An honest view of depression from someone who has suffered it everyday for over a decade.....

First thing I would like to say is that I am not suicidal, although some of this post may lead someone to believe that I am.

I sustained a brain injury roughly 12 years ago and have been diagnosed depressed ever since. Depression is a force to be reckoned with as it sometimes keeps me from getting out of bed somedays. It is also hard to even leave my house or keep it clean as well. Depression will leave one feeling as if nothing matters anymore and they merely "exist". Nothing as far as drugs will make it go away, and chances are if you take anti depressants, you will end up with even more problems than you had to begin with. Working out and eating right is the only thing that helps, but even still, it does not go away. I cry more than I care to admit, but am at the point where I could give 2 poops as to what anyone thinks about it. One of the major symptoms I suffer from is the fact that I get tired after reading or doing anything that requires heavy thought, yet I am on here as much as I can be because I have an addiction to knowledge and wisdom. I haven't worked in 2 years and I'm on disability. As the years have come and gone, my "friends" have also. Most of them still go out to bars and house parties, and I just don't care about that anymore. I haven't been in a relationship in over a year and to be honest, so what? I don't care about sex, money, material possessions, social status, or anything else for that matter. I am a one man show and could care less if I died tomorrow. Not saying I wish to die, but rather that I have absolutely NO fear of it. I try to find something to smile about everyday, although some days I just sleep for the entire duration. I used to be an out going social butterfly but honestly as of lately, I could care less about society and what I believe is absolute ignorance on the part of the majority. I find anyone who doesn't care about truth and doesn't want to discuss it due to their attention being diverted to meaningless excrement such as television and other shepherds of the sheeple, like talking to a brick wall and therefore doesn't call for a word to come out of my mouth in their direction. In Fact, part of me just wants to stop talking periodly. Not in the sense that only a few will hear my words, but in the sense that even those I love will cease to hear me. I am not psychotic, or have a wish to hurt people, but I would just like to stop talking for the remainder of my life to the extent that Michael Myers does in Halloween movies. I did this once in my life and it was pure freedom for the amount of time I was able to do it. I be there is some others out there who have been to this place.

Laughter is the best medicine besides working out and are the best natural cures to depression.

Begin working out until you sweat, DAILY, this will get your endorphins pumping.

Here is one of my favorite Comedians I hope he can get a chuckle or two out of you and help your day along.

PEACE.

I have heard from clinically depressed people, that ---meds--- make a world of difference and saved their lives. They have to be the right kind for your chemistry, there are very different antidepressents. Sometimes, the only correct option, is pharmaceuticals. It is --dangerous-- for you to allow yourself to exist in this condition. I used to be severely depressed and all I thought about was taking my life.

About the after life as an escape: I believe there is the afterlife, but you cannot assume.......about something of which we still don't have ll the facts. There are monsters lurking in that other realm. I know, I had some creepy paranormal experiences.

I'm sorry you feel this way, and I can sympathize as I too feel the exact same way.

It shocked me to read that you wished to not talk. I have struggled with the thought of a life where I did not speak by choice, and as my depression worsens, my desire to speak becomes less and less.

Reading your thoughts and feelings was like explaining myself. You are not alone! I think you have broken thru the false reality that the majority of humanity still hangs onto. It is very difficult to explain it to someone who is still living in the false matrix we have been conditioned too, with out hearing about how we deserve to be happy and there is nothing we can do about what is happening around us, so just live life and be happy. I hate it when people say that to me. I am a problem solver and I hate to see the injustice that is going on all around me every single day, but yet, "Live your life and be happy!" is the advice that people want to give. I feel your pain. Hang in there my friend, you have a gift as do I. Being able to see these things, does not make us crazy. Although they do paint a pretty cruel picture of how lost humanity has become in the bigger scheme of things.....

i've been going through severe depression for a long time. it started around age 15 and hasnt stopped for more than a couple months at a time. the "good times" never last nearly as long as the "depressed times". i dont take meds, they tried giving me meds, and i reacted badly to everything they gave, so my psychiatrist stopped prescribing them. i did therapy which is more beneficial than any pill could have been. i HIGHLY recommend a therapy program called Dialectical Behaviour therapy. its a group program.. its like going to a weekly class to learn about your emotions and thoughts, and coping skills for a variety of different situations. it was wonderful. DBT saved my life, medications almost ended it.

i too, feel like i just kind of "exist". even trying to do the whole diet and exercise thing doesnt work for me because i cant maintain it for any period of time. my expiration date tends to be around 5 weeks, i worked out really steadily and made some good progress in july/august but after 5 weeks my body crashed and i've been in relatively severe depression since. but im at the point now where i just stop caring about it, because i know eventually it will cycle through and the depression will subside, i just have to try and keep myself stable until then. so i've just been reading, and watching movies, and spending lots of time with my family and friends

Originally posted by supermanning

In Fact, part of me just wants to stop talking periodly. Not in the sense that only a few will hear my words, but in the sense that even those I love will cease to hear me. I am not psychotic, or have a wish to hurt people, but I would just like to stop talking for the remainder of my life to the extent that Michael Myers does in Halloween movies. I did this once in my life and it was pure freedom for the amount of time I was able to do it. I be there is some others out there who have been to this place.

Do you have a therapist that you can talk to? If not, please find a good one. At one point you say how you think people who watch television are sheeple, but then you relate yourself to Michael Meyers?

Please go back and read your post, because instead of wanting to remain silent, I think you will see that what you have typed here is a request for help, and a validation to your existance.

You really do give a couple of poops about what people think, or you wouldn't have created this thread.

Also, wanting to gain knowledge and insight are commendable, but unless you can use it by spreading what you know to others, what's the point?

reply to post by simone50m


This is why I wish to stop talking. NO pharmaceuticals are the answer. They all have side effects and shorten life expectancy by YEARS. It's called the placebo effect. You take the pill that "they" tell you is going to make it go away and your brain tells it to go away. Meanwhile the medication rots you from the inside out and all of your vital organs become like tomato paste over years like a slow kill torture apparatus. Not to mention you go even further into poverty to try and afford these poisons while TPTB laugh at you and point at you in total ecstasy at the fact you are making them rich by buying something that will help you die faster. I'm tired of this! I'm sick of sheeple, I'm sick of weak ninnies that cater to corruption and they don't even know it! There is no PHARMACEUTICAL ANSWER to ANY problem. This is why we didn't have all the diseases we have now 10,000 years ago. THEY ARE CREATED BY BIG PHARMA AT LABS SUCH AS PLUM ISLAND. I'm sorry to come unglued at you but seriously, YOU have fun trying to figure out what's running down your legs when you piss yourself at 75 years old due to all the brain cells you have destroyed with pharmaceutical poisons over the years. Me, I'd rather be depressed and wise, than a euphoric vegetable.

My first thought was, how can I help you?
Then I realized I can barely help myself.

The only difference between us is that I have suffered longer. Almost forty years now. A few months ago I wanted to take a vow of silence. Because I was so frustrated by the fact that no one understood me. I wanted to give up, but I can't. I have two sons. They need me.

I am not suicidal anymore. Although I wish I still had the option. I went over the edge once, only to have something snag me at the top of the cliff. It was love. And the fact that I didn't want my suffering to be dumped on my innocent child. So, now giving up is not a choice. Which means I must endure.

You say you want to stop talking. And yet, you have expressed yourself. So, there must still be a need to connect and engage the world. I understand this conflict. As humans, we are social. There is an inherient need to have contact and share experineces. But for those suffering depression, it seems that no one understands.

I've tried to get help. Been to too many doctors. Too many councillors. And I don't want to join a group full of miserable people such as myself. Sometimes I can't handle my own sorrow and don't have the capacity to listen to others moan about their misfortune. I think, Robin, no one wants to hear your constant negativity, why do you want to listen to others complain.

People describe depression as black dogs, or a darkness. Something ominous. But, to me, it's gravity. It is a massive burden always pressing down upon me. Making it difficult to rise above it. Often, the sun will be shining bright, but there is a dullness which leaves everything flat and stale. I suppose it doesn't matter how you look at it, because it's different for each person.

I sometimes think of depression as my truest friend. Not because it makes me feel loved or that it helps me in any way. It's just that my saddness has always been with me. It's just that it's been absolutely faithful. It's always been there.

If I had a magic wand. I would wave it and take away your misery. If I knew the solution to this problem, I would go on crusade and bring the word to the world. But I am mortal. And fallible. So, when I ask myself what I have I accomplished here by writing to you, I must conclude the only good I did was that I expressed myself. Because sometimes that's all you can do.

You have expressed yourself. That's a start. Don't stop.
If nothing else, don't stop trying.
...

reply to post by Blanca Rose


I compared myself to michael myers to give people something to visualize as far as someone who chooses not to speak. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. The purpose of this post is just as the title says. AN HONEST VIEW OF DEPRESSION. I do not want to be analyzed because trust me, I have analyzed myself to the point that I know how I work. I have been to psychologists and therapists and generally it becomes a session of me helping them to understand their own understanding and I become their therapist. I never said I wanted to stop communicating, but rather just stop talking. My words come out much more effectively if I type them out and think about every word before I relate it to someone else. My soul has slowed down to the point that nothing makes me rush.

i have over 10 years same problem.take 300mg fevarin100 per day after 14days you will feel better,the medical has no sideeffects!!!

reply to post by supermanning


I had good intent only. You sound more --enraged-- than depressed. Don't take it out on me, or I might tell you to go..........

cannabis cured it for everyone that i know.

no dangerous side effects, works instantly, and if you decide to stop you dont have to go through weeks of withdrawing torture like most pharms.

oh yah, and its free (in states that allow cultivating).

reply to post by Robin Marks


Thank you. I truly understand what you mean, as I have come to realize that the only one who will every have an answer for you is you, combined with research done on the account of yourself and time spent reflecting on intellectual subjects.

Originally posted by supermanning


I compared myself to michael myers to give people something to visualize as far as someone who chooses not to speak. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. The purpose of this post is just as the title says. AN HONEST VIEW OF DEPRESSION. I do not want to be analyzed because trust me, I have analyzed myself to the point that I know how I work. I have been to psychologists and therapists and generally it becomes a session of me helping them to understand their own understanding and I become their therapist. I never said I wanted to stop communicating, but rather just stop talking. My words come out much more effectively if I type them out and think about every word before I relate it to someone else. My soul has slowed down to the point that nothing makes me rush.

This is your own honest view of depression, self diagnosed by yourself. It isn't the same for everyone. It is so difficult to understand and caused by so many different things, that what works for you, might not work for somebody else.

I think it's irresponsible for you to come off as a know it all as to medications, that might greatly improve the life of somebody else. They don't work for YOU, and that is your descision, please don't make that judgement call for other people.

Medications, with the help of a therapist do work for quite a few people. Simply because you have not found the right combination to work for you, does not mean others who cannot get out of bed, or who suffer other depressive symptoms should give up hope.

There are elderly people in their eighties who have been on all kinds of medication for years. Yes, they have side affects, but hese people are living long lives. Why suffer when you don't have to? The one thing with anti-depressants is finding the one that will work for you and at the right dose. It is trial and error until you find what works best. If it improves the quality of your life, I wouldn't write it off.

Originally posted by loooping8
i have over 10 years same problem.take 300mg fevarin100 per day after 14days you will feel better,the medical has no sideeffects!!!

side effects include,
Side effects most commonly observed with fluvoxamine include nausea, vomiting, drowsiness, insomnia, dizziness, nervousness, feeling anxious, dry mouth, abdominal pain, constipation, diarrhea, heart burn, loss of appetite, muscle weakness, pins and needles, abnormal taste, headache, faster heart beat, sweating, weight gain, weight loss or unusual bruising. Other side effects which are observed more frequently in children include abnormal thoughts or behaviour, cough, increased period pain, nose bleeds, increased restlessness, infection and sinusitis.[5] Sexual side effects with fluvoxamine are less pronounced than with other SSRIs.[6]




"

reply to post by simone50m


I am enraged, not at you however. I'm enraged at all the pill pushing globalist doctors out there that swear by pharmaceuticals because they get big bonuses by the companies that manufacture it. That's all it is. There is a natural way to treat any disease and if there isn't, then it's time to die as life will be torture on the account of the side effects you WILL have. If not now, then.

reply to post by Blanca Rose

I think it's irresponsible for you to come off as a know it all as to medications, that might greatly improve the life of somebody else. They don't work for YOU, and that is your descision, please don't make that judgement call for other people.
Medications, with the help of a therapist do work for quite a few people. Simply because you have not found the right combination to work for you, does not mean others who cannot get out of bed, or who suffer other depressive symptoms should give up hope.

Thank you so much for that. Class and maturity.

Over the past 15 years I have been battling with severe depression mostly due to not feeling very much needed or wanted. It was all a delusion caused BY the very meds they prescribed. The normal meds they give you make you apethetic, not happy not feeling content. Trust me no drug alone can give you contenmtment, but i did find one that is natural, LEGAL, and does actually help. Once a week I take 4-5 grams of Syrian Rue as an extract and do mediation and prayer. I can give details on preperation if you PM me. You will need to quit all SSRI type drugs before taking this herb.