Why Don't Women Make The First Move These Days?

It’s 2000 and something right? Realtruth scratches head and looks a bit puzzled. With the advent of today’s dynamic career women and decades past the original woman’s movement, it appears that men are still the ones having to make the first move. What the heck is going on?

I would also like to cover what some males seem to notice when approaching women.

There are many women these days that are extremely aggressive in the work force, they have risen to positions never dreamed of 20 to 30 years ago, many of them have salaries that are equal to, or even far surpass their male counterparts, but when it comes to courting, approaching, or dating, the majority of women still want traditional behavior. Realtruth scratches head once more, with the same puzzled looked.

When men are interested in women they will do two things, jump right in and make complete fools of themselves, or be the wise old fox, and wait to see how women respond. Now from men’s perspective, when women are really interested they most likely will not run over and make fools of themselves or even approach a male, so what makes them break the traditional barrier and ask a male out?

As a male I dare not even try to answer this question, because it’s hard enough trying to get our own plans together and make them work, let alone trying to understand the female side, so I will leave the knowledge, and infinitely wise answers to the vast numbers of modern women, on ATS.

A Male’s point of view for knowing when females may be interested. (Yes Ladies! we do pay attention sometimes)

Things men seem to notice when women maybe interested.

The first one is eye contact, but this doesn’t always mean she is interested; we may just have some dirt on our face, so a word to the wise.

Second is the way she positions her body, for example is she facing the man with her arms crossed or her legs crossed, if so, she most likely isn’t interest, so it’s time to get a clue and move on.

Thirdly, If the woman is lighting touching the man while in conversation, or keeping eye contact while touching then she maybe saying, this guy is attractive or an interesting person, and that she wants to get to know you better.

Forth is one that many women do not consciously do, or even know they do, but when they play with their hair while talking or looking at the man, it means they may be interested.

Many times us men get that feeling when that special woman is interested, but why do males always seem to have to break the ice, is it fear of rejection on the woman’s side?

Could it be because our society and MSM seems to put so much emphasis on the way females look, their weight, their youth, and now how successful they are?

The Modern Women of ATS. Realtruth pauses and steps down off of his soap-box. The floor is now yours to speak, the men of ATS are listening. And we promise to behave and be polite.


*ATTN: I will ask all ATS members male and female, to please keep their comments courteous and respectful when answering, since this is a passionate topic and one that sarcasm may be taken out of context.

Positive and constructive answers are welcomed and appreciated, for bridging the great divide that many of us have in understanding each other. And if anyone does answer indicate if you are male of female, since avatars sometimes can throw us off.


Peace out,

RT

They like to reject, but not to be rejected.

RT, I'm not like most women. If I like someone I will more than likely tell them and they will know it.

The touching thing is true though. It goes back to childhood when you had a crush on someone so you always hit them while playing just because you wanted to touch them. I think you know what I mean.

I personally have never had a real problem with approaching men that I am interested in. I dont think I should have to wait around for them to say something and if I don't say something how will they know?

Most women I know are too shy to approach a guy and I think it has to do with fear of rejection. Personally I don't care, you can't force someone to like you.

I am a woman, and I made a first move, ONCE. And NEVER AGAIN.

Years back. I had an extreme crush on this dude who was a Narcissist Sociopath (Yes my layman's diagnosis, but he fits ALL the clinical symtoms) and I finally after a long time, told him that I was attracted to him (he had a girlfriend) and I said "I know your not available, but..." And he answered, "I'm flattered, but yes, I'm not available." Slapped down!!!

Of course I'm at an age now, where none of this is relevent presently, nor bothers me.

I would say that half the relationships I've had (from one night to three years in length) the woman approached me initially. I'd certainly prefer it if the woman always made the first move because I always feel like a dumbass doing it but oh well. I still think there should be some universal single signal. I'd rather shoot down then get shot down.

reply to post by Realtruth

Why Don't Women Make The First Move These Days?

Do you have ANY IDEA what kind of Incalculable harm it would do to the Sexual Control Structure if women actually pursued men?

(Second Line)

reply to post by Saucerwench


Sounds a lot like you are projecting a bunch of BS onto someone that was honest..... Obvious I don't know all the details, but sounds like you are pissed off that a dude didn't ditch his GF and go for you.

As far as the topic goes, plenty of women, both available, and not, make the first move on me. Maybe it is psychological, I am single, and by choice, maybe that sends a certain vibe out, I don't know. I know I am in good shape, but I am not a pretty guy, so it is not looks that does it. I am not poor, but I am not wearing a 500000 dollar suit, and driving a Lotus either, so I don't think money is the motive either.

For me it has always been a mutual thing. I don't think either one of us made "the first move" - we just found ourselves spending time together and when the eye contact is strong and frequent it becomes obvious to both parties that we are mutually interested. I've never had a relationship start from a first meeting - it has always come later. Honestly, I think I'm most attracted to guys who are funny and like to do interesting things. My boyfriend (of ten years and counting) and I used to go rock climbing together with a group before we started dating and fell in love. I invited him because I knew him from work and thought he might like to go.

Originally posted by gwynnhwyfar
For me it has always been a mutual thing. I don't think either one of us made "the first move" - we just found ourselves spending time together and when the eye contact is strong and frequent it becomes obvious to both parties that we are mutually interested. I've never had a relationship start from a first meeting - it has always come later. Honestly, I think I'm most attracted to guys who are funny and like to do interesting things. My boyfriend (of ten years and counting) and I used to go rock climbing together with a group before we started dating and fell in love. I invited him because I knew him from work and thought he might like to go.

Thank you for this comment I was hoping someone would say something similar to this.

This is something that happens quite frequently in Europe, meaning that dating is almost non-existent, not that couples don't date, but that they form social groups.

In Italy, I have noticed that groups of people of similar interests, get together as groups, then as time progresses they find matches based on mutual interest and growing trust, instead of the way dating is currently done in the USA.

I would love to see this happen more in the USA, but with the advent of online, speed dating and bars it is almost a sterile process.

It seems we do not allow mutual time and interests to grow, before finding out we may have chosen a mate that may not be compatible.

Again, very interesting and you sound like you have found a compatible mate based on mutual interests.

Why aren't you at a Wall Street Oganization Uprising? I heard the girls and boys there are a sensitive bunch.

Seriously, I haven't heard that mutual attraction by either sex was still a hold back.

I guess I'm old . I never had a problem being approached or approaching the opposite sex.

But that's just me.

reply to post by Realtruth


Being a man I don't feel comfortable being persued by woman and always feel like i'm playing the feminine role in that situation! Maybe it's something to do with dominate and submissive roles! Though i realize there are submissive men even though not too many unless I am totally nieve! I am able to handle flirting though as long as she gives me the time i need to make my move or make a total fool of myself or which ever one comes first! I don't think men would look at a woman as being cute if she was the one looking like a fool! Also i believe that woman are more insecure then men and would have a harder time being rejected though These are just opinions and I'm sure there are many individuals with more experience and insight!

reply to post by Realtruth


Hmmmm, I think because the first person to make a move has to pay for the date, right?

Women have come a long way, and we might even earn as much as some men. We might be aggresive on the job, etc....but because we have come a long way doesn't mean we lost our brains along the way!

Me, make the first move? No way. I like it when somebody else pays for me!

I guess no other men want to say it so I'll say it.

Well actually, I won't speak for all men but do you know how many times we get rejected?

In a week? A month? A year?

Then not only that, but we keep trying even after total rejection.

I don't think any women knows how it feels to be rejected on a daily basis. (Obviously some do, I am exaggerating on purpose)

I hope that I don't sound like I'm whining but gosh I wish some of the women who see themselves as goddesses (I know some men on ATS know some like that) would spend a day in the shoes of a guy trying to chase the women he loves.

Edit : ...I always make the first move.

I've had plenty of women make the first move.

I would say the ratio for me making the first move vs women making the first move is about 65%/35%

I think guys are just more aggressive when it comes to making moves... But I see women making the first move all the time.

Interesting it seems we may have already found common ground.

Both sides hate "Rejection", so how do we avoid this?

We already have one answer that was put forth, in regards to common interest groups.

reply to post by Realtruth

Thanks! I've never been the slightest bit interested in the club scene and I never had any hang-ups about being alone, so I haven't ever even tried the "dating scene" - it actually seems like the worst way I can think of to meet people! I'm with you, getting to know people and finding out your shared interests is a good way to go about it. Some people seem to love the clubbing, posturing, pick-ups, etc. More power to them; I guess I'm just a low-key kind of gal.

reply to post by Vandettas

I hope that I don't sound like I'm whining but gosh I wish some of the women who see themselves as goddesses (I know some men on ATS know some like that) would spend a day in the shoes of a guy trying to chase the women he loves.

Actually, there is a story of one woman who did just that... she dressed as, and pretended to be a man for 18 months....

She was institutionalized in a mental hospital for depression after that.

Vincent's book Self-Made Man retells an eighteen-month experiment in which she disguised herself as a man. This follows in the tradition of undercover journalism such as Black Like Me. Vincent talked about the experience in HARDtalk extra on BBC on April 21, 2006 and described her experiences in male-male and male-female relationships. She joined an all-male bowling club, joined a men's therapy group, went to strip clubs and visited Catholic monks in a cloister. She dated women and describes how inferior she felt. Vincent writes about how the only time she has ever been considered excessively feminine was during her stint as a man: her alter ego, Ned, was assumed to be gay on several occasions, and features which in her as a woman had been seen as “butch” became oddly effeminate when seen in a man. (She is a lesbian.) Vincent asserts that, since the experiment, she has never been more glad to be female.

...

Her most recent book is Voluntary Madness, about her experiences as an inpatient in three different mental hospitals. Suffering from depression after her eighteen months living disguised as a man, Vincent felt she was a danger to herself.

en.wikipedia.org...

Originally posted by gwynnhwyfar
I guess I'm just a low-key kind of gal.

If low key is the answer, then I am all for your type.

I also think the bar scene, and many falsely created environments are only recipes for disaster. Getting to know someone, or a group takes time, but I believe the benefits will endure the test of time.

Originally posted by gimme_some_truth
I've had plenty of women make the first move.

Gimme, that is cause you brother, got MOJO!

No second line really needed after that statement.

Originally posted by Realtruth
Interesting it seems we may have already found common ground.

Both sides hate "Rejection", so how do we avoid this?

We already have one answer that was put forth, in regards to common interest groups.

Rejection is what it is. A normal part of life. It doesn't just happen when dealing with the opposite sex. Look at it as a blessing in disguise before you invest time with a person who might turn out to be a complete jerk.

I think you are spending to much time trying to figure women out, and just people in general.

Relax! Sometimes working to hard at something can push away that which you seek!