LGBTuesday #1 - Why are all the gay guys so effeminate?

Today's question comes from a U2U that I assume since it was a U2U, The person does not want their name disclosed.
Why are all the gay guys so effeminate?
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I find this question simple, but also equally interesting.
Many straight people think that gay men are effeminate because the ones they MEET are effeminate. There are MANY of us out there, in fact, according to a study:

The average estimates were that 21% of men are gay and 22% of women are lesbians. In fact, roughly a quarter of the public thinks more than 25% of men and 25% of women are homosexual. It should be pointed out, too, that many Americans (at least one in six) could not give an estimate.

You see, we are not all "Glitter and rainbows everywhere", in fact, very few of us are that way. Saying so is like saying all straight woman are proper and prim, while all men are butch and curly. According to this study, at LEAST one in every 5 people you meet on average, has some homosexual feeling that they have acted upon at one point or another. The reason so many people think that:

Gay = Girly

Is because thats the type you MEET. When I meet sombody, the first thing I say is not "Hi, im gay"' No! the first thing I do is say my name, what im doing at the moment, what im doing that weekend, my intrests, and maybe, in the course of our conversation I will mention that I am gay.

Example: I walk up to a lady, and she is picking up parts of her purse that fell out. I stop and help her, and she invites me to have a drink at the coffee shop. I agree, and we talk over coffees. I talk about myself, and she talks about her, untill finally I mention that I am doing somthing with my boyfriend this weekend.

This above example has never happened, but you get the point. For many of us, gay is not us. We are not "Your gay friend" or "The gay guy", we are "Your smart friend" or "That hipster guy". Most the time in fact, when I mention that I am gay, I get shocked faces, No joke, people can NOT TELL untill I say it.

Also, not all effeminate men are gay!! There is this thing called "Metrosexual" where a guy, straight as a plank, likes traditionaly female things.

Fun fact: Did you know most cross dressers are straight?

So, to answer this question simply:

Q. Why are all the gay guys so effeminate?
A. We are not, just the ones you can tell are gay are. Gays come in many shapes and sizes, and to say that gays are effeminate is like saying that all straight men sit on the couch drinking beer watching football when they are off of work.


I need questions!!! PM me your questions about LGBT issues, LGBT life, LGBT news, ect. They will be greatly appreciated!!!!!!
INCLUDE IF YOU WANT YOUR NAME PUBLISHED

Good answer.
All effeminate men are not gay.
All gay men are not effeminate.

To the person that asked the question... It is called stereotyping, and it isn't an intelligent way to go about life.

Very good idea for a thread.

I'll be tuning in to see what I can learn about myself and others.

Originally posted by Evanzsayz
reply to post by darkredfish

 

Well that's 21% we can do without.

Why is that?

Not flaming you, justing looking to learn something.

Originally posted by Evanzsayz
reply to post by darkredfish

 

Well that's 21% we can do without.

It really isn't.
If you think gays are not important, that they are disposable.. why dont you take a look at this website.

List of famous gay people - This is just a FEW, more complete lists can be found online

Read this and you will see that many homosexuals where VERY important in history and culture.
Here is a few:

Julius Caesar
Emily Dickinson
Sir Isaac Newton
Socrates
Rosie O'Donnell
Alexander the Great

Still 21% we can do without?

Good post, OP. It reminds me of my college years when I took a class called The Psychology of Prejudice.

The professor invited a bunch of guys to come in and speak. All us girls were going ga-ga over these guys, they were so handsome, dressed so sharp, and breathtakingly buff.

The topic of the day was "Gay Stereotyping", and these were spokesmen from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance. I would never have known these guys were gay until I was told, and neither did the rest of the class.

I wish this story had a happy ending, but it didn't. The male segment of the class quickly degenerated into insults and disgusting questions regarding the guest's preferences regarding how they like to "take it".

It was then that I realized that most guys are insecure in their masculinity and this is the root of their homophobia.

reply to post by FissionSurplus


Yes, it seems so. This is also why guys call getting a girl in bed "Scoring" and make everything into a compitition, they want to be top dog, all the time.

I am used to being insulted after people know I am gay, and Im sure the other men did too.
How did they react or do you remember?

Regarding homophobia, I've never had any fear of gay men. ( for the record, I am a straight male )

I don't figure that any of them would want to have sex with me anymore than I would want to have sex with a lesbian. If that doesn't make sense to anyone, it is probably because I don't want to have sex with someone that isn't attracted to me, so I guess that others might feel the same way.

reply to post by butcherguy


Yes, why would we want to have sex with sombody that is trying to escape the whole time? xD
Also, straight men think in terms of SEX. Gay men, we want love and compainionship, and sex comes as an afterthought (In a real relationship, im not saying clubbers think this way.) Straight men don't love other men, so it just doesn't work.

Originally posted by butcherguy
Good answer.
All effeminate men are not gay.
All gay men are not effeminate.

To the person that asked the question... It is called stereotyping, and it isn't an intelligent way to go about life.

Very true. I've met rough, tough gay guys that I've worked with before, and I've met some very girly men. Some of the straight men that I've met are way more effeminate than me, a straight woman. And I'm no where near butchy, just mildly tom-boyish.

I've also noticed, just from the few gay guys that I've met, some of the manliest gay guys often don't like women at all. Some of them really hate women, with a passion.

The more effeminate gay guys seem to like women more as friends. Maybe we have more in common.
Or they're just much nicer....
They're very easy to be friends with.

You totally cannot tell, but if I come across a very manly man, brutish type, that is overly rude and disrespectful to women, that's when my gaydar goes off. Normally I don't care, but I was beat up once by a man like this. Thankfully, another friend of mine came to my rescue. He had issues with women. I avoid this type of person, they're mean.

Just observations.

reply to post by snowspirit


Yes, My ex-boyfriend HATED woman. He didn't like ANYTHING about them, and would complain loudly about how they where annoying. He was gay, and he had a beard and was/is the manliest person I know, but yet, he loved men, not woman.

Just another topic for discussion, Does any other gay people you know find queens annoying and obnoxious? I HATE queens and I think they give gay men a bad name.

gay men and straight women appear to have similar brains"

news.nationalgeographic.com...


Maybebe similair wiring for similiar behaviors , causing the flammingness..

Im sure the ones who hold it back wanna do it , but because of social constraints they keep it in. While others flaunt it like its going out of style .

Originally posted by darkredfish
reply to post by butcherguy

 

Yes, why would we want to have sex with sombody that is trying to escape the whole time? xD
Also, straight men think in terms of SEX. Gay men, we want love and compainionship, and sex comes as an afterthought (In a real relationship, im not saying clubbers think this way.) Straight men don't love other men, so it just doesn't work.

Are you stereotyping straight men?


I don't fit the mold that you have set. I can't have a sexual relationship without love, it just 'won't work' for me. It can't just be a physical act for me. It is not satisfying at all. Maybe that is why I have never cheated on any of my wives or girlfriends.

Originally posted by FissionSurplus
It was then that I realized that most guys are insecure in their masculinity and this is the root of their homophobia.

There's a lot of truth in that statement; though we probably wouldn't agree o much else.

I suppose that homophobes give "people who think homosexuality is immoral" a bad name, just as "queens" give homosexuals a bad name.

Our society decided about 50 years ago, that women should not have to live in a societal straightjacket, and so women were told they could be anything they wanted to. Males on the other hand, were no longer given any direction on "what it means to be a man." So I think a lot of men today are pretty insecure about their identity (gay straight or other) simply because they feel like the world is saying "you're doing it wrong!"

Personally, I think that homosexuality is often the result of difficulty with a person's sexual development. Maybe not always, but a very high number of adult homosexual males were molested as youngsters. Others had absentee or difficult father figures. Not all of them of course; but I think it's truer than it would be among the straight population.

Of course, we'll never know, because research that doesn't yield PC results is forbidden.

I don't hate homosexuals. I can think that someone is wrong without hating them. Too bad most of them are not capable of extending the same courtesy to me.

reply to post by darkredfish


Because the idea of 2 men just makes me want to vomit...its an abomination I dont care what religion you come from or non religion its just sick and I would say that gay people have something wrong with them inside their head a mental disorder

And btw I dont care who is famous...famous is a fake word used by the media and the community to make people believe someone is better than them so you can take your famous crap somewhere else

reply to post by yourboycal2


I personally think that if it was not for the fact that homosesxuality was socialy wrong, most people would be bisexual, or at least a lot less sensitive about the same sex touching them. Hell, I cant even grab a guys shoulder to get his attention without it being "Sexual harrassment"

reply to post by darkredfish

Just another topic for discussion, Does any other gay people you know find queens annoying and obnoxious? I HATE queens and I think they give gay men a bad name.

Yes, queens are a whole different story. Like a whole new gender. Too flamboyant. Fake.

I haven't been around anyone for quite some time, but I was raised in Vancouver, which is probably one of the most accepting of the lifestyle. Where I live now, is accepting, but it's rural country. You don't get the glamour like Vancouver.

I remember one night years ago, being out with a boyfriend and another couple, and in one of the bars, was a guy that was about 6 foot 7, with dark eye makeup and really long black fingernails and hair. Frightful. Not feminine, and definitely not masculine. Wow, he was big. Almost goth, but way more queen, way too made up.
Picture a large tall Howard Stern in drag.

I had never seen these two tough guys that we were with, so scared in my life. We had to leave, they were far too uncomfortable. They were trying not to admit they were scared, but they were ashen and shaking. Us girls were laughing at them all night over that

Originally posted by darkredfish
reply to post by yourboycal2

 

I personally think that if it was not for the fact that homosesxuality was socialy wrong, most people would be bisexual, or at least a lot less sensitive about the same sex touching them. Hell, I cant even grab a guys shoulder to get his attention without it being "Sexual harrassment"

I agree with you on that one. Personally, I believe you are only as "gay" or "straight" as you last sexual encounter.

Straight is a social construct. So is gay.