Was I only a pessimist because I had no life?

I've just been introspective about the way that I used to be and I can't figure myself out. I'm first and foremost always a cynic. I like to be critical of other people, ideas, societies, religions, and things in general. But I used to be a pessimist about everything-- with life, the world, and about other people too. Now that I have much more of a social life I've been finding that I'm still cynical of course (I have a hard time believing people will learn from their mistakes), but, I'm much less of a pessimist than I used to be about my personal life, and, in general. I'm finding that not everyone is stupid, but, people are really gullible. I'm finding that people are good at heart, and, a lot of other things. I used to hate people and think that everything was pointless. Now, how much of that was colored by the fact that I didn't really have a life, and, my friends were really few and far between?

I know our experiences lead us to have certain beliefs... so, I'm wondering how much of my negativity towards the world was because of my suffering and not because of how bad the real world was? Do other pessimists have similar negative life styles? Do they also put themselves down a lot? What do you think?

Also, as a real life example for someone other than me, one of my friends IRL is a libertarian but he says he only is a libertarian because he hated public schools so he wants to stick it on everyone else (he mentioned that to me once, I don't know how true that is, but that's what he said. Personally, for me, my political views are independent of my life experiences, although, I wonder how much of my anti-authoritarian mindset was a result of how I was raised).

reply to post by Frankidealist35


Whe I am feeling like this, I always refer back to this short passage:

Carrots, Eggs & Coffee

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee... You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean , mother?'

Her mother explained that! each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff ? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

dont worry

being a pessimist is a life path as valid as any other

Originally posted by TheLoneArcher
reply to post by Frankidealist35

 

Whe I am feeling like this, I always refer back to this short passage:

Carrots, Eggs & Coffee

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee... You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean , mother?'

Her mother explained that! each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff ? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Best post on ATS ever.
Wonderful. Wisdom when you least expect it.
Domo Arigato.

reply to post by TheLoneArcher


Wow! That pretty much sums up how I feel. I'm pretty much happy now because I've let go of the things that have bothered me. In the past I used to not only think negatively about myself, but it always seemed like bad things kept happening. Now for the most part mostly only good things have been happening to me, and I feel like at the same time I've been able to learn from my mistakes and modify my extremely negative worldview which got in the way of things before.

reply to post by TheLoneArcher


Truely inspiring. I was just talking to a friend of mine yesterday that is going through a lot of obstacles in her life. I tried to get that basic point across to her but could not but it as perfectly as you did.

Thank you so much for sharing. I am going to pass this on and hope it will help her with her struggles

reply to post by TheLoneArcher


Amazing post. Thank you so much for that metaphor. I will use it many times from this day on.
Always fun to be able to say that I am a coffee bean and when i get the question: what do you mean, give that story.
Star for you.

You are definitely on to something very powerful here. I believe the reason behind all negative feelings towards each other most certainly stems from something in our inner selves. Something that we are not happy with inside of ourselves. It's fear, and fear is the root of sadness, loneliness and depression. Fear is the absence of love. Before we can see the beauty in others we have to first see that beauty inside of ourselves. We have to love ourselves. If we don't love ourselves then we can't offer love to others. I think that when people insult one another they are not doing it to hurt that person. It is a desperate act to make THEMSELVES feel better about themselves. It's a cry for help basically. Whether they admit it or not they are hurting inside. They may feel unloved or unlovable. They may feel lonely. They feel separate or different, and think they don't fit in. They then criticize other people who are different from themselves. They think if they insult someone by calling them dumb that they will feel somehow smarter. If they call someone ugly they think they will feel prettier or better looking. In the end it only makes them feel even worse about themselves. I have noticed that a lot of people here on ATS are only here to insult, make fun of, or "debunk" other people. It has opened my eyes to this very subject. I choose not to feed their negativity by getting angry or feeling hurt by their insults. I truly believe that every person is good and beautiful on the inside, even through the roughest of exteriors. It's their acts of desperation for love and acceptance that makes them attack others. When someone insults you, don't feel hate for that person, instead smile and feel compassion for them and love them. Love is the cure and answer to all of our sorrows.

reply to post by TheLoneArcher


I like fables like this. One problem though in your last line... Why would you want to be the only one smiling, like the coffee bean you want to bring everything around you to equal your expression? Just a thought.

_______________________________________

OP, it does seem that when ppl neglect their innate human need for companionship they can become jaded and pessimist. Most would agree that ATLEAST IN THIS CULTURE, it will difficult to find even one true friend. But, that is a pessimistic view based on expectations of a friend.

Maybe we should all expect less from our friends at the beginning so not be dissapointed when they do something we disagree about. And the other side of the coin is when they do something unexpected that makes you realize that are a true friend. Like everything friendship and living life has its ups and downs, its about being like clear water...

Wow, great thread guys. I needed to hear these things the past few days... so thanks!

reply to post by TheLoneArcher


Very good post mate.
Thank you for your input I enjoyed reading that a lot

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
I used to hate people and think that everything was pointless. Now, how much of that was colored by the fact that I didn't really have a life, and, my friends were really few and far between?

I know our experiences lead us to have certain beliefs... so, I'm wondering how much of my negativity towards the world was because of my suffering and not because of how bad the real world was?

I wonder how much of my anti-authoritarian mindset was a result of how I was raised).

edit on 11-10-2011 by Frankidealist35 because: (no reason given)

We're all the culmination of what we've developed ourselves to be, and that culmination is a product of circumstance and our response to that circumstance. Our ongoing reactions don't occur only to vanish into the past, they gather together and set up our go-to responses when confronted by incoming situations. It can take a real redirection (think collision in most cases) to break us out of a long rut, since our predilection will be to maintain our forward momentum on whichever trajectory we've established to that point.

I'm glad you've had some good circumstances to redirect the trajectory your personal development has been on, and I hope that more such stuff greets you from day to day, and you're able to take advantage of what it can deliver in personal improvement. It just feels better to like things, especially people. Nothing hurts more than to really be disgusted with the human race, and coming out of that mindset can be like emerging from a along dank tunnel that smells terrible. Even normal air ends up smelling sweeter than you can ever remember anything smelling, and that can amplify the good that comes from simply liking people for a change.

reply to post by ImmortalThought


I hear what you say about the smiling. What it is trying to say is that you are smiling because you will realise at that point that death is not the end.

I have come to believe, through my esoteric and Freemasonry studies that this life is just a transititional process in a greater existance. The soul, the very being of your life, your thoughts, dreams go on.

I fear the act of death, that is, the method of my passing, but do not fear what is beyond. It is a journey we will all make. Embrace it. Enjoy your short time on this little rock, but please do not fear what is beyond.

Love and peace to you all.

Great thread so thanks.
My ten cents worth ...is the fear of childhood/adolescence is sometimes never overcome to a degree that allows us to fully function as adults.

There used to be initiation rites and the like to allow the young to see that fear can be beaten and overcome...and to experience the transformation inside themselves.

In the west we are too scared to leave our doors unlocked, we are weak in general.

We need to face the things that terrify us ..else fear eats at our heart and soul?

reply to post by Frankidealist35


I'm glad you posted this, really puts life into perspective.
It's so crazy because I was once an outgoing girl with tons of friends until I changed my path and started waking up from being unconscious to being more aware of the world and how backwards it is. I think my spiritual path took a direct turn from the life I was living to a more quiet life with friends dropping out of my life from every direction. In fact because I am aware to most of the things going on in the world, as well as conspiracy theories and deep spirituality, I really don't have anything in common with anyone anymore. So, I feel like the happy go-lucky socialite girl that I was ( ignorant to reality) was a lot easier and my path now seems darker and lonely. It seems like its hard to truly be happy the more you wake up to the world around you when it seems as if everyone is a stranger and no one has anything in common with you. Now a days it seems like I'm just waiting impatiently for the world to drastically change. That's just my take in response to your post.

Was I only a pessimist because I had no life?

No, a pessimist is afraid to have a life.in the first place, so you had no life simply because we were a pessimist. It's a choice, whether to be a pessimist, or an optimist, but the problem with optimism, the part that really scares us, is that, by it's very nature, it's an all or nothing proposition, and so in fear, we choose nothing!
It has it's own kind of reason, so you're certainly not to blame, and we've all made the same error. We feel your pain. (did that ryme? :lol

It's absurd.

The sooner we all see it and recognize it (our absurdity) for what it is, the better off we'd all be. imho.

Edit; What I mean by that is, we need to put down the stick of self doubt and self flaggelation, that's what's absurd, the constraints we place upon our own selves and our own lives. It's a form of self abuse, is that what we'd really prefer?

Like I said, absurd. YOU are absurd! (there, I said it).

reply to post by TheLoneArcher


Amazing post. Thank you so much for this! As others have said, I will also pass it on.

reply to post by Pseudonaut


Thank you for your kind words. I wish that I could actually take credit for the passage. I cannot. I was told to me many years ago and I have never forgotten it.