I need to vent

Hi everyone, let me say first that I apologize in advance. This is not a typical rant. This is just me needing to clear my head. This is more of a thread for me and my mental health lol.

First off I am 31 years old, married for 11 years and I have a 5 year old daughter. I am back in college double majoring in biology and health science, and I work as a paramedic.

I served for 2 years in the Air Force and was medically discharged due to a sever shoulder injury. I had been going great up until about 2 years ago. I never applied for a disability rating when I was discharged because frankly I did not see my self as disabled and I did not want the help. I was able to rehab my shoulder enough to get a job as a paramedic. About 2 years ago I began to have issues with my shoulder. I have had 3 surgeries in the past 2 years on it. Anyway I finally aplied for disability benefits and I am getting some compensation.

Part of the compensation is Vocational Rehabilitation. Basically they are paying for school plus providing a monthly stipend to offset the fact I am not working as much. The goal of this program is to get me the skills to get a new job that is far less physically demanding on my shoulder than my job now. I want to stay in medicine, and they agreed with me. They requier me to provide job data for certain fields so that they know I will be able to find work when I am done with school.

On to my rant/vent. I am just finishing my first year. I have gone fall/ spring/ and just finishing summer session. Before I was working full time and my wife was a stay at home mom. She wanted to stay home with our daughter, and the price of daycare is extremely high. I made a decent enough salary to the point we were doing ok financially. We by no means are or were well off, but the cost of living in northern MN is pretty low so we survived. The VA pays for my tuition and books and they provide me with $800 a month for a monthly stipend. I have a 30% disability rating which is an additional $400 a month. We had enough in savings before I went to school so we were able to live off of the $1200 from the VA and the savings we had. Plus I stayed on the ambulance part time. When me and my wife married she had alot of debt from student loans, and we just finished paying them off 2 years ago. I am afraid I am going to have to take out loans now because we dont have enough left in savings to live off of. The $1200 I get from the VA is about exactly what our monthly bills are. My part time work isnt enough for the rest of the month for gas, and food. I recently quit smoking so that will be an extra $150 a month I dont spend.

My shoulder has been getting worse and I am scheduled to see an orthopedic down at the VA in Nebraska in August. They want to perform a semi fusion of my shoulder joint, which they say will eliminate my problems I have been doing research on the side about my shoulder condition, and I have a few doctor friends from my work on the ambulance helpping me with some of my options as to what I should do. The consensus from my research and from my doctor friends is that my body produces to much collagen and it makes my tendons and ligaments very stretchy. It is said that the body slows down collagen production at about the age of 35. That is only 4 years away. I have told my doctors at the VA that I dont want this surgery becuase it will severly limit my range of motion and it is a permanent procedure. I want to wait and see if my collagen production decreases and therefore relieves some of my shoulder problems. They are telling me if I do not go with this procedure then I risk loosing my disability and my vocational rehab. I know that if I stay on the ambulance my shoulder will get worse and my back is becoming affected because I am lifting awkwardly as to not put a lot of stress on my shoulder. I also know that it will be almost impossible for me to finish school without this VA program. If I was single or it was just me and my wife I would probably be able to do it, but the fact we have a kid makes it very hard to live just off of student loans and my part time work.

My wife and I talked about her going back to work, but in the end she would be working just to pay for daycare which seems like a complete waste. Potentially she could work part time and hopefully work her shifts out so that I am home with our daughter while she works, and when I am school she is home. It just seems like things are starting to spin out of control and that I my education is being held hostage by the VA. Maybe this is all hitting me harder now that I am going through withdrawl from smoking, I dont know. I do know that it has helpped to get this down on "paper" and out of my head. I should probably just delete this as to not waste anyone's time on here but then again I may be missing something, and one of you reading this may have some tips or ideas for me. I know the majority of people on here are good people, and I stand a pretty low risk of getting flamed on this thread so with that said I am going to post this.

Thanks for your time, and I will try and answer any questions you have for me, within reason. I am not going to provide details or answers that I think are too personal.

Sounds like your doing great things.

Good for you, sorry you are down right now.

reply to post by lcbjr1979


It seems to me that you are doing all you can do....I understand why you want to wait for your surgery...and your reasons make sense....but if you do wait...you may loose your financial help in school...that sucks! I really don't know exactly what to tell you...except that maybe you can stall them for another year or so.....and see what develops. Maybe by then you will know more. The idea of your wife working a part-time job...and the hours being when you are at home...so no money needs to be spent on a sitter...is a good idea.

My heart goes out to you and your family....and I am praying for you. I admire you for what your are doing to improve your life...and also the fact that you are not giving up.

I think your in the wrong place to vent your issues. Go to vbn.com. Yep, I'm a veteran under chapter 61 here. There are a many good folks that will give you good direction on that site.

Good luck and thank you for your service.

What about your wife working from home? Things like cooking and delivering meals to the disabled and elderly. I have a friend who makes quite a healthy living doing that! Or starting a day care in her home, with just a couple of kids to start. Some medical practices offer part time work in medical transcription, or certain drug rehab places farm out their transcription programs.

I agree with you on wanting to wait on the surgery until you can verify the collagen theory. Insurance companies are sure to begin "requiring" procedures (come on, it's soon to be the government!) in order to retain coverage for certain treatments. You have no control over your own health decisions!

You seem to be between a rock and a hard place right now but I predict it will work out .
You seem to be on the right track by futhering you education and to better yourself.

S & F I hope things work out for you !

reply to post by lcbjr1979


Congratulations man. After many years of lurking, and many times finding excuses not to join, it was your post that got me to finally give in. You have the honor of my first ever reply (half-joking). The reason for this is that I'm 25, an Air Force veteran of the Iraq War, majoring in RN and Health Sciences, and I'm an EMT. The similar story is what brought me in, save for the wife and child. So if you don't mind some me shooting some possibilities from what may be a younger you, I've got a few ideas.

Don't destroy your shoulder. By that, I mean, opt out of the surgery. Damn the consequences. As a fellow healthcare practitioner of similar-seeming background, you should know that age is no magic number. Your collagen production may decline magically in four years, or it may already be starting. Also, it may never happen for you.

Continue with school. We both know that EMS doesn't pay the greatest unfortunately. There will be great rewards for you down the line. Imagine having that degree now and already having gone through your struggle. In a few years, you'll be able to fully realize that goal.

While I could be debated on the realities of raising a child, I would argue that it's much better to do this now while your child is young, rather than later. You'll be able to provide a much better life for them and in the grand scheme of life, you'll look back on this as a small trial rewarded with a bright future.

Now onto some possibilities... Live differently. Consider taking on a roommate. Just a fellow student looking to buckle down and get through school. Another former military type. Living off of the G.I. Bill, I would have jumped all over this. Offer no or reduced rate rent in exchange for child care. I know it's hard to trust people but you know someone fresh out of the military should be pretty trustworthy. Analyze your spending constantly. While your wife is home, maybe she could take up couponing or even offer to watch other children for extra income. There are a few websites that let you work from home. The ones that aren't scams pay very little but if you're that close to the edge, it could make all the difference. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post that info but I'm going to anyway. You can try KGB or ChaCha. I've done it myself when times got rough.

Anyway, best of luck and I'll continue monitoring this thread.

ETA: I forgot a few things. While you're in school, have your wife research scholarships for you. If she's crafty enough, she can even apply on your behalf. depending on your school and the type of scholarship, this money should find it's way straight into your bank account. Don't forget the Pell Grant and any state grants that may be available to you. These have made all the difference to me. Also, see if your school offers work-study programs where you can earn money in between classes. Unfortunately in my area, this is only offered to those failure types that will end up using the money for drugs only to drop out of school later. Same with scholarships here *sigh*. Although, if you're near a VA hospital, you can get veteran's preference to do work-study there. I just recently found out about this. Check with your school's vet office for more details. Overall, get back into your BMT mindset. You know what I mean. Give it all you've got and you'll get through this. We both know what you're really capable of.

It would be best if your wife works on the hours that you are home so you can watch your child. You need two incomes these days to get by.

reply to post by brilab45


Thank you for the info. I feel pretty dumb not thinking about a forum like that for veterans.

reply to post by SpringHeeledJack


Thank you. Allow me to be the first to welcome you to boards. It made me feel good reading your post, and knowing you felt strongly enough by what I wrote to sign up here. I agree with you when you say it is easier to do this while my child is young. I think it would be harder when she is older and wanting to be in activities and all that stuff.

And to all the others on here, I want to say thank you as well. All the feedback is definately helpping put me more at ease so to speak. I still am not sure how to quote multiple people and respond in one post, so I dont want to blow up the thread with all my posts responding to others, which is why you all get the group thank you here.

reply to post by lcbjr1979


Your not dumb. Just needed a little nudge into the right place. I really wish you the best. It's such a hard road in getting justice. It took me quite a long time to get my due. Again, good luck to you.