Girlfriend can't accept shes pregnant... some help would be nice

Alright I'm going to be honest here because I really need to know what to think here.

This all started when we had drank a bit too much and i checked a text on her phone (no I don't do this usually ever it was just random and we're okay letting one another using each others stuff, but it does still hurt knowing I broke her trust but it's okay now luckily) - the text read "I lost the baby"

Obviously I get very upset; that's something I deserve to know and it's a serious issue that I think she should have shared. Turned out she said she knew only for 2 days she was definitely pregnant but she now thought the baby was gone.

Now for the women out there or anyone with experience with anything like this, I could use some help here.

Long story short she realized her mistake, I mine, and we've been fine since... thing is she was bleeding on/off for about 2 weeks.

She says she lost the baby ['almost positive' she says], but some blood doesn't mean a miscarriage, although it's not something good either. She explains that basically dealing/admitting with it made it that much realer, which I can understand to some level.

Things only got more intense - she got cramps worse than shes ever had for 2 weeks straight almost. Blood slowed down now 3 days without any whatsoever.

I'm very confused... I'm 22 but I have yet to finish college (although she has) and a baby would be just awesome but hard as well. I am planning on proposing to her right before her birthday, this is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with, and she feels the same way from what I can tell/know.

Anyway I'll end this relationship story but I wanted to add she has classic signs of being pregnant (wont get into details -

She basically is pretending like shes not pregnant and I would bet 9:1 she is (not going to go into detail, at least not for now).

I know this is very personal, but I need help here... I'd want to keep the baby (if it's still there) as would she if it is, but she's 5'7, only 100 pounds and has had basically no period for 6-7 months.

I wanted to end this with "YES!!!/b] she's seeing a doctor this week)

Anyway, I though a bit about this & and decided to post this because I'd like some replies. Sorry if this sounds juvenile but my life is very stressful right now, as is her's and just getting this off my chest is helping me.

Thanks in advance for replies.

edit on 1/18/2011 by highlyoriginal because: (no reason given)

First of all not having a period for 6 or 7 months ,that alone is not normal. unless she was taking some kind of birthcontrol .....


shes taken a HPT which came back possitive?????

then she is or was indeed pregnant .

Spotting on and off for two weeks is sometimes normal , with each woman and each pregnantcy its different as you may well know ..

the intense cramps that shes getting is not normal by any means and usually does mean a misacarrage is in the making .
if i was you id take her to the ER ASAP ....

these kind of things can be serious and your both better off know what it is exactly that has gone wrong ....

i wish you the best of luck....

reply to post by highlyoriginal


I'm happy to hear that she's going to the doctor. My first suggestion would have been to talk to her about getting to a doctor or hospital as soon as possible. I agree with Alysha that spotting can be normal and that the pain you describe should definitely be checked out immediately.

However, if she is pregnant, and you mention that she hasn't had a period for about 6 months or so, there is a possibility that it could be as simple as Round Ligament Pain. I'm sure this feels different for every woman, but I experienced this at about 6 months pregnant. I was at a restaurant with my husband and some friends and everything was fine one minute and the next, with no warning, I was huddled over in agonizing pain and was positive that I was having a miscarriage. We rushed to the emergency room to find out upon examination that it was round ligament pain. It was so excruciating that I was convinced that I was losing my baby. Hopefully, it will be something as simple as this.

I can't relate to being 5'7" (I'm only barely 5'1" if I lift up on my toes), but I was 102 pounds when I got pregnant and I carried my baby just fine. I now have a 10 year old who is almost as tall as I am to show for it. My Dr. was fine with me gaining as much weight as I needed to be able to support a pregnancy, but starting off at 100 pounds wasn't a problem at all. Your girlfriend should be fine if she talks to her Dr. about a healthy diet and how much weight she will need to gain at a minimum to support a pregnancy. No weight gain yet would definitely be a good question for her doctor.

Good luck and I am happy to answer anything that I can if you have other questions. If I can't answer something if you have more questions, I'll still be happy to help and do some research if you need. It can be a scary and exciting time and you and your girlfriend are in my thoughts.

Edited to add that if she isn't pregnant, but hasn't had a period it is something to talk about with her doctor, but can sometimes be as simple as being under a lot of stress or due to nutritional issues. Really something that she needs to ask her doc about, but also not something that is always a sign of doom.

Take care,
Cindi

Sorry if this sounds juvenile

It takes a man to explore his state of mind and ask for advice. I won't be able to give any but wish you the best of luck and good health for both your girlfriend and child (if any).

Follow your heart but make sure that you are realistic. Finance isn't the most important thing in a child's life but will be a huge factor. Calculate some of those basic expenses, (time is an expense as well...).

Some advice in the the end anyways.

I am a mother of 3 and have dealt with miscarriages so hopefully I can help.

I am assuming she has not seen a dr. which is imperative either way. If she miscarried and her body didn't expel everything, it could cause an infection and possibly make her infertile.
Some possible things it could be besides a miscarriage.
The bleeding could have been implantation spotting.
The cramping and bleeding depending on how far along she was could have been a separation of the placenta from the uterus. I had this happen to me with my second child. A small section of the placenta separated from my uterus despite the rest of the placenta being intact. This requires medical attention ASAP.

Her height weight ratio is possible to blame for her lack of periods. She is definitely underweight and that is a frequent cause of missed periods.

if she did miscarry, it is possible to still have a positive pregnancy test and still have symptom because she would still have HGC in system for a short period of time. She needs to have blood tests done to see if the levels are rising or falling.

Originally posted by highlyoriginal
Alright I'm going to be honest here because I really need to know what to think here.

This all started when we had drank a bit too much and i checked a text on her phone (no I don't do this usually ever it was just random and we're okay letting one another using each others stuff, but it does still hurt knowing I broke her trust but it's okay now luckily) - the text read "I lost the baby"

Obviously I get very upset; that's something I deserve to know and it's a serious issue that I think she should have shared. Turned out she said she knew only for 2 days she was definitely pregnant but she now thought the baby was gone.

Now for the women out there or anyone with experience with anything like this, I could use some help here.

Long story short she realized her mistake, I mine, and we've been fine since... thing is she was bleeding on/off for about 2 weeks.

She says she lost the baby ['almost positive' she says], but some blood doesn't mean a miscarriage, although it's not something good either. She explains that basically dealing/admitting with it made it that much realer, which I can understand to some level.

Things only got more intense - she got cramps worse than shes ever had for 2 weeks straight almost. Blood slowed down now 3 days without any whatsoever.

I'm very confused... I'm 22 but I have yet to finish college (although she has) and a baby would be just awesome but hard as well. I am planning on proposing to her right before her birthday, this is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with, and she feels the same way from what I can tell/know.

Anyway I'll end this relationship story but I wanted to add she has classic signs of being pregnant (wont get into details -

She basically is pretending like shes not pregnant and I would bet 9:1 she is (not going to go into detail, at least not for now).

I know this is very personal, but I need help here... I'd want to keep the baby (if it's still there) as would she if it is, but she's 5'7, only 100 pounds and has had basically no period for 6-7 months.

I wanted to end this with "YES!!!/b] she's seeing a doctor this week)

Anyway, I though a bit about this & and decided to post this because I'd like some replies. Sorry if this sounds juvenile but my life is very stressful right now, as is her's and just getting this off my chest is helping me.

Thanks in advance for replies.

edit on 1/18/2011 by highlyoriginal because: (no reason given)

I have to say first, that it is a very good thing that she is seeing a doctor! If she is still pregnant, she could be having serious problems - and if she isn't, then the symptoms she's showing seem pretty serious...
Obviously, the whole thing freaks her out at the moment- and right now t, she needs you to "be there for her" and let her know that you care about her whatever happens (not just about the baby, which might be something she is worrying about) . As far as I can work out, she's pretty underweight, (and because I am, and have been most of my life, I know it's not fun, especially when having children!)
Do let us know what happens!
Vicky

reply to post by highlyoriginal


get a ticket and escape over seas theres no reason if u dont want the baby that u shud be dragged thru the mud and made to have a baby with this girl...





naaaaaaahhhhh
u get pissed and root someone u cop it mate !!!!

Originally posted by questcequecest
reply to post by highlyoriginal

 

get a ticket and escape over seas theres no reason if u dont want the baby that u shud be dragged thru the mud and made to have a baby with this girl...




naaaaaaahhhhh
u get pissed and root someone u cop it mate !!!!

what the hell is wrong with you?, the OP clearly cares enough for his girlfriend to ask for advice ....

and if the baby somehow manages to live though this he ll adore the baby just as much as his girlfriend ...

to me that is a real man ........

reply to post by highlyoriginal


You sound like a fine young man with his head screwed on right.

Your girlfriend needs to get to a hospital ASAP, it's possible she may be having a miscarriage and without immediate medical assistance she could get an infection needing anti-biotics. This sounds quite serious to me.

Better safe than sorry if this young woman expects to have other children in the future.

Originally posted by alysha.angel
what the hell is wrong with you?, the OP clearly cares enough for his girlfriend to ask for advice ....

and if the baby somehow manages to live though this he ll adore the baby just as much as his girlfriend ...

to me that is a real man ........

edit on 18/1/11 by alysha.angel because: (no reason given)

Thank you for the compliment. means a lot.

And to everyone else who posted, thank you as well, I could use the positive replies.

I haven't told anyone really other than two or so people.

Her moods are changing quicker and quicker (almost bipolar like)... it got to the point where she wanted to have sex but she felt the need to not be touched, and she couldn't explain ir,.

Originally posted by bluemirage5
reply to post by highlyoriginal

 

You sound like a fine young man with his head screwed on right.

Your girlfriend needs to get to a hospital ASAP, it's possible she may be having a miscarriage and without immediate medical assistance she could get an infection needing anti-biotics. This sounds quite serious to me.

Better safe than sorry if this young woman expects to have other children in the future.

I agree. I want her to get to the doctors ASAP as well. Not to mention blood coming from that area = bad in my book.

[

Thank you for the compliment. means a lot.

And to everyone else who posted, thank you as well, I could use the positive replies.

I haven't told anyone really other than two or so people.

Her moods are changing quicker and quicker (almost bipolar like)... it got to the point where she wanted to have sex but she felt the need to not be touched, and she couldn't explain ir,.


for now dont even suggest sex the same goes for her . , i know that sounds harsh but iv been pregnant three times and have 4 awesome girls who all turned out to be great kids ..( my 3rd time was with twins lol) i was one moody bitch from the time i found out that iwas expecting til the very end . .
first things first get her ass to the ER and find out what is wrong .

im hoping all is well with her and the baby , but depending on how far along she is i hate to say it , but she may lose it ,either way the important thing to do is support her emotionally no matter what happens ....

and please keep us updates i love babies ....

Originally posted by alysha.angel
Thank you for the compliment. means a lot.
...

and please keep us updates i love babies ....

Will do. I, at this point want to know whats going on myself, once I know I will share what I find out.

Honestly I want a kid but I'm also not ready for one... although 7-9months would give me some time to save up.

Hopefully this week I'll know what's up!

Glad to see she's seen or will see a dr. That's the first thing.

If you do have a kid on the way...USE the help that is offered from family and friends, especially those that have been there, done that, with kids. No need for you to go blindly into this. USE their experience and advice.

While your age used to be the norm for starting a family...these days, it's usually better to wait (less divorce, etc.), but the cards have been dealt now.

Of course, you really need to assess whether you both love each other, and are going to be in it for the long haul. The kid represents a bond no matter what happens to you two, so one of the chief concerns will (and should be) how everything is going to impact that child.

Wish you both the best of luck.

Originally posted by Gazrok
Glad to see she's seen or will see a dr. That's the first thing.

If you do have a kid on the way...USE the help that is offered from family and friends, especially those that have been there, done that, with kids. No need for you to go blindly into this. USE their experience and advice.

While your age used to be the norm for starting a family...these days, it's usually better to wait (less divorce, etc.), but the cards have been dealt now.

Of course, you really need to assess whether you both love each other, and are going to be in it for the long haul. The kid represents a bond no matter what happens to you two, so one of the chief concerns will (and should be) how everything is going to impact that child.

Wish you both the best of luck.

We definitely love each other, I am planning on proposing in a few months but I haven't put a date in my head yet. Her and I have a great relationship; I've been there for her during some hard times and I know she will do the same for me and does when needed so no questions there.

I honestly just hope she is okay. Bleeding for multiple weeks is not good to start, but add in the fact that she is more than likely pregnant or was, it's going to be a large emotional toll on her, not to mention me.

When I first found out I may have lost a kid that was mine I freaked out... Knowing that I created something and having it not make it into this world alive is hard on me but I have laid off the talk about it all for now (at least with her) and I will await the results of her doctor appointment.

And by the way, thank you

reply to post by calstorm

I to agree with what calstorm says.
You can have spotting or a light period during the first month, about teh time your period is due. Though if she hasnt had one, who knows. Your not going to get answers till she sees a doctor, but if a test came up positive, she is pregnant. And needs to act so till you know if the pregnancy is valid or not.

If it is as painful as she says, it could be an ectopic pregnancy, and they are dangerous. This doctors apt is very important.

reply to post by highlyoriginal


No one is ever ready for a child. And no amount of preparedness can change that. Its a learn as you go job.

Take her to an abortion clinic if there is no baby she whould have no problem going.

reply to post by highlyoriginal


Any chance of you going WITH her and talking to the doc yourself? If she's fibbing to you, nothing to prevent that if you just wait for her to tell you.

YOU have just much stake in this as she does (well, maybe not JUST as much, but you do have a stake here)....and you have a right to know.

reply to post by Gazrok


I must second this. She may be worried that you don't want a baby and if you agree to go to the doctors appointment with her, it shows that you support the idea. It can also make sure that you get all the facts.

My wife is currently 11 weeks pregnant and I've been to both of her doctors appointments so far. It's much easier to go along and here the information first hand rather than wait and have to hear it second hand.

My thoughts are with both you and your girlfriend. These times can be very tough. Stay strong my friend!

Originally posted by questcequecest
reply to post by highlyoriginal

 

get a ticket and escape over seas theres no reason if u dont want the baby that u shud be dragged thru the mud and made to have a baby with this girl...





naaaaaaahhhhh
u get pissed and root someone u cop it mate !!!!

It takes TWO to make a baby!! REMEMBER that.