Still curious why all of my relationships fail

reply to post by Leemo


Get a fern or a pet. Your much better off being alone. Its not worth the depression, the anxiety, the sadness, the pain of losing your inheritance (and your children if someday you have one with a woman because she sure would love that alimony). Women own men today in this country. They have power over men today and the judicial system always favors them. Thats why they have all the education and better rights then man today and the women know this. They will use the wild card of 'I will leave you if you don't do it my way' because your money and life is at stake. By the way, if your still with a woman and have child with her by any chance out of luck, she will wait until that child is grown up and leave you for a much younger man because it is easier for a woman to pick up a younger man than it is for a man to pick up a younger woman (unless your rich or can afford a prostitute). Just get a pet or a fern if your lonely. Or go gay, men know how you feel much better than a woman and a gay man can't take away what a woman can from you. Trust me on this I have tested this on people and I have really seen alot in my travels. America is chits when it comes to relationships. Its about greed, selfishness, arrogance, ego, and take take take....me me me me me me me!!!!! America is the pimp and the women in this country are the prostitutes. I don't lie!!!

reply to post by Rising Against


Well it's all to do with what sort of player you are

It's true that this guy hasn't met the right woman yet but.
There is no point in waiting for a girl, because you must find her.
That's the point of being a man.

Originally posted by Leemo
I'm male, 22 turning 23 and all I can say is that I've been in like 3 relationships before and every girl that I've been with left me or cheated on me, I really have no idea if I'm just too nice to them or whatever, everyone tells me I'm way too much a nice guy and easily gets taken advantage of, but I really have no idea why this happens, any insight on other people's experiences would be helpful

5 months going strong on my own! =D

Women are selfish shallow creatures that only demand equality when it favors their gender at that moment. Being a nice guy doesn't mean jack to women. Once girls see you have even one weakness they'll cheat on you for some alpha male.

DO NOT BE THE NICE GUY. Women won't say it but it makes you look less masculine and as we all know women are slaves to instinct. They naturally go after the tall fit alpha males, men with higher status, or just all around more masculine guys.

I'm in the same situation, most of my female friends find it weird I'm single cos I'm "nice" but most girlfriends backstabbed me in one way or another.

Don't change who you are, be proud of being nice. Sooner or later someone will come along that will cherrish just that

I'm steering well clear of any relationship and have been for well over a year until I'm sure

Originally posted by Leemo
I'm male, 22 turning 23 and all I can say is that I've been in like 3 relationships before and every girl that I've been with left me or cheated on me, I really have no idea if I'm just too nice to them or whatever, everyone tells me I'm way too much a nice guy and easily gets taken advantage of, but I really have no idea why this happens, any insight on other people's experiences would be helpful

5 months going strong on my own! =D

Kindness and goodness are strengths and wonderful character qualities to have. It is not that you have done a lot of things wrong...your previous girlfriends are the offenders....it is what is wrong with them...not you. They were not good enough for you.

I suspect also you need to cultivate some savvy...that will come with time and experiences.

Also...the people that tell you not to be a nice and good person...don't listen to them....that is naturally who you are....also the guys that are macho players...are for the most part....very unhappy,,,lonely...unloved people...because their lives are so shallow.

Don't sell out...don't try to be what you are not....stay good and kind....someday a young woman will come along who is good and kind too and be just the right one for you!

Originally posted by Leemo
I really don't know what I'd do without you guys out here! Thanks a lot I needed the boost of confidence =D I guess everyone is right that I have to start being more cocky and such, right on!

Leemo, whether people disagree with what I have to say, I've been there. Meaning, I was too nice, young, and naive. People used to say, I was picking the wrong girls or what not but we can't control the type of girls we are attracted to. So don't listen to people that say. "Oh you have to find the right type of girls." I say bull# to that. You just have to have the right game!!!!!

Your taste will change as you get older and realize what you are truly looking for in a relationship, but right now, don't get too serious with anyone at your age. Have fun and date as many girls as possible. I repeat, date as many girls as possible. Just remember, have that "I don't give a #" attitude and don't get emotionally involved too quickly. GL

Originally posted by Frankenchrist
Walk up to a girl and tell her that you dig her shoes.

Don't do this, she'll think you are gay...

Only 3 failures? Talk to us when it's three dozen.

1. Don't fall for the "sensitive guy" schtick. Women say they want a sensitive guy, but they go out with the macho guy. They aren't always muscle, but they have a macho self-confident attitude.

2. The selfish gene theory: Men want pretty women because they look healthier and are likely to reproduce healthy offspring. At a basic level, bigger boobs means more milk for the kids. Women want men who are secure, who can protect them and give them an environment safe to raise the kids. Look in the personals column anywhere. "Woman seeking secure man." Man seeking pretty women, height/weight proportionate" It's still just like cave man days. That basic survival level is still with us today. Having said that, anything over a moutfull is a waste. Or handfull. Adjust as appropriate to the circumstances.

3. Wanting to connect is a bad thing. You've got to get to the point where you don't need, don't crave, and don't care. Getting with a woman should not be the top priority in your life. Women normally need to fend off guys, one after the other. When a guy does not express interest, they wonder what is wrong with themselves. It makes you more attractive.

4. (Not saying you have any, but) slovenly habits are a turn-off. Socks don't go on the floor. Dishes get washed. The bed gets made. Cut your hair and dress neatly even if it is jeans. Clean your fingernails. Wear a moderate dedorant. Brush your teeth. A haggard, slovenly look means "Stay away!" Nobody wants a project.

5. Women will be attracted to you because of who you are and what you're interested in. When I was your age I could cast an astrology chart from scratch (There were no computer programs back then). It does not matter if astrology is "true." That's not the point. It's a conversation piece. "You're a Taurus. That means you're kinda stubborn." "You're a Gemini. I bet you like lots of different things." "You're a Libra. I'll bet social justice is important to you." It sounds "objective," but it's totally about them. And if they say, "Screw social justice. Let's go kill somethin'!" then you also have a conversation starter.

God, I'm glad I'm three times your age. I would NOT want to go through all that again. Too many mistakes. I leave you with two thoughts. Be faithful and be respectful. It's not all about getting laid. When you're old enough to have a few grandchildren, those are the only two things you have that define your life. You'll want to look back on your life with fondness rather than regret. Be careful that you don't f that part up.

Don't look. You said five months on your own and going strong. Keep on going in that direction, and just work on confidence. Women and men both have desparate radars. You are probably getting used and thrown away.
You don't have to be macho, you don't have to be a jerk, but you don't have to be a doormat. You can be nice, and still be chased. This goes for both sexes, never let the partner think they already have you. Once the chase is over, it gets boring. I don't care how long you have been married, you need the chase in some fashion. The uncertainty keeps both partners trying and keeps things interesting.
But if your looking for a relationship, the radar goes off. Which is why you meet the most people when you are in a relationship. You are putting off signals that you are off limits, which leads to the chase.

I sounded exactly like the OP when I was that age. I got out of that rut, and I'm sure you will, too. The only question is, how long will it take.

Here's what I'd tell me, if I went back in time:

1. Realize that when it comes to relationships, you are selling a product: yourself. Now, just because it is sales, don't think you have to lie or misrepresent or rip people off. You want a satisfied customer. Even so, you would do everything in your power to sell a used car by advertizing it in its best light. Do the same for yourself. Why should someone want to be with you. Seriously, boil it down to 5 qualities, and learn to convey those 5 qualities in the context of one or two encounters.

2. ABC
Since you are too young to recognize that, I'll spell it out for you: Always Be Closing. Always be making the sale, clinching the deal. If you see a pretty girl at the bookstore, then introduce yourself. FORCE YOURSELF to do this, even if it is a disaster. I posted, long ago, about my college roommate, who propositioned girl after girl for sex. Number 76 went to bed with him. He was failing college, he was broke, he was short and had acne. He had no car. But she took him back to her place and unleashed the beast. I'm just saying. What if you have to talk to 76 pretty girls to find the 1 who wants to be in a relationship (of whatever sort) with you? Are you willing to do that? If you are, then even if it embarrasses you, then you might as well get started. Once you get the first 75 out of the way, the rest is a cake walk.

3. Don't be desperate.
Nothing is less sexy than desperation. Never telegraph that you are desperate. Not to your kid brother, not to your boss or your business partner. Letting someone think you are desperate gives the other person power over you. They begin to kid themselves that they are better than you, that they can control you. Seriously. I'm not just talking about women, either. ALL humans are this way. If you will relax, the other person can relax, too.

4. Be confident
It's OK to lie about this once facet of your self; but only because we become what we pretend to be, when it comes to courage. Be sure of yourself, even if you are wrong. Don't be sure of your sexiness, or your genius, or any of that crap. But be confident that you are worth it, and that you will find someone who can love you back. I learned (back when I played the field), to project the fact that when the sun went down, I'd be screwing somebody; and if you didn't want it to be you, I was ok with that as well. I was fine with a woman being hard to get, but never being merely a tease, or treating me as "just a friend" if I wanted something more. While that stance does not jibe with the morals I have since developed later in life, it helped me cut to the chase where women are concerned. It helped them to treat me like an equal, or move on.

5. Treat dating like an enjoyable game.
IF you are looking for a spouse, you wont ever find her with what I see as your current mind-set. Just relax, and get to know a few nice girls (and maybe a few really rotten ones, too) on your way to Ms. Right. Enjoy taking ladies on dates, and have a good time getting to know them, whether you score or not. THAT attitude alone will probably double the number of mating rituals you get invited to.

6. Learn to shower your female friend with lots of focused, personal attention.
This probably works for men, too; I just have never been interested. But learn what kind of things she likes. Get her a small inexpensive gift that speaks to her interests or outlook, and it will matter to her for the rest of her life. I dated a pianist in the mid 1980's, and gave her a little music-box shaped like a piano that played her favorite song, on an occasion that meant a lot to her personally. 25 years and two husbands later, she still has that little piano music-box sitting on her desk in her home. See, that relationship mattered to both of us, although we met other people and did other things with our lives. That relationship was not a waste of time, even if it was not permanent. It mattered, and helped both of us grow up just a little bit.

STMF.

They cheated on you for a reason.
They found someone else that was rocking their brains senseless.
You couldn't keep their attention, not the other way around.

Played the nice guy role? Guess what? She dominated you. She conquered you. What more does she want? Something new and exciting. You caved in. You became a little puppy dog. You want to know why they all left?

You weren't man enough. You didn't show them you could live without them. You didn't show her that you could have another girl at the drop of a dime. You carried yourself like a child, not a man. You didn't think before you spoke, you spoke selfishly without a purpose. You didn't really focus on her feelings, otherwise she wouldn't have left. You didn't do a good job. Your game is at 0. While you're sitting there, wondering how to get girls, someone else is banging another chick that could have been yours.

You want to be that guy right? The one that can have any girl he wants. You want all of the glory but you aren't making any sacrifices. You're turning 23, you've been with 3 girls. Do you want someone to feel sorry for you and say "Aww, poor baby" or do you want the cold hard truth? 3 girls is pathetic man. Apparently they weren't even 3 good relationships, 3 #ty ones where you got dumped.

It's not them. It's you. Get your # together, and man it up. If you really need advice, than the few tidbits you're going to find here aren't going to help. In your situation, you're going to need some serious help or you're going to need to man up quick.

For the help part, read this:
Neil Strauss "The Game"

I know you'll enjoy thoroughly what you read in there. It's only a starting point. Best of luck pal, get out of your rut.

Originally posted by schuyler
Only 3 failures? Talk to us when it's three dozen.

1. Don't fall for the "sensitive guy" schtick. Women say they want a sensitive guy, but they go out with the macho guy. They aren't always muscle, but they have a macho self-confident attitude.

We do this when we're younger. The macho ones are usually the biggest jerks, of course, but they have the guts to approach in the first place. That's why they get the girls.

As we get older, that's less and less attractive to us and we realize that the "nice" guys make the best husbands and lovers. Like you guys, it takes us awhile to figure out what we want in a relationship, too.

2. The selfish gene theory: Men want pretty women because they look healthier and are likely to reproduce healthy offspring. At a basic level, bigger boobs means more milk for the kids. Women want men who are secure, who can protect them and give them an environment safe to raise the kids. Look in the personals column anywhere. "Woman seeking secure man." Man seeking pretty women, height/weight proportionate" It's still just like cave man days. That basic survival level is still with us today. Having said that, anything over a moutfull is a waste. Or handfull. Adjust as appropriate to the circumstances.

Probably true. We need to know that you're going to stick around for 18+ years so we're not stuck raising your kids on our own while you get to live your life scot free.

Getting with a woman should not be the top priority in your life. Women normally need to fend off guys, one after the other. When a guy does not express interest, they wonder what is wrong with themselves. It makes you more attractive.

That's another thing women grow out of. Just because a man doesn't express a sexual interest right away doesn't make him a jerk, and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It just means he's not interested. We're not sexually interested in every man we meet, and it's unrealistic to assume that men should be any different.

4. (Not saying you have any, but) slovenly habits are a turn-off. Socks don't go on the floor. Dishes get washed. The bed gets made. Cut your hair and dress neatly even if it is jeans. Clean your fingernails. Wear a moderate dedorant. Brush your teeth. A haggard, slovenly look means "Stay away!" Nobody wants a project.

And yet many women are still willing to put up with this, thinking they can "change" a man if only they try hard enough. It's not gonna happen. Personally, I don't want a man who thinks it's okay to exchange his mother for me. I am not your mother and I'm not going to be your mother. I already have children and I don't need another one.

Along those lines, I really have never met a man who can hit the laundry hamper with his dirty clothes. Is that just a guy thing?

5. Women will be attracted to you because of who you are and what you're interested in. When I was your age I could cast an astrology chart from scratch (There were no computer programs back then). It does not matter if astrology is "true." That's not the point. It's a conversation piece. "You're a Taurus. That means you're kinda stubborn." "You're a Gemini. I bet you like lots of different things." "You're a Libra. I'll bet social justice is important to you." It sounds "objective," but it's totally about them. And if they say, "Screw social justice. Let's go kill somethin'!" then you also have a conversation starter.

Absolutely agree! The point is, just talk to us like we're normal human beings. That's all you need to get a conversation started. Everyone likes books and movies, right? Talk about that. Or pets. Just talk!