DO NOT TOUCH ME

Yes, I shouted. I am fuming at the moment

Why, just WHY can't some people greet others without grabbing hold of them and slobbering all over them?

I don't want people I hardly know, and don't like very much, coming into close contact with me. I don't even understand why anyone would want to come near me or touch me in the first place - I'm weird.

Today, in my own house, I've been grabbed, kissed and insulted by a visitor. Seeing what was coming, I got up out of my chair to offer my hand in greeting - even I can be polite enough to shake hands - but no, I had to have a kiss planted on my cheek. Plus, to add insult to injury, I was informed that the visitor only wanted to kiss me, not 'something to rude to repeat'

I DO NOT care what you don't want to do. I object to what you did

I was so furious, trying to stay pleasant and courteous. I was ready to blow a gasket but didn't want to make a scene and ruin the visit for my friend, who had invited the visitor.

So I went out for a walk. Nearly an hour and a half in cold, windy weather AND it was trying to rain. Plus, getting dark. Just to avoid being grabbed and kissed goodbye.

I don't mind cuddling animals. Anything friendly can jump all over me and lick me and I'll be as happy as a pig in the proverbial. Whilst I was out this evening I met a neighbour's dog and got a lovely cuddle. I got my nose and chin licked too, by someone who'd obviously recently enjoyed a good dinner - judging by her breath

But, I couldn't come home until I was sure the coast was clear. I had to sneak up our very long drive and hope not to see the visitor's transport. If it was still there I'd have had to stay out even longer.

I'm so fed up about this. It might sound trivial to many people, but I don't like it. I warned my friend ages ago that I'd tolerated it in the past but I wanted it stopped. All to no avail. Would it really hurt to tell people that I'm phobic about being mauled?

My ex-employer's friends always insisted on kissing and hugging me 'hello' and 'goodbye'.

Why, just WHY? No-one even knows where I've been. That shiny little cheek that they're all so intent on kissing has probably had a wet dog's nose all over it half an hour earlier.

I might have been nuzzling a cat or or a mouse. Highly likely, actually.

For pity's sake: LEAVE ME ALONE, I don't want people all over me.

No need for any sympathy - I'm just furious and want to get all my ill-feelings out. Thanks for listening if you read it all. No hard feelings if you didn't

reply to post by berenike


I totally hear you, one more stranger scratches my ass and I'm gonna blow!

2nd!

LOL Why don't you not say anything about it for a long time and die a little bit inside each time it happens. Does that sound rational?

I'm not a touchy feely person either, but not to the extent you are, but I do let people know about it.

reply to post by berenike


I hear ya, I'm a personal space guy and I hate close talkers or "touch talkers" that feel the need to touch my arm while yakking.

Unless you are buying me dinner and drinks to get me into bed, hands off the merchandise, it's old and rotting and held together with glue and nicotine resin

Growing a thick beard stopped most of that for me, many years ago

Worked a treat!

reply to post by berenike

I was so furious, trying to stay pleasant and courteous.

Generally speaking, most people would disagree with me on this next statement.
[color=D9FEFF]Courtesy and politeness, are both highly over-rated.

Honesty is a much healthier approach. If others cannot take the honesty, and they view it as being rude, then so be it. That would be their problem, not mine.

Would it really hurt to tell people that I'm phobic about being mauled?

Not at all. You may not realize it yet, since you are still upset about it, but there is a good thing that you can take from today's ordeal.

You will most likely not forget this anytime soon. Next time it happens, when you see it is coming, tell them "Nope. Only a handshake." If they look at you as if you are being rude, just politely inform them about how furious today's incident made you feel.

reply to post by berenike


I agree with you, well it depends, if some really hot babe wants to kiss me I won't complain but if it's the average cow you see walking around then I say keep your distance!!! I had to laugh at your post though, you would rather leave your own house than risk another kiss. I needed that chuckle, thanks and kisses...lol.

reply to post by Ha`la`tha


So would not bathing or brushing my teeth, but still no reason to stop doing either...

Different cultures just have different feelings about it, and different levels of comfort with it. I guess I've always grown up around folks from many different places, so it doesn't bother me too much.

reply to post by Gazrok


I dont see my beard as unhygenic A little bit opie from sons of anarchy, perhaps...

But it put a stop to annoying aunts smothered in lippy and obnoxious perfumes snogging me, win/win I say.

I don't get it. Just don't accept a kiss. That's it.

reply to post by berenike


I've gotten to the point where I can't stand having people within a full body length of me. Any time that I go to a public eatery or any other public place there are people walking around coughing. I have a rather unapproachable look so I don't have to worry about people accidentally touching me. They take one look and make a point to avoid contact.

reply to post by berenike


If you have ever felt threatened by someone touching you, it is not just you. There is a method to the madness. There is always more to what meets the eye. Check this article out and see if you can understand that "innocent" touch a little bit better.

Power is often expressed in communication as a combination of strength and humanity. This is very attractive and is a form of Hurt and Rescue. Greeting Handshake As the other person approaches, move to left side, extend your arm horizontally, palm down (be first to do this). Grab their palm firmly, pull them in and hold their elbow with your left hand.

Body Language

Holy crap, am I ever on board with this one.

I don't just meekly submit to this touchy-feely stuff. I hold my hands palms out in front of me and say, "No."

If the person appears to be hurt, I let them know that my discomfort with being touched does not reflect on them. It's just a thing.

I had a yoga instructor recently ask, "Is everyone O.K. with me making hands-on adjustments?"

Me: "No, I'm not."

Raised eyebrows, forced smile: "Well, okaaaaayyy."

Twenty minutes in he touches my lower back while I'm in downward facing dog. I spring up, hop away from him off my mat, saying, "No!"

He looked shocked, then (very pissy): "Oh, I forgot. My bad."

Why was I in the wrong in that situation? I just don't see it.

reply to post by berenike


Sounds like a problem. Are you opposed to all physical contact with people whether you know them or not,.... or do you only object to this kind of behavior from strangers?

I'm not a fan of close contact with strangers either, but I will tolerate this behavior from people close to me. If they are sick or if I am sick, we have a mutual understanding that close contact is not desired.

reply to post by Ha`la`tha

I dont see my beard as unhygenic A little bit opie from sons of anarchy, perhaps...

But it put a stop to annoying aunts smothered in lippy and obnoxious perfumes snogging me, win/win I say.

I didn't mean to imply it was...but even as you mentioned, it's somewhat "undesirable" to many to want to get close to, so I used some similar conditions.

Yank translation (snogging = kissing)...though most know this from Harry Potter these days.

I am a personal bubble person.. so long long ago I learned how to stop the intrusions: control the situation. I do not wait for others to approach me in these particular situations. I do the approaching and define the level of contact. If I have hold of your hand for a shake, control the conversation, and am looking at you initially.. I define how much of my skin you are capable of pawing at. Nothing worse than people stink and pawing for some social BS.

I envy men sometimes.. at certain times in my life Id have gladly grown a beard and let small animals live in it to ward off the touchers.

Oh no I stand quilty of being a touchy-feelie-snogglie wanna be close to you person.

I have never been asked to not touch another persons person.

What I do has absolutely nothing to do with a sexual agenda.

I simply love the touch of living beings.
Really, I must admit I like the sense of touch of most everything.

The living touch of a human or animal is very high on my list of supreme pleasure and delight and much desired by me.

I went ten long years after a divorce with hardly any human touch because I chose not to get close to anyone but my dog.

After a motorcycle accident I found myself unable to wash and comb my hair so I went to a beauty shop.

To my wonderful surprise, the hair dresser had a wonderful touch and I remembered how much I need to touch and be touched.

I do understand your need to not be touched and would rather people let me know before I start hugging them.

I am 64 and been hugging a lot of people a long time.
It feels so good to walk up on a friend and see their arms open up and watch them bend over to give and receive a hug.

Originally posted by dizziedame
Oh no I stand quilty of being a touchy-feelie-snogglie wanna be close to you person.

I have never been asked to not touch another persons person.

What I do has absolutely nothing to do with a sexual agenda.

I simply love the touch of living beings.
Really, I must admit I like the sense of touch of most everything.

The living touch of a human or animal is very high on my list of supreme pleasure and delight and much desired by me.

I went ten long years after a divorce with hardly any human touch because I chose not to get close to anyone but my dog.

After a motorcycle accident I found myself unable to wash and comb my hair so I went to a beauty shop.

To my wonderful surprise, the hair dresser had a wonderful touch and I remembered how much I need to touch and be touched.

I do understand your need to not be touched and would rather people let me know before I start hugging them.

I am 64 and been hugging a lot of people a long time.
It feels so good to walk up on a friend and see their arms open up and watch them bend over to give and receive a hug.

LOL! Im an affectionate person.. with those who I chose to be affectionate with. Not every stinky bum off the street nor every doofus that takes a bath in perfume or the slobberers.


For those who think all affection is free game from anyone anywhere: go hold a "free hugs" sign... realize the untold story of that campaign.

Crumbs, I never expected such a response from like-minded people

I've got a terrible flaw and I know it. I know what to do in awkward social situations, but I'm not assertive enough to actually do it. I'll just smile on the outside and seethe inwardly. I'm sure I'll die of ulcers

Dizzie Dame - I'm sure you're a very warm person and if I could make a wish for you I'd grant you hugs every day from people like yourself I know that not everyone is the sort of person I was complaining about, but even the nice ones embarrass me.

2manyquestions - I'm like it with everyone. Unless I'm in a relationship with someone, I don't want them near me.

UnaChispa - Thanks for the link. I can totally take that on board. The bastards

reply to post by berenike


Time to make an announcement on facebook, or at the next family function. If you don't want anyone touching you, you will have to let them know you have an issue with it. Since your reaction to physical contact is not what might be considered "normal", people who don't know you feel this way will continue to try to initiate said contact.