Is unconditional love possible?

Yes, I do, and yes it is possible.

The confusion here is based upon judging certain acts as "loving" and others as not.
Feeling unconditional love for others is not a description of acts, it is a description of an inner experience.
One can love and kill the object of their love if it is appropriate. I could love a serial killer and also pull the switch on his electric chair.
Much of it lies in ones ability to see beyond the stage of this world, to play the part, know the other is playing their part, and the real essence of us both is much more than this production.

Good grief! An interesting discussion in the Philosophy forum! The moon will be blue tonight.

*

I don’t believe unconditional love is possible. I don’t believe unconditional anything is possible. There is a way of being, called the human condition, and on it all human thoughts, emotions and actions are conditional.

As Silent Thunder observes, the maternal instinct is about as unconditional as love gets.

But the thing about maternal love is just that: it’s an instinct. It’s programmed into mothers – or perhaps into all human females, to be triggered under the right conditions. And this raises all sorts of questions about love in general.

How much of it is instinctive? How much of it is personal choice? Is there any choice at all? If there isn’t, why is it that most people fall in love with broadly suitable partners? Are we programmed to fall in love with people who are more like us than not? Can I choose not to love my father, my sister, my son? And is my love for them conditional? Will it die if I find out something horrible about them? Will it just die anyway, over time? Can I make it die – can I force myself not to love?

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I believe all love is unconditional. Yes, I know that’s just the opposite of what I said in the previous section. But this has been my experience and I think you will find it was yours, too, whoever you are. As long as you love somebody, you love them wholeheartedly, with all their faults and wickedness. I have fought with friends, lovers and my ex-wife time without number, yet however angry we may get with one another, even if we don’t speak to each other for years, the affection still persists and the effort of keeping them at a distance can only be sustained by artificially rekindling our anger against them, going over and over old resentments to keep them fresh and suppressing that yearning part of ourselves that longs to reach out to them, shove the unresolved issues to one side and just embrace them again. Because it is true that love never dies; it is only imprisoned and betrayed.

The opposite of love is not hatred. The opposite of love is indifference. And true indifference concerning others known to us is almost nowhere found.

*

To conclude: love is conditional upon those conditions that make two people love each other in the first place. Once these conditions are met, however, they cease to apply and love becomes unconditional. Yes, and forever.

I have a completely unconditional love for my son, and he returns this daily.

[2nd line]

reply to post by Mactire

See my post above. Though if you’re a father, perhaps your response can be taken slightly less for granted.

It is very possible but society programs us at a very early age on how and what to think of others. We constantly put ourselves in different categories to separate ourselves like religion, color, class, etc... I was in the military for 6 years and it's taken me a long time to deprogram myself from the intense brain washing of the mind set of killing and being violent and having no compassion. The next time you start to judge another or have hate or fear reflect on yourself and ask yourself why does this person make me feel this way. What is wrong with me that I am having these emotions.

Not many people understand Unconditional Love.. most still confuse it with the concept of Love they Know.. which is very different.

The concept of Love we know tells us about feeling something special towards another human being.. like your partner or children.. a bond so very strong that we feel it almost physically at times, and we expect it to be returned in the same manner.

The other is something you may feel when connecting with another human being in a way that we have No Expectation of it being Mirrored back to us. We can accept the person before us as an equal soul no matter what actions they have done in life. It's about you recognising the sameness within them and connecting as the soul you are in reality.

Since we are all still learning about being human, it will take us some more time to come to terms with Unconditional Love for those who we Believe have done "wrong"... all in it's own time.

reply to post by Astyanax


I tend to agree with you. I feel like this is a bit of a stretch of a hypothetical. Why would you be attracted to somebody that showed homicidal tendencies? I feel as if, in truth, one would see inklings of the others true character long before love can be established. Though if you fell in love with somebody, and their mental state started to deteriorate after the fact, I could see forgiving all sorts of transgressions in hopes that their former character could be rehabilitated.

Originally posted by Tayesin
Not many people understand Unconditional Love.. most still confuse it with the concept of Love they Know.. which is very different.

The concept of Love we know tells us about feeling something special towards another human being.. like your partner or children.. a bond so very strong that we feel it almost physically at times, and we expect it to be returned in the same manner.

The other is something you may feel when connecting with another human being in a way that we have No Expectation of it being Mirrored back to us. We can accept the person before us as an equal soul no matter what actions they have done in life. It's about you recognising the sameness within them and connecting as the soul you are in reality.

Since we are all still learning about being human, it will take us some more time to come to terms with Unconditional Love for those who we Believe have done "wrong"... all in it's own time.

If we can see beyond someone's flaws, and acknowledge the spark of life within, regardless of where it may have gone so wrong in some cases, we are capable of "unconditional love". Not everyone can feel this. It's not a "normal" response.

Yes i have Unconditional love for everything that lives. when you come to a certain point where you understand the similarities that bind all in this giant web that we are all inherently on our own paths working out our own troubles and removing the ego if everyone hated me and did horrible unspeakable things i would not be happy but i would still love nonetheless and protect and serve everyone i can and would put myself in harms way in a second without thinking this is my undying love for all, we are all children of god remember this. In union there is love in separation there is hate. Every human is capable of such feats if you would only open yourself to it all but i must say with great joy and love for all comes the understanding of the pain of all but it is much needed for it is a great motivator of the heart once you get to that point.

reply to post by DivineTeacher

Yes i have Unconditional love for everything that lives.

How do you deal with killing the thing you love?

Do you apologize to your asparagus before you eat it?

Why apologize? Welcome it into your body. It's not a matter of apologizing. We are all energetic beings. Plants experience their lives differently than animals do, stones differently to water, etc. We're all sentient. We all experience. We're all made of the same stuff. What is different is how we experience.

Many years of practicing meditation have shown me things that I could not understand previously. Unconditional love is entirely possible, but like all things it takes effort and practice at first. Even once you are quite adept at it, you still feel frustration sometimes with one's fellow beings. Love doesn't remove that, as you might know from having children. But how you experience even that is within one's control when you spend time in meditation with it.

Give it a go. It's as easy as falling down -- with some practice.

reply to post by Astyanax


I shall be very honest with you i have formed such a close bond that any pain i inflict on others i can feel so it hurts me wildly i assure you. what i do for my food is first i shower my food with love through chi gong and thank the heavenly father for this food that will nourish my body and soul i give it respect and love im not going to stop eating but i know soon enough this system of violence in nature will come to an end to bring forth something more pure and palatable

One thing ive noticed about this thread is that no one has actually discussed true actual "Unconditional Love".

Now I am not saying I have this capibility!

However before you can really explore understand something and even think if its possible you need to know what it is first.

Unconditional Love cannot be for a Son, lover etc that is "Conditional" love no matter how much you dress it up.

It is based on things we "like" and have no aversion for. They are points we place our energy on our love on but get that back inreturn or have physical/emotional chemical reactions habits parental unconscious instincts.

Unconditional love exists has been shown before some examples, and to be true "UNCONDITIONAL" is shown in the following with those who are going to be hurt/killed by others they do not know but still show love.

Father please forgive them for they do not know what they do

We all know that one, being killed in one of the most painfull ways knonw crucification and haveing no anger, hate, aversion but being more concerned for the affects of there actions on themselves rather than what he experienced himself them.

Always to be other focused, they are more important than you is unconditional love, there are truly no conditions just love for them wanting them all to be happy.

The genocide that occurs and still is in Tibet showed an example.

An very old humble loving monk and this is a factual witnessed account, was placed against the wall by chinese troops about to be executed for not calling the Dalia Lama a devil and stamping on his photo, renouncing his faith.

Just as he was about to be executed as the chinese soldiers took aim, this simple monk was saying to the young chinese troops loving things telling them to be happy blessing them, as they levelled their guns took aim he made a loud and last prayer as the triggers were pulled he cried out:

May All Beings Karma be Transferred to me Now

(the karmic term used was samsaric negaive karma suffering sickness, death etc, not good karma)

So as he was about to be murdered for no reason, he loved and had no anger to those who were to do it, and even facing his imminet death with absolute internal belief in Karma and suffering wanted nothing more than to in his mind suffer much to help all other beings he had never met or did anything for him.

His belief system would have meant he was also expecting to go to a "Hell Realm" for a long time if this happened as he wished asked.

Now if you believe he was right or wrong, if you believe he died and nothing else nothing after life is irrevelant, this truly is an known recorded example of Unconditional Love within the last 20 years, on par with those words spoken by Jesus.

Damn yes its possible and proven, though have not heard it discussed on this thread yet.

Kind Regards,

Elf

Erm...not just exactly. Unconditional love is just that. It is love with no conditions. It is the love for all things equally, with no judgment. That's why it's *unconditional*. We aspire to that form of love but have little understanding of it. When people ask "why does God allow x, y, or z to happen when He's supposed to love us all!" it is specifically this form of love that is in question. Unconditional love means that you allow all to experience their existence without your interference or judgment. Your existence is enough to inspire this love. Your experience is your own and respected as such.

I can go on for quite some time about this but if you think about it fully and completely, you will see that this is pure love. It allows for everything to happen, and that is why Love is everything. See?

reply to post by CosmicEgg

Why apologize?

For ingesting and killing it, obviously.

Welcome it into your body.

Will that make it feel better about being ground, torn and crushed between your jaws, mixed with your corrosive saliva and dissolved in your even more corrosive stomach acids? And let’s not even talk about what you do to it afterwards...

Plants experience their lives differently than animals do, stones differently to water, etc.

Do asparagus shoots want to be killed and eaten? Is never growing to adulthood an intrinsic part of the life experience of asparagus?

Many years of practicing meditation have shown me things that I could not understand previously.

Are you saying that meditation taught you how to talk to stones and asparagus stalks? And got them to talk back to you?

I thought you had to be properly crazy, or out of your noodle on hallucinogens, for that.

reply to post by MischeviousElf

A star for your post, but I have to argue all the same. What you describe is unconditional charity, but is it love? Can you love those with whom you are not personally acquainted?

reply to post by MischeviousElf

Now if you believe he was right or wrong, if you believe he died and nothing else nothing after life is irrevelant, this truly is an known recorded example of Unconditional Love within the last 20 years, on par with those words spoken by Jesus.

It certainly seemed to be unconditional love in practice, and I was genuinely moved by the account, but to keep a balanced perspective, I think it also showed a measure of hubris to imagine yourself strong enough to bear the karmic burden of another, let alone those responsible for killing you.

Unconditional love needs to go hand in hand with a realistic acceptance of our own limitations and frailties. At best we are merely the vessel or conduit for the love, so it is enough that we are able to set aside our small self and allow that awareness of loving kindness and understanding to manifest in our words and actions.


**Edit to add: My reason for calling the plea "hubris" stems from the suspicion that I may have made a similar declaration in one of my past lives, and and this life I have struggled enormously to carry the burden. Just seeing my own foolishness reflected back at me, well, not foolish for loving, but for imagining I may have had Christ-like qualities in that lifetime.

Originally posted by Astyanax
reply to post by MischeviousElf

 

What you describe is unconditional charity, but is it love? Can you love those with whom you are not personally acquainted?

Well it could surely be seen and called charity, that is the recipient of your time, money or even life is somehow bettered of reduces the recipients suffering.

Surely though that is semantics? and thank you for bringing up a situation where a form of unconditional love is shown by many daily. I am not talking of the voluntary work where you gain socially or in standing for doing that, an ego boost to be in control is some motivations for some to, but in the following example in the UK all those who say the suffering on TV and with NO ONE KNOWING and not mentioning it to friends and family afterwards (that brings in pride ego etc the "Unconditional" leaves it for an Exchange, I give money to charity and feel better as others think ore of me for it, or even "who is most Generous" socially) gave up a days wages or such like :

£74,360,145.00p Raised so Far

Surely where practising unconditional love to a point in a small way.

I suppose that part of us making it bigger, making it expand, making it our habits and reactions is one way of beginning or a starting point for unconditional love, expecting nothing in return just concerned with others suffering reducing it and happiness increasing it.

And though many millions of people did practise this then were it unconditional love at that time, if 2 seconds later though their door was knocked 5 starving African babies were at the door with an aid worker who said leave your house now become homeless, give it to these children, all your wealth or they will be dead in 2 weeks time, you live alone here all these rooms 5 peoples lives are more important than yours etc....

How many would have done that?

I suspect if any one or two.

Thank you bringing this up and bringing into focus for me the variations of Unconditional love and its boundaries, how the normal guy like you and me are so far away from those who ARE this not just some of the time with NO CONDITIONS.

Its defined for me that unconditional love can be experienced and practised by all easily, it can exist within the non "saintly" "religious" "enlightened" whatever in its full glory, with conditions when we don’t know those conditions exist, but if placed before us that bright light is immediately extinguished/covered by the ego Fear, You Me, Duality, thank you indeed.

Having considered this we are all unconditional love really but are all filled up to different amounts of it, some as cited earlier overflowing, most you and me more ego than Love. The tipping point internally is the aim then to BE that Love at all times.

I say thanks again as this is close to things I study am interested in, as it is very similar to the Famous Mantra of Buddhism Om Mani Padme Hum that all beings, no matter who or what have the spark or seed of enlightenment (Being Unconditional Love) latent in them its just needs growing nurturing and I clarified an obscure aspect of the teachings on that topic ive thought about for some time, though I wont put it into words as its arcane boring to those not interested and not to be put in words here anyhow, part of the gist I have mentioned in this post.

For an ordinary guy like me I know I would invite them in to share or not answer the door lol but give up my life for unknown others nope...

Kind Regards

Elf

Originally posted by Tayesin
Not many people understand Unconditional Love.. most still confuse it with the concept of Love they Know.. which is very different.

The concept of Love we know tells us about feeling something special towards another human being.. like your partner or children.. a bond so very strong that we feel it almost physically at times, and we expect it to be returned in the same manner.

The other is something you may feel when connecting with another human being in a way that we have No Expectation of it being Mirrored back to us. We can accept the person before us as an equal soul no matter what actions they have done in life. It's about you recognising the sameness within them and connecting as the soul you are in reality.

Since we are all still learning about being human, it will take us some more time to come to terms with Unconditional Love for those who we Believe have done "wrong"... all in it's own time.

I agree with this. Sometimes it seems to me that some people confuse this concept of unconditional love with "attraction" the physical and emotional draw to someone, to be near them, to interact with them.
Unconditional love is recognizing self in others and ones connection to others.
It is highly related to how you see yourself and what is within you. If you see yourself as an endless potential within, then you can recognize yourself in all others. As long as you are sorting good and evil in your mind, you reject and deny parts of you within, and so don't recognize those parts of yourself in others too.
A person who commits an act you judge evil, for example, you will not identify with at all if you have denied acknowledging your own potential for that act existing in you.

When you are free of the belief in good and evil, there is no more reason to deny any parts of yourself.
The argument against letting go of belief in good and evil is often- if you accept that murder is neither good nor evil in itself, and you percieve your own potential for that, then you will have no control, and you might do it.

My answer is I choose what I shall or not do, and some things I choose not to do. Knowing I am capable of something is not loosing control of it- on the contrary, you cannot be master of what you do not own.

don't think of unconditional love as something that is tough to realise. think of it as something you have left at the bottom of yourself and tried to grow out of. It is very simple when seen. When you love unconditionaly you get to know your enemies. Love in all its facets is a strong force.