Atheists: How do you reconcile your views with your lifestyle choices?

Hey everyone,

To start, I'll tell you that I am an atheist. I was born and raised Christian, but when I was around 19 I finally admitted that I didn't believe that anymore, and about 2 years ago made the inevitable jump from agnostic to atheist. I've always defined myself as a very objective, logical thinker. I'm generally very reasonable, and I'm one of the few people I know who, when finding evidence that contradicts what I believe, I really do question my beliefs and change them if the new evidence is enough. Lately, I've been having a few experiences that have given me a serious case of cognitive dissonance. I'll tell you now about a scene that I witnessed last night at a party.

Some coworkers and I were having a sort of belated Thanksgiving bbq at one of our places (we're all foreigners living in another country at the moment.) I'm somewhat new to the place where we all currently work. Another coworker showed up that I'd only met once or twice -- charming, handsome guy with good manners. He shook everyones hands, and they asked him what he'd been up to that day so far. I knew from other people that he was engaged. He very nonchalantly says "Oh, had a mistress over this morning. After that, went to the tea market and after that grocery shopping." I thought this a little strange, but I figured he might be joking. He then proceeds to tell us "Yeah, but I really need some antibiotics, I got another case of the (STD symptom) going on at the moment." One of my coworkers casually told him he might know a place where he can find some. It became evident to me that he wasn't joking about the mistress. He then started talking to another coworker of mine about the time that they "got that bottle of jack and banged those prostitutes." He went further to very politely invited some of us to come over to his place sometime because he still has some morphine left. I was also invited to do another hard drug that night. Everyone else basically has had similar experiences to this guy -- they have regular one-night stands -- even the ones with girlfriends. Nobody seems to have any problems with drugs, prostitutes, or really anything at all.

Now, here's where the dissonance comes in: The rational, logical part of me is screaming that those things don't matter -- as long as their girlfriends/wives know about the other women, they're not lying or cheating anybody. The drugs -- what they choose to do to their own bodies is their own business, and "It's wrong because it's illegal" is an absurd argument. The prostitutes? They're paying for it, and the women are willing. Who am I to say that it's wrong? But the other part of me -- the part of me that's never cheated on a woman, never done any hard drugs, and would never pay for a prostitute was thinking "WTF is wrong with these guys? I've got to get out of here!" The worst part is that EVERYONE in this city seems to be the exact same way! I feel like I'm the one who's crazy for not behaving the same way as them -- maybe I'm just a naive boy and this is how real men all behave. I don't know. At the moment, I really just don't know.

So, my question is this: Atheists, how do you reconcile your beliefs with your lifestyle? Where do your morals come from? I have a moral code that I follow which I believe is very sound, but I run into these situations where I feel that things are wrong for no real, rational reason....but I do feel that they're wrong! Does anyone else have the same dilemma? How do you deal with it?

A person doesn't have to be Christian, Muslim, Jewish, etc. to have morality and honor.
The inverse of that can be said also.

Don't fall for the lies and stereotypes that atheists are amoral hedonists with no respect for anything.

you mistakenly believe that morals are derived from religious beliefs...

morals are what is right and wrong... it doesn't change if you a Hindu or a Jew or a Shinto or a Christian, or an atheist.

i am a highly moral person, i do not believe or follow ANY religion or religious teaching.

Originally posted by CaDreamer
you mistakenly believe that morals are derived from religious beliefs...

morals are what is right and wrong... it doesn't change if you a Hindu or a Jew or a Shinto or a Christian, or an atheist.

What is the standard by which right and wrong are measured?

Having a brilliant mind does not mean that one cannot be led into deception. It has happened time and time again. That being said, although some of the greatest minds in history may not have been led to Christ they also were not dull enough to claim to be atheists. Atheism seems to be what college students and alcoholic pseudo-intellectuals claim to believe in. Accomplished thinkers, although not being led to Christ, understand that they will never know enough about the universe to exclude God.

edit:
Those who believe themselves to be moral are seriously lacking in self knowledge and the definition of moral.

Originally posted by micmerci

Originally posted by CaDreamer
you mistakenly believe that morals are derived from religious beliefs...

morals are what is right and wrong... it doesn't change if you a Hindu or a Jew or a Shinto or a Christian, or an atheist.

What is the standard by which right and wrong are measured?

Society, culture, your peers, your spouse, etc.

Screw around enough, eventually your wife will leave you, or shoot you.

Besides, look at the church and it's wonderful morals, and all those poor molested boys.
Religion has nothing to do with morals.
Seriously.

This is interesting.

I'm an atheist, born and raised a muslim, did a bit of research, got into a bit of trouble for questioning, atheist by 25 or so.

I think your story is grounds for an excellent study. Let's assume that everyone there are atheists- to keep it simple.

I think the whole point of atheism is to make your own decisions / draw your own lines, instead of having one put on you.

You feel that what they are doing is "wrong", but what is more disturbing is that they feel its "right", and being atheists, they are allowed that.

You find it difficult to feel they have the right to feel what they do is acceptable perhaps?
But that would be as difficult as theists trying to accept your disbelief in allah/jesus/yahweh etc.

I think this would be the relationship:

Theists ----------wtf?------->You ---------wtf?-------> drug n' whorin guys ----------wtf?-------> pedos?

Sit down with a religous person and just talk about atheism and you would make them feel as how your coworkers made you feel i suppose.

Gonna get my coffee. Ciao.

reply to post by micmerci


the law, human decency, family tradition but mostly just wanting to be a good and worthy person. my incentive? my children must never look upon me without respect. i can only earn that respect by one route, example.

there are many good proverbs and nuggets within religions no disrespect meant. Jesus even described people like me.

people though not having the law, being a law unto themselves.

Even though some religious people won't admit it, religion has nothing to do with their moral compass. A lot of thetime their moral compass dictates what religion they'll follow

Originally posted by snowspirit

Originally posted by micmerci

Originally posted by CaDreamer
you mistakenly believe that morals are derived from religious beliefs...

morals are what is right and wrong... it doesn't change if you a Hindu or a Jew or a Shinto or a Christian, or an atheist.

What is the standard by which right and wrong are measured?

Society, culture, your peers, your spouse, etc.

Screw around enough, eventually your wife will leave you, or shoot you.
Seriously.

None of the above mentioned are a standard. These morals vary from culture to culture. Some cultures allow multiple sexual partners, some condone honor killings, etc.
So, the question remains- what is the standard of right and wrong? What is the measuring stick, if you will?

your measuring stick will vary in size from culture to culture, city to city.

the death penalty for example and its legality or illegality in different nations

Originally posted by CaDreamer
you mistakenly believe that morals are derived from religious beliefs...

morals are what is right and wrong... it doesn't change if you a Hindu or a Jew or a Shinto or a Christian, or an atheist.

i am a highly moral person, i do not believe or follow ANY religion or religious teaching.

Do you really believe that?

Morals are very different between religions, and even cultures. Muslims have no problem degrading women, as it's not a 'woman's religion'; they are treated as objects. Christians, on the other hand (note; true Christians. I don't care if you don't like hearing that word; there's a difference between Culturual Muslims and Radical Muslims, and there's a difference between "hurr God hates gays" Christians and TRUE Christians), have the highest standards of moralities. Just look at Jesus; he was perfect. The ultimate pacifist.

Believe it or not, if you donate to the poor, help out the homeless, have the HIGHEST morals you could possibly have; whether you admit it or not, you still have righteous and Godly traits.

And please stop using that word, "Religion". People use it in the wrong sense.

reply to post by CaDreamer

Maybe I am not phrasing my question properly? How do we know what is right and what is wrong? Is it that whatever is right for me is right or is it that whatever is right for someone else is right? Is it that everyone should do as they see fit?

reply to post by Lionhearte


you are answered in the post above your question.

reply to post by micmerci

None of the above mentioned are a standard. These morals vary from culture to culture. Some cultures allow multiple sexual partners, some condone honor killings, etc. So, the question remains- what is the standard of right and wrong? What is the measuring stick, if you will?

They vary from religion to religion also.
My measuring stick is what I said before, society, peers, the culture I live in.
I don't know of any other way to measure morality. We're taught right from wrong by those people closest to us.

There are things that are right and fine in North America, but in the Mid East, in certain places, women would be arrested for even driving a car, or showing too much hair.

Honour killings are good and proper in certain areas of the Mid East but are illegal here.

reply to post by snowspirit


So where did those closest to us learn it? I am not endorsing a religion, I am purporting the existence of God. Right from wrong, if it is observed today, had to originate from somewhere. I assert that it began with God. Where do atheists assert that right from wrong was originated from? Who taught man the difference?

reply to post by micmerci


Society dictates what is right and wrong...not religion or a belief.

If people were born without morals....how have we evolved to the place we are today?? If only being religious blessed you with these traits how comes we were not wiped out long before religion was invented??

Murder is wrong, you dont have to be religious to know taking someones life is wrong. If non believers arent born with morals how do you explain the society we live in today??

reply to post by micmerci


For society to not fall apart in anarchy everywhere, there has to be rules.
The reason I don't think religion had anything to do with it, is because of things like the crusades ( forcing people to be Christian), and the witch burnings, and more recent times - all the churches misdoings.
Religion judges people very harshly, ignoring their own teachings.
Too many things, religion has done wrong.

Plus in the past, and still in some cultures, there's the blood sacrifices (animals) to the gods.

reply to post by Herman


I would have to say that I live by the old golden rule 'treat others as you wish to be treated'. I try to be blind when it comes to race or religion. I figure there are enough people out there hating each other for no good reason they don't need me joining in. It has nothing to do with religion it's just a matter of respecting each other.

Originally posted by loves a conspiricy
reply to post by micmerci

 

Society dictates what is right and wrong...not religion or a belief.

If people were born without morals....how have we evolved to the place we are today?? If only being religious blessed you with these traits how comes we were not wiped out long before religion was invented??

Murder is wrong, you dont have to be religious to know taking someones life is wrong. If non believers arent born with morals how do you explain the society we live in today??

Your assertions do not follow logically and certainly do not represent atheistic conjecture.
1. Society dictates right and wrong- which society? Eastern? Western?
2. "If people were born without morals..." If you are stating that people are born with morals instilled in them, then that argument lends credence to intelligent design. Because if we are just the product of evolution, then nothing of any moral value is instilled in us at birth.