Messed up situation....need help.

Ok, Ive been seeing this girl for about 3 weeks now. In terms of her personality she is absolutely perfect for me, and she is gorgeous in every way possible. Ive never had a relationship with someone who treats me as good as what she has done in the time we have been together. In the past she has been in two relationships which were both emotionally and physically abusive, to the point where she has an AVO out on her ex, who is also the father of her 18 month old son.

The problem is, she is very insecure, and she sometimes lashes out at me for no reason. But funnily enough, she only does it when we are texting or talking on facebook, but never in person. Her son loves me to bits, (and i love him), and Im really into her, but it feels like she is pushing me away, but then pulling me in, and then pushing me away again.

To complicate matters, Im moving towns in less than two weeks. She said last week that she definently wants to move down there with me in a couple of months (providing all goes well of course), but last night she said it wasnt sure and it was 50/50, which kinda upset me a bit? Im really confused about what she wants and I dont want to confront her about it, because it will be like im being pushy or rushing it, which is something we both dont wanna do.

I really like her, she's an asbolute gem, and we currently have made it known that we are in a relationship. I will be coming back here every 2 weeks to visit her (only a 7 hour drive) but Im really doubtful that she will move down. Its stressing me out a bit. So not sure what I should be doing....relaxing and letting things just take their course or pushing for her to come, or backing off?

Help!

reply to post by OzWeatherman


If it's only been 3 weeks, I don't think you can expect her to move already. Especially with the past garbage in her life, it could be very hard for her to pick up and change her life again. But in some time, I'd hope that she would at least consider it, especially if you are moving for work and she has no work ties where she currently is.

This stood out.

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
Ok, Ive been seeing this girl for about 3 weeks now.

It is quite possible to meet someone quickly that merits this level of thought and discussion. It is unlikely though. More time is needed for each of you to see if there is compatibility. I wouldn't make any fast moves at this point.

Oh, she isnt moving with me straight away, we've both agreed on that. That would be a mistake. Im talking about 2-3 months down the track providing we are going well. Im more concerned about her pushing me away then pulling me back and her changing her mind frequently...its confusing

reply to post by OzWeatherman


For you to be attached to her son in 3 weeks gives RED FLAGS man. It is possible that you may eventually stay with her more for the boy than her, I was in that exact( very close to) position for a year, and it messed with me badly. I think the reason(s) she acts that way is that her past relationships have created a learned behavior for her in relationships to men, so most likely she will be the same in your relationship as she was in the others. 2nd, there is a chance that she could change, but highly doubtful. Almost have my degree Psychology, and I've seen it over and over again.

? for you brother is..... how much do you really, genuinely love her. When you have the desire of love for somebody, you will feel out your limits and edges. To really love her, let her go. To really love her, never let her go. Messed up I know, quite the paradox. But enjoy your free will before you go nuts and marry her only to leaving you empty handed.

Good luck, better you than I.

I have to get out my girlfriend out of here, my
wife is on her way home!, LOL JK, still funny!

reply to post by AK907ICECOLD


BTW, women are ALL like that, they are an emotional creature

It all depends on how much you can take, there are many levels of Craziness, madness, monthly's, etc

But in all seriousness brother...

IT IS ALL IN HOW YOU CONVEY YOUR MESSAGE TO THEM, CLEAR COMMUNICATION,
if you do not have it 99% of the time a relationship will fail, no BS

Much Love

reply to post by AK907ICECOLD


Well im not so much attached to her son, I love him, he's a lot of fun, but I wouldnt stay with her, or anyone just for that. I like them both. Im not in love with her yet, but I can see myself being in that position in the near future. Her last two relationships were very abusive. The last one ended with her ex breaking her jaw and punching her then 3 month old son in the face, both of them ending up in hospital. Im the first guy she's been with in over a year. I guess I would be defined as almost a steroetypical nice guy, and I do put others before myself.

Im thinking she's not used to this kind of care and attention maybe, but Im not sure. Her sister said that may be the case.

reply to post by intrepid


Like said, "RED FLAGS." dude, sounds to me that the
advice you going to be getting here will be simple, clear
and VERY repetitious, LMAO.

Sorry bro, the truth sometimes hurts, and if you need a
good break-up song, I suggest the title "Loooove huuurts."

Good luck

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
Ok, Ive been seeing this girl for about 3 weeks now. In terms of her personality she is absolutely perfect for me, and she is gorgeous in every way possible. Ive never had a relationship with someone who treats me as good as what she has done in the time we have been together. In the past she has been in two relationships which were both emotionally and physically abusive, to the point where she has an AVO out on her ex, who is also the father of her 18 month old son.

bro i stopped reading here.. do yourself a favor and find a chick without problems. Even if you love her trust me, you will look back and say wow i made a great decision deciding not to father some chick's kid. think long term man.

reply to post by OzWeatherman


Please don't be offended by anything I say. Its all in good humor, if you take it too seriously, you will hurt yourself. Maybe her sister can help you out with info, but remember to work it out with your girl, not her sister, that may cause a big up-stir and drama between siblings.

As said in King of the Hill, sometimes a woman's passion or whatever is like a pile of burning tires, there's no way to put it out, just let it burn down, and go from there

I hear your confusion bro, but don't let her confusion bother you, she is a woman, let her figure her stuff out, whether be with you or not. If you live for her, you do not live for yourself

lol, Again, good luck

reply to post by AK907ICECOLD


so, i'm curious. Did anything I said helped you? I hope that whatever i said to you helps in some sort of way.

What doesn't apply, let it fly!!

Its good to hear people asking for help,
if more asked, relationship may be healither
on your fourth week don't post in the Rant Forum
about how mush couples therapy cost..

I charge $80 an hour, but worth it

I take credit cards, via e-mail

Originally posted by wlord


bro i stopped reading here.. do yourself a favor and find a chick without problems. Even if you love her trust me, you will look back and say wow i made a great decision deciding not to father some chick's kid. think long term man.

Kids have never been a problem for me though, the father is out of the picture, and Im happy to step up to the plate

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
who is also the father of her 18 month old son.

Well there's your problem.


Don't date women with children. That's always a red flag.

Also while I hate to be a buzzkill, if you've only known her for three weeks and she wants to move in with you she's probably just using you.

She's got a kid and she wants to move in with you after three weeks. Chances are that you're just a meal ticket to her.

Oz I am worried about you.

This is exactly what you said last year about the last chick, you had this perfect connection blah blah.

Oz I think you have perfect connections with almost everyone, please realize this chick is probably an illusion. Don't fall for it again.

You have been through all of this before, you know this.

Here I can help you fix this up real easy for you.
Ask her "Do you believe in chem-trails?" and she will reply "Why yes of course I do", then you will roll your eyes and forget you ever cared about her.

reply to post by AK907ICECOLD


Its all good mate

Just very unique situation. I guess the best thing to do is just let things run their course and not to force anything. If things go well, then maybe things will work out. Im just sick of being screwed around, all i want is a stable meaningful relationship. Im not getting any younger

reply to post by OzWeatherman


Sounds like you meant someone you really like..and its great you like her kid as well, because that is important if you're considering taking this to the next level.

I suggest you try not to worry too much about what the future holds for now, and just enjoy her and the relationship you have, and try not to have too many expectations just yet in the area of living arrangements.

She may be feeling antsy about leaving her "support system"..like family,friends..which are important when you are trying to raise a child mostly as a single parent. She also has the childs happiness to consider....because she is uprooting him as well from who he loves, and who loves him.

Please don't take it personally if she is hesitant, and try to understand that she has others to consider, and there are others who most likely want that child to stay , like grandparents..the dad.. etc.

Sounds like a very new relationship , and at the point where insecurities can arise easily on both sides, as you get to know each other better.

If you think its worth it, give it some time..and see how it goes...and try not to have expectations that could end up hurting you.

I really wish you the best ,and hope everything works out for you.

reply to post by muzzleflash


OMG that was a fail!!!

the problem there was I rushed into it and let myself get manipulated, but thats not happening again. This girl has a different personality and believe me, we are taking it slow. We only talked about the future seeing as Im moving in about 12 days, thats the only reason why.

Im not claiming Im having a connection with her until im absolutely sure this time, like i said, I know Im not in love with her yet, but I can see it being possible. I just dont wanna be hurt and screwed over again

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
Ok, Ive been seeing this girl for about 3 weeks now.
... and she sometimes lashes out at me for no reason.

In the first weeks of a relationship, people are on their BEST behaviour.
If thats the best you're ever going to see her, then I suggest you find another one.

reply to post by OzWeatherman


I like you Oz, that's why I think you should just ask her about chem-trails so you can have a reason to dislike her.

She has an 18month old kid, wants to move in with you after 3 weeks...

The woman makes incredibly rash decisions and isn't actually being prudent or utilizing any foresight.

It has disaster written all over it. And the best part is, you don't even have to do anything to create a disaster. It will create itself. I know you know what I'm talking about.