Why is it crazy to fight for someone you love?

You mention unconditional love, so I want to ask:

Can you love this man if he makes the condition that you don't see him or contact him?

Can you go through life respecting his wishes to not have a relationship with you and still love him?

If your love is truly unconditional then you will be able to get on with your life even without him being in it.

My observation of him is that he has blamed his previous girlfriends for his inability to commit to you. And he has blamed you for something you haven't done yet (cheated on him or left him) - and made you pay for it.

This man is an absolute coward who refuses to take responsibility for his own behaviour. Let him go. Just leave him to get on with it, he doesn't deserve you.

You have to be brave to love anyone. You have to be prepared to risk getting hurt. And he's so worried about his own precious feelings that he doesn't care what he's putting you through?

He wants you to brave the hurt and disappointment that he can't face.

I've loved people and I've loved animals. I've lost a lot of beings who I truly loved. Does it stop me from trying again? No, it doesn't. Most people will tell you the same thing.

And if he's prepared to hurt you like this when you are not at fault, what happens if you really piss him off?

Please, think more carefully about this.

I should say I don't necessarily believe his explanations for his reluctance to continue your relationship, but that's the reality he's given you so that's what we must deal with.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


...you've made 3 threads whining about this man that doesnt want you...
www.abovetopsecret.com...
www.abovetopsecret.com...

...now, this current thread - and - again, you have lashed out at anyone that didnt encourage your behavior, no matter how politely they responded...

...a woman that respects herself wouldnt drive a mile to "confront" a man that has already said he didnt want a relationship with her...

...have a nice trip...

reply to post by Wyn Hawks


First of all they are MY thoughts about things. Writing it helps me so if you don't like it don't read it/


Like i said I KNOW him you people don't so your opinions really don't mean crap to me.

I am allowed to vent and post on here, it IS the relationship forum. Did you forget where you are at.


It's sad that there are so many bitter and jaded people on this site but that doesn't surprise me. TOO many people bash women on here for not being this way or that way yet I AM that way and you people still complain. Amazing...

Also nobody said he didn't want me.

Big difference between running from fear and not wanting someone. BIG DIFFERENCE.

I know him, you don't and again your opinions are not of my concern. I come here to write out my thoughts just like i would on a blog...seems there are nothing but heartless morons on here with no real grasp on how to love someone.


Most of you need to have love in your life and then lose it to understand how I feel...and I mean REAL love not crap love. Love that makes you feel alive and the feeling that you can't live without the other. I bet most f you on here have never really loved anyone in your life. Sad.....this world only seems to love material things not people.

hiya,

It's funny how many people will react to a thread without fully understanding the truth behind the words or asking questions. I mean no dis-respect towards any other posters, but if this is what you want to do Mblah, personally I say do it.

If an Ex of mine had shown up on the doorstep, I would have swept her up in my arms and never let go again. But that's just me. It may be good, it may be bad. The important thing is that you find out for yourself. Don't let anyone else but yourself decide for you.

Cheers
Shane

reply to post by mblahnikluver




Geez Mblah, ..... your right, ...


Nobody could EVER understand what your going through because no one else could possibly have more life experience or know what REAL love feels like


Have you ever considered you may be altering perception to suit your desires ?

reply to post by mblahnikluver




People have made some good points, it may be hard for you to read and accept what they're saying... but you should try.... try not only looking at it from your point of you but try looking at it from your Ex's point of view too.

Us guys bottle things up and sometimes wont say what we're feeling..... maybe he doesn't want to say that he doesn't love you or want to be with you so he's using the old "It's me and not you" thing.

Maybe some of the language and tone used by people has been harsh, I tried to be nice in my post on the last page.... but others have said what I wanted to and said it better.


You say you don't care what people say..... yet you post THREE threads on a PUBLIC forum?

Asking for people's opinions.... You contradict yourself.


Either you want to air your laundry in public and sound obsessed.... or you want to sort your personal life out.
Maybe you can do both?

But don't criticise people for having an opinion.... don't bitch and moan at people for sharing their stories and advice when YOU have asked for it.... just because you don't agree, does not mean their points aren't relevant or valid.

Be more grateful that people are actually responding and giving you some sound advice.

It might save you some heartache in the long run.

reply to post by IntastellaBurst


Nope I am not altering anything to fit to my liking. A few people know details of the situation and believe me nothing is being altered to my liking. It's something I have to do.

This is the first time I ever felt like doing anything like this.

I told him I was coming, just wasn't sure what dates. He will know when as soon I pick the dates. I chose not to talk to him, to give him his space to think, which he said was fine. There is more to it than us just breaking up and me wanting to go there. There are feelings there on both sides and discussing it online isnt the same as in person...he just happens to be in another country so I have to go there. If he was still here I would go there as well but somehow I think if he were here it would be a lot easier.

No most wont understand, each situation and relaitonship is different. No two are the same because no two people are the same



Shamus thanks!

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
reply to post by Wyn Hawks

 

First of all they are MY thoughts about things.

...of course, you're posting your own thoughts, dear... no one is arguing that...

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
if you don't like it don't read it/

...really good advice for YOU to abide by...

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
Like i said I KNOW him you people don't

...true - we only know what you've told us about him, most of which was denigrating...

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
so your opinions really don't mean crap to me.

...its very clear that the only opinions you care about are those which condone / enable your need to harass this man who has told you he does not want a relationship with you...

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
I am allowed to vent and post on here, it IS the relationship forum.

...no one said you were not allowed...

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
Did you forget where you are at.

...you cant control other people's responses to you, sweetie... most folks learn that before they start elementary school - but - theres always that few whose parents taught them that throwing tantrums is how to manipulate others into giving in to their demands...

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
Also nobody said he didn't want me.

...you said that he said it... now you're saying he didnt... you cant even keep your own story straight, which could make some folks think you have issues with telling the truth...

...i'm not saying that is for sure the case... just saying it could look that way to some - cops, doctors, jail guards, judges, lawyers, mental health workers, probation officers - the kind of people you might get to meet if you keep on forcing yourself on this man...

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
Big difference between running from fear and not wanting someone. BIG DIFFERENCE.

...he doesnt want to be in a relationship with you, according to your own words in your first whining thread... thats not running due to fear of commitment... thats him knowing that he doesnt want you...

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
your opinions are not of my concern.

...sure they are or you wouldnt have responded TWICE now...

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
I come here to write out my thoughts just like i would on a blog...

...with absolutely NO regard to how your denigrating views might make him look or feel... thats not indicative of a healthy mind or of healthy love for someone else... its narcissistic (all about you)...

...one more thing... some posters responses might have been colored by the awareness that its becoming fairly common for some mentally unstable people to post obsessively (as you have) their version of reality prior to doing something that will ruin their lives and, possibly, other lives as well... after something bad happens, people ask why no one did anything... i think the truth is probably that people aware of that person's mental instability did try to reach them but couldnt because the bs was too deep...

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
seems there are nothing but heartless morons on here with no real grasp on how to love someone.
Most of you need to have love in your life and then lose it to understand how I feel...

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/302787d82fbb.gif[/atsimg]

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
It's sad that there are so many bitter and jaded people on this site but that doesn't surprise me. TOO many people bash women on here for not being this way or that way yet I AM that way and you people still complain. Amazing...

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/302787d82fbb.gif[/atsimg]

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
and I mean REAL love not crap love. Love that makes you feel alive and the feeling that you can't live without the other. I bet most f you on here have never really loved anyone in your life. Sad.....this world only seems to love material things not people.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/302787d82fbb.gif[/atsimg]

reply to post by mblahnikluver

I told him I was coming, just wasn't sure what dates. He will know when as soon I pick the dates.

Then if he knows and he hasn't objected...then you should do what you feel you need to do.


You shouldn't have any expectations out of what will come of the trip though...but you should do it if you feel like it is something you have to do.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Do you really want to treat people who would be your friends like that? I'll forgive you because I know how much you are hurting.

Some of us, maybe most of us, are responding to you because we DO know what it is like to have loved and lost and we want to see a swift end to your suffering.

We know exactly where you are and want to pull you out, dig you out, blast you out - whatever it takes to get you back to a happier more stable frame of mind.

We don't want you to spend years, yes YEARS, feeling as if:

You've had your guts ripped out.

That your heart has diminished to a little shrivelled thing only capable of pumping blood around your body - just. No longer able to feel anything.

That you are experiencing life from behind a pane of glass.

Any of that familiar to you? If it is, then you'll know that I've been there too.

You know what saved me? My pride - the one last little part of me that didn't keel over and die. My pride rallied the troops and helped me to fight back. But I'm a different person now.

This man has assessed you as someone who might cheat on him or possibly desert him. Why aren't you outraged?

Part of the reason you are hurting so much is because you are getting mixed messages. Something is being taken from you with one hand and (almost) promised to you from the other - at some time in the distant future.

If he told you that he hated you it would be easier for you to accept than what he's putting you through.

You know, the first stage of grief is supposed to be denial. That's all I can think when I read your posts. You are grieving terribly and I feel for you, but please, you need to be shaken out of this.

When I finally got myself 99% back together I still had to deal with 1% of me who was railing against the situation the same as you are. I visualize a lot and I saw myself digging a deep hole and I dropped that 1% into the hole and covered it with a big lid. Then I got on with my life and left it there to scream and cry all by itself.

That sounds brutal, but I needed to do something so I move on. I'd felt as if my life was represented by a stream and in the middle of it there was giant boulder, obstructing the flow. I couldn't get round it, over it, under it or through it.

Of course it will take time for you to heal, but my hope for you is that, somehow, we can reduce that time.

I am talking as if there is no hope, I realise that. But, just imagine for a minute that you get back together. How will you arrange things so they are more on your terms? What will you do to ensure that he can give you the respect and security of a solid relationship that he is 100% committed to?

Whatever happens, you are going to need to be strong. Being in a relationship with him isn't for the faint-hearted, which you know because he is making you fight for something you want so badly.

And why? Why would he do that? What sort of man would make you fight for him like this?

Why can't he just say a straight No and close the door completely? And if he thinks that, eventually, he will give in and allow you to be with him again, why can't he he just say Yes straight away? Those are fair questions.

I got a feeling I'm going to regret making this post, but here it is. I hope it's worth something to you.

reply to post by berenike


thank-you.......

Mblah, well i hope it turns out for you when you arrive in italy, I truly do hope he sees the light, however if he turns you down, please don't make the same mistakes...

good luck

Just look after number one babe!

single line one post one liner

Mblah, listen to Sniper Kitteh.....

I'm not going to lecture or even give advice as we all know it will do no good..

I just want you to ask yourself three questions before you go running off to Europe after this guy.

One: You know how you feel about him there is no doubt, but after what he did to you and after what he has knowingly put you through, can he really feel the same? Really?

Two: What will happen if you go there and he shoots you down again? Will it really be worth the trip and worth at least double the heart ache you are feeling now?

Last and most important: No matter what, isn't it better you found out who he really is now instead of years down the road when things could be much more complicated?

We care mblah... we do.... we really are only trying to help you..

Personally I don't think he deserves you and that is the only opinion I will add..

Best of luck

Originally posted by Now_Then
Just look after number one babe!

single line one post one liner

Yep, she should move on.

But only she knows.

Click here for more information.

reply to post by Jess_Undefined


Ouch! So the claws are out already?

I'll just stand on the sidelines and become quietly aroused. In a completely non sexual and innocent way.

Do what you want Mblah, If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. You can only learn youngblood. (and yes, even though you are almost the same age as me, you're still a youngblood) So take care.

Standing aside and wide eyed,
Shane

I think that it is reasonable to fight for someone that you love. But of course IMHO there is a catch. If you decide to fight there has to be a limit. A way to tell yourself that your willing to go but so far, and if there is no progress then you leave it alone.

When you fight, your objective is to win, you just have to decide how far your willing to go, as it may not work in your favor. We can have all the ambition in the world, and still not get what we want.

My suggestion would be to let him know that you will wait.... not forever.

Peace, good luck and well wishes. There is love out there, and I am happy that you found what makes you feel complete. Just dont break yourself down for it, because in the long run, resentment will ensue, and the relationship may not work out either way.

Peace, NRE.

Click here for more information.

Originally posted by Jess_Undefined
reply to post by Wyn Hawks

 

Wyn Hawks,

But we have to understand here....Mblah is the only one in this whole wide world who has ever been in real love. We have so much to learn from her here. We are blessed to have such a wise member here to teach us. Teach us, Mblah. Teach us how to fight for love.