Message from the other side

Originally posted by squandered
reply to post by galadofwarthethird

 

What you need to do is ask outright what is up, and her answer and reaction will tell you everything you need to know. But that to I know how it will end. And so do you op. The rest of what you think, or she said and did is unimportant.

I already did that. I already know. It's not the first time as you may have guessed...

If I try and explain myself we both know that I'm fooling myself.

The 'kid' isn't related to the issue as such and the 'brightness of her spirit' is also unrelated to any kind of attraction.

Good on you!

So it's mainly sexual?

Originally posted by Onboard2
I think there is a very strong connection between the two of you. Do you feel what she feels? Almost a psychic connection? I would say to just be honest with your feelings. Do you find this relationship terrifying?

Man, I'm going around in roundabouts today.

I accept evanB's perspective as well as the FOO business whereby I'm attracted to the wrong women because of my childhood. I just finished meditating "phew" where I watched 100's of stupid thoughts pass me by - all about my idealistic hopes that suddenly appear useless.

To answer your questions

Do you feel what she feels? = YES
If she was about to call me right now I'd feel a light headed joy. I feel her thoughts including the hard truths about me she'd never admit to. Right now she is convincing herself how she doesn't need me.

Almost a psychic connection? = YES
I can close my eyes and be present in her world. I stopped that. I told her about it. I saw her glowing white once and decided I have no right to mess about like that. Her connection operates on a different level.

Do you find this relationship terrifying? = YES
I struggled to meditate for months because my stomach would go into butterflies. I see her photo and I'm overcome with nervous emotions. I'm often tongue tied.

I thought that the fear was based on another relationship with another over-privileged 'princess' who spent years putting my life through hell.

reply to post by Onboard2


The ah hem "romantic" side is all about my personal needs and nothing else. It's a matter of pride that I don't lose. If I fool her into thinking I'm playing along that's only because I'm playing her and I feel satisfied when I think I've beaten her. I often feel victorious but that wears off and then I'm jealous again.

This is how it has been. I'm being honest. I actually feel like I've grown past all that. I'm not free of it though.

It seems to me that I tell myself that I'm like her so I behave the same way as... (my dad). The rest of me wants love and kindness. If I create love for her in my heart and I feel good - like a whole new world is opening up.

The addictive clingy emotions cause spite and make me hate myself...

reply to post by DragonriderGal


I can't cry. I got a belting for crying when I was about three. Since then I cried when my friend died and my dog and I can be moved by movies when a boy and his dad have a moment. I couldn't cry over my own past and anything affecting me personally.

Oh, I think it's more than personal needs. You saw the orange cone and she saw too. I imagine the sensuality is so powerful it's over-whelming.

Originally posted by Onboard2
Oh, I think it's more than personal needs. You saw the orange cone and she saw too. I imagine the sensuality is so powerful it's over-whelming.

I had to look to find the orange cone. She would have just felt the tingling. She spends months in mountain retreats meditating. It's not a big deal. She can stun me like a dolphin when she wants me to back off.

I told a guy I know about the cone and he said "well it worked didn't it". He took the credit.

The passion is very intense. I put her in my top 10. When I sex-her-up (and she invariably leaves), she is always angry. She won't admit it but she always finds an excuse to attack. This is the reason I've tried to put distance between us. I've been in a situation where women like her will stop at nothing - just on a whim.

Is this the most intense relationship you've ever been in? The most intense is the twin flame. It's so intense, it's very difficult at times. You feel what the other feels. Ok, I gotta get to bed. Good luck!

Originally posted by Onboard2
Is this the most intense relationship you've ever been in? The most intense is the twin flame. It's so intense, it's very difficult at times. You feel what the other feels. Ok, I gotta get to bed. Good luck!

No. Her first comment to me was that she felt like I took something. "Huh" I'm supposed to feel guilt because of a feeling like that. It built up slowly.

I've had many other relationships where I'd know what the other person was doing etc. It's barely a relationship anyway. It is the longest addiction.

The most intense had me trying to take on all the gangs in a foreign country, covered in blood and screaming for more from the hardest thugs who were too scared to come near me, or driving on the wrong side of the street because I just couldn't care. Actually the rupture in the relationship between myself and my dad was far more powerful. That's relevant somehow...

It's probably where the I've openly given the most love though.
What a mess I am ;-)
Seeya mate - sleep well.

Originally posted by squandered
reply to post by DragonriderGal

 

I can't cry. I got a belting for crying when I was about three. Since then I cried when my friend died and my dog and I can be moved by movies when a boy and his dad have a moment. I couldn't cry over my own past and anything affecting me personally.

Well, I'd say that was a FOO issue that needs some work, although culturally men are trained to not cry and look 'weak'. But we are all humans and all humans cry. It's natural and necessary as it actually releases toxins that tears from onions or what not won't release. That is part of emotional competency. You can feel and use all your emotions appropriately, anger and sadness included, and you are also can keep them from over-running you.

reply to post by DragonriderGal


There's something trapped in there somewhere. All I have to do is look through the 150,000 pages of thoughts dating back to when I was ten years old to see if I can see a trend.

It's not the occurrences that matter, nor the reactions. It's the conclusions you need to worry about.