Depression

I also suffer depression - mine is a long running constant Blah called dysthemia.

I have had cognitive therapy and I often attribute what I learned through that to much of the personal successes I've had lately. The medication definitely helps as much as I wish I didn't need it.

I went off it twice to test it. Based on how I felt a month off paxil vs how i feel on it, is like night and day. THAT was very hard to deal with and I felt incredibly weak for needing it.

I've since learned that it takes a very strong person to admit when they cannot manage/cope and to seek help. I feel quite empowered by having gone through therapy and really the cognitive training I learned and still practice has helped me SO greatly in finally being a person I myself could be proud of.

I hate medication personally. rarely take even advil.

The keys to making it all work?

1) a good family doctor (one who listens, doesn't push pills, knows you and your issues and one who is willing to look at other options for treatment and not always side with "standard" medicine)

2) a good therapist. Psychologist or psychiatrist depending on your symptoms. They both treat ailments of the mind but do so in very different ways. having a good doctor is key to getting the right referral.

3) being brutally honest with yourself and the people you ask help from. They cannot help if they don't know exactly what they are dealing with.


Many who are considered suicidal are not really. I'm still here because of a minute "border" I never crossed. I never wanted to end my life...I simply wanted to never have existed. believe it or not there is a BIG difference.

Even on the Paxil - I still have nagging depression everyday. Off the paxil I wouldn't even get out of bed...

Depression isn't about money, status, family, good things or bad, luck or anything else. These things can definitely compound the depression but they are not the root cause. Not even related really. Just extra straw for the camels back.

I remember at the worst of my depression finally getting a BIG payout on my child support after countless years of no payments at all. Even with 7000 in my bank account I couldn't get my butt out of bed to spend it.

As for suicide - it's lose lose. I could never punish anyone I would leave behind in such a brutal way.

Stigma of being "mentally ill"...what a lovely and damaging catch all that is. Mentally ill....so very vague yet the first thing most people think of is someone barking at light poles and having conversations with god at the bus stop.

Thankfully (or not) depression affects nearly every person on the planet at one point or another and in varying levels. So it's not such a scary thing.

I've had problems with depression all my life, and I have to agree with justgeneric on what works.

1) medication. It's a must for me. Accepting that has been so hard, but I just can't overlook the fact that every time I go off the meds I end up in a fetal ball on a bathroom floor somewhere crying my eyes out and wondering how I'm going to get through the next few minutes, let alone my whole life. I see a psychiatrist (psychopharmacologist) to prescribe the medication – since he specializes in it, he's much more up to date on what's available and what other possibilities there are than most family doctors will be.

2) therapy. I see a clinical social worker with psychoanalytical training. She has helped me both on a practical level with behavioral and cognitive work to function better and with working through some of the experiences that shaped my depression, or been caused by it.

3) honesty. This is so important, and so hard. A huge part of my life for many years was tied up in not letting anyone see how I felt on the inside. It's not easy to get over those habits. And it's especially hard to trust that people will be there when I do let them see. But forming relationships with people is really the only thing that can make real change. I tried the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" thing for years with no luck – each depression was worse than the last.

Talking about it here is definitely a step in the right direction

First I want to let everyone know, depression is a real illness. It is a chemical imbalance that takes place in the brain involving the neurotransmitters, seretonin and dopamine.

If you suffer with depression or any other mental illness, you need to understand it IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Once you grasp that concept, managing your illness will become a lot easier. It is no different than any other illness that can be managed with the right treatment.

I am classic manic-depressive or bipolar. Once the docs found the right combination of meds., my life got much better. But I also learned that I must take responsibility for my own behavior, and it is up to me to stay on my medication.

I have been hospitalized several times throughout my adult life. I suffer with psychotic depressive episodes at times, which involve paranoid delusions, hallucinations, suicidal ideation and violent outburst. I can honestly say I have been to the been to the otherside of reality and back. But I learned so much about myself and the people who love me.

There is hope! Even though when we are depressed we can't see any light, it is there. You need to know medication is key when you are severely depressed. Don't blame yourself. Depression is no different than hypertension, or diabetes, or any other medical malady.

When we try or imagine suicide we are trying to cope. However, it is the most SELFISH thing a person can ever do. Feelings come and go.
You can't trust those feelings, so trust what you know. I also understand suicide seems like the only way to make the pain of nothingness go away. But that too is a lie. Your support system next to the right medication will be the most important thing in helping you cope. Also I encourage you to educate yourself about depression. The more you know the less fear you will have.

Now with every personal detail I have shared, and I do apologize for "over sharing", you should also know, I have a masters in nursing, am happily married, and I'm raising two teenagers, one who is autistic. You can have a joyful productive life, but you need to take care of yourself. You are worth it!!

You and all others will be in my prayers.

ps. Stay on your meds and seek proper council if you need it. Best of luck to you.

Thanks for sharing your story and letting others share theirs.

I am so glad I re-opened this post....
The problem I found with depression was that the people around me could not understand,they would look at what I have and say "what the hell have you got to be depressed about!"Purely because they just cannot understand because they don't feel that emptiness that blackness....people around you say "oh yeah I get depressed".....the difference is that yes we can all feel depressed have a bad week/day or whatever,but with clinical depression it just doesn't go away,no matter what happens that is good its still there the blackness nagging away (my only description of depression is-blackness-a black hole that seems to start swallowing you up)
I have been on so many different meds,and for me it seems the venlafaxine are the only ones that work,and if I now have to stay on them for the rest of my life so be it...I never ever want to feel like I did 6 months ago,yes I still have low days but nothing that I am not able to cope with....
Depression is a really horrible illness and I feel for all of you that have this nasty illness,luckily in this day and age there is help out there and we don't have to suffer in silence...it is getting better here now in the UK but still frowned upon....but again I think because depression is not understood....

I meant to mention this in my earlier post. The drug that literally saved my life was Abilify!! No side effects, not that loopy feeling or hang-over sedate feeling that you get with a lot of psych. Meds. Abilify is a mood stabilizer that was originally developed to treat schizophrenia, but has been very effective in treating bipolar disorder.

It brought me back to reality and kept me out of the hospital. Maybe this info. will help some of you.

[edit on 31-12-2008 by paxnatus]

Not feeling too hot at the moment things getting me down,I had this before when on my meds and they had to keep putting the dose up...has this happened to others??
I seem to get used to the meds and they stop working...but the ones I am on now are the only ones that have seemed to work in the past as none of the others helped..I don't want to have to go on a higher dose,but I feel vulnrable at the moment maybe it will pass?