Kids today.....(Use Protection Folks!)

I have this friend who has a 19 yr old daughter (I've known her since about age 11, so she's like a niece to me)...

Anyhoo, she was engaged to this guy (a real loser) for over a year. Well, long story short, after a few other issues, they eventually broke up when he decided to sleep with another gal for New Years.

Now, a month later, she realizes she's pregnant.

Of course, we've all given her the speech, but too late now.

So far, she does plan to carry to term, and give the baby up for adoption (her choice). She feels she may have harsh feelings towards the baby due to his treatment of her (and the baby being a reminder), etc., etc., and she isn't fond of abortion (and realizes she isn't ready to raise a child, neither emotionally, nor financially).

Of course, she's a friend, so we'll support her in any decision. But, I thought maybe her example could help to reinforce the importance of protection for others who aren't planning to be parents, but also don't take adequate steps to ensure it isn't thrust upon them. USE PROTECTION KIDS!

reply to post by Gazrok


Seems fair enough, if only my ex would have done the same when she cheated on me. Regardless kids these days must feel like its quite a choir to have shields equiped but I wonder. They must of had some type of protection centuries ago unless they were more responsible then todays screw ups. Wish her the best.

reply to post by Stop-loss!


In the past, it was the social stigma (of having a child out of wedlock) that kept it more in line. Was a much more powerful tool.

The same thing happened to my two cousins. One of them went the adoption route and the other is keeping the baby. Everyone makes mistakes so there is no judgement on my part. However, I have noticed that almost everyone in my age group/generation cannot be mature in regards to sex. They see it as recreation and participate in it with someone while barely knowing them. Even the people I know who use protection will sleep with almost strangers and feel safe because of a condom. They don't understand that condoms do not completely protect against stds. It's very sad that so many people have to change their lives drastically due to sex.

Originally posted by unidentifiednga
The same thing happened to my two cousins. One of them went the adoption route and the other is keeping the baby. Everyone makes mistakes so there is no judgement on my part. However, I have noticed that almost everyone in my age group/generation cannot be mature in regards to sex. They see it as recreation and participate in it with someone while barely knowing them. Even the people I know who use protection will sleep with almost strangers and feel safe because of a condom. They don't understand that condoms do not completely protect against stds. It's very sad that so many people have to change their lives drastically due to sex.

most people don't care about the std's because of most diseases are curable and pregnancy usually isn't an option and that is the only reason for using a condom. I personally find nothing wrong with having sex with whoever as long as they are old enough and want to.... plus are completely disease free( i don't have insurance and dr visits are expensive). people should be taught to respect themselves and use precaution in regards to sex but outright making it a bad thing tends to do the exact opposite of the intended outcome. its in our psyche to push the boundaries and push our own independence. endure forte

reply to post by agentblue
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I don't have a problem with it or anything as I make my own choices and I respect other peoples. I just wish there was a little more discretion when it comes to this particular subject. As you said you cannot afford insurance and most young people cant either. So having sex with anyone they want to is risky because the only true way to prove someone is std free would be through a doctor( I think there are some that do std testings for free) but even then most people who are willing to sleep with someone they aren't in a relationship are not going to get tested based on the fact that they're trusting someone they don't really know. I know this idea doesn't represent everyone but in my experience with my peers in high school, college and work this how many live. As long as someone understands the risks of the action they perform then power to them. Unfortunately, most people remain ignorant of said risks and are not mature enough to take responsibility for their actions.

Lastly, I am in no way disagreeing with your point of view. I am clarifying my original point as well as expanding it.

reply to post by unidentifiednga


That's one of the reasons she stated she wasn't on the pill...expense. She had moved out and in with him when 18, and didn't have insurance. Still though, condoms aren't THAT expensive...(and a lot cheaper than a baby)... Besides, her parents would have helped her out with it if she asked. (Hell, WE would have)...

reply to post by Gazrok


Yeah. It feels like she got a raw end of the deal regardless of any mistakes made. I do agree that condoms aren't really expensive but whats done is done. She was engaged so I am assuming she at least was in love with the guy and he was a huge jerk. At least she is making a mature decision. It's not easy to go through giving birth and then putting the baby up for adoption. Hopefully she can move forward happily after this heavy experience.

My posts have not been targeting this case by the way. I was just putting my own input on an issue that has the potential to change peoples lives. Like I said my cousin gave birth to a baby and put up the child for adoption for the same reason. It's a very respectable choice that will hopefully spawn some better decision making for anyone who gets caught up in hard situations like these.

reply to post by unidentifiednga


Yep, she was in love with the guy, so we kind of had to bite our tongue a little bit, while also getting her to seriously think about her future with him, and what it'd be like.

He could be a nice enough guy when he wanted to, and presumably when alone with her, but with other people around, he kind of always tore her down and disrespected her (when in front of us, we'd call him on it too)...

He also just had no prospects, no ambition, and was in general kind of a loser...almost seemed like a stoner, but I don't think so...at least I hope he wasn't (or that he didn't get her into it). She doesn't have a lot of prospects either, but she does have some drive, so that's good. And there's always luck. We'll of course help her out there as much as we can, networking and assisting with bettering her chances.

She's even tried to tell him about it (the pregnancy), but any phone calls or e-mails go unanswered. To be honest, it's better that way. He's abandoned a kid in the past, so he likely won't feel anything towards it anyhow. She'll never get anything out of him if she decides to keep it (though she should still try if she does).

Importance of protection?

Here ya go - (nothing offensive here, just a bratty kid)

reply to post by Gazrok


Although the situation sucks, at least she found out before they actually got married and whatnot. I'm sure that the guy will get exactly what he deserves. And seeing as how the guy was a jerk, he was only bringing her down and she will have her full potential. Anyways, best wishes for everyone effected by that dirtbag

reply to post by unidentifiednga


It's definitely for the better, just wish it had happened before she got knocked up...

I'm not looking to blame her or him or anyone else, but society instead. Hear my rant.

I am convinced that the biggest problem is that little girls aren't being raised to hold themselves in high regard. They are imprinted with the message that they only have value as a human if a man wants to copulate with them. And all the media that so want to produce "strong women" only add to the message.

The unstated assumptions which they ram down our throats:

-successful women are able to attract a man
-strong/mature women are sexually active
-you owe it to yourself to have as much sex as possible, with any one you can.
-your ego is your most precious commodity. It's all about your feelings at the moment
-you should never deny or delay gratificaiton
-having a parolee stalk you means that you are more desirable and more important than the girl prepping for the SAT

"Cheap, but not easy" was once a motto that poor girls lived by. Now, no one even knows what the phrase means.

I guess what I'm saying is, the best of all possible worlds would not have been for the niece to use protection; the best case scenario would have been for the niece to see what a piece of crap her fiance was, and refuse to take her pants off for him.

reply to post by dr_strangecraft


If not him, would have been someone else. Puberty hit this kid like a freight train. And, since I've known her since she was younger, I'd often have to cover my ears and walk out of the room when she talked about her libido. I think she did it just to get a rise out of her dad, to be honest, but I shared in the uncomfortableness, hehe...

She's a good kid, but just went a bit wild once she was out from her father (who can be a bit much to take at times, even though one of my best friends). She even bounced back and forth between teams, if you catch my drift...but I don't think she was ever serious in it.

I just hope everything works out for her, whatever her final decision is.

reply to post by Gazrok


You know what shrinks might say, that a lot of sexual activity in young women stems from having trouble with the father figure, and a girl's need for her father's approval or positive attention. Not that such is the case with her, but it has happened.

Sort of like, trying to earn any man's approval, to make up for a lack of parental approval, or acting out to see whether anyone cares enough to intervene.

I have young relatives who have permissive parents, but they chose to move in with us, who are pretty, um, "old school" about where you go and whom you're with.

Like they always say...



.... Wrap it before you tap it....

You know what shrinks might say, that a lot of sexual activity in young women stems from having trouble with the father figure, and a girl's need for her father's approval or positive attention. Not that such is the case with her, but it has happened.

Oh, this is EXACTLY what happened...no doubt about it...except it isn't approval she seeks, it's attention, whether positive or negative, and that's what she had with him, for a while. She'll get over it though...just wish the relationship didn't have this tricky legacy.

On the plus side though, a new life is a blessing and will be for whatever couple adopts. (if she goes that route).

reply to post by Gazrok


I am an advocate for adoption. It's not like in the "after school special" movies when we were kids. Most states now have what is called an open adoption process. The birth mother can select an adoptive couple that will allow her to visit the child and attend important childhood milestones. We have friends who adopted this way, and I was pretty leery (fearing for the adopters to be emotionally hurt), but it was good for the child and good for the mother, too. Helped her grow up a bit and decide what kind of life she wants to have "when she grows up."

reply to post by Gazrok


Not to contradict you here G, but you know I am gonna.

There has always been unplanned pregnancy,the stigma just lets us not hide it anymore. Or wonder why teenage girls dissappeared to a boarding school for 4 months.

Even in Amish society, with such strict social structures, they have the same rate of drug use and unplanned pregnancy as the English.

If this girl feels that she will pass on negative feelings to a child just because an ex slept with someone else, then adoption is the best choice for her.

What she is going to be surprised about is much she cares about that child, and will miss it later. Giving a child up for adoption is an extremely hard choice to make, and I don't envy her.

reply to post by Gazrok


Planned parenthood gives out pills on a income basis. I doubt it would of cost her more then five bucks a month.

She probably worried the pill will make you fat.

But, there is a problem of accessibility. When women get pregnant over and over in low income areas, take a look to see how many clinics there are. You will be hard pressed to find one.and they don't have money to take a cab 20 miles to the nearest one.

If people want to reduce unplanned pregnancy, then the options need to be there. If they are there, they are used.

But they are few and far inbetween.

I used to have to stock the free condoms at the government building. And man they went fast.

(you firefighters are naughty)