Sexism, Flirtations, and the workplace. Where is the line? Weigh in

Originally posted by arriana
It really depends on the individual. I can be quite flirtatious at work, but the lads all know its just a bit of fun, and I don't act like that around new starters 'til they see that. The other girl in my office isn't quite as comfortable with things like that so the lads behave differently around her. It is no different to a group of friends outside of work really. That said my workplace is a lot more laid back than others,

There have been a couple of creepers of course one guy thought I just needed a "real man to put me back on track", and the lads had a word with him. Recently the other girl was followed home, and he was dealt with by the police. But again, this kind of stuff is not limited to the workplace anyway, in fact I think its less likely at work as we all have our wages to consider!

This is a good response and it also depends on the type of work you are in. Stressful environments sometimes allow for a more colorful banter. As long as people are all comfortable with the conversation and no offense is taken it is usually ok to be a little more "real" rather than walk all day on eggshells.

Originally posted by Illusionsaregrander

Originally posted by unicomsol

Yes, actually I have mostly dealt with the opposite end. I, being a computer geek whom occasionally walks and tries to avoid the computer geek look have had many a women chasing after me...not trying to be Mr. Studly or whatnot, just the fishbowl, nobody around so I am target...

You could always just look them in the eye and remind them sexual harassment is a two way street.

Although I have seen studies that indicate that males tend to interpret "friendly" signals from women as "she wants me signals" far more often than the other way round, so I would make sure that wasnt the issue first.

I have personally seen someone getting the total polite brush off walk away sure the woman wanted him, so....................maybe asking a friends objective honest opinion might help.

What are you talking about!

They all want me...I can tell by the way they pretend to ignore me!

I think a good rule of thumb is, if you wouldn't say it in front of children, don't say it. You can have fun relationships at work without having to go mature. Talk about tv, whatever.

I think as far as sexual harassment goes, it all depends upon who you are......

Bill Clinton seemed to be able to do whatever he wanted,

While Clarence Thomas had a different standard applied to him.

ETA: The office that I work in has on day a week set aside where sexual topics are 'okay' to talk about, and four letter words are tolerated.... we call it F_ _ _ Off Friday.

Originally posted by butcherguy


Bill Clinton seemed to be able to do whatever he wanted,

While Clarence Thomas had a different standard applied to him.

Im not sure why you are claiming those as examples of "different treatment." Both got dragged through the media, both kept their positions. Thomas wasnt even a current employee, he was in the approval process, and they still hired him, so really if anyone got the better end of it, he did. Not only was he not fired, (like Clinton) it didnt even dissuade them from hiring him.

Originally posted by Illusionsaregrander

Originally posted by butcherguy


Bill Clinton seemed to be able to do whatever he wanted,

While Clarence Thomas had a different standard applied to him.

Im not sure why you are claiming those as examples of "different treatment." Both got dragged through the media, both kept their positions. Thomas wasnt even a current employee, he was in the approval process, and they still hired him, so really if anyone got the better end of it, he did. Not only was he not fired, (like Clinton) it didnt even dissuade them from hiring him.

I guess the difference between the two would be unsubstantiated allegations against Clarence Thomas.... vs a semen-stained blue dress harboring Bill Clintons DNA ( also known as proof) in the case involving Monica Lewinski, an impressionable teenager that should not have to worry about workplace sexual harassment from the holder of the highest office in the land.

Personally, I believe that Anita Hill had zero credibility as a witness and she was most likely there to testify only because someone paid her or forced her to do so.

Bill Clinton should have been impeached and removed from office for being stupid enough to pull that stunt while in office.

Originally posted by butcherguy

Personally, I believe that Anita Hill had zero credibility as a witness and she was most likely there to testify only because someone paid her or forced her to do so.

Well, Im glad you said "personally" because thats all it is, personal opinion on your part. I myself hold a different opinion. Simply not having physical evidence of a crime does not mean a crime did not occur. It just means you have no evidence. It does make it harder to prove in court, which is why sexual harassment often goes unreported and unpunished. It usually boils down to a "he said, she said" situation where the victim cannot "prove" it happened.

She is a very credible witness, with nothing at all to gain from bringing a false charge against Thomas. Every intelligent woman knows if she reports sexual harassment or assault, SHE will be on trial. And if you think a brilliant young female attorney does not realize the flack she will take, I really dont know what to say. Just the fact that her allegations were SO unlikely to be proven tells me they were most likely true. If he were being set up, they would have done a lot better than that. Especially if they were going to ask a young female attorney to risk her career and credibility to try to sell that argument.

All of this is a slippery slope in the workplace.

It really depends on the individual imo. One may see something as too much and over the line where another may not.

For me it's different because of the work environment I am in. It takes a lot for me to get all up in arms over someone flirting or making comments.

Now if they are vulgar and they continue to bother me after I ask then yes I will get upset and so would anyone else. If someone asks you to stop, you stop.

Personally when I am in a regular work environment I do not like the constant hitting on, that annoys me!!

I think it's safe to say, the brains of this world have been spiraling out of control for some time now. Poo in, Poo out. With that said, it's all in YOUR head, from your mouth, comes your fantasies.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


I dont mind coarse language at all. And I love a good dirty joke. And light silly flirting I can tolerate too. But honestly? Even if its not directed AT me, I really dont like serious flirting in the work place. Please keep your mating habits and rituals in their appropriate locations.

I certainly would not report people for flirting with one another, but if they got too over the top, I would remind them strongly that they were at work, and I didnt want to see their mating displays. And I would say it loudly, just about like that, too.

reply to post by stefplz


Wow..so sorry you had to go through ALL of that crap....its bad enough with the rude comments...but he actually pinned you to the wall..wow..

and you get victimized for it....wonder how they would feel if it happened to their daughter..

what a world

reply to post by unicomsol

John: "Hey Jane, can you slide out for a moment, I have to get under the desk and check your network cable" Jane: "just crawl under, I may like it!" -spreads legs-

That is just disgusting behavior, for a work place. If a reference of that nature had been made by a man, many women would be very upset.

I've seen this type of behavior at work places,and there is nothing more irritating,then coworkers blatantly flirting with each other,especially when they are married.

You can still joke,be relaxed,and have fun at work without your mind always targeting sex.

Honestly ..here is my advice to the op//you're comeback need ts be a putdown...and strong enough that they won't try it again. A little ego bruising never hurt anyone who was so "unprofessional"

Please people... leave the flirting for after work drinks...you can have fun at work,without the sexual suggestions.

Quite honestly,I don't even like very suggestive talk like that at parties...especially between people who have partners.

Have you seen the movie Equilibrium?

Ya, that is how you're suppose to act...

reply to post by Illusionsaregrander

Well, Im glad you said "personally" because thats all it is, personal opinion on your part.

Cool, you are good with picking up obvious things. Some things aren't going to jump up and go 'boink' in your face though. Those little nuances hold a lot of info, believe it of not, like a gut feeling.

It just means you have no evidence.

Again, really obvious. And my point exactly, no evidence in the Clarence Thomas case, but actual evidence in the Bill Clinton case....DNA, and he gets a pass!

I draw the line at overt and crude remarks. Oh, and touching. If I know you, it's okay to give me a pat on the back or something like that. But if I don't know you from Adam's housecat, you better not touch me. All in all, it has to be extraordinarily overt before it bugs me.

reply to post by butcherguy


Evidence of what? That he got a consensual blow job? There was no allegation he had sexually harassed Monica Lewinsky. The blow job was evidence, but not evidence of anything other than the moral crime of cheating on his wife with a more than willing adult female.

They only crime they were trying to get him on was his lying about it, and perjuring himself over it and obstructing justice.

Sexual harassment is not the same as consensual sex. And had Hill been able to prove her case, Thomas would have also been lying, perjuring himself, wouldnt he?

You can try to belittle my argument all you want. It just sounds to me like you are partisan, and eager to hang a democrat and pardon a right winger. Thomas was certainly not treated more roughly by the justice system than Clinton, by any stretch of the imagination.