Annoying Friend/Housemate needs serious help

heres the deal, my Friend/Housemate has been really annoying lately. He's always trying to pry into my personal life and is always annoyed when i wont tell him (why would I its not his business). He gets really upset when i go out and dont take him along and all that. because of the way he acts, i'm not inclined to hang out with him as much coz he irritates me.

Anyways, lately i've been hanging around with my best friend (female) alot (see THIS THREAD for info on that) and it looks as if me and my best friend may be dating soon... Last night i got home and my housemate went crazy at me for spending all my time with her and accused her of using me and being a hussy (he doesnt know anything about whats happened between me and my best friend, but he does know how i feel about her). So i snapped at him for being a prick and not knowing what he's talking about. He was acting like i was married to him or something and it was really bugging me more than usual.

anyways in the enusing argument i figued out the poor guy is just plain lonely. His closest friend out of our group was the singer in his band but they kicked him out. Now his close friend is hardly ever around and seems to have become a born again christian (which conpletely conflicts with my housemates views). He went on about how we all have our best 'buddies' and how he doesnt have one anymore... to tell you the truth i pitied him at that point. I told him to be proactive, he cant just expect people to come to him when he never leaves the house. He never has any money coz he hasnt got a job and he doesnt look for work, he keeps putting it off or applying for one job then getting depressed coz he didnt get it coz he turned up late for the interview. Because he has no money he cant come out with our group of friends when we go out partying (we're all sick of supporting his poor ass).

Ok so he sounds depressed and he needs help. So i tell him he needs to proactively find a job, so he can have money, so he can get a car, so he can get the # ou of the house and hang out with us and find himself a 'buddy' or girlfriend or something to keep him from bein so #ing annoying so we dont loathe being around him. So what does he do? Nothing, he blows up at me for not knowing what i'm talking about and how would i know what to do to have a fun life. I have friends i have a very beautiful female friend (soon to be girlfriend hopefully) i have lots of friends and i get invited places i work a good job and get paid good money and drive a good car (not wanting to sound all egotistical or anything)... so yeah, what do i know about how he can improve his life.

I want to help him out, honestly i do, but he just seems to loathe the fact that his life is in this rut and all his other friends lives are so much more fun... but then he refuses to listen to anyone or do anything about it...

any ideas?

(oh and yay for me finally getting my best friend (nearly).. Love you Mel )

[Edited on 2-8-2004 by specialasianX]

I've had roommates from Hell, just like this one. The problems lays in the fact, he won't listen to anyone, or do anything about it, so my solution, is scare the piss out of him, for his very life. You have more than legitimate reason for kicking his sorry butt out of the house. If he doesn't work, then he's obviously not paying the rent, utilities, or other expenses. (People often wonder why I've put up with these idiots for as long as I did, truth was, I never even invited them to stay with me, they just sort of camped out on the couch and never left:shk
Yes, if he is that adament about not straightening up his act and getting pissy about the subject, let him come home to find his belongings on the porch, with a typed up eviction notice, written just for him. Let him know, you won't put up with it! Cryss and I even told all of our collective body of roommates that everyone was moving, even us,(which we did, a full week after everyone else left,) because we were so behind on rent. They couldn't follow us and the group were forced to split ways. Good riddance, and no more roommates.!

Good luck with the galpal! Sounds like you bagged a hottie!

He's good with paying the rent and utilities and stuff coz he gets money from the government. So its not the fact he doesnt have a job its the fact he complains all the time, which in turn causes us to value his company less and less which in turn causes him to complain more... then he doesnt listen to us when we tell him to stop bitching and do something about it...

I guess you never know someone 100% untill you've lived with them.

This guy sounds a lot like me (Except I dont bum gov. money hehe)

What is the ideal result that you want to get out of this.. Want him to still be a friend? Just want him gone? etc

And dont just say what you first think, because often times we dont REALLY want what we THINK we want.
Brains are weird like that.

So.. If you can answer that question, I can better help ya out.

I want to stay his friend and i want to be able to help him either:

-Get a job and get a life so he's happy
OR
-Realise that the reason he doesnt have the above are faults of his own and that he should stop complaining coz that worsens the situation.

I've seen him when his life was alot better than it is now and i know he can do it, he's just way too de-motivated right now.

I thought I would be able to help.. but after writing/rewriting/and deleting at least 6 replies, I realize that I cant help you help him when I cant even help myself in the same predicament.. lol

Sorry..

But at least knowing what you want to come of this should make it easier for others to help you

Good luck with him.

Even if this guy is paying his share with gov't money,(which frankly is a sorry excuse for continuing his behavior) You still need to put your foot down and be clear with him as to your position. I decided,(personally) that if I want to remain friends with someone, and help them, at least on a "Dear Abby" basis, then I couldn't reside in the same household with them. Roommates are friendship maker or breakers. You live with them and deal with them on a day-in, day-out basis. You develop rules, so no one feels stepped on. People change and break rules. It's part of the process. Yes, it's true you get to know them much better when you've lived with them. These patterns don't change. If they do, they happen slowly. Sorry it took me a while to get back with you on this, but to maintain your friendship with this fella, you obviously need separate living quarters. Try it out. Don't feel guilty for putting your foot down. They always go for the guilt trip. Next, they try outright accusations, and "You're not perfect either," strategies, then if that doesn't work with you, they may resort to namecalling and severing ties. Good riddance if it comes to that. Good luck.

he actually went for a job today and i was even kind enough to lend him some nice business attire for the interview...he was actually going to go in some really really ugly scruffy clothes (i'm no fashion critic but i know when you need to dress up and when you can afford to dress down), at first he was stubborn and argued that i didnt know anything about interviews and they woudln't judge him on what he wore...

I had to remind him that part of my development at my company is to conduct some interviews and that YES if someone comes to an interview for a big corporation in scruffy clothes, they are pretty much disregarded straight away...

so he took my clothes and hopfully will now have a job and will get out of this rut... if not i may just have to put him out of his misery... kidding

ok, I may be completely off on this...it's just an assumption.....Is it possible that he acts like this because of how he was raised? Was he a rich child who didn't have to do chores and just got whatever he wanted? Or was he an only child who always got the attention??

I know a couple people who grew up like that and now they are very lazy and they are old enough to be on their own, but don't know how to get a job because everything was handed down to them on a silver platter and haven't learned any skills that would help them get into the work field.

Also, because they are use to everything going their own way, and getting all the attention, they complain.

Quite the opposite actually, divorced parents, living with mother, always struggling, younger borther has autism so he never got alot of attention... i think its more because he's used to having no money he can live without it... but anyways he's got another interview for the job today (borrowing some old work clothes of mne of course)... the funny thing is if he gets this job he'll be on $5 more an hour than i am so he'll be the rich bastard in the house... oh well as long as he sorts his # out.