I feel like s... I mean poop

WHYYYYY? Why on Earth does life have to be so... bad, so hard? Come on!
Ok, the thing is...
One of my best friends invited me to come to a church like building. She is a christian. I came there. Met one of her friends. A girl.
That girl seemed pretty awesome. There was a church (is that how you call it? I dont mean the building, but the "event", when you pray), adoration (singing songs and praying), and then just talking about random things. I am agnostic btw, but I came because of my friend .
Anyways, when we were there, and then on our way back, we talked a lot, also in train. We laughed,etc.
When I came home, I added her on facebook. Next day, she was pretty active on fb, posted me some songs,wrote me, etc.
After few days, we had a date. We stayed in a bar. Talked a lot, found out more about each other, etc. I bought her a drink. When we came home, she thanked me on facebook, and seemed really satisfied about our date, and she was again quite active on fb, regarding me. But...

the thing is. That the first day, when I met her, I was there with one of my another friends, he is awesome guy. He talked with that girls sister, and he hoped they would become more than a friends. I mean, they too had lot of fun together that evening. She seemed to like him. He sent her an sms, when we all came back home after church, she didnt respond. He send her facebook message, she didnt respond. And she was connected on facebook. On my date, I found out from my "date girl" that her sister has a boyfriend, and... well, I am not going tinto details. But she didnt act very nicely, behind my friends back... she read both the sms and message and still remained passive.

So... what are the chances that girl I dated is just using me/making fun of me? I've never thought about that, but since I found that thing about my "date girls" sister, I couldn't stop thinking... what if she is the same?
Well, maybe her sister would respond and maybe do something more, if she had not a boyfriend. Maybe she would not respond and not laugh from him behind his back... but maybe she would.
Girl that I dated has no boyfriend, so, she may be serious about us. I just... don't know.

What should I do? What do you guys think?
I want to date her... but if things turn out to be bad... and I find out that she is not serious regarding both of us, I have no idea what would I do. Probably run naked into the woods, stayed there until I get abducted by aliens and never come back. Ever.

just ask.... but be tactful

reply to post by tokzik


I know. But we had only one date, after all. Asking her if she wants something more next time we see each other would seem like I am rushing things and I could push her away. It would be too obvious. On the other hand, if I wont ask her, I will find out later, and that can hit me even harder.

reply to post by Farnhold

I found out that she is not serious regarding both of us, I have no idea what would I do. Probably run naked into the woods, stayed there until I get abducted by aliens and never come back. Ever.

Yeah, how extremely hard life must be for you...the constant not knowing if some girl you've dated once is just jerking you around...I mean, come on! Such a cruel and harsh world we live in...

Get a grip.

reply to post by WhizPhiz


Nah. That is not the case. Reason why I am not sure is because of her sister. We all were there together. My friend had fun with my date girls sister, I had fun with mine. But the way my date girls sis acted behind my friends back surprised me and turned me into sceptic. They are sister after all, they may be same, or not. They live in same house, were raised by same parents,etc.

reply to post by tokzik


How should I ask her? How should I start conversation, what should I talk about so I could get into the dating itself?
I... really want to know.

Don't judge her based on her sister's behavior. They may have been raised together, but they are two different people. Give your date the benefit of the doubt and just set your suspicions aside until you know more about this girl. If she is a really good girl, it would probably hurt her that you suspected her. Take her at her word until she gives you a reason not to. I would not want to be judged by my sister's behavior.

Originally posted by Farnhold
I... really want to know.

I think you're being insecure. That's the fastest way to turn a girl off. She seems to like you based on her comments on facebook, but get to know her a little bit. Take a chance. Be confident that she likes you enough to be honest with you... Yeah, you might get hurt, but you might not.

Originally posted by Benevolent Heretic
Don't judge her based on her sister's behavior. They may have been raised together, but they are two different people. Give your date the benefit of the doubt and just set your suspicions aside until you know more about this girl. If she is a really good girl, it would probably hurt her that you suspected her. Take her at her word until she gives you a reason not to. I would not want to be judged by my sister's behavior.

Originally posted by Farnhold
I... really want to know.

I think you're being insecure. That's the fastest way to turn a girl off.

She seems to like you based on her comments on facebook, but get to know her a little bit. Take a chance. Be confident that she likes you enough to be honest with you... Yeah, you might get hurt, but you might not.

edit on 2/21/2011 by Benevolent Heretic because: (no reason given)

So, I should give her a chance. Do you think I should ask her on our next date, if she wants something more, or should I wait?

I was insecure whole my life. But for past couple of months, I have been changing. I learned not to give a damn about other people opinions about me. I act quite confident when I am outside, but not mean.
But you are right, I am insecure about both of us. The thing is, that only things that can fool me are girls . Most of the time I am naive, and that is my problem. This time I don't want to get burned.

Originally posted by Farnhold
Do you think I should ask her on our next date, if she wants something more, or should I wait?

Let me put it this way. If you didn't know this about her sister, what would you do? If she didn't even have a sister, would you ask her out again? Because I think you should totally disregard what happened with her sister and make your decision based on your date's behavior.

What's the worst that could happen? She would turn you down. Or she goes out with you and eventually breaks your heart. Or you end up having a really great relationship with a really great girl. It's just the risks we take. Love is worth the pain, IMO.

This time I don't want to get burned.

I hear you. It sucks being hurt. But listen, I've been over the top in love with my husband for 20 years now and all the pain that I went through before that (a LOT) was worth it! You might get burned. So take it slow. If she wants to move too fast, tell her you want to take it slow and get to know her better. If she doesn't understand that, then she's not worth your time.

reply to post by Benevolent Heretic

reply to post by tokzik



You are right BH, I would continue going out with her.

I will risk it with her. Next time we go out, I will ask her, if she is interested in something more. I hope second date (or 3rd time we met) is not too early. I just hope I won't screw it up .

Thanks for help

Originally posted by Farnhold
Next time we go out, I will ask her, if she is interested in something more. I hope second date (or 3rd time we met) is not too early.

I think the second date is too early to ask about "something more". What do you mean by "something more"?

Just FYI, my husband and I made a commitment when we first started to go out. We would date for 2 months or 8 dates before we decided about going further. We dated and had fun with no pressure. Then, after 8 dates, we were both ready to take the next step and make ourselves into a relationship.

Just information for you. Good luck!

reply to post by Benevolent Heretic

I meant relationship.
Ok, many thanks . Then I wont ask her yet, unless she asks me, then I would agree and I would know she is being serious about us.

Dating can be really scary. The most important thing is to be yourself and have fun when you go out. If you are having fun, then she will be having fun. Don't dwell on insecurities you may have, it will only ruin a good time. Good luck Farnhold! I hope she's a keeper. And don't worry about her being just like her sister. I have 4 and I none of us think alike.

Both life and love are batches . I am dissapointed.
How do I quit game called life? I'd like to know.