Iam Cursed?

All my life I have been one of those good guys. The one who actually takes the time to get to know a girl, remembers the things she says she likes and dislikes...Recently I have developed a relationship with a girl. She has been single for months now after being in a 3 year relationship with a guy who just wasn't "boyfriend" material she says.

I have met her family, and have been warmly welcomed, her mother even came out and said to me I feel so good when shes with you I don't have to worry about her anymore. I give her nothing but compassion and care. The most messed up thing about this whole scenario is that at first before we officially became an item, I did not even want to be seen with her or even show my affection toward her in public. But now I have grown an attachment.

We have been together for about 2 months now..the first month was a steady progression of seeing each other ALOT. But recently in the past couple weeks she says to me I think we need a little break. Iam understanding and caring for her so I agree upon this. Days after she starts acting sketchy and I catch her in lies. this bothers me tremendously I. I felt betrayed and abandoned....


We eventually speak face to face and she finally admits to me I way I have been acting is all because I need time to get over my ex boyfriend. She tells me she can not be with him her family does not want that and neither does she. I feel like Im being taken advantage of? I can not wait wait and wait... while im in constant worry and wonder whats shes doing this feeling is soo terrible i can not even begin to explain.

I am nothing but good to her and she tells me all the time how her mother is like ...hes got this and hes like that and hes so nice you better not mess this up.


I realize it takes time to just move on after a 3 year relationship but I do not know what to do to comfort her without getting jealous about who and what shes doing I feel so vulnerable i don't know why?

I could go on and on about how seeking balance is the best route.

But instead I would like to share with you a very interesting book that my wife got me to read with her as a group effort. It was very rewarding and beneficial to our relationship.

Keep in mind that not everything in this material is perfectly correct, and room for personal interpretation is allowed.

The way my wife and I read this, was a paragraph or two at a time. We then discussed that section together and talked about what ideas it brought up, and discuss other peoples situations and our own situation. This proved to be extremely powerful in building our relationship towards a more positive situation.

Also, keep in mind that no relationship is perfect, there are always conflicts and issues, and everyone must make concessions in order to find common ground to negotiate their way through the problems and conflicts that we all face as human beings in our relationships with each other. This applies to more than just romance, and can be applied to every facet of our society.

Real Time Relationships

I implore everyone to look into this and consider the points made within the text and to think about it deeply.

Some conspiracy..Sorry to hear about the BS. You kinda sound like a rebound for the parents and girl? You guys kids or something? But I think you should DO your thing, don't wait for some GIRL that might not come through. I was in a similar situation and in the long run you will find out ALL girls are CRAZY and EVIL NO matter how much you like/love her, or how your charming, polite,nice, and how much her parents like YOU, it doesn't MATTER..Sounds hard but you need to MOVE ON, get laid a couple times, and you will be fine. , Your girl is out there, don't worry..

reply to post by DieSektor


I personally don't know you....but I do care. You have opened up to the ATS community and shared a very private part of your life...so now we all know you...just a little bit.

From what I have read.....you are an ideal partner...any woman would be fortunate to be your gal.

However....I think your current girlfriend is still too hurt from her very recent failed relationship. I don't think she is ready for you...as yet.

I suggest you give her all the space she needs...go about your business....and be a good friend...without the jealousy.

reply to post by DieSektor


You're the rebound guy.

Unless you get the ex completely out of the picture, i.e. no further contact...it will constantly be an issue until she's really over it. You can't beat history.

Hate to say it, but she's likely trying to get back with her ex. if she doesn't recognize what she's got, let her go have it, you don't need her.

I've been in that same situation a few times, and I'm glad I let each one of them go back to their own misery. In most cases, things had not changed and they got the same crap they were used to, left him again, and then wanted to come back to me, the nice guy, but too late.

reply to post by DieSektor
I am afraid I have to tell you an ugly truth because I firmly believe it will be helpfull to you. There is unfortunately a type of girl that is attracted to the badboy, they are usually younger, and often, very attractive, and winsome. This all to common disorder of the female mind is known as hypergamy; let us examine your post one paragraph at a time for any traces of this condition:
para 1; Why would she not appreciate a guy who cares about what she likes, and how she feels (hypergamy ?)

para 2; Mother feels good when her daughter is with you (it is likely her mother knows exactly what sort of guy her daughter is attracted to possibly because she was/is like that herself) because she knows her daughter is safer with you than the other guy. Parents approval of you means that you do not represent a rebellion in her eyes therefore you are less attractive than a cad that is not approved of (hypergamy ?)

para 3; She is saying she wants to take a little break. This is a prelude to her dumping you because she is not attracted to a guy that treats her decently (hypergamy?) you also say you catch her in lies [major red flag].

para 4; She needs to get over her ex. She is not over him she is still very much attracted to him, her family dont want her to be with him (one more reason she wants him back) and neither does she, this is also most likely a lie (hypergamy?)

para 5; You are nothing but good to her, and her mother likes you, yet she is not responding in kind (hypergamy?).

A hypergamous girl/woman is attracted to men of higher status than she percieves in her self it could be looks, money, or the fact that other women find him attractive. You basically have two choices become that badboy she finds so hot, or get out of there now while you still have your dignity. The truth even if unpalatable remains the truth.

Best wishes



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Originally posted by Gazrok
reply to post by DieSektor

 

You're the rebound guy.

Unless you get the ex completely out of the picture, i.e. no further contact...it will constantly be an issue until she's really over it. You can't beat history.

Hate to say it, but she's likely trying to get back with her ex. if she doesn't recognize what she's got, let her go have it, you don't need her.

I've been in that same situation a few times, and I'm glad I let each one of them go back to their own misery. In most cases, things had not changed and they got the same crap they were used to, left him again, and then wanted to come back to me, the nice guy, but too late.

edit on 21-11-2011 by Gazrok because: (no reason given)

Damnit, you beat me to it

Good answer man

Her ex has nothing to do with this, so don't even factor him into the situation. Focus on her--yes her, the typical bucket of psychological destruction that just happens to attach itself to whatever female you're obsessed with--she's a waste of time. With or without an infatuation with th ex, she is still going to disappoint you. She's one of those people who just don't know how to recognize a good opportunity or protect it or nourish it; in other words, she's a normal woman. I suspect that you knew this before you ever became attached, but once you knew you had somewhat of a chance to become a greater part of her life, you took it. Prepare for infinite disappointment, in one way or another, for so long as you continue to maintain any emotional attachment to this person.

Wow I am reading everything I was expecting but did not want to hear. thank you all. Fresh perspectives keep my mine nourished now its my time, not to be a doorman but to walk away and perhaps she will get her head out of her ass

Upon all other problems in my life I start to realize how this world can overcome a man, This world overrates us. Fate is a cruel joke but everyday above ground I take that as a victory.