Love Isn't For Everyone

Although everyone may seek love, it is not for everyone to experience at the moment. Some people just can't love themselves or others, no matter how bad they want to feel good. Does that mean suffering has its place and reason? After all who wants to suffer for no reason? Let alone suffer at all.

I know several people who have severe depression and no matter how much I try to reason with them, it has no effect. It seems as if they are destined to be depressed, or at least for the time being. Although I seem to have no impact on these individuals I still hold out hope. It might be my selfish desire to cure them but even if I did help them, at least they would benefit too.

I guess my message in this is to be patient with those who you have compassion for even if you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet.

reply to post by Ralphy


I like what you have said....particularly your last sentence. There is more going on...on the inside of a person...than we know. Your patience, love and kindnesses do touch them... probably more than you know....but at the same time use wisdom and protect yourself. Sometimes we have to love someone from afar....because their behaviors are bordering on violence and scare us....we still love and care about them...but we need to be safe.

reply to post by Ralphy


I think many depressed individuals do not even know why they are depressed, or want to be... Ok I get that way admittedly. Honestly, distance is important a lot in those situations. Everyone constantly asking what is wrong makes things far worse imo. Random smiles are sometimes the best treatment.

Originally posted by Ralphy

Although everyone may seek love, it is not for everyone to experience at the moment. Some people just can't love themselves or others, no matter how bad they want to feel good. Does that mean suffering has its place and reason? After all who wants to suffer for no reason? Let alone suffer at all.

You've pretty much summed up what I've thought was 'wrong' with me for a while.

Originally posted by Ralphy


I know several people who have severe depression and no matter how much I try to reason with them, it has no effect.

you cannot reason with emotion (well, anyways) and the only way it seems to fix depression is to replace it with another emotion. pride can replace depression rather quickly. just saying. sometimes we get depressed because we have nothing to be proud of, or have overlooked reasons we should be. then there are other times where you just feel like being depressed is natural.. sometimes it takes a bit of time to fix your head in these situations

we all cant be strong all the time, sometimes we just have to crumple, or we wont realize the relief of happiness, pride, accomplishment etc.

good luck out there, do what you feel is right, and you will have no regrets

edit: the random smiles in a previous post really is a great way. you acting happy can rub off quite a bit. a good joke is a good way too. nothing corny, something that would be funny to that person specifically. you would be surprised how easy it is to distract someone from depression if they just want to be depressed. if it goes deeper than that, you obviously have a bigger issue on your hands

When I suffered from depression (due to diet and vitamin deficiency) There was one person I always felt better after spending time with. It was her attitude of "It doesn't bother me if you are depressed, it doesn't affect me, and I still enjoy hanging out with you." It was acceptance. Trying to reason with someone who has depression is only going to push them further into depression, they already know its not reasonable. You have heard the saying the hardest people to love are the people who need it the most right?

Originally posted by Ralphy

Although everyone may seek love, it is not for everyone to experience at the moment. Some people just can't love themselves or others, no matter how bad they want to feel good. Does that mean suffering has its place and reason? After all who wants to suffer for no reason? Let alone suffer at all.

I know several people who have severe depression and no matter how much I try to reason with them, it has no effect. It seems as if they are destined to be depressed, or at least for the time being. Although I seem to have no impact on these individuals I still hold out hope. It might be my selfish desire to cure them but even if I did help them, at least they would benefit too.

I guess my message in this is to be patient with those who you have compassion for even if you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet.

Love is unconditional. Love does not try to reason, love comforts. Love does not expect change, love accepts.

Love never gives up hope.

Keep doing your good work my friend, and through you may they know love.

With Love,

Your Brother

reply to post by calstorm


I have had a similar experience.

I like how you articulated your point, and agree that sometimes the hardest people to love really do need it the most. And as far as my experience goes they are often all to aware that they are hard to love, which only serves to perpetuate the depressive cycle.

reply to post by Ralphy


I think to feel love or to suffer is a matter of choice. And people need some reason to choose. The problem sometimes it is so hard to find a reason to feel love, and sometimes no need a reason to be suffer inside.

When someone is depressed they might need reasons to choose to feel love. People like you who show love and kindness will be a great help for them, even sometimes they will need lots of time and looks like no hope for them. The more people being kind to them, the more reason they can see, the longer, the more it get obvious for them. And one day they might take one or more reasons for their own reason to choose to feel life.

Peace

Are we social animals or has society just drummed that into us?

I enjoy being alone, can spend weeks alone without even realising it, perhaps seeing all but a couple of shopkeepers. Love? Well, that is just a road I choose not to walk down.

Is there something wrong with me? No. My body works just as well as my mind without the incessant worthless banter of "company".

There is NOTHING wrong with being single, don't let anyone tell you that there is. One day, if I choose to partner up with someone.. it will be with someone who can stand alone, thus, they will be someone who has a life to share.

Some pearls of wisdom: The older I get, the less capable I am of living with anybody. Some might say it is selfishness, refusing to give up habits (no, the coffee does not go in that cupboard, yes, I always go to bed after the ten o’clock news), but I think it’s more a question of understanding my limitations. I love people and I adore my friends, but only for brief periods of time. I am always happy to go back to my solitary state. –Sally Brampton, “The loneliest place on Earth - Living with a man you no longer love”

Everybody likes to see the loner hitched. It tells them everything is right with the world. –Philip Ó Ceallaigh, “Another Love Story”

Loners, if you catch them, are well worth the trouble. Not dulled by excess human contact, nor blasé or focused on your crotch while jabbering about themselves, loners are curious, vigilant, full of surprises. They do not cling. Separate wherever they go, awake or asleep, they shimmer with the iridescence of hidden things seldom seen. ––Anneli Rufus, Party of One: The Loners’ Manifesto

What is necessary, after all, is only this: solitude, vast inner solitude. To walk inside yourself and meet no one for hours—that is what you must be able to attain. To be solitary as you were when you were a child … –ditto

We do not require company. The opposite: in varying degrees, it bores us, drains us, makes our eyes glaze over. Overcomes us like a steamroller. Of course, the rest of the world doesn’t understand. –ditto

Being a loner is not about hate, but need: We need what others dread. We dread what others need. –ditto