A woman finds the man she hates most in life ... and marries him.

Reading the comments here and further posts by the OP, I am saddened to see how many people have unfulfilling relationships, and how the relationships they do have are all about money.

Perhaps if people just stopped thinking of marriage as "for life" and ending it as a failure, then there wouldn't be so much bitterness? I don't know. I never believed in "true love" and when I got married, I never even stressed because I didn't think for a moment that it would be forever- it was just "until divorce do we part."

But despite that, we've been together more than 20 years and are very much in love, and I must say that this relationship is probably the most valuable experience of my whole life! I wonder if my lack of expectation was the thing that allowed it to happen.

I am just so sorry that so many have had such bad experiences and are left so bitter and unable to experience this.

reply to post by Bluesma

Reading the comments here and further posts by the OP, I am saddened to see how many people have unfulfilling relationships, and how the relationships they do have are all about money... I am just so sorry that so many have had such bad experiences and are left so bitter and unable to experience this.

What we get out of the game of life depends in some measure on what we bring to the table. I suppose people who see life in monetary terms will have sexual relationships that are all about money.

I don’t think that’s quite what we are seeing in the thread, though. It seems to me that we are mostly seeing people who have not been able to enter a meaningful relationship try to establish reasons for this failure that point to others, or to society, rather than to themselves, as the cause. It is understandable; it is even right. If society values wealth as a mark of status, and status translates to mating opportunities, then who is to say a poor person is to blame for his or her lack of sexual success? Yet many are ready to look askance at a wealthy person for being sexually successful.

Take something else as an example, instead of wealth. Take beauty (whatever it is). Beautiful people, women especially, tend to get more offers of sex than ordinary-looking or ugly ones. Are homely women to blame for their lack of sexual success? Surely not. Are lovely women to be blamed for attracting men? Really?

Should we blame peer pressure? Who set the fashion?

Should we blame Hollywood? Is life imitating art, or the other way round?

Should we blame society? But why has it adopted the values it has?

Should we blame the elite? Are they not shaped by the same natural calculus as the rest of us?

Nature, unfortunately, has standards of her own, and they are not moral or even ‘fair’ as humans understand fairness. They are based on the merciless arithmetic of relative reproductive success. She who succeeds is rewarded with further success. He who doesn’t make the numbers is not to blame for failing, but is penalized as if he were. If anyone is ultimately to blame in such failures, it isn’t women (they’re just doing what comes naturally), it isn’t men (ditto), it isn’t society (which is merely what individual human beings make of it) – it is Nature, a.k.a. The Way Things Are, that must take the blame for, well... the way things are.

*

Some people just don’t get picked as mates. It seems likely to me that there is something about them, something that is overtly or subliminally perceptible to others, that ensures they just don’t get laid. For the overwhelming majority of them, though, it is only a matter of time before they join the club. Of course in their present unfortunate position, there are no guarantees that the condition of virginity will not be permanent. People respond to the anxiety this creates in different ways. Seeking to blame others or society is very popular.

I came to my own sexual initiation relatively late. I wasn’t lying when I confessed that I have often called myself a sexual loser; I know what a burden overdue virginity can be. The comfort I can offer most young people in a similar position is this: your situation is almost certainly temporary: as you grow older and your footprint in the world broadens, you will most likely find what you seek. Just don’t expect the match to be perfect. It never is.

Of course, there will be those who look creepy or otherwise repellent to others because they are creepy or otherwise repellent. For these unfortunates there is no comfort that can be offered. Blame nature.

Perhaps if people just stopped thinking of marriage as "for life" and ending it as a failure, then there wouldn't be so much bitterness? I don't know. I never believed in "true love" and when I got married, I never even stressed because I didn't think for a moment that it would be forever.

The knowledge that a relationship need not be forever is both a comfort to oneself and an incentive to keep one’s partner happy and contented. Marriage for life is a cruel institution. On that, at least, you, I and the OP can all agree.

reply to post by davidgrouchy

I read the article linked.
So the title of this thread is backed up by the latest in Brain science.
Interesting.
Why people continue to populate this planet would be puzzling,
except that I know everyone has unfinished hatred to vent into the world.

Dam sounds like you should be careful and you really might be starting to see things.

Last person I seen that was all weirded out like you seem to be, he was treading on thin ice, and eventually it broke right under him. And you don't even want to know what happened to him but suffice to say he lost it, and disappeared....Yup he got married and I only heard from him once in a while, usually during midnight when he came over with a bottle of vodka and wanted to go downtown so he could forget his wife for a day.

The funny thing was when we were downtown going to were all the cool people go to hang out and me being bored out of my mind indulging his need to vent, he always used to take his wallet out, and look at the picture of his kid and wife pace around for a minute or two, say oh man, then move on to another club.

Yup! Such was the fate of all my friends, and some of them do show up once in a while with alcohol at the most peculiar of times with stories to tell, and let me tell you brother they are some scary stories. But I have heard and seen worse horror stories, then the plight called marriage.

You have been warned, I am telling you that is how it starts, with seeing things. The next symptom is that you will start to have all kinds of crazy thoughts in your head.

But fyi I think its better to be celibate, your mind is oh so clear after you breach a point, its amazing how things start to be clearer when you don't have to worry about the things that normal people care about. And you do get a lot more calmer in a lot of way. however you become so calm and clear that you start to see those crazy things in a whole new light, both the good and the bad and the in-between.

Really you just kind of get over it, and you start to adopt an attitude of whatever happens, happens. In fact in some ways you become way to clear of mind, that you question the validity and logic of being clear of mind and freer in a world were everybody muddies there waters and gladly jumps into voluntary slavery, it is very illogical to be clear of mind in the fog of the world, or to be free among a weird type of voluntary slavery that goes on in this world.

And so you end up at the same end by a different path. Ain't life funny!

But I ain't done yet sooner or latter it will work for me, they all do eventually, and I will find what makes this whole thing tick, you better believe it, but maybe in some other lifetime, who knows eh, I will see that's for sure.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird

Wow the evolved form indeed.

Indeed.

You were once a pissed of little rabbit

What?

now you are a pissed of little moogle.

And where did you get the assumption that I was pissed off?

Did I ever tell you that your so freaking cool, no really I mean it.

No, you didn't... but Do go on!

Besides, like, ya... go away if you cant play nice. Can't you see were talking about a bunch of "nothings" in this thread.

That's what I was asking about.... what this thread was about, because I couldn't for the life of me figure out what this thread was about...

I assert that if you do not put up a funny or intersting vid, then I can not take you seriously. I take nobody seriously that does not use youtube to make a point, so there you go...ya! Take that and cook it in your rabbit stew.

Fine:

Originally posted by Astyanax

The chromosome abnormality that causes Down syndrome is trisomy 21, a extra copy of chromosome number 21... Confirmation of such a condition requires a chromosome study... A chromosome study is also valuable to rule in or out a translocation (a type of rearrangement) of chromosome 21 that can be heritable in which case it can give rise to more cases of Down syndrome in the family. Source

I had no idea I was posting for peer review. Who spoke of genetic defects?

‘Orthodox Darwinist views’ my left foot.

ho hum google feeling lucky again....

read what you wrote, you made it sound as if Down's primary mode of inception was faulty genes, when in fact the greatest risk factor is old maternal age:

link to chart

of course.. you could always claim that this, too, is 'influenced by genetics' including a propensity to have children late in life, but that immediately brings me back to my comment about your apparent orthodox Darwinism, in which, ultimately, your favorite car type will be ostensibly determined by genetics.

as i already implied, there appears to be a very real and valid reason why eugenics failed to conquer the world in the 1940s.

reply to post by Astyanax


You pose some very good and thought provoking questions.
There are some that I hesitate usually to voice out of fear of hurting peoples feelings !

This discussion made me reflect upon my own past, and consider what attracted me to men and why.

I have absolutely no interest in cars, and yet I « fell » for one who collected them !
I have no interest in material wealth, and yet the man I married was able to create a very financially secure situation ! (and if I am honest with myself, it has been I that suggested it was time to reach further each time, and encouraged him to quit a job that earned little, that he hated, to go back to school and do something more lucrative and in line with his interests).


What it comes down to now, for me, is survival instinct. I guess the signs of financial success are like the male bird who shows off the fancy nest he has built- it is sign they can be a good provider for offspring. Mine didn’t have a Mazerati, and those guys seemed without imagination to me. Mine had bought a Checker Cab for 200 dollars and made it an amazing car everyone would drool over !

He had no money, no job, and no home. He’d divorced a woman who had cheated on him and walked away leaving her everything, quit his job and took off for another country- and immediately made himself a great life there.
That told me lots about his potential. I became his muse, his inspiration.

Yeah, guys, I think you are right, we look for the signs of your potential as a protector/provider. If not for our children, then for ourselves. Money plays a part. Sex plays a part (a common saying where I am is when a woman is a bitch, it is said « she is not well #ed » sorry for the crude words, literal translation from french !)
We do find better balance when sexually fulfilled. Can you really say it isn’t true of yourselves ???

Unfortunately, yes, our animal instincts play a huge part. Intellectual mating is not all that comes into play.

Though demanding huge amounts of money in a divorce still doesn’t make sense to me.

this is a very common misunderstanding. Women often allow themselves to forget principle and just be comfortable because she feels there is no sincerity in her relationship to begin with. Without that sincerety it just becomes an exchange of things... sex, money, responsibility... whatever.

This finding the man she hates most and marries him thing is one of those quirky things that pop into ones head that isn't necessarily based on anything real.... but could be in many different ways.

Do you know of this happening? doubtfully... if you do though... interesting, let's hear the story.

another way it could be real.... yin and yang and our very own inner struggles and making peace- yada yada.
Put any man in the right set of ignorant circumstance and I could detest any damn one of them.

So your saying is purely conceptual i assume. It's an interesting thought but it is not true.

i want to help you understand why it is not true but I am so tired of doing this. It's nothing personal.., it's nothing about the thread itself because it did peak my interest, but I have an imminent shutdown I'm looking forward to here and I never thought i would feel this way or be able to justify this is any way shape or form because I honestly thought it would always be a good thing no matter what... in any circumstances, but i am having to face the fact that helping people is proving to be a huge problem for me.

You know what... as a matter of fact, with all the geniuses in the world and this new found wisdom that we now have to add to that... thanks to you, why don't you just go try it out.

I say, it's sounds like a damn good point after all. you go out and see how big of a douchebag you can be to any pretty girl you see. I mean it's just such an original thought, you know. I mean look at king henry 8 and all the women he went through... maybe he was just too damn nice, you know?

... but then again, they never told him no so he must have had something going in his favor.

oh yeah... that's right- the same thing he used to execute his divorces.

Go ahead, knock yourself out.... i'm sure you'll go far.

reply to post by ErtaiNaGia


Ahh, I watched all those vids, you have not disappointed me, I am pleased.

1: Hey when god gives you lemons, you find a new god. Words of wisdom from the first vid.

2: Batman: There is nothing unussual about justice.
Commissioner Gordon: There is when it's served up by a man wearing ruber nipples.
And still after all the batman movies that have come and gone, the nipples still remain a problem.

And I never go anywhere without my shark replant bat spray.


3: Now this vid made me spill my drink, no really it did. Its a classic and it teaches an important lesson, never make fun of a man called "fumbles" when he can shoot your eye out from 100 paces away. And also that the "brotherhood of the hooded serpent" or as its knows today..."COBRA" has one of the coolest commanders ever. Not only can the guy run a successive world wide operation that puts all the worlds governments to shame, but he is one of the best giver of nick names around, "trouser snake" that's the part were I spilled my drink.

Cobra Commander for president, the guy can do just about anything.


4: Wow, just wow, one of the most pure awesomeness most kick ass vids I have ever seen.

I was gonna post the coolest vid I have ever seen, something so cool that it would blow your mind out of the water with its awesome inspiring coolness, but then something entered my mind and erased it from my thoughts and memories, but rest assured it is even better then that Azureus Rising vid you put up.

So yes! now I can take you seriously.

That's what I was asking about.... what this thread was about, because I couldn't for the life of me figure out what this thread was about...

Basically what this whole thread and the op is talking about is the following..............................................................................................................The End. And now the curtain drops.

Duplicate post. Sorry, all.

reply to post by Long Lance

read what you wrote, you made it sound as if Down's primary mode of inception was faulty genes.

I always read what I write.

I said it was heritable and that is all I said.

You seem unable either to perceive the truth or to tell it.

reply to post by davidgrouchy


Reverse Psychology, it happens in the primary school years where the guy picks on the girl because he likes her so instead of being nice to show his affection he starts being nasty instead..happens alot you know.

Originally posted by KnIghtWytchh
reply to post by davidgrouchy

 

Reverse Psychology, it happens in the primary school years where the guy picks on the girl because he likes her so instead of being nice to show his affection he starts being nasty instead..happens alot you know.

I had no idea that most of the guys I've dated were secretly still in primary school.

I find this very disturbing.

Originally posted by Astyanax

I always read what I write.

I said it was heritable and that is all I said.

You seem unable either to perceive the truth or to tell it.

let me point you to the following web page:

en.wikipedia.org...

A congenital disorder may be the result of genetic abnormalities, the intrauterine (uterus) environment, errors of morphogenesis, infection, or a chromosomal abnormality. The outcome of the disorder will depend on complex interactions between the pre-natal deficit and the post-natal environment.[1] Animal studies indicate that the mother's (and possibly the father's) diet, vitamin intake, and glucose levels prior to ovulation and conception have long-term effects on fetal growth and adolescent and adult disease.[2] Congenital disorders vary widely in causation and abnormalities. Any substance that causes birth defects is known as a teratogen.

The older term congenital[3] disorder does not necessarily refer to a genetic disorder despite the similarity of the words. ....

sure, it's only wikipedia, i do wonder, though why they listed genetic and chromosomal abnormality separately...

What a thread!

S&F

No one can deny it is genetic instinct to procreate, but for all you harping about procreating let me ask if you have unprotected sex every time and use no birth control?

I kinda doubt it so basically you're in it for the feeling and not the procreating.

Stop being so damn hypocritical.

Having sex does not equal procreation if one is using birth control.

I'm thinking she didn't really hate him but just had some disagreements. I remember recently encountering one girl in a club who I liked at first, then she got me riled up or a bit ticked off over an issue I won't talk about on this site and I thought I probably wouldn't see her again anyway so forgot about it and just walked away. Last night I saw her again in the place she is still working in and she waved at me. I failed to communicate that I was angry at her the initial time and then a couple of weeks ago, I didn't recognize her right away and was flirting with her. The memories came back to me after a few minutes. I really thought I wouldn't see her again. I don't know though about the word hate. If I really hate someone, I'm not going off with them to do anything. Well in one circumstance I could see how having a hot girl arguing with you and in your face could lead to something else in the heat of the moment. I doubt there are too many instances of something like that happening though.


I know one guy at work met a girl who got his name wrong. He didn't bother to correct her for a long long time figuring he probably wouldn't see her too much more. He ended up marrying her. She still calls him by the incorrect name is what I heard.

Originally posted by davidgrouchy

Originally posted by Stormdancer777
Did anyone mention the thin line between love and hate?

The same brain circuitry is involved in both extreme emotions – but hate retains a semblance of rationality

www.independent.co.uk...

Prolly has something to do with survival of the fittest.

Everything does.

I spit back, lol

I read the article linked.
So the title of this thread is
backed up by the latest in Brain science.

Interesting.

Why people continue to populate this planet
would be puzzling, except that I know
everyone has unfinished hatred
to vent into the world.

David Grouchy

It is puzzling, maybe we are still, evolving. < see the word love in there?

reply to post by Long Lance

I nowhere wrote, nor implied, that Down’s syndrome is a genetic disease. It is your brain, not mine, which has conflated the words ‘heritable’ and ‘genetic’.

You half-read, or at any rate half-understood my post and excitedly fell upon your keyboard to show the Big Evil Darwinist how clueless and wrong he was. Unfortunately, you had got your wires crossed and showed yourself to be clueless and wrong instead. Your desperate attempts to save face are just making things worse.

For your own sake, stop.

Originally posted by Astyanax

For your own sake, stop.

while we are at it, why don't you stop starring yourself, it just has to be the web equivalent of diddling yourself, after all...


now before accusing anyone you might really want to take a look at the post in question:

Originally posted by Astyanax
reply to post by Luke2089

 

Thats disguisting! there is no place 4 that in the world i wuld like 2 live in!

You mean your personal Utopia would be full of haemophiliacs, Huntingdon’s choreacs and sufferers from Down’s syndrome?

Curious tastes some people have.

hemophiliacs?

yes, yes, caused by an error on the X Chromosome. - inherited

Huntingdon's (sic)? Well Huntington's is caused by a dominantly acting genetic defect (mutation) - and inheritable...

Down's ? wait:

Originally posted by Astyanax
reply to post by Long Lance

 

I nowhere wrote, nor implied, that Down’s syndrome is a genetic disease.

so, you just lumped them together or it just slipped in there? maybe you should have revealed that when asked, but no, couldn't have that, because some people just have to be right at all times, which they typically convey by spicing up their posts with random insults.

It is your brain, not mine, which has conflated the words ‘heritable’ and ‘genetic’.

a trait is heritable when its underlying cause is genetic, iow, you are grasping at air and i even wonder what this has to do with the topic.

reply to post by Long Lance

You may have missed the whole conversation.

Originally posted by davidgrouchy
Is virginity valueless? Even from the perspective of our genes?

Originally posted by Astyanax
I’m sure those with serious hereditary defects should be encouraged to stay virgins. Or at least, to be very careful.

Originally posted by Luke2089
Thats disguisting! there is no place 4 that in the world i wuld like 2 live in!

Originally posted by Astyanax
You mean your personal Utopia would be full of haemophiliacs, Huntingdon’s choreacs and sufferers from Down’s syndrome? Curious tastes some people have.

I do not know which dictionary you use. The one I use for preference is the Shorter Oxford Dictionary, which defines hereditary as follows:

1. Descending by inheritance
   
   
2. Transmitted from one generation to another
   
   
3. Holding one’s position by inheritance
   
   
4. Of or pertaining to inheritance

As you may now see, the word is not a synonym for ‘genetic’.

Don’t slam the door on your way out, there’s a good fellow.