reply to post by Sahabi
you have helped me attain a bit more peace once again, thank you, iam truly happy i stumbled upon this place, i have tried to send a private message
but it is not allowing me to, is there any way to send messages?
i also seek knowledge, i dont think it says anything about intelligence, although a keen intellect can help cut through knowledge like a knife, but
whats more important is to have a burning desire to understand, and that is what ive had seemingly all my life, i see the same in my little 10 year
old brother, i first saw it when he asked me why the sun doesnt run out of power, an interesting thing for a child to think about....its this
questioning that leads to exploration, its the motivation to start the path to knowledge, my only problem is that the more i learn the deeper the
rabbit hole gets.....the more i learn, the more i realize theres always more and what i knew before was incomplete, do i seek to be complete? why do i
feel more detached from myself the more i learn about the world? i always thought that when i understood more about the world and about the human
condition i would understand myself better, but in reality its been the opposite, i feel less and less like myself....
and i actually would love to learn to meditate, im kind of afraid of it to be honest.....a few years ago i tried, first off, it was difficult to
silence my mind, but once i did and i lay there, i swear im not lying, but i felt as if i was leaving my body, my soul, or whatever it is inside of
me, started to drift off, it was scary and i got up and never tried it again......out of body experiences scare me, they make me feel uncomfortable
and make me feel like iam losing myself, i dont know why but i need to be grounded securely in my body.....since you are into buddhism im sure you
know about the pineal gland, this year ive been feeling it i think, its a strange feeling, i can concentrate and feel a wave of energy unleashing..i
feel like i have unlimited potential inside me.....but then i become fearful and shut it down......am i just programmed to shy away to be scared? i
wonder what it is im so afraid of.....
and this will sound crazy but when i really concentrate and think about the physical world, i lose sense of 3 dimensional space, a lot of people
believe we are distinctly separated from our environment bc we have a clear body structure and skin, but i know better(certain neuroscience
experiments prove that we can trick our brain into thinking a rubber hand across the room is yours, we can integrate seemingly unconnected things into
our body schema).....skin is just a layer, when i think about something like this for example, i feel like im stuck in a protoplasm of life, a part of
it, when you move your hand side to side in your room, you are not moving your hand in an empty space, you are moving through it and with it.....ive
always been able to be a good student because when i learn something, i dont just learn and memorize it, I FEEL IT, it becomes a part of my reality(i
believe the more we learn of the world, the more we become of it, its quite often a burden we must carry around)......the fact that i feel so much is
a problem because it makes me feel like iam not normal, like iam crazy, although i know iam not.....its so hard to describe what i feel, i hope you
can understand....
edit on 18-8-2011 by subjectivelife because: added more