Things I would rather do then get married again

I couldn't think of a better place to post this.....go figure.

set myself on fire and run through a meth lab
sit on a 48" florescent bulb
swallow crude oil
be eaten alive by guppies
be raped by the 7 dwarves on a daily basis
teabag a hornets nest
jump out of a plane with no chute
be dragged behind a cop car doing 130
cut off my own head and play soccer with it
have golf balls thrown at me forever
pull my nails out with plliers and stick them in my eyes
be drawn and quartered ,
be skinned alive
put my leg in a wood chipper and make stew with the output
pull my lip up over my head and back down my back rather
pluck my eyes out with a spoon
be buried alive
be eaten by rats
stuff my balls in a running blender

reply to post by NuroSlam


Mate, sounds like you had an unhappy marriage.

I would not disregard it so easily though. However, this is your choice, and as long as you feel happy, and confident in your choice, so be it. No one can judge you.

vvv

reply to post by VreemdeVlieendeVoorwep
Should have read my ex wifes response to this when she saw my
I'd rather..." page on FB. dare I say classic?

LMAO ! Nothing better than a good marriage, nothing worst when it goes bad. Thanks for a good laugh to start the day.

Originally posted by NuroSlam
reply to post by VreemdeVlieendeVoorwep

 

Should have read my ex wifes response to this when she saw my
I'd rather..." page on FB. dare I say classic?

edit on 13-7-2011 by NuroSlam because: (no reason given)

Please, do tell.

Originally posted by Somehumanbeing

Originally posted by NuroSlam
reply to post by VreemdeVlieendeVoorwep

 

Should have read my ex wifes response to this when she saw my
I'd rather..." page on FB. dare I say classic?

edit on 13-7-2011 by NuroSlam because: (no reason given)

Please, do tell.

It was along the lines of "oh my god, you really hate me that much?" I will say we got along MUCH better now that I don't have to sleep with her.

reply to post by NuroSlam


Ive never been married, but just maybe, this little bit of stand up comedy will help a bit.



(The comedian just got divorced a little bit before the show)

Awwww Sweetheart!!!, but I've been stalking you for years, just hoping to propose to you!!!!!
Are you sure about the seven dwarfs thing? Maybe you need to explore your personal sexuality a bit more - - har har.

Originally posted by ovumcranium
Awwww Sweetheart!!!, but I've been stalking you for years, just hoping to propose to you!!!!!
Are you sure about the seven dwarfs thing? Maybe you need to explore your personal sexuality a bit more - - har har.

Oh my god, its you! i saw you in my parking lot lastnight!!!

YES!! That was me in the hot fish net stockings and high heels!!! Boy you run fast...

Ha - I've been trying for ages to think up something to say to use up my stupid 20 required first posts. Gee, I'm so glad you're here to bother!!

ah ah ah uh uh 19!!! Almost there!!! Only one more stupid post to go and I'm official!!! So how bout it, want to get married???

There it is!! Ha ha, I'm 20 posts now, I'm officially like... almost something, huh? I'd give you a flag or star or a lolly or something, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet either - ha ha ha. Congratulations on our engagement!!!! Isn't this great??? Hey, I do have a ring for you, next time you're in the parking lot don't run!!!! Love always!!!!!

Originally posted by ovumcranium
There it is!! Ha ha, I'm 20 posts now, I'm officially like... almost something, huh? I'd give you a flag or star or a lolly or something, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet either - ha ha ha. Congratulations on our engagement!!!! Isn't this great??? Hey, I do have a ring for you, next time you're in the parking lot don't run!!!! Love always!!!!!

Wow, you are a stalker. Big smooches to you too

Do you like the marriage sham?
I do not like it, Sam-I-am.
I do not like the marriage sham.

Will you marry here or there?

I would not marry here or there.
I would not marry anywhere.
I do not like the marriage sham,
I do not like it, Sam-I-am.

Would you live with her in a house?
Would you like her in a new blouse?

I would not like her in a house.
I woId not like her with a new blouse
I will not tie the knot here or there,
I will not tie it anywhere.

I don't need another ex
Three time's enough, not worth the sex.
I do not like so many exes
But it seems I sure like seckses.

Would you take a mistress on the side?
Would you retreat to your den to hide?
Would you be nagged and would you confess?
Would you vanish into ATS?

I do not like her in the courts,
I do not like her talkin' torts.

I do not like the marriage sham
I do not like it, Sam I am.

reply to post by silent thunder


Star for that poem.

I liked that little rhyme. Wicked Awesome!!!!


reply to post by NuroSlam


They call Marriage an Institution, they got that right, you have to be in a strait jacket to stay in it.

ha ha yeah, you betcha...in your dreams you have some sexy young thang stalking you....But no, your're actually safe from me... I'm held captive by an cruel narcissistic humanoid con-artist ogre far far away - by court order no less. Imagine that. Someday I'll escape back to good ol' US of A... if it's still there...?

Originally posted by ovumcranium
ha ha yeah, you betcha...in your dreams you have some sexy young thang stalking you....But no, your're actually safe from me... I'm held captive by an cruel narcissistic humanoid con-artist ogre far far away - by court order no less. Imagine that. Someday I'll escape back to good ol' US of A... if it's still there...?

DaMn, I thought i was close to identifying her, welp, back to the drawing board.

reply to post by NuroSlam


You are a wise man NuroSlam

reply to post by NuroSlam


Here are a few I'd like to add:

Enjoy my family and friends, like normal humans do.
Enjoy myself occasionally, by persuing a hobby of mine
Breath without clenching my teeth
Realize there is life beyond this moment...

CJ