Advice for Parents from an 18 Year Old.

I know what your thinking

This hippy kid trip head knows nothing of parenting.

But consider my advice for just one second though, I have seen quite a lot of children develop under a vastly different amount of circumstances and environments with many different parenting techniques.
This is not a guide.. or a rant. Simple short tid bits of advice I can offer based on personal experience, observation and very efficient and effective psychological profiling.

I am not quite sure how to display this thread so I shall just go with the flow, please bare with me.

1. When you have a young baby don't go over the top on the flamboyant silly talk. Put effort into portraying emotions healthily, Influence fun, action and consequence and any type of contact or communication. Don't just chuck the kid toys to play with, play with the toys with the kid, conversing and displays your emotions and inspiring fun and curiosity!

2. Don't let T.V raise your child! You probably all already know this. One major, MAJOR tip. Encourage your children to watch cartoons from the 90's or previously. The reason I offer this advice is because I have noticed that any kids cartoons that come out nowadays are completely mindless compared to the ones I used to watch and older generations used to watch. I get a deep sense of corporatism, mind manipulation and subliminal advertisement from cartoons around nowadays.

3. Don't Molly Coddle your kids! Let them make mistakes. Let them learn from their own mistakes. What doesn't break you only makes you stronger! I'm obviously not talking about letting your kid run out into the road or anything silly like that. Just because you see something as pointless and possibly slightly painful but not dangerous, let your kid do it and find out for themselves. If you suppress their curiosity you are automatically disabling their ability to think properly outside of the box! I will touch on this and go further with Number 4.

4. Encourage your kids to think for themselves. Encourage them to question authority in a positive productive way. The more people learn to question things in a more healthy way, the more empathy they will develop for other human beings. Making them more humane

5. Don't tell your kids silly stories that are complete nonsense in order to get them not to do something. This is silly and counter productive. They aren't going to understand properly why they aren't supposed to do something, therefore their moral system does not develop to its full potential early enough. This may sound stupid but please read on to number 6.

6. The easier you make it for your child to develop their cognitive, self thinking and social skills at an earlier age is very important and productive because of the following reasons;
- They develop a healthy and un-warped sense of curiosity which helps them learn things quicker and with a better perception.
- They learn how to solve problems better and more efficiently, meaning they can learn real life lessons faster making them more wise. Real knowledge really comes in handy in todays young social life, trust me.

7. Drugs. If your kid experiments with cannabis, let them do their thing and they will most likely get bored of it or even if they don't they could probably use it productively. If you force your child away from something and oppress their curiosity they will want to do what you don't want them to even more. You will force your child into being a rebel and maybe aid in them forming an unhealthy mental addiction the the drug. Please remember, my advice is truly from personal experience and on point observation.

8. Be Honest with your Kids. If they ask you a question about a controversial topic or a topic you feel uncomfortable about be HONEST. Don't sugar coat any mistakes you've done in the past or make a situation sound better than what it is, be honest. Dishonesty is completely counter productive in the process of learning.

9. Don't let video games raise your kids. When your kid is doing nothing but playing video games and eating this is REALLY bad.

10. Show them real music! PLEASE FOR GODS SAKE DON'T LET THEM JUST LISTEN TO THE CHARTS AND COMMERCIAL MUSIC. Its all part of the indoctrination process.

*Takes tin foil hat off*

Coming from another 18 y/o i've got to say i agree with you.
One thing (among others) that i've noticed is how parents don't let their kids make mistakes.

You tell you kid not to touch the pot they will get burnt. Tell them again and again, but you can't tell them every time.

If they want to touch the hot pot, unless they have some sort of learning disability, let them. They will make that mistake and they will live and LEARN.

I'm white and i see this happen in mostly white families (not so much mine, i'm Russian so not completely white xD) and i see the opposite in hispanic and african families.
They will let them touch the pot and let them get burnt, but they're teaching em!!!

Anyways, this is a good post, good for you to share with others

as a 19 year old optimist, i agree with you in pretty much every way. my parents did pretty damn good with me.

Originally posted by Anttyk47
Coming from another 18 y/o i've got to say i agree with you.
One thing (among others) that i've noticed is how parents don't let their kids make mistakes.

You tell you kid not to touch the pot they will get burnt. Tell them again and again, but you can't tell them every time.

If they want to touch the hot pot, unless they have some sort of learning disability, let them. They will make that mistake and they will live and LEARN.

I'm white and i see this happen in mostly white families (not so much mine, i'm Russian so not completely white xD) and i see the opposite in hispanic and african families.
They will let them touch the pot and let them get burnt, but they're teaching em!!!

Anyways, this is a good post, good for you to share with others

Haha cheers mate, thanks for your input.
I feel like this mollycoddling is really messing up society!

Right. All I need is my grandson giving me advice. Here's a quote from Mark Twain:

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

So come back in 30 years and tell us how bright you are then. Meanwhile, yer cut out of the will. I'm leaving it to my dog, who refrains from judging me.

i was a young parent [18] and these are the things i have done with my kids now my oldest is 8 and 1 of the few children who is open minded not scarred of a subject and actully shows alot of respect to poeple and my youngest is taking after her aswell she loves doing art more than watching tv loves being out and about great thread..

totally agree with you my parents never raised me right and i hate it. i missed so much and became ignorant. i wish i could go back in time and tell them things i know now. and im 21 also

reply to post by papathetata


I just turned 17 when I had my first son. I made all the mistakes on him and did allot better on the next two. I treated my oldest like my best friend and still do. I kinda ruined him but at least I have a best buddy!

reply to post by TechUnique


yeah it would be interesting to hear what you have to say when you have your own kids, untill then i do not think you are qualified to understand parenting. for a start every child is different, no one method of parenting fits all.
children cannot be raised using a simple text book.

i would love to know what you would do in this example: your 13 year old soon is hanging around with known car theives, you suspect he is taking cannabis and drinking beer, your neighbours mention they have seen him in a car speeding around the area although some other young looking guy was the driver. would you leave them to make their own mistakes in that situation? or would you be having words with them as soon as you have located them and dragged them back home? would you beable to sleep knowing that was going off and you did nothing? would you not be very worried about him making mistakes and for his saftey?

Originally posted by lifeform11
reply to post by TechUnique

 

yeah it would be interesting to hear what you have to say when you have your own kids, untill then i do not think you are qualified to understand parenting. for a start every child is different, no one method of parenting fits all.
children cannot be raised using a simple text book.

i would love to know what you would do in this example: your 13 year old soon is hanging around with known car theives, you suspect he is taking cannabis and drinking beer, your neighbours mention they have seen him in a car speeding around the area although some other young looking guy was the driver. would you leave them to make their own mistakes in that situation? or would you be having words with them as soon as you have located them and dragged them back home? would you beable to sleep knowing that was going off and you did nothing? would you not be very worried about him making mistakes and for his saftey?

edit on 18-3-2011 by lifeform11 because: (no reason given)

i think the op ment to let them learn certain mistakes. not like the ones you said.

Too many people that have no business creating a child do so anyway, and IMHO that is a major problem in the USA. Drive a car? Need a license. Sell real estate? Have to pass the course. Cut hair? lots of school, license. But we permit anyone with matchable anatomy to have at it. We read about the results every day, online or in papers.

Most confusing thing about parents that I have seen too many times are the ones who tell tales of the horrors of attending parochial school and the way they were treated. These same people, when raising their own children years later, go ahead and send their children to the very school that traumatized them. Doesn't make any sense to me.

reply to post by kunuk

7. Drugs. If your kid experiments with cannabis, let them do their thing and they will most likely get bored of it or even if they don't they could probably use it productively. If you force your child away from something and oppress their curiosity they will want to do what you don't want them to even more. You will force your child into being a rebel and maybe aid in them forming an unhealthy mental addiction the the drug. Please remember, my advice is truly from personal experience and on point observation.

really?

Originally posted by TechUnique
5. Don't tell your kids silly stories that are complete nonsense in order to get them not to do something.

Such as "be good or Santa won't come here"?

Many say "but it brings the kids joy". But if you have to lie to your kids to make them happy, something is seriously wrong.

When I worked out Santa wasn't real (I was 4), I also worked out that my parents didn't always tell the truth. I remember my Mum getting frustrated because when she would tell me something, I used to always ask "is that real, or another white lie".

i mean really alot of times alot of woman become whores because they had strict parents.( read some pornstars bio once and you'll see. second alot of kids smoke and turn to other drugs and sometimes gangs because they have strict parents not all the time but sometimes. ive seen it before

reply to post by BLKMJK


well me and the missus treat both the girls like our best freinds but when either of them have misbehaved they do get told off i sometimes get told my fathering ways are old fashiond but i was raised by my grandparents and was always told if you show respect you get respect and i found it has never led me the wrong way so im hoping it will do the same for my girls

Hmmm. Very interesting. Agree on some points. Disagree on others. I dont believe you can parent every child the same based on a few simple rules you have outlined. Letting a child burn themselves would most likely be considered child abuse in some peoples eyes. Yes kids have to make mistakes to learn but you cant generalize all mistakes. If Timmy jumps off a bridge should i let my son do it too so he will learn its not smart? I dont think so tim

As a 19 year old male knowingly aware that this thread might piss off older adults because well 'you ain't schooling me son' all I have to add is don't be overprotective and suffocate the kid. Leave them to their own devices. And if you don't genuinely care about em, don't make a half assed attempt to try and seem you do. We'll be able to notice it later on. And don't humiliate them in public. It's pathetic in all honesty.

Yay for letting out a few annoyances we have towards parents.

Originally posted by lifeform11
reply to post by kunuk

 

7. Drugs. If your kid experiments with cannabis, let them do their thing and they will most likely get bored of it or even if they don't they could probably use it productively. If you force your child away from something and oppress their curiosity they will want to do what you don't want them to even more. You will force your child into being a rebel and maybe aid in them forming an unhealthy mental addiction the the drug. Please remember, my advice is truly from personal experience and on point observation.

really?

yeah if people would do good with # then most might not go down that path. like you said not every child is the same and cant be raised by a single book but these are tips that alot of people agree with and have seen in their life.

reply to post by papathetata


My kids have never disrespected me but I know I was way to easy on my first son and basically protected for him any punishment from my wife when he had bad grades. Now he is struggling to find a decent job because I allowed him to screw up in school.

Originally posted by papathetata
reply to post by BLKMJK

 

well me and the missus treat both the girls like our best freinds but when either of them have misbehaved they do get told off i sometimes get told my fathering ways are old fashiond but i was raised by my grandparents and was always told if you show respect you get respect and i found it has never led me the wrong way so im hoping it will do the same for my girls

i have to say right there is the best thing ive heard about parenting. my parents never gave me respect still dont thats why i never talked to my dad. he kept me locked in a room for three years exept for school. i hardly know anyone take pills so i dont kill myself. it sucks and if my dad would have gave me respect i think i would be a lot better now