Why am I not finding anyone??

I need some very blunt opinions as I don't think I'm getting honest opinions from friends or family. I know this is biased because none of you actually know ME and you are just hearing my side from my point of view.
People always say, "Someone will come along when you're not looking."
Whatever.

A little about me.
I have been married and divorced. I was married at a young age and my ex and I did not grow together as a couple. We grew into adults who were very different adults by the end. We tried. And tried. We weren't fighting all the time, but we were miserable. We had 2 children together. We get along great and have an excellent parenting relationship. We have been divorced 3 years. I have my kids a little over 50% of the time. Mostly because of school.
I run a successful business and have a pretty unique profession. I usually have people tell me they are impressed by my occupation.
I'm pretty easy going. I learned a lot from my marriage and divorce. I enjoy simple. I'm looking to settle down with one person (is that a crime?)
I enjoy the outdoors. Hiking, swimming, running, etc. With that being said, I am in great physical shape... so I know looks aren't the issue. I'm healthy and take really good care of myself and my children.
I have my own home and vehicle. I know these are all monetary things, but they seem to be what people look for first.
I have tried everything. Speed dating, online dating, faith specific speed and online dating (lame I know) and being set up by friends. NOTHING HAS WORKED!!
Part of it I know is me. I get irritated easily. When I get messages like, "Hi. What do you like to do for fun?" I delete them. I have a very detailed profile.
But I don't judge on looks, income, etc. I am open to everyone. I've always been a very (genuinely) nice person. I love talking to people from all walks of life.
I try to adhere to all the dating "no no's". I don't bring my ex up except to mention that we don't fight all the time like people assume.
It's just driving me CRAZY as I feel like I have so much to offer someone and nobody is really giving me the chance for whatever reason.
Does it matter that much that I have kids eventhough everything else is in order?
Is it my race? (yes I went there because I've had a few men tell me they will only date white women) I am half black and half white.
Is it that I am actually successful in my career? I know in a biological sense that can throw things off.
What the heck is it?!
If you need more details, I will provide them. I know my post is a little scattered.

If you weren't so far away I would come see ya....hang in there, the right one will come along...Don't rush things and end up with another dud......Good Luck...Much love.....

reply to post by Denco


Perhaps you're looking too hard...

Most times the right person comes along when you're not looking for them

You sound intelligent, well rounded and openly honest.

The difference between a success and a failure is quite simple. The person who succeeded just got out of bed one more time than the person who slept in.

All it takes is one...Don't worry.

Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by Denco

 

Perhaps you're looking too hard...

Most times the right person comes along when you're not looking for them

I guess another issue is where would I find someone? I work mostly with families and don't do the bar/club scene much. I go to church and participate in activities, but it's all family oriented. So aside from everything I've tried... it would have to be something very random! Like the fedex guy lol.

Sounds like you are trying too hard. Maybe the problem is that you are trying period. Learn to be content being single, and you might project yourself in more of a positive manner. Stuff like that you can't fake and men pick up on subtelties. May I suggest putting "settling down" out of your head until that time comes. I dunno, maybe you should go with the flow a bit more. Imo, the online thing is a crock. People need to be able to read body language and feel the chemistry from the get go. Hope that helps. Oh yeah, many men find half black half white women attractive. I am one of them, so don't let that throw you off. Take care and be safe.

At one point when I was not looking I volunteered for Habitat for Humanity - I mean REALLY volunteered, I was on the board. I got to know my branch from nuts to bolts, from family selection to fundraising - and had I desired there was ample opportunity to meet really nice men who were trying to do good in the world. Now this was not a one time show up and hammer at a blitz build - I had a relationship and a position in this Volunteer organization and I met interesting people and enjoyed the experience and I got to do things I normally did not do, for example I wrote grants and I took publicity photographs. SO perhaps the concept is if you get out there to meet people, to learn . . . and to give of yourself and your talents and not "look" - and you just might "find" -

But I remember when I used to feel the same way . . . and people would say "Oh it will just happen" - it was not one bit a helpful comment. ON the other hand when I have seriously NOT BEEN LOOKING - like when I wanted me time (not necessarily when I had someone, but when I wanted me time) all these opportunities would just bloom around me like wildflowers in spring.

Good Luck, Hopefully Love will bloom where you are.
ps. Meet interesting people taking classes sometimes too. The idea is get out there to do something FOR YOU and you might find somebody special in the process! So take a class, Volunteer.

Originally posted by Denco

Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by Denco

 

Perhaps you're looking too hard...

Most times the right person comes along when you're not looking for them

I guess another issue is where would I find someone? I work mostly with families and don't do the bar/club scene much. I go to church and participate in activities, but it's all family oriented. So aside from everything I've tried... it would have to be something very random! Like the fedex guy lol.

Again hun i think you're looking too hard...

Just relax... be happy being single.

These things tend to happen when you least expect it.

Why is it important for you to find someone? What is so wrong about being alone?

It's as if though you are caught up in this and this is all your thinking about all the time. Stop it. Move on and continue your life/existence. Don't let something simple as this hold you down.

I talked to a friend the other day who was having the same "problem"

I told him this...

I think it applies here


"Get Lost" Give up, surrender... quit looking...

Cos you can't find romance... it finds you... but only when your not looking for it... and only when you think you have no more hope... in order to be found... you have to be lost...

Trust me... I spent years... lonely...

I dated the same chick over the years multiple times... I really really liked her! But out of my desperation i was stupid enough to think she was a good person... she was infact... Crazy than the craziest ATSer... and that is CRAZY!


I tried speed dating as it were... I tried blind dates... I tried everything aswell!!

Then...
I finally ended up in a relationship that was just sucking my soul into a void of nothingness...
I was giving up everything that made me, "Me"
But I was lonely, and I wanted someone... But that relationship ended...
The girl I was dating left me for another girl,

and still wanted to be friends with me and said:

"Its not Like I cheated you with another guy... Its not even cheating really because there wasn't any actual, "sex" ...you know like a guy and girl sex... it was just two girls, making love"

Excuse me If I paraphrase that... so I don't get fined 500 points... it was more explicit than that... but that was the point of it...

Now I have nothing against Lesbians... and that isn’t meant to be anti-lesbian…Cos I spent a many hour rolling around the town with a group of wild partying lesbians... lol but thats another story...

But when she said, it wasn’t cheating and it was perfectly fine ...cos it was with another chick and not a guy… Call me old fashioned... but two naked people, pleasuring each other... and when one of them is dating me, and its behind my back, without my knowledge... its cheating... no matter how you try to play it out...

So even though that relationship sucked... when it ended It hurt me to my core...

I gave up... literally...

I had dreamed of gaing a wife, kids and a house with a white picket fence... i dreamed of being a husband and a father... a family person

but when that relationship ended... and after a dozen heart breaking relationships...

I grew cold...


I wanted nothing to do with women... (I wasn't turning gay)
but I lost all ambition for women...
I didn’t want a family anymore… the thought sickened me!

I saw all women as heartless... and I wanted time away from even thinking about dating one... They were too evil to have my heart…

…I will note….
I still respected women… I still loved my Mama…

but in general I disliked the thought of being hurt…

In order to not be hurt… stay clear of those evil females

So I finally

"I Got Lost" Gave up, surrendered... and quit looking... and quit caring...

By chance one night I was browsing myspace...

looking at different people in my area...

I saw this chicks profile... wasnt looking for a chick in general...

I was looking for local musicians...
Trying to find people to be in my band...
turns out this chick played just about any instrument you thought about...
and was into the same genre of music as myself

I thought about sending her a message... telling her about my band… and asking her if she was interested in joinging…

Then i thought... waste of time...
She will either just think I'm trying to get in her pants, or just ignore me… why bother… she is a chick after all… lol


So I figured it was too much of a hassle
I moved the mouse to the "X" at the top right of the browser...

i clicked down on it...

but something told me... don't release that button...

So i stopped myself... moved the pointer away from the "X"

and reread her profile...

it said she had attended 13 schools...

13 follows me around... and as stupid as you may think it is...
I use it as a point in the right direction...
Its steered me right several times…

So i send her a message...

"Hello, I'm Eric... I see you play music, thats cool... I'm trying to start a band... I'm looking for a keyboardist... you can hear my music -here- ...blah blah"

she send me a message back...

long story short... I talked to her on myspace for months...
It went from short messages... to long long exchanges of knowledge from "Aliens to 2012 to Plans for the future to Life, Kids, etc"

I ended up marrying that girl August 13th, 2010 a Friday the 13th...

I almost clicked away from her page... good old 13 stopped me and sent me in the right direction...

But i promise to you... I never thought in a million years that I would even meet that girl in person... much less fall in love with her and marry her!!!!!

I've been in relationships were I tried so hard to date a girl... where I tried so hard to be with her...

When I met my wife... i didnt try at all... it just "happened"
I had no control of it as it were... things just fell into place...
Smoothly… effortlessly

But i wasn't looking for love... and I really at that point... hated the idea of love...
I just wanted a keyboardist!!!



Funny how things work out...

I'm not saying that the internet will work out for you...


But I never thought I would meet someone... cos I do not have a social life...
I don't go anywhere but the store...
I live in the middle of nowhere...
I work at home…


But trust me.... no matter what you do... or where you are... when the time is right... when you least expect it... when you are not focusing on it... "Love Happens"

I love my wife more than anything…
Her love found me, in my darkest time…
She gave me a new out look on life…

She came into my life when I truly needed her to the most…

The same will happen for you friend… you will meet someone when the time is right…

Until then it will be lonely… I know I was… but trust me… your knight in shining armor will come to you when you need a “Hero” the most…

My wife is my Hero




Peace and safety and blessings of luck




p.s. I used to laugh at people who told me...

"When you least expect it... blah blah"

the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my heart skipped a beat,
after I realized... damn they were right! lol

you sound like a good catch to me. The only thing you said in you post--and I'm going out on a limb here--is that you get irritated easily. I went out with a women for a while that I used to joke with friend with, that was like a female Archie Bunker. She had a short fuse, used to roll her eyes a lot and was easily frustrated with things like traffic jams. After awhile it was hard to take. Don't mean to offend, but you said you were looking for some feedback. Hanging out with more mellow, relaxed people is much more easing on the soul.

The kids shouldn't be an issue, unless you have the kids that think being civil to a companion would be disrespectful to their dad.

reply to post by Denco


Well then, you might try fedexing something to yourself.

reply to post by Denco


I have only read your opening post...
In this day and age,race is not as big an issue as it
was before.So,delete your race from the problem.I
think the problem is,you're trying too hard! Step back,
take a deep breath and relax.When the right person
comes along,you will know.Good luck!

reply to post by EvolEric


That is one of the sweetest love stories I've heard. Thank you for sharing!

reply to post by EvolEric


What a beautiful and inspiring share. I wish you and your bride bliss and peace!
Thank you for taking the time to write that - I'm sure it will be helpful to others.

Don't try too hard, it's all about having fun anyways.

Go out, do your thing, have fun. Someone will come along one way or another.

Learn to enjoy the experience.

Love is overrated
Dating is overrated
Women are overrated

Stay with you church but go see escorts on the side. Tell your kids that it's ok to be open minded about them.

reply to post by Denco


Hi Denco!

Thanks for opening up and being honest about your current situation!

You say you spend some time in the wrong places/ mostly family activitiy places... What about joining a Yoga or gym club? You will find other people around you and maybe Mr. Right will be there ;-) !!

reply to post by Denco


Try Events & Adventures, or similar services.

These services basically have monthly events with member singles, where you can just do a group activity, as friends, but at least with the idea that all of you are single and looking. So, it's kind of the best of both worlds. You get the screening and convenience of a dating service, but the naturalness and laid back setting of a group activity.

I'd think this to be a perfect place to meet potential candidates....

This is all I will say, well Shakespeare said it first:


"Love sought is good, but given unsought is better"

When you aren't looking for it, it will happen.