How do I stop all the problems?

Hopefully I'm not the only man-person who has been in a bad relationship with a woman. Maybe I should describe our background on how we met and why we started dating. Years ago I chose to become an Atheist or live a secular life style after I lost my faith in Christianity. I was so full of anger at my problems that I became a hardcore anti-theist. That is how I met her. Her name is Kimberley or better know as Kim or Kimmie. She grew up in a very conservative family who is Mormon. Like myself she had the same problems and decided to follow the same path after she lost her faith. In the past I have dated with different girls. Many ups and downs. Typical for young men my age growing up in Sacramento, California. Now, I'm no expert on female psychology. We always argued. What she did to make not leave her is offer sex. Now being foolish when I was teen I went with it. It was like this for about 2 years. Several months ago I found G-d again and decided to better myself. I'm not trying to say I'm better then her but she is still in the same position when we started dating. She calls me childish names and acts immature in front of me. I'm starting to think there is no way I can help her. Let alone have a friendship with someone who has problems. I love her as a friend but I'm not in love with her. Should I leave her for a while or should I put my foot down?

It all comes down to one question man. Is she hot?

If the relationship is going nowhere, your beliefs are much different, and you're fighting all of the time... I would say get out of it. Especially since you are saying that you are not in love with her!

reply to post by Jepic


She is cute in that Mormon girl way I guess. Medium length blondish brown hair, green eyes, and a cute smile. When she gets upset I no longer see the beauty I feel in love with.

Originally posted by FeraVerto
Hopefully I'm not the only man-person who has been in a bad relationship with a woman. Maybe I should describe our background on how we met and why we started dating. Years ago I chose to become an Atheist or live a secular life style after I lost my faith in Christianity. I was so full of anger at my problems that I became a hardcore anti-theist. That is how I met her. Her name is Kimberley or better know as Kim or Kimmie. She grew up in a very conservative family who is Mormon. Like myself she had the same problems and decided to follow the same path after she lost her faith. In the past I have dated with different girls. Many ups and downs. Typical for young men my age growing up in Sacramento, California. Now, I'm no expert on female psychology. We always argued. What she did to make not leave her is offer sex. Now being foolish when I was teen I went with it. It was like this for about 2 years. Several months ago I found G-d again and decided to better myself. I'm not trying to say I'm better then her but she is still in the same position when we started dating. She calls me childish names and acts immature in front of me. I'm starting to think there is no way I can help her. Let alone have a friendship with someone who has problems. I love her as a friend but I'm not in love with her. Should I leave her for a while or should I put my foot down?

well remember (from what it sounds like) you used to be the same way. if you feel like you don't want to be with her anymore romantically, then you should tell her. but if you decide to stick around, just try and set a good example, show her there are other ways to have fun and be happy.. that kind of thing

reply to post by RainboStar


Yes, that will be better then getting into more fights. Let her an adult take care of it. When she is calm I will talk to her. She upsets me when we argue all the time.

I'd say leave. You aren't in love with her, so move on.

I think you already know the answer to your question

if you aren't happy....make yourself so

reply to post by emptyOmind


That sounds like a good idea! What would be a good way to set a good example. It is coming to be Summer time. I can take her to a swimming park. We're still friends. We can still have fun!

reply to post by FeraVerto


No, no... I didn't ask if she is cute. Is she hot?

reply to post by BadBoYeed


That is a good point. Why argue or fight? Fighting doesn't make it better. From what I have seen she can only help herself. Since she is an adult. I will always be there when she is calm and ready to make her life better.

Originally posted by FeraVerto
reply to post by emptyOmind

 

That sounds like a good idea! What would be a good way to set a good example. It is coming to be Summer time. I can take her to a swimming park. We're still friends. We can still have fun!

well there ya go, sounds like you've got a plan already : D! maybe you could set the example just by being yourself, if you are the dominant one in the relationship, a lot of times the girl will think of you almost like their hero or something.. so you'd be like letting her take her cues from you

Some time apart may give you both a bit of clarity on your situation. After being without her for a while you might find that you do indeed want to be with her and try to work things out. She might see that she was in the wrong with her immature actions and want to better herself for the sake of the relationship.

Or you both might find that you are better off going your separate ways. If you are not happy in your relationship something needs to change. It would do no good sitting around being miserable for either of you. What if you miss out on someone who truly makes you happy by doing nothing in this situation? Its worth a shot anyway.

reply to post by emptyOmind


Thanks for the advice! I will try to apply this. I do have to let her better her own self. It takes one step at a time. Hopefully this will work!

reply to post by ucantcme


I believe will be better separated. I'm not interested in going back into a relationship or dating. Being friends is music to my ears. Thanks for the advice.

Try to help her understand your belief and how strong it is, that no woman would make you renounce it because the Lord is #1. If she is unwilling to change, if she still calls you childish, leave her be and find someone that will respect you and your beliefs. It's better if the person you find not only respects and accepts your beliefs but also shares them with you. At least then you won't have nearly as much conflict. If you can't find such a person right away, then remain by yourself until you do.

If you really want to keep her you need to confront her: ask questions, demand answers. That's one way. You can try playing aloof and she may come around.

You changed the rules of the relationship. "G_d"?? C'mon, that's a lot more than just admitting that there might be a diety after all.

Same thing happened to me. I got married. We had a child, then her father died. That's when she began to turn back to religion, wanting to involve our child as well. That was the beginning of the end. She told me she wished we'd had a better 'discussion' about it before we got married, but I thought we had. I thought neither one of us were church-going people and, if not atheist, at least neutral on the issue.

I don't think you have a snowball's chance in your relationship now. It's time for you to man up to the fact that you are the one who changed the rules and then to terminate the relationship. Hopefully this is a lesson to you.

you sound like the emotional type
going from a theist to an anti-theist is the same thing...both with a demand that you know supernaturally an answer.

You met this chick in the same way you would meet any cheerleader of your belief system, and now that you switched your religion (again) you want a cheerleader (again).

You will meet a nice whatever your religion is girl again, and you will probably switch your religion again later down the road and have the same problem.

Eventually, you will meet a person not to be just your personal cheerleader, but because you enjoy many different qualities that supercede the nonsense that is ego stroking about your belief system.

As far as this chick...I think for her sake alone you should lose her..she doesn't deserve someone whom keeps changing his mind and wanting a new cheerleader every few years...some people want quality relationships.

When you get older, you will accept your belief system for what it is, and you will accept others belief system for what that is..mutually respecting it may be different, but still accept the person for having their own mind anyhow.

until then, good luck with your next cheerleader.

reply to post by SaturnFX


I would have to disagree about wanting a new woman or how you put it cheerleader. It is more then changing my beliefs and that is why we're arguing. Before I chose to follow my own path we always fought. I'm not interested in dating at the moment. Just becoming a better person and a man! We only get older so why not mature as we age. Did you or anyone else understand my original post?

Originally posted by FeraVerto
reply to post by SaturnFX

 

I would have to disagree about wanting a new woman or how you put it cheerleader. It is more then changing my beliefs and that is why we're arguing. Before I chose to follow my own path we always fought. I'm not interested in dating at the moment. Just becoming a better person and a man! We only get older so why not mature as we age. Did you or anyone else understand my original post?

I understood you used alot of religion as the underlying reason why you dont want her
beliefs change (quite often) through life...its good to have someone with similar beliefs, yes, however its most important to be with someone you respect regardless of what they believe day to day.

For instance, you may meet someone you really like...also you find out she likes conspiracy theories...
well, down the line, she decides its all a bunch of malarky and stops pondering contrails and who the latest reptilian overlord is...does that mean you leave her because you lost a single aspect of what you liked about her in total?

Just saying, if you base an entire relationship on a single aspect that you may not match on, well, your going to find that given people change all the time, you will never find anyone for long.

I understand if you don't comprehend what I am saying...so just go back to the other point.
leave her, find yourself, don't bother becoming friends because there appears to be no reason and you may give her false hope anyhow at getting back together.

just move on.

reply to post by SaturnFX


I understand where you're coming from. I just do not think you're putting yourself in my shoes. Maybe you shouldn't have to. I have many different types of friends. Friends with many different characteristics. She is one of them. I just hate all the problems. There is reason to argue. She is the only person to chose to help herself. That is what I pray for.