Hello ATS! Apparently I'm not sane.

My introductory post:

I'm a long time lurker (several years). I used to come here for entertainment purposes and laugh my ass off at some of the paranoid things people came up with (sorry about that ) . I still do to some extent, but my world changed last fall (2010).

Around last September I went through a very dark period (I still don't fully understand what caused it). My thoughts turned towards mortality, questioning faith (I was raised Christian, but don't consider myself that now). Eventually I became suicidal & developed a plan to take my own life after researching methods on the Internet ( method chosen was jumping headfirst from a high-rise building by the way). I had it planned out in detail right down to the note I was going to pin in a zip-loc bag on the front of my shirt. I told no-one about this, and was just waiting for the right time.

Fortunately, I was approached by certain family members and friends who began to see changes in me - a sort of intervention if you will. They convinced me to seek some help. I saw my doctor, who diagnosed me with Major Depression and prescribed an SSRI enhancing drug called Effexor XR which I've been on since January 2011. At first this helped a lot. My mood got better. Thoughts of snuffing myself ended. Life was good again.

Around May / June of this year I had what some may refer to as an "awakening" experience. I do not proclaim to be awake, but lets just say I do now have one eye open and am working very hard on the other eye. "Relaxed Paranoia" is what I would call my present state. I no longer trust anything. Everything I know, and was taught to believe in is false... a lie. I began looking at ATS in a different way at this time, and eventually created an account. I've taken this long to work up the nerve to post.

Also around this time, I began to feel a pull, or a premonition that something big is about to happen. I also feel that I am being pushed in a direction of self improvement to prepare for whatever this is. I'm coming off the meds (my decision) now and am exploring things in a new perspective (holistic, herbal medications, metaphysics, meditation, etc).

So here I am. I hope to find the answers I'm looking for in this community. I'm feeling a bit crazy at the moment, but I guess we all are to some extent

-Fear is the new Status Quo.

I wish you all peace.

-NLightN-

reply to post by NLightN


Explanation: Flagged!

Personal Disclosure: Welcome! OL is sure a mod will be along soon to help out with an informative post etc. I also recommend utilizing the green chat voyuer function on the ATS tool bar to the bottom of most ATS webpages [aka the ribbon]! It will enable you to watch who and what is being posted in chat but unfortunately you wont be able to join or chat back until your post count reaches 200 posts or so.

Reply to this post with the reply function up top right of this post and that'll be another post towards your mandatory 20 posts before you can start your own threads

Peace and much love!

Sincerely OL [OmegaLogos]

Your experience mirrors mine, even down to the timescale, only difference is that i did not go to the doctors and thought it quite natural that once you see through the veil as it were, that you are not going to be the happiest bunny on the block so to speak.

Why fear? once you understand what is happening, you move to a position of non fear, or at least that is my exp. It does and is hard sometimes to believe what you believe, but you will get over it, just be prepared that not everyone will see it your way, nature of the beast i am afraid.

What you thought was up is really down and what was left is now right lool, honestly, you will get your head around it, just dont go all dillusional and do not under any circumstances go back to sleep!.

If you think you ar emad, then at least there are 2 of us here, just remember perception is the key.

reply to post by OmegaLogos


I appreciate the warm welcome OL! I'll definitley look into your tips!

-NLightN-

reply to post by NLightN



Welcome Light...


lets just say I do now have one eye open and am working very hard on the other eye.


I don't know about the rest of your intro, but the line above is fair generalization for most of us here, and definitely a start in the right direction.


As to the rest - if you truly went down that path, glad to see that you climbed out of that hole - congratulations...but if it becomes obvious you're playing the emo card for acceptance, I will post stalk you until you leave.


Keep on keepin' Light...cya on the boards.

Originally posted by brommas
Why fear? once you understand what is happening, you move to a position of non fear, or at least that is my exp. It does and is hard sometimes to believe what you believe, but you will get over it, just be prepared that not everyone will see it your way, nature of the beast i am afraid.

Actually I do not fear anymore. I was referring to my new understanding of the way the world is right now. State of fear, which is exactly the way TPTB want things.

Thanks for your reply Brommas! It's a good thing to know that there are other similar thinkers out there.

Peace
-NLightN-

Originally posted by facelift
reply to post by NLightN

 

As to the rest - if you truly went down that path, glad to see that you climbed out of that hole - congratulations...but if it becomes obvious you're playing the emo card for acceptance, I will post stalk you until you leave.

LOL - After re-reading my intro I can see that it's pretty dark. I assure you - my mind is nowhere near an "emo" state right now. If I start playing the emo card, feel free to burn me at the stake!

-NLightN-

reply to post by NLightN


many people here will cheer you on to abandon your medication because theirs is a very anti-pharmaceutical corporation stance. just as there are many here who are quite skeptical of psychology and/or the medical field in general.

i think most of that is hogwash. it is people like you and i that work hard, study a long time and dedicate years to education in specific fields that become doctors, psychiatrists, and researchers in labs. we are lucky enough to live in a country where we have health care professionals. take advantage of it.

please consult with your doctor before abandoning your meds. you are on them for a reason.

you did not mention counseling. are you working with a counselor, psychologist and /or psychiatrist? the med you are taking goes hand in hand with such. if you are taking Effexor as prescribed by a General Practicioner i would be very curious as to why she/he didn't have you get adequate therapeutic help for your depression.

i'm not a health care professional. i'm one of the millions of people many on ATS like to pretend do not exist: people whose lives have been greatly helped by medication and professionals in therapy.

this is why i'm concerned. everyone is free to do as they please; this is just my 2 cents, nothing more nothing less.

reply to post by LargeFries


Explanation: I'm a very stubborn individual
My doctor prescribed the Effexor XR and advised me to attend sessions with a psychologist (cannot prescribe meds). I began taking the prescription (which I was told I would likely be on for the rest of my life), but decided to skip the psych sessions and work on self healing instead.

This spring when I had my "realization" I immediately questioned it like - Am I really thinking this way? or is it just a side-effect of months of being on these meds? I booked my appointment with the doctor at that time and told him I wanted off the meds. He protested, but agreed. He referred me to a psychiatrist (can prescribe meds), to determine what other medication I could be taking as an alternative. I refused that as well. I guess I'm not a fan of shrinks / head doctors.

I'm ramping down on the meds under guidance from my doctor. It is going well.

I assure you, that I am no-where near my state of mind last fall. I am not suicidal. My biggest desire at the moment is to be free from the meds, and be thinking clearly again (without having to wonder if my thoughts are side effects of prescription drugs).

-NLightN-

welcome friend no fear needed all that happened had to
you do not get to NOW without some tribulation
as i recently arrived in this now state it is awesome if take care and have 1 person to talk things out
i go on info overload for days and have to back off a bit let it absorb so to speak
check my intro just weeks ago all is well and we are ALIVE
JERRY

reply to post by RUNSILENT


Thanks for the reply, Jerry! I did check your introductory post. Funny thing is I remember reading it a few weeks back when you posted it. I think you and I may be on similar paths. Nice to meet you.

Peace

-NLightN-

reply to post by NLightN


awesome. i wish you the best, i really do. a tiny back of the brain fear i have is knowing should TSHTF my med chain will be broken and supply won't last long. should this happen I'll pray for the good Lord to lead me to a mighty mighty stash of hard core heavy heavy fuel so I can self-medicate the demons away. all things are possible with the help of our friends Jack Daniels and his many fine brothers-in-arms.

be well my friend. and welcome to ATS