I could really use some advice

I've had a very rough last year, and i could really use some advice...

I'm pretty lonely and i find it difficult to motivate myself to do schoolwork. After all, why should i care? I'll just get more work to replace the work i finished and be just as lonely. I've tried making friends with some luck, but being a Senior in HS is kind of depressing considering I'll lose all them next year. I can be around people, sure. It numbs the loneliness, but only just. When i'm around people i really "click" with (like friends i've made this year), it feels great and i can't get enough.

I've been obsessed with a girl for the past year. It started out okay, but i said the wrong thing and it went downhill. Combine social awkwardness with looking for her at lunch (to talk) with running into her at random times in the schoolday as well as outside of school, and she thinks i'm a stalker. I've "made up" with her multiple times only to mess up again (do something socially awkward). It's gotten to the point where she blocked me on facebook. I really like this girl and i know i have to let go, but i can't shake that nostalgic feeling and i just get a very good, warm & fuzzy vibe around her. I can't stop thinking about her even at home, i'm not going to do anything like actually physically stalking her, but it's really a nuisance to constantly have her on my mind. I've tried talking to other girls, but i realize i'm just looking for this girl in them, which isn't working. I know i seem like a stalker to her, and i hate myself for it.

I've been exercising excessively in the past months (running 4-8 miles a day), and it's been helping, but not enough. I still feel a ton of pain, whether it be loneliness or pain when thinking about this girl. I recently went on Zoloft, and it helped at first, but now I've lost the ability to feel emotion (i can still feel some pain though) and just feel like a zombie.

I've been to numerous Internet boards about this, and they're like "you're crazy". I'm hoping by bringing this here that some of you here could relate or comprehend to complexities of my emotions. ATS any advice?

Sounds to me like that chick is an idiot.

Don't waste your life on some shallow person like that. She will prolly cheat on you anyway if she is treating you like that merely for liking her.

Just make it a point in your mind to not like her anymore. If you think shes really hot, don't worry, you will find SO MANY hot chicks in the future. And some of them are nice and are not major ***** like the one you know.

DO NOT change your life based on her.

Just find what YOU like in life and follow that. If you are following your heart it WILL lead you to the right person.

I should know, I let a psychopathic chick ruin like 2 years of my life. I won't be making that mistake again. And I hope to God you don't have to go through that.

Talk to your School Counsellor, be honest, rather than seeking advice from strangers on a forum. While you may get some good advice here, you might well also get some bad advice.

Examples:

Good advice: talk to your school counsellor.

Bad advice: take pictures of her and fantasise. That's as close as you'll get. Damn hormones.






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I've ALWAYS found it more profitable personally and spiritually to talk to someone about personal issues, in the flesh rather than on the internet. While the anonymity may be easier, it is better to be face to face and honest and open...Counsellors have confidentiality and you need to give them the whole story so as to get positive benefits.


Good luck.

Stay in school!!!!! Take it from someone just like you. Stay in school, go into something like engineering or in the medical field. Leave the girls and parties alone. Keep to your studies and when you're out and doing well out on your own, the girls will arrive (or that one hottie you had your eye on)

Or, the military could be an option.

Hey there friend, while I can't say I know exactly what you are going through, I can say this I have battled with depression in the past, and Yes it is a lonely existence. Feeling like no one cares, and no one wants to help you out. All I can do is offer you my advice and give you my word that it does get better with age. Try not to isolate your self too much. as for the girl there are plenty of beautiful intelligent women in the world that would love your company. Life's too short to fixate on one thing. Your young man you will meet a girl trust me everything falls into place just give it some time. If you ever need to talk just shoot me a pm.

Originally posted by aorAki
Talk to your School Counsellor, be honest, rather than seeking advice from strangers on a forum. While you may get some good advice here, you might well also get some bad advice.

That's not the best suggestion IMO.

Try a Private Councilor instead. Here I shall explain exactly why.

Once upon a time a young muzzleflash went to talk to the school councilor about his troubles, one of which was a psychopathic chick that was driving him crazy.

Then the councilor went behind muzzleflashes' back, and called the girl into the room for a chat.

Then said psychopathic chick went 100% insane about it and it really created massive issues.

Thanks to the school councilor taking matters into her own hands! Behind poor muzzle's back even! How low and dirty can it go?

Yeah, lets stick with private councilors from now on.

reply to post by mossme89


No advice right at the moment but I would like to thank you for the allowing me, in sympathetic harmony with you in your predicament, to experience the nostalgic pangs of HS, and feel my heart beat again with the almost palpable longings of unrequited love. You're very fortunate to be suffering like this, I realize that sounds strange, but you'll know what I mean when your turning 44 looking back on it. If you can I'd suggest perhaps cutting down on and/or getting off the Zoloft - better to embrace the sorrows of youth without the depressant, which is what might be zombifying you to a degree. If only that girl realized that you are in LOVE with her, she'd be flattered I'm sure. I went through the same thing on a couple of occasions, and I chickened out as well, it was terrifying!

Pain ?? ...... about thinking of a girl !! ???????


I don't want to dismiss your feelings, ... but your being somewhat Emo here, ..... Highschool can be tough on people... I know exactly what your going through.

I had the same issues, ... girl you couldnt have, ... always wanted more friends, .. blah blah, ... i hate to break it to you, ... but even some of the popular kids were seriously depressed. its an awkward time in everyones life.

Try not to use this time to fantasize about what you do, or dont have, .... use everyday to make strikes towards who you want to be. Work on yourself, .... not everything else you cannot control, .... and one day you will look back, .. and not even recognize the person you were.

reply to post by mossme89


The only advice you need is move on.
You are perpetuating the obsession by not accepting the girl's rebuke.
We don't always get what we want and we have to learn to cope.

You could use the experience to help you with your next relationship.
Usually attraction is mutual in a normal relationship. If you intended love interest
has already blocked you on FB, then you are already going too far in your pursuit.
Time to get with a girl that wants you. But first you have to forget about getting with the one that doesn't.
It always seems hopeless until you find the next one.

Hope this helps.

Ziggy

Well...a couple of things...

Doing the exercise is excellent. Good for you! Keep doing it.

Dump the chick. She sounds like a pain in the ass and not worth any more time and effort.

I'm assuming you have buddies. Hang out with them. Lots. That kind of socialization is a good remedy.

Do you have a job? This might be a good time to get one if you're having a lot of time on your hands, and the extra money and exposure to people will also be good for you. Some of the hottest chicks I've ever gotten with have been those I met on a part-time job.

To be successful with women, you have to think like a fisherman. Put lots of "hooks" in the water, don't be so eager that you scare the fish off, and use the right "bait". That's where the extra money gets to be helpful. Also, remember that there's lots of fish in the sea just waiting for the right guy to tickle their tuna.

Another thing that I failed to recognize when I was a younger dude is that the best opportunities for action with women is sometimes right in front of your nose. Old women, young women, fat ones, skinny ones, black, white, hispanic, non english-speaking...whatever. Now is the time for you to put those hooks out there in the water. There is no reason to be choosy or shy. Really. Ask the chick down the street if she wants to play frisbee or something else stupid but fun. Do the same with her mother. Whatever. Just get out there and get in the game.

Another possibility that guys use sometimes to help in these circumstances is to find a "freak"...just a woman that can help you work off some of that nervous emotional energy that most guys your age have. Yes, by this I mean a hooker, whore, prostitute, escort, call girl...pick your pejorative. Some folks are gonna call this particular contingency "crazy", but it is an option if you feel like you really need some lovin'. If you choose this option, though, be careful.

Maybe talk with your parents, dad, older brother, uncles...see what they have to say.

Good luck

Naw naw naw, you are not crazy. Sure you may love this chick but as people said before, she does sound a bit shallow to be blocking you on facebook just because you made some mistakes. Not being able to feel emotions is regretable, I'm talking from experience, I only feel emotions that are very strong, but it's one of those things in life. I'm not sure if one can make themselves more emotionally sensative but thats another matter anyways. Just don't waste time on the girl if she isn't being nice to you. As for the loneliness, try taking up a team sport, such as basketball, football, etc. Sport creates strong bonds between indeviduals and you can make friends for life from your teams.

Just remember, you're not crazy

~Para

most don't realize most people go through the same feels in life just at different times of their maturely, you will grow up and look back at HS and realize how foolish it was to worry about what all these people think of you, (especially since everyone is HS is a damn kid themselves), so don't fret, take my word and others can chime in too, HS is just a drop in the bucket, a passing phase, so grow, be your best self for yourself, and don't worry what people that haven't even become adults themselves have to say

and girls don't worry about it there are currently almost 7 billion people on this planet and more than half of them are women (china might be skewed) so that's at least 3 billion women out there

reply to post by aorAki


I'll be fine, i just sometimes need to post it online. it's easier for me to type it than say it in person.

Originally posted by NewAgeMan
reply to post by mossme89

 

No advice right at the moment but I would like to thank you for the allowing me, in sympathetic harmony with you in your predicament, to experience the nostalgic pangs of HS, and feel my heart beat again with the almost palpable longings of unrequited love. You're very fortunate to be suffering like this, I realize that sounds strange, but you'll know what I mean when your turning 44 looking back on it. If you can I'd suggest perhaps cutting down on and/or getting off the Zoloft - better to embrace the sorrows of youth without the depressant, which is what might be zombifying you to a degree. If only that girl realized that you are in LOVE with her, she'd be flattered I'm sure. I went through the same thing on a couple of occasions, and I chickened out as well, it was terrifying!

edit on 9-2-2011 by NewAgeMan because: edit

You probably don't know this girl. My guess is that she'd be freaked out even more, but this girl is totally unpredictable. I think it might be best to let her come to me and let it go.

reply to post by mossme89


you're not crazy dude.
you're just a teenager in one of the most awkward parts of anyone's life.
i know that it might sound like b.s. while you're in the middle of it, but i promise, it gets better.
i've had my heart wrecked multiple times in my youth, and it always felt like the crushing pain would never end.
but it does. there are a lot of women out there dude, so different and unique and fun to get to know. someone else will come along at some point that you are just as taken by and your attention will shift. that's just a reality of life.
as far as your homework. i use to feel very much like you. what's the point of doing it? you can see through the b.s. but, it doesn't make that b.s. any less important within the educational system that has been built up around us. you can not to the work and be in a poor position for later in life. or you can see through the smoke do what they require of you and continue to teach yourself in the areas that are of real interest to you. i chose to not take h.s. as seriously as i should of. i was full of angst and thought i knew better. it limited post high school options for a bit, until i got my butt in gear. i'd encourage you to start some thorough self examination and try and figure out what it is that drives you..what motivates you and sparks your interests. you'll never become fully educated within the public school system. but you can use it for what it's worth.(even if what it's worth is b.s.)
i would also say, kick the zoloft. i'm not a doctor, but we live in a society where we prescribe a pill for everything.
are you taking it because you're bummed out because of the girl and high school? i'll tell you what. it's ok feel things. good and bad. it's how we're made. deadening that with prescription medication does nothing to solve the root cause of this. which, to me, sounds as simple as being young and frustrated and wanting more out of life. the more is out there, it require you being an active participant and making a life. not just letting life happen.
but what do i know.

s

First, who prescribed Zoloft to a love sick teenager? That's just messed up. Stop taking Zoloft.

Second, you are love sick, but you'll get over it. The chick doesn't like you, you think she's awesome, and that's why they made the song, "Everybody plays the fool..., there's no exception to the rule..."

Do yourself a huge favor and listen closely to these timeless lyrics. It's about you man. You may not dig the music, but the message is as true as true gets.



Lastly, keep up the running, that's awesome. You are a machine! And keep studying hard, and one day, trust me, you'll look back on this time in your life and realize how short and temporary it was, especially when you are having fun with your new friends in college, your new job, and you are drinking beers with your new girlfriend.

Life gets easier as you get better dealing with these emotions. Zoloft kills those emotions so you'll never learn how to deal with them.

Just remember, you are not the first, and not the last teenager to go through heartache. That doesn't stop as you become an adult either.

I can only reflect on my past experiences about such things and how I dealt with it but I can understand a dissassociation with the common high school herd and how you can only connect with certain people and enjoy a relationship only with certain people, that is a part of what makes us unique. This feeling of lonliness you have may be a gift as you could focus on things more important in your life and future that those caught up in the social network may not have the time or focus to do. Also being disassociated allows you to observe the people and their relationships with each other and their enviroment which gives you the ability to learn from them and see their mistakes without directly sharing those experiences. And you say you are obsessing over a girl? I imagine that is your first mistake is to be obsessed, but, since you are alone and must have time to yourself it gives you a great opportunity to find out what it is in you that is obsessed and what in particular is it about her that you are obsessed about. In being alone you can take the opportunity to become more aware of your emotions and in that awareness obtain power over them. Since you are only a high school senior and have a long life ahead use this opportunity to gain control over those emotions better yourself for the future.
Also I recommend getting off the Zoloft.

Originally posted by mossme89
I'm pretty lonely and i find it difficult to motivate myself to do schoolwork. After all, why should i care? I'll just get more work to replace the work i finished and be just as lonely. I've tried making friends with some luck, but being a Senior in HS is kind of depressing considering I'll lose all them next year. I can be around people, sure. It numbs the loneliness, but only just. When i'm around people i really "click" with (like friends i've made this year), it feels great and i can't get enough.

What do you plan on doing after High School? Why not start, instead of focusing on where you are now, begin imagining where you want to be this time next year. And take steps towards that. You are as any perfectly healthy teenager should be, totally self-obsessed and not sure what to do with yourself. But you seem to be veering a little towards the negative side, and since, at your age I was six and a half stone, and throwing back up everything that passed my lips, I know what that is like, and how very hard it is to turn it around. Anti-depressants will only help in the short term, you should look towards a long term solution, diet helps. Lots of lightly cooked, green, red and yellow fruit and vegetables (served, dressed or cooked with some saturated fat, preferably), and lots of nuts and seeds too, and perhaps a mineral supplement. Cutting down on carbohydrates may help too. Finding the right dietary balance will help your mood only if you find something to 'brighten' yourself up intellectually in order to refine your thought processes. Find a passion for something.

You have said yourself that after this year, you are never going to know any of these people. You will be free to be whoever you want to be. Start thinking about that. Give yourself something to work for and towards. Consider your options, and just take control over the direction that your life could take.

Originally posted by muzzleflash
Sounds to me like that chick is an idiot.

Don't waste your life on some shallow person like that. She will prolly cheat on you anyway if she is treating you like that merely for liking her.

Just make it a point in your mind to not like her anymore. If you think shes really hot, don't worry, you will find SO MANY hot chicks in the future. And some of them are nice and are not major ***** like the one you know.

DO NOT change your life based on her.

Just find what YOU like in life and follow that. If you are following your heart it WILL lead you to the right person.

I should know, I let a psychopathic chick ruin like 2 years of my life. I won't be making that mistake again. And I hope to God you don't have to go through that.

Get out of my head, change 2 years to 3 years and that's almost exactly what I was going to tell the op.

Hey mossme what else can I say that hasn't already been said. Listen to some of these people it's important that you don't change yourself for anyone it never works but more importantly it's unfair. The only advice I'll give is to focus on what makes you happy, once your mind is in a good place I think you'll find that what's bothering you now really wasn't all that important to begin with. Life is rarely as bad as it seems at times, take care man.

dude don't waste your time with 1 girl... you are in school! there is hot tail all around you ready for action. high school and college is all about scoring with as many chicks as possible!

I agree with the other posters don't get hung up on one girl there are so many cool ones out there that you should not fret over it.

I was in a similar situation where I was infatuated with one girl and we did end up hooking up but when I really got to know her she was not anything like I thought and to be honest she was lame lol.

Keep exercising tho it helps release endorphins that will make you feel good and it will keep you healthy.

Just keep on trucking and good things will happen you are still young. Believe me once you hit college and see all the girls you won't even remember that girls name