I lost count after the first thousand, back in 1983. If I had to estimate I would say that I have killed several hundred thousand, if not millions,
in hand to hand combat. It always starts the same way.
I'm alone, unarmed, and surrounded.
The first time it happened there were only three opponents. Armed with ancient weapons and coming at me fast. I disarmed the first one, and then
killed all three with that long knife by moving so they always had to attack around one of the others. When I woke up I remembered where I was.
I sit up blinking in the sunlight on top of Olomana in Hawaii to a cool breeze and the faint sounds of car horns drifting up from Kailua below. My
friend Robert and I had spent the day hiking up the crater rim, and then climbed up the rest of the way to the peak. Exhausted we had paused for a
nap. I remember him telling me that the natives used to perform human sacrifice up here. I took my nap on top of a large flat stone at the highest
point.
But that was just the beginning. It escalated. Night after night, more aggressive attackers, more of them, more dangerous weapons. My condition
becoming less each instance. Missing a shoe, missing both shoes, no shirt, no pants, no clothes.
During the late 80's they started to grow into monsters, then groups of monsters, then hordes, then one night I had to fight Cthulhu. An ages long
nightmare of being chased by the mountain of tentacles. Running through town after town, through a city, no matter where I went Cthulhu always caught
up and set an eye on me. Finally I made it to the coast, led Cthulhu out to sea and drove the vessel backwards over him letting the propellers do the
job.
After that dream I changed jobs and moved.
The dreams changed accordingly.
Vast empty fields of grass surrounded by hundreds of people all coming at me, armed. I had to use all of my study of eastern philosophy, Mussashi,
Lao Tsu, Taoism, and strategy to conserve energy and use their own motions against them.
Then the grass started to be wet and dew covered, slippery to my bare feet. No matter how many weapons I took from them, I always started the dream
naked and unarmed. Then to close out the 80's I faced an unbeatable mob. Thousands pressing down out of the stadium onto the dark wet football field
to kill me. Armed with a quarterstaff I had taken off the first one, they just wouldn't die, I could only knock them back. They would get up and
come in again.
But I noticed something odd. The costumes the attackers wore always changed with each dream. Sometimes Vikings, sometimes Saracens, sometimes
romans, sometimes, world war soldiers, sometimes fantastical, sometimes monsters, but this time they were all wearing really big floppy pirate hats
which made it hard to see their eyes.
As I crouched low to strike up on ones underchin I noticed something. He had a large blue tattoo in the center of his forehead. I could only see the
bottom half of it protruding from under the rim of his hat. So the next one I struck directly in the third eye tattoo. He died. It only took
another hour to fight my way out of them and escape.
After that dream I changed jobs and moved.
The dreams changed accordingly.
[brb: quick break. My hands are shaking while writing this.]
So the new job is very dangerous. Climbing 500 up a tower to replace transmitters or lay cables. Eventually I get to train my own crews, and I have
a perfect safety record. Almost unheard of in the tower climbing business. The crews are running on their own now, and I get promoted to a desk
job.
This whole time during my periods of deep meditation I am reinforcing the idea that I will not fight any more. I am tired of fighting. Tired of
slipping on damp grass, and sliding around on blood spills. Tired of being outnumbered, alone, unarmed, and naked. But apparently that didn't
matter.
My last fighting dream.
I'm a fully geared special forced squad leader with an automatic weapon, and a crew of four others equally armed. We are in a bombed out cinder block
building somewhere in Vietnam during the war. The building is surrounded by rice hat wearing Vietcong who are closing in. The men look to me for
what to do, knowing I'll lead them out of this like it's nothing.
Inside my dream self I immediately object. Who are these members of my crew. I've never had any help before. Why now. Why, now that I want to
stop, do I suddenly have the burden of other souls to die along side me. WHERE HAVE THEY BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE!
blam ... blam... blam,blam,blam.
I'm now floating over my own body up along the ceiling looking down. The members of my crew are all down around me pools of blood spreading from
them. I see the Vietcong move in with AK's and bayonets fixed. The tops of their rice hats. One pauses over my body. I'm curious if he is going to
stab it to make sure the body is dead.
He looks up at me in spirit form floating at the ceiling and says in English "Oh no. You are not getting away that easy." And shoots me.
I immediately and at great speed fall down through my body into the ground. Deeper and deeper. Passing through strata of the earth, through bedrock,
deeper and deeper, until .... suddenly ....
I'm sitting on a small stone bench in a tiny room. At one end is a demon on a throne who is just raging and shouting non stop. No words, nothing
ineligible, just sound and rage. It is so loud that no one can hear anything else. On each side of the throne is a stone bench along the wall.
There are three of us on this side, and two of us on that side.
I look at the demon, and softly say "I believe one only has to say, only what they mean." And behind this I have the emotional impart that he is
saying nothing at all, making a lot of noise sure. But no words are coming out, hence all the fury means nothing.
He begins to rage even more intensely and great heat starts to radiate off of him.
And that's it.
That closed out the 1990's
I still have dreams occasionally.
But I'm usually running through some endless maze
somewhere underground, with passage ways that circle back on themselves.
So where am I now?
Hell if I know.
David Grouchy
edit on 27-1-2011 by davidgrouchy because: missing word