Advice on strengthening a relationship.

Hey I'm Justin, a 26 year old veteran, and recovering alcoholic. I turned to alcohol to mask my feelings and to self medicate. I have been sober for a good while now and am currently seeing a psychiatrist and going to AA meetings. Now that you know a little about me....I was told the other night by my wife that she is ashamed of me for what I have done in the past. She also stated things of how her parents and friends ask her why she would stay with me etc...I know I'm not a perfect person and believe me I have skeletons in my closet like everyone else, just mine are known. I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her. It just really hits home when she asks me why is she even with me anymore. If anyone has any advice I could use some serious help right now. Thanks guys/gals.

I don't know if you are a praying man but I will say a prayer for you and your wife ...peace

It takes time. I'm sure she is worried that you may go back to your old ways. You need to prove to her that you will remain sober. If she knows you are attending the meetings and are serious about changing, she will probably give you another chance. Just give her time. And good luck Justin.

reply to post by the2ofusr1


I would appreciate that, thanks a bunch bud.

reply to post by Night Star


Thanks again for your help Night. She has been going to meetings with me, and I am trying to find a couples therapist, but they are harder to find then I thought lol. It just hurts she's saying all of that yet I know it is my fault because I was the one who did it.

Stay connected. Through thick and thin you are united. If you can do this, you will overcome anything, if you can't, you have no future.

Compromise. Always meet in the middle.

Close the exits. There are no exits, there is no running. If you say you'll stay, you are in it for the long haul. Too many people are always making sure there is an exit somewhere. Close the exits.

Find ways to have fun and laugh together.

I have been married 24 years. This advice cost us 40k.

Good luck,
LV

Originally posted by MarineSniper12Kills
Hey I'm Justin, a 26 year old veteran, and recovering alcoholic. I turned to alcohol to mask my feelings and to self medicate. I have been sober for a good while now and am currently seeing a psychiatrist and going to AA meetings. Now that you know a little about me....I was told the other night by my wife that she is ashamed of me for what I have done in the past. She also stated things of how her parents and friends ask her why she would stay with me etc...I know I'm not a perfect person and believe me I have skeletons in my closet like everyone else, just mine are known. I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her. It just really hits home when she asks me why is she even with me anymore. If anyone has any advice I could use some serious help right now. Thanks guys/gals.

Semper Fi Marine from a Navy guy.

First thing, you have already started taking the steps it sounds like. We all F up around our loved ones, and you Marines catch hell. The day I don't buy a Marine a beer is the day I am in the ground.

I'm fourty-nine and you are 26 so take what I say with a grain of salt - it is well intended.

Communication first. Tell her and show her that you are seeking help for whatever is tearing at you.

If you were a sniper or devildog as your nick implies, you have got to open up to her and F any regs on missions, this is your life you are talking about. Open up a window in your armor and tell her.

Women can be amazingly healing, especially when they love you.

You know what I mean by armor right? The walls we put up between what we saw, or had to do, to keep doing the job, and what we wanted feel like.

When my dad returned from ww2 he self-destructed.

You are too damned young for that.

If you want to keep her, open up to her. If you hide stuff it just eats at you and kills you slow and hard.

If I can do ANYTHING please pm me.

The F'ing idiot civilians think its all over once you get a ticket home. It's not, as you are experiencing.

Would like to help if I can. Hell, you can just call me a lousy Squid if you want, lol.

You'll get thru this. Marines are tough.

Again, Semper Fi Marine.

One more thing.....yesterday is done. It doesn't matter anymore because it can't be redone. Let it go.

What matters is tomorrow. Anything can happen tomorrow. Tomorrow become a man of action. Don't say what you are going to do, DO IT. Soon you will have credibility and those around you will forget and forgive. Many people have had to start all over and rebuild. It takes time to earn credibility but people do it all the time.

Go strongly forward.

I am sure she has been hurt deeply by your drinking in the past. The fact that she is going to meetings with you and is still with you speaks volumes. She wants it to work. And you understand why she feels the way that she does. It's all good and steps in the right direction. Trust me, give her time and re-assurance and keep up the good work and all will fall into place.

reply to post by lostviking


Thanks LV I always appreciate your advice.

We are all right beside you. Your going to get this turned around. Like Joe Dirt says "Just Keep On, Keepin' On"

We're all here for you as long as you need us to be. Hang in there Hun, you are not alone.

reply to post by mydarkpassenger


I really appreciate that dark and I will definatly send you a PM. I never told her anything and she doesn't really ask. I guess that's due to the fact she knows I get emotional about it, even on here in certain threads. On top of everything its just hard to cope coming back because you want people to understand, but they dont. You have to be a heartless sob for years then come back and be the same passionate guy you were before and when you do switch your mentality back, you feel like you have no place. Thank you so much for your service.

You don't realize how much you change someones life just from what you say on a message board. You guys/gals have lifted me up so much since all of this started and I could not ask for better people and friends on here.

Originally posted by MarineSniper12Kills
You don't realize how much you change someones life just from what you say on a message board. You guys/gals have lifted me up so much since all of this started and I could not ask for better people and friends on here.

This old assed Navy guy would hug the # out of you. Main fact - you are never alone brother.

reply to post by mydarkpassenger


I appreciate that very much man...I am going to U2U you.

reply to post by MarineSniper12Kills


You need to see if you can get her on board with focusing on the HERE AND NOW vs where things WERE... You can't change what you've done in the past...you can only focus on the present. You've made the apologies, and she seems willing to stick with you through your efforts to get better.

I think she's telling you this to reinforce the consequences of slipping up again. Not sure if she's purposefully doing this, or just subconsciously, but if she's still with you, she wants to see you succeed in this.

And YOU need to know that any slip-ups could cost you the relationship, so nows the time to be extra sure you don't slip.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu

Let go of who you were and what you did. Become who you are supposed to be. Damn those who doubt.
Grab your future with gusto. Don't waste another minute living the past.

Do something cathartic. Write down what you did and burn it, and don't look back.

When your six feet under, it won't matter what you did then. It will matter what you become.

I really appreciate the advice everyone. Love that quote LV, helped me last night.

If you can admit the things in your past you will learn to live with them, there is no choice. She must also accept this aswell and consider it is better to know of the bad things to have the chance of living with them than not know of them and be suspicious forever. She must also show you that she is prepared to move forward with you rather than rattle those skeletons and hold both of you back. Also, if she truly loves and respects you then she will stand up for you against others opinions.

Good luck.