please someone help me.

reply to post by ErroneousDylan


There's nothing you have told us that isn't normal, which believe it or not is nice to hear. Life is unfolding as it should.

Forget the destination, enjoy the journey and feel no guilt when departing those who take with such disconcern for another's feelings. What a coward(ess).

And most important, this is YOUR UNIVERSE and YOU are God. Excluding the odd miracle you'd be amazed what can happen when you look at things from The Creator's point of view.

OP states:

It was ridiculous how in love we were. Now, I try talking to her, just seeking answers, and she talks to me as if she is a stranger.

Ya, I feel for your loss. It hurts... there's no denying that. And it may be something that you carry for the rest of your life, in one form or another. What I mean is that the memory will linger, but the pain of it will subside and convert into just a distant memory - probably in a few years total.

This is my take on it:

Be it as it may, the one thing that helps is the say to yourself: "it's her loss". You are a person - valuable and worthy in your own right. Don't lose site of that.

Which brings me to the next point- when ppl fall in love- many times they are under a delusion that "the other person completes me". This is a fallacy and a trap. This line of thinking puts unrealistic expectations and pressures in the relationship. Eventually the relationship will sink from it's own weight. It may not seem like it when you are in the middle of it, but over time it will... guaranteed.

So what then? You get attracted to a girl. See that girl as complimenting you, as an addition. She is Not completing you - like you are merely a half, and she is the other half.

I hope that this makes sense, and hope that it helps.

reply to post by ErroneousDylan


As hard as this may seem you have this experience because you have lessons that need to be learned. This is when and how wisdom is gained to carry you through life.

Dogs and good vodka are better companions my freind.

Here we have a 69 year old Real welshdragon, who has lived ,loved and married all over this fantastic world. I can say with a degree of confidence that I still do not understand women or even myself when It comes to relationships. When I was a young man falling in love almost every day was simple, getting over the event was never simple. It,s like asking someone who it hitting his head against a brick wall. Why are you doing that? Answer. It feels good when I stop. Why we do it in the first place, we need to love and be loved. As we get older and hopefully wiser our relationships are decided more on life experiences past and present and we stop before we leap.
My second wife and I lived together for eight years before tying the knot. They were the best years of my life.Then the wedding and all hell opened up. After two years we called it a day and went our separate ways. Every morning for the next two years I would wake up having dreamed about her. Then one winters morning it stopped and never happened again. For the first time in four years I was truly happy again.
So what am I trying to say to you. As we travel through life we change and the world changes with us. Hang in there it will get better again.

reply to post by ErroneousDylan


Hang in there bud. I know it's rough now, but it will get better. I notice you started this around Thanksgiving. Hopefully you've moved on by now. If not, trust me, you will. I'm 47 and I've been around more than a few blocks so I can tell you from experience that you'll get over this. You didn't mention it in your thread, but if this was your first love then it's going to be harder still. Been there done that. It's been 32 years out for me now and I still think about her from time to time. There's just no avoiding that I think. But as they say, time and distance make the heart grow fonder. I know that its no consolation now, it's just another useless cliche', but it is true. You're only 19 so you have no choice but to think about your future. You have to get over this one. There are going to be other women and you don't want them signing this song to you, because it'll make you look like a putz and you'll never be able to keep another woman for very long.

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If it helps, the one thing I've learned is that love, or infactuation, doesn't care who you are, where you are, where you've been or what else you're going through in life. It seems to be above all that. It doesn't care what you do for a living. Or her for that matter. It doesn't care whether you can do anything about it at the time or not. If it wants you it's going to get you and you're going to have to deal with it. It's either going to sink its claws into you or give you pair of wings so you can fly with it. It can be a heartless son of a bitch or it can be your best friend. Sometimes it can be both wrapped up in one confusing package.

If it's any consolation, what you said in your post was impressive in that you wore your heart on your sleeve. You may be only 19, but it takes a real man to do something like that. And whether you realize it or not, you started whatever kind of healing process you need by venting through your post the way you did. You mentioned that when she picked up her things she talked to you like you were a stranger. It sounds to me like you're handling this in a more mature way than she is simply because you're communicating directly and honestly.

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Don't hold it against her though because not everyone is at the same place at the same time all the time, if you know what I mean. Again, love, or infactuation, doesn't care where you both are at the time. If it wants you, it'll find you. Give her time. Hopefully she'll get to the point where she can communicate as easily as you can. If you truely love her, or if you have this feeling in your gut that she's "The One", you'll wait for as long as it takes.

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You did make one mistake that I can see though. You went into all this thinking that she was your soul mate. That's knd of like the theory of love at first sight to me I learned a long time ago that that animal doesn't exist in this zoo. Lust at first sight? Definately. Love at first sight? I don't think so. Love is something that you have to work for and at. Is there such a thing as fate? I believe so, but even if fate presents itself, you and her both have to do the leg work. If for any other reason to see if it is fate or not. It may just be a passing fancy, but you're never going to know until you talk it through. You have to act on it and talk about it. Communicate. God only helps those who help themselves. He can't do it all on his own and neither can we. It takes two to tango love.

There you go kid. Advice from a man who's been though some things and is still going through "things". I've been all over and it's been all over me, so I just thought I'd share some of my insight to someone who asked for it. If you're still not over her, crank this one up to 15. It's helped me in the past, maybe it can help you too.

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(Studio version's better if you can find it)

Going to the business boards now. Gotta keep your head in the game.

It's threads like these that make me realize there are quite a few caring individuals at ATS.

People will always let you down, in big or small ways. This was definitely a big way. Most of us that posted could probably say something very similar happened to them.

Would you really want somebody that was capable of doing that to you? No, you deserve better and please know that you should love yourself. If you don't find yourself lovable others will sense that and it is not conducive to drawing people towards yourself.

I hope you find someone you will never let you down and always be there for you - that would be God. He loves you more than anyone else ever could, even your mom and dad. When you know this love you will begin to love yourself and get over this relationship faster, too, as its will be replaced with something awesome.

You obviously have a lot of love in your heart, so why would you take that gift away from the world? You have a long life ahead of you and there will be another love in your life, probably several more! It hurts to lose someone you care about but now you are free to do things that you enjoy and potentially meet that special person that is just right for you and will stick around. Love hits you when you least expect it so get out there and keep all that love you have for someone who deserves it.

Hey kiddo, hopefully you're doing alright, its been a few months since you started this thread, and I hope everything is looking good right now. My ex dumped me last year, and my God I can tell you I feel so great man. I've been holding off on my own for almost a year now and life is freaking awesome. It's really cool once you actually get to know yourself, and how well you cope with being alone. In the end, you just have to let the past go, wish the person you cared about the most a happy health, and do not look back. The only way out now is to move forward. Allow yourself to feel everything, do not bottle up your emotions, it will only come back to bite you in the butt. Hahahah, in the end man, you gotta just look at life and be grateful that you are still breathing.