Female disdain for other females

As I probe the endless fascinating mysteries of male-female differences, I come upon an interesting outcropping, a formation...I zoom my telescope in...ah yes, here we have female-female conflict dynamics, something that most men never will be able to fully comprend...

I have a very intuitive, immediate grasp of male-male disdain, conflict, and so forth, as do most men. But the way similar scenarios play out among females is by and large mysterious to us men. Females seem to close ranks and cover up their inter-female fights when a man appears, so I often think I don't get a sense of what is really going on.

What do you make of female-female conflict dynamics? Things like shunning, ostracism, gossip, disdain, establishment of a pecking order, etc. among females? Any other comments?

Girls don't have friends, they have frenemies.

reply to post by silent thunder


For me personally, the female-female gossip, pecking order, etc... was mainly in Highschool, and, due to insecuritys, at that time for most girls who want to have a social life, other females are seen as competition. Some girls deserve the disdain from other girls, but for the most part it is insecurity and competition. The gossip and such is just a way girls try to show domination over other girls " i can make you cry at night because i "ruined" your life-" kind of crap. I will admit I was guilty of it a few times, and I was also a victim of it many times; But I believe as females mature we can see past that, to see who our real friends are and - If I am gossiping or doing disrespectful things to any girls ,then why are they even in my life? you know? So I just try to be me now, and accept others for who they are.


EDIT- also I would like to say that I think any relationship should be about respect, if you cant respect the person, stay away from them, you shouldn't be talkin Sh**T anyways

reply to post by Lysergic


This is why they like having guy friends.

reply to post by silent thunder


Yep. Female on Female Hate runs rampant in my office.

We have this one girl. That hates another girl. Both are pretty. But from right off the bat I can only assume that the one girl saw her as competition and right there and then branded her a slutty whore.

And mind you the other girl comes to work. Doesn't gossip and from what I've seen just does her job and doesn't bother anyone else.

Why the hate? I don't know but it's there.

I can only assume that it's a instinctual, limited mate resources thing.

I've seen women do some pretty ugly things to each other. And usually the ugliest backstabbing happens when a man is involved.

I've often heard about this supposed animosity between females. I've never understood it, despite being a female myself. When I first moved to the city where I currently live, I struck up a friendship with another girl - or at least I blithely assumed it was a friendship. It was not long before she began making snide remarks to me/about me at almost any opportunity in a social setting. If I got into a conversation with her husband while out with people at the pub she'd watch like a hawk, and when she deemed we'd been talking for a few seconds too long, she'd jump up and go outside for a cigarette. All I'd done was be friendly in an attempt to integrate socially into a new city and try to make friends with everyone.

This was really quite frustrating, as I cannot stand it when people have a problem, but do not say it directly, and resort to passive-aggressive behaviours. Rather than follow suit, though, I just wrote her off and pretty much ignored her. If I have a problem with someone, I won't hesitate to tell them what it is, and why it's a problem. I can see why this girl was so catty towards me - I'm not exactly unattractive if I may say so myself, and she must have felt threatened by my presence. It's just compensating for their insecurities, and a lot of women seem to have a lot of those.

The way I see it, if someone's an arsehole towards me, whether they be male or female, then I simply stop aring about them. Easy as that. It's immature and ridiculous.

Perhaps it's a remnant of the previous subjugation of women. Because they had no real power in society, they would, for example, persuade and manipulate their husands to act in accordance with their own wishes. A genetically learned behaviour or something? Either way, there's no need for it now and I hope such women will cease to do it so much - it's giving all of us a bad name.

I'ev always wondered about this! To put it in a cliched format, men can fight one another, and then go out for a beer, but women seem to form this seething jealousy and hatred for other women, and cover it up with a sickly sweetness.

However, I will say that I think women can also form some of the closest relationships with one another as well, which may not be as easy for men to do.

I believe it all revolves around jealousy though. I know some say that it is not as socially acceptable for little girls to kick each other's butts physically, which causes them to learn how to internalize their anger and this allows it to evolve into a mass of hate. This makes sense to me.

I would like to tell you that I've been best friends with the same woman for 32 years. We have stuck together through good and bad, weddings and funerals, having and raising kids, and last year even at the birth of a grandchild.

I honestly think the reason we've held it together so long when other women have not is because we have no jealousy of each other. We don't play catty games or talk about each other behind backs.If one of us has a problem we talk directly to each other rather than whining to everybody else about it. If one of us is P.O.'d about something we spit it out before it can fester. Sometimes we just have to agree to disagree.

When other women hang out with us if they start gossiping or acting jealous or catty we just don't invite them anymore. Life is too short to waste time on people who try to make others feel bad just to make themselves feel better!

reply to post by DeepThoughtCriminal


Im sorry to hear your friend did that. I was a little more naive and when I my Highschool best friend and I had been friends for 2 years, something horrible happened to me. My best friend told everyone at every party we went to for almost a year that "guess what everyone, Liz got raped by **** hahahahhhaahaha" Well im glad all my friends thought this was funny (sarcasam). We all knew the guy that did it, and he was a fat little douchy c*ck sucker. Well once they found out who it was they thought it was even funnier. Not sure why, but after I cried and told them how embarassing I thought that was that they would do such a thing to me, I continued to be their friends for 7 years, with our friendships ending in january, due to the fact that I grew up and chose higher education and they chose their parents money and alchohol. I have come to terms with everkything I have gone through in my life so I am comfortable talking about it now but back then it was an insensitive thing they did.

i have very few female friends, and the ones i do have i dont trust, not like my male friends.
they spend so much time gossiping and spreading lies about other women and when those women walk in the room they act al buddy, they all do it, so its pretty much 100% theyll do it to me.
i hast being in a room with women all they do is judge each other, the most common is weight conparison, such as one girl/woman might be a little bigger today so shes fat, then another will have lost weight which then they moan and act jealous, nothing like competative eatting disorders,
this is the worst for me but there are other like how many men so and so has been with, what they are wearing, make up and hair.
i just havent got the time or energy for it.
comparing a girls night out and a guys night out, mens nights outs are so much more fun.
women are so busy trying not to mess the hair, make up or clothes they never have fun, and spend huge amounts of time in the toilet fixing there appearence, this is my worst pet peeve.
mens nights out are no holds barred fun, and they are vast and varied and above all fun.

rant over

Female relationships are far more complicated then male relationships. Your not going to be able to understand it.

But to simplify it: women are friends unless they are competition.

reply to post by silent thunder


Women are catty...simple as that. Even if they don't mean to be.

I've seen the women I know get mad at each other over the dumbest little things...and take forever to truly reconcile. (until then, they smile at each other in the open, while cursing them under their breath).

I think I know why, and it's actually more simple than you'd think.

WOMEN WANT TO WIN.

That's it.

So, when two women have an argument, they each seek to WIN the fight. With guys, or even in guy/girl disagreements, we're only willing to go so far before simply giving in just to get it over with.

Not true for women. For them, it's one of the central challenges of their existence...winning social situations.

They BOTH want to WIN. So, it takes longer for them to devise some way to put the issue to bed while they BOTH have a feeling they WON in some way or another.

Womens. Easy to understand, the only mystery is that there is no mystery.

1. They're conditioned to communicate indirectly. They're likewise conditioned to sublimate their social frustrations.

2. They're told from a young age that their primary source of power is in their capacity to illicit sexual interest. Conversely, they are condemned for seeking out sexual relations. Therefore, the fruits of their vanity aren't even theirs to enjoy. They're made to apportion an obscene amount of time and energy to their appearance. Any woman perceived as more attractive is regarded as a threat to their social/economic standing.

Likewise, any woman who doesn't conform to the same restrictive and ridiculous social mores the others conform to is ostracized out of resentment. They all secretly want to buck the trend, but aren't prepared to take a shunning. And so shun in return.

3. They're told that their poor behavior is a by-product of their hormonal make-up. Passive-aggression, back-biting, lack of reasoning skills, and other behavioral traits commonly observed in the sex, rather than being addressed and remedied; are instead perpetuated as being modes of behavior inherent to the sex.

Women didn't come to this. They were brought to it.

It would behoove us to recall that in societies that practice things like foot-binding and genital mutilation, that such measures are commonly visited by the mother upon the daughter. For her own good. How else can she grow up to have a husband, how else can she avoid being cast out?

reply to post by Gazrok


Dude-mang, I hate to break it to you, but you are projecting masculine psychology onto female behavior. Women aren't conditioned to be motivated by victory. Special exceptions occur, but you'll know that awe-inspiring beast when you meet her.

Women fail to concede because nothing is discussed in clear, neutral, direct terms. Everything is expressed indirectly, and mutual understanding is therefore minimal. Thus, reconciliation is delayed indefinitely.

reply to post by mistermonculous


You don't think women aren't conditioned for wanting social victory?

Seriously?

I would love to live in your world...

reply to post by Gazrok


They are conditioned for social survival.

Victory isn't even on the menu.

Pigs? When establishing a social order do so through bite-y skirmishes. And assign themselves numbers.

Lady pigs are more brutal than their male counterparts, and settle their hierarchies more quickly.

Humans are second to pigs in terms of their omnivorous advantage. Pigs can digest grass.

Pigs are second to humans in terms of our linguistic advantages. We no longer have to eat poo nor talk S*** to get by.

Ladies take notice.