out question turn their back on

temptation,what does that say about their 'character' and how much they 'value' and 'respect'

the other person and the relationship that they are both in?


Surely the VALUE of any relationship is the knowledge that each have, that no matter who,

where, what and why the other is committed to YOU and NOT interested in the quick fix of an

ego boost or temporary saitiation of lust.

The lighter one takes a relationship, the LESS one puts into that relationship, the LESS

respect one shows for the other. The MORE that person themself DEVALUES it.

It's of no supprise to me that relationships these days do not last it's the selfish "ME I WANT

IT NOW" I,I,I, ME, ME, ME, attitude.


To have ANY duribility there needs to be more SELFLESS than SELFISH One

always values most what has been hardest won!!


Your views make me think you are a hormonal teenager??

He can say it better than I can right now:

I always find it funny when people have a lifestyle they think will work for everyone. That's why I like living in America. It gives me the chance to see that all my polyamorous friends are as happy, well adjusted and screwed up as monogamous people like me.
On the subject I would have to say a recurring problem would be your choices. I would( and did) read a book on boundaries. It's a great way to establish limits with people without being demanding. The soul searching comment is great advice.

reply to post by Unvarnished


At some point, you have to put some trust out there, if you EVER hope to be in a relationship. It's as simple as that really. It's like putting a steak on an unlit grill and expecting it to cook. Without the fire, nothing happens....same with trust and relationships.

You simply have to man up and put it out there again...knowing full well your heart could get stomped on all over again. Funny thing, the human heart...it takes a licking and keeps on ticking....

Good luck...

After sixty four years of experience with the opposite sex I have come to the absolute conclusion they are NOT trustworthy. Not simply in a relationship but as fellow travelers.
To the best of my knowledge, the word " Honor " has never been utilized in reference to females.
Women don't trust women why on earth would I ? This does not however exclude one from having a relatively decent intimate relationship. Females [ regardless of what they say ] are genetically inclined to seek a mate who is able to provide and protect. When involved with a female they WILL test your resolve, prior to a full on commitment. Bare in mind all of these inherent female trivialities are easily overcome with a HUGE BANK ACCOUNT !

Here's the kicker. I wouldn't be wanting to take care of someone elses child if I was with somebody. The best way to go is by being friends or just strictly dating. No commitments what so ever. Don't get involved in love, just have some fun together. That's what I'm doing right now. I do have problems with trust too if I'm in a serious relationship. I know it's bad but sometimes I wish I can get rid of that paranoia.

Here's what I think you should do. Don't trust anybody, and take care of yourself, and don't take anything serious. You'd be doomed if you do. Monogamy is falling apart as I noticed.

I don't like when guys are just searching to only have just sex, in my mind there's something wrong with that. But what do I do if I have temptations? I still watch porn, or use toys to release the tension.