Wedding bands

Originally posted by intrepid

Originally posted by Jkd Up
Your soul tells you you are taken... The ring is just an advertisment.

That's my point. Ergonomics. Ring on my finger I don't have to say I'm taken, it's evident. If you're single, ring on her finger and you know she's taken. Less energy spent by all.

Even better you know when a woman is hitting on you she isn't interested in a relationship... There are many good reasons to wear a wedding ring.

I had a friend who kept wearing his ring when he went out even after he was divorced because he got more "action" that way.

The point being that wearing a ring doesn't really help with fidelity and is ultimately just nothing more than wearing a t-shirt that says "I'm Married", and if the ring is really nice "I'm married and have money".

I know plenty of women who chose not to have a "diamond" engagement ring. To me, a ring is a token of the committment 2 people share when they marry. And as far as an engagement ring - it is a "promise" that you love that person and want to spend your life with them. It doesn't have to be diamond (and yes - that is an advertising ploy).

As a joke to some of my "friends" who thought I wasn't marrying someone "good enough" for me, we found the biggest, cheapest, gaudiest CZ ring we could find. He proposed to me at a restaurant with them there. It was awesome! I still have it. I wore it for a while until we found a beautiful filagree band with hearts at an estate sale, and for many years that ring was also my "marriage" ring. It wasn't until years later that he decided to give me a band to go with it. It was because he wanted to - I didn't need to have it.

So basically, it is what you buy in to - and what those rings actually mean to those two people who are making the committment. Some people know they are committed to each other even without the license. Others, a ring is for each other, and each other only. And for some, unfortunately, even a ring means nothing, the marraige means nothing, and soon they'll be on husband/wife #2, 3 or 4.

Oh, and btw, I think that the quality of the ring started with the man showing that he could, AND WOULD, provide for her and her children. But, as with everything, it morphed into something else entirely.

Originally posted by Jinglelord
I had a friend who kept wearing his ring when he went out even after he was divorced because he got more "action" that way.

Yes, I've seen that. Women often want what another woman has. Why? Because the man is proven? I don't know.

The point being that wearing a ring doesn't really help with fidelity...

Of course not. Fidelity comes from ones own self. If you're a douche, you're a douche.

Such cynicism, huh ?

Man sees a woman he wants. Tells her he wants her to bear his children. This has the potential to destroy the market-value of her appearance. It also curtails many of her personal goals and ambitions. It will deprive her of innumerable opportunities for a minimum of say, 20 years. It will demand the vast majority of her time and energy. When she's free of the immediate demands of motherhood, she'll emerge middle-aged

That's quite a committment the guy's expecting of her, in advance

Come divorce, he'll fight like a tiger for half the marital assets and will grab them if he can, even though that may well deprive his own children of a roof over their heads and food in their mouths

Yet even before the train leaves the station, he complains about the cost of a ring ?

Compare the cost of a ring with the demand that a woman lay down a minimum of 20 of the best years of her life

Maybe the guys who believe they shouldn't have to purchase a ring or commit to legitimising the marriage should commit to bachelorhood instead and let women get on with their lives. After all, a single and child-free woman can provide herself with a great quality of life, great home, great car, great travel, great career, great social life and all the material things she might desire

Originally posted by Dock9
Come divorce, he'll fight like a tiger for half the marital assets and will grab them if he can...

Do you mean as opposed to the court system that would see the man eat bologna and Kraft Dinner so the woman can live in luxury? Get over it. You want equality give it as well.

double post eee!

After being married 20 years, I would say the wedding ring is a status symbol of some couple who can make a sacred committment (promise) to each other. Gold is the sacred metal symbolizing an idea of a sacred committment. Marriage is not an easy thing even for the best of couples, in the best of circumstances. Gold doesn't rust and it endures.

Yesterday, a yahoo article mentioned that Prince William will not wear a wedding ring. This is a short term choice, which he will regret later. It is a reminder of the day you pledge your love and life to another. My husband doesn't wear his ring often he says it hurts his finger, and he works in a manufacturing environment where he has to look at getting the machines fixed and he doen't want his finger removed... So I have suggested a tatoo. Ha! Really! We are old school. No tatooing. Trust and love should endure without a ring.

It is just a very nice old tradition.

reply to post by Dock9


Is this 1952?

In the world I know the only times the mother does more than the father for child rearing is during pregnancy and birthing as well as a short time after for breast feeding assuming that route is chosen.

And a woman whose looks are ruined is simply because she refuses to take care of herself after child birth using it as an excuse to let herself go. True a 2-piece is generally out if you have children when older and the body can't recover as well, but outside of that women are every bit, if not more attractive after having a child.

Not to mention that when a woman is pregnant and giving birth it is the fathers responsibility to set aside his life and spend that time doing everything possible to make the mother of his child as comfortable and happy as possible.

Modern marriage and child rearing is about teamwork. The demand for a special ring enforces old stereotypes where women are not equal and are more possessions than partners.

reply to post by intrepid


Oh, that entrenched red-neck misogyny raising its head again, huh ?

And the 'get over it ' comment (in addition to being several years past its use-by date) reveals the seething resentment and anger

Listen, either a guy is prepared to fully support his own children -- or he shouldn't presume to have any

OR --- OR -- he can split the marital assets with his wife and they can BOTH pay half each of the cost of a full-time house-keeper-nanny for their children

Because full-time-house-keeper-nannies do NOT come cheap. And why should they ? Why would anyone work double the usual working week for less than at least double the average weekly wage ? And caring for children and a home requires far more than 9 to 5 working hours

SO -- if the guy is prepared to pay half the cost of a house-keeper-nanny for his kids --- and half the cost of accomodation for his kids and the nanny -- and half the cost of food and utilities for his kids and the nanny -- and half the cost of his kids education, extra-curricular, medical, dental, etc. costs for his kids -- then fine. That will mean both he AND his ex-wife can move on with their lives unencumbered by their kids. Then let's see if you describe the house-keeper-nanny as living a life of luxury while he eats crackers and cheese, huh ?

Definately all women are not the same. My husband and I both wear matching white gold bands, that's it. My engagement ring was a 1 karat diamond solitare that cost under 500 dollars from a diamond outlet store. (there was a minor imperfection in the diamond which granted us a good deal) Our wedding was under 10k too.
I guess I'm not a flashy person, my wedding band is the only jewelry I wear, aside from a few beaded bracelets every now and again. I don't even wear a watch =P

As for why, I think Kangaruex4Ewe said it best

Originally posted by Kangaruex4Ewe
The bands tend to remind you that there is now another half of you that you need to consider when making decisions now. Atleast that is how I view it. It is there as a constant reminder. Not as a sign of bondage, property, or to warn others away.... as if that even worked.

Originally posted by Dock9
Oh, that entrenched red-neck misogyny raising its head again, huh ?

Misogyny? Whoa. Big word. Do you know what it means? There's nothing wrong with women's rights. I've fought for them all my life BUT when that's used to impoverish a man because of past wrongs, I'm sorry but that's wrong. A man has no basic rights? Like decent food, lodging, money that he can spend on his kids, etc. I could go on. Get out of the past. Realize that men are as capable to raise their children as women are. Taking the ridiculous monetary cuffs off.

reply to post by intrepid


I always thought a man should only be liable for child support if he refused or didn't want to have his children at least 50% of the time. Instead the way it often works out not only does a man not get to spend as much time with his children but he also has to pay for not being able to spend time with them.

One way of looking at this is definitely sexist and it certainly isn't your approach...

So given that as an ideal I feel men and women should share all responsibilities it only makes sense that the wedding bands should also be equal as far as taste and personal preference allows.

My ring is small and has no stones as a personal choice. If I wanted a large gaudy ring like my wife has she would have gotten it for me.

reply to post by Jkd Up


Why are wedding rings necessary? Why do some women dream of big extravagant weddings from the time they're five years old? Why do we have to buy Christmas gifts for our children? Why do we take our spouses out to celebrate anniversaries? Why do we get trapped into the consumer gimmick that is Valentine's Day? Why call our mothers on Mother's Day?

It is what it is.

To me it is the sign of a more progressed society. 'Fluff' such as Mother's Day dinners and engagement rings are not necessary to human survival but it's part of our society.

My husband and I eloped but I will defend any woman who has dreamed of her 'big day' since being a toddler while her fiance is adamant about just getting hitched in a chapel in Vegas. I'll stick up for the woman. My wedding rings are sitting in a safe because I find jewelry to be cumbersome but I would jump one of my guy friend's behinds if they told his fiance she wasn't getting a ring. My husband has been instructed to never buy me flowers because I hate watching them wither and die but he best be buying a bouquet for his mother on Mother's Day.

Sorry, Guys. Sometimes you have to produce the bling. You can feel it to be pointless but sometimes you just need to go with what is important according to your loved one instead and tradition even if you want to be the rebel.

I think it's a personal decision. In today's economy and with awful things I've heard about the diamond trade, I think a vintage ring is the way to go ( as for me personally ). Some people, especially men, just don't like wearing jewelry or maybe work with their hands, so wearing a ring is not practical. Either way, In my opinion, I guess if you're really in love, it just doesn't matter.

It's such a crock...as a man I could care less what's on my hand however I would prefer nothing. I was at a well know jewelry store in my area and we were picking out rings...I looked over and noticed in one section Titanium Wedding Bands for men..naturally being a guy I thought Titanium..indestructible..used in military equipment and robots why not? Well I soon as I asked to put one on the lady immediately made a face along with my wife..I truly believe it was a moment that they both shared where it was not about what the guy wanted but what my wife liked...so here I type with this platinum wedding band that still feels a bit heavy even to this day and I purposely scratch it up when working around the house just to prove a point..and how much did this ring set us back? 800.00 dollars and how much was the Titanium and totally cool looking and light as a feather band?? 75.00 dollars..I would like to say it was the last time I listened to hear but we purchased a wedding album and I don't even want to say how much that was but let me just say it was opened twice...another great investment..

I hate traditions, they keep us from being spontanious. My husband gave me a cute little diamond ring I like it and wear it when I want to, I gave him after 2 years of marriage a gold nugget and diamond ring done by a local artist, i had him choose it, he wears it when he wants too. To me the whole diamond thing is for the nasty diamond trade. Glass looks just the same to me. But then again i hate getting any gift that is not something i can really use and not expendable.
My daughter-inlaw needs $100.00 roses for all holidays..very important to her
I would rather get a living plant for the garden or a can opener or something useful. I hate waste and the money spent on those things can make daily life nicer for both of you instead of being thrown out in a week.

It should not take a chunk of metal and a rock( cause that's what they are) to show you're love for some one.It should take real caring and cooperation for a life time (cause that's what marriage is).If you need the material you shouldn't get married. Marriage requires commitment to the other person and the ability to compromise when there is a disagreement. It requires mutual support and it requires that you love and care for some one untill death do you part.

Many will not like this comment , but if your girl requires said chunk of metal and rock, find another girl.

reply to post by chrismarco

...as a man I could care less what's on my hand...

...it was not about what the guy wanted but what my wife liked...

I think that is kind of the crux of the issue here. Even if we don't understand the need for such trivial things, why not bend a bit if it is so important to a loved one?

When my husband and I are at odds, but it is something REALLY important to him (while I couldn't care less), then the obvious resolution is to let him get his way. If we are at odds about something (while he couldn't care less) then the obvious resolution is to let me have my way.

Most men, as you said, couldn't care less about wedding band styles. But if it's important to your significant other, then that's that, IMHO. In turn, she should bend on something you feel strongly about when she doesn't have any strong feelings on a subject.

I could sit here all day and groan about the 'silly' things that are important to my husband that seem so unimportant to me and he could do the same. So we say to ourselves, 'Well, I don't understand the need but if it floats your boat, you have my support, Hon.'

I don't have anything figured out, though, for those times where we are at odds and both have strong opinions.

reply to post by Jkd Up


I believe this has its start.with he dowery...I buy my wife jewelry, pearls, etc. for every annual occasion. She likes it because not she is materialistic but for the 30 years before me no guy ever bought her jewelry, seeing her excited makes me very happy. Its romance. If she loved to collect yard gnomes i would fail miserably but i would try. Some.men collect guns and i have known some men have over 10,000 knives and call it not materialism but investment. I digress. Back to the the dowery...I believe it came from a time before life insurance. The more jewlery your wife had the longer you could care for her after you died in battle, illness, or unexpected death. Property of any kind, real estate etc. is to.help the wife through her grief while she sought stability. I am.speaking from tradition so don't lecture me. Nowadays men and women have monetary policies and some look at them as parting gifts. I am surprised all these ATS people really let a little shiny gold and silver wipe away all their reading between the lines and supernatural insight abilities.

reply to post by Dock9


BOOOOOO!!!!! THERE IS NOT ONE DEGREE OF LOVE IN THAT WHOLE RANT. Until you have love or have been loved you should not post in these threads but only post in threads you are knowledgeable in. Such as one under a bridge requiring occupation of those such as yourself. Or in defense of, I dunno, reptiles who have been possessed by other reptiles.
I am so glad blessed my mother sees her life not this way...nor my wife. Now my mother-in-law...she is referee to as the ice queen. We don't talk. She says things like this. I have no time.