How To Make Women Happy..

n the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Simple Duties:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom (-2)

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
In the snow (+8)
But return with beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

Social Engagements At a Party:
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
Named Tiffany (-4)
Tiffany is a dancer (-6)
Tiffany has implants (-8)

Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted in all of the colors of your favorite sports team (-10)

A Night Out With the Boys:
Go with a pal (-5)
The pal is happily married (-4)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Mustang (-10)
With a personalized license plate that reads GR8 N BED (-15)

A Night Out:
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called DeathCop 9 (-3)
Which features cyborgs that eat humans (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-800)

Communication: When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+100)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)

The Big Question: She asks, "Do I look fat?"
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

reply to post by alysha.angel


I still do not understand women and they only way I know to make them happy is to do do everything THEIR way.

Your entire premise is wrong. Let me correct it for you... If she does something you like, she gets a point - If she does something you don't like, she loses a point - If she loses too many points, she is replaced with another women.

reply to post by alysha.angel


I'm sure you already know this because, well, you wrote it, but that is spot on!
I think it would lend itself really well to a small handbook with color coded tabs that you can reference whenever you see the mood souring, or perhaps to help when you hear "You know what you did, I'm not going to repeat it!" Boom, open the guide, find out what you did and immediately find the closest positive points to negate your mistake!

reply to post by alysha.angel


I scored a negative 207 and I didn't even leave my chair.

~Heff

Originally posted by BioChemMatt
reply to post by alysha.angel

 

I still do not understand women and they only way I know to make them happy is to do do everything THEIR way. [/quote

haha yeah thats the only way i know

I have to disagree on this one. I dont think there is a point system, and if there is, it may be one sided (and maybe not yours). I have found that when you have expectations your already a step behind. No one is going to be who you want them to be, unless you can make a clone, or the other person is very submissive and ok with it.

I have no problem doing 99.9% of those things by myself, which has left me single, as I want a companion, and not a worker/helper. But doing this together is great, and maybe just maybe, someone thinking of you every once in a while. I have no problem with the sports bar, and maybe even you wearing face paint, (as its possible I will claim NOT to know you), but having fun and chilling out, is the best part, maybe get me a cold one when I'm low, and ask me who's teams winning, as I will only go if we can make a bet


Peace, NRE.

(-800)



I think people should have separate but adjacent spaces available if need be. Not to distance a relationship but to eliminate a potential for problems in one that is working. It might eliminate a few things on this list. I know I like having my own space in any case but sometimes I get way more picky about things in my space... too picky for "relationship" with whoever I'm being picky with. Some people my flow meshes more with theirs, some I do not mesh even if I wanted to. They start wiggin my nerves out.

If somebody is going to be in my space, it needs to NOT be for making messes, snoring, being loud, watching sports and putting their junk all over the place. They need to do that somewhere else. If it's their space, I have to find another space because I have to have my own space. I think it's really important. Space is not easy to come by and that is why space should be regarded. My house is always much cleaner when there is not a man in it and there is always less space. If someone mucks up my house, they're not going to hold my special attention.

Maybe there are people who can share spaces and not get up in each others # and be getting all paranoid around each other and stuff, but until you know that you have exactly the person to mesh with your flow it's safer to have your own space. If the relationship gets distanced into solely each owns space, it might have ended much more volatile in crowded mutual space, but if the relationship is the real deal, having separate spaces isn't going to hurt it.

And giving someone space is not *ignoring them* or not speaking or not looking at them unless you are really really that mad. It's more about giving someone energy space but still being accessible... more about pacing the energy you direct at someone but still being cooperative and receptive. Guys step all over this a lot and don't realize it. I know it's easy to do because I have done it recently due to the layout of this house and the size and the fact that I have to tend to every inch of despite there having been someone else in it. It was not convenient and i was also not getting cooperation and the untidiness of it caused me to perhaps push on some energy space of another.... but holy #, compared to time that got eaten up and the inconveniences what would anyone expect? perfection? I mean I wasn't the one rearranging people's day with my drama, asserting no effort, making them move my stuff back and forth and do all sort of things like they have nothing better to do for no important reason and forgetting all the agreements I made in the beginning and what I was there to help do in the first place.

I felt better having someone here looking over things while I am gone a few hours a day so to start trying to make me anxious about that very issue of security and not having things complicated is not cool.... but it no longer matters, because I live alone now which is scary but as soon as he comes and gets his # I will be much less crowded and can clean easier. Ohhh, he was just like little piggy. He needs some other kind of place to play in... and didn't understand any of it because when he WASN'T here when the house was clean and he didn't see it until he came back with all his stuff and now the house is much harder to clean and he doesn't know it's not supposed to be this way. Most of the furniture and things are mine but i have to do ALL cleaning and ALL chores because he can't and he is messy...always dropping food, stepping on the food, sitting on the food, letting the cat lay all over his covers, not putting his stuff away because he can't reach and NOT mentally organizing ANY of his own stuff so he can tell others where to put the things he can't.... and he talks and talks and talks and talks to people on the phone all day and i ask him to be quiet and he starts talking again and then he gets mad but not once even looked up the price of a door to where his computer was at to dampen the sound.

He just gets uptight and decides he no longer likes hearing the sound of my voice and quite frankly, I'm goddamn tired of telling him to get his dishes off his desk as the cherry on top to all the # I had to go out of my way to do for him. Then he starts telling me he has to go visit someone and makes up this story which I know is not true and starts being stubborn trying to cause an inconvenience for me... because he feels bad- is hurt by my view that he is making messes and doing things I don't like. I am NOT sorry that he started making excuses and being difficult as his version of drama. His version of drama is causing problems for attention and punishment for who he is vexed against. My version of drama is being verbally descriptive with my anger. It's quick, it's honest, it's direct, it's not meant to be a catalyst of anything. It's not a stupid game. It's not a lie. Sometimes it's not very nice but it never starts as being completely inconsiderate and ignorant of other's time and the things they have to do.

He doesn't understand that he wants attention and isn't going about getting it the right way.
He puts the direct thought of wanting attention out of his direct thoughts and just bides his time as he does not thinking of things in his immediate environment and does nothing but # off on the computer all day. I feel bad for the cycle and am well aware of his tender little heart despite my bitchings but their isn't anything I can do in this particular house.... it's too small for him. His tender little heart doesn't have me fooled though.... nor should it have anyone fooled. If his heart was so innocent and true, he could think of at least one cooperative thing a day that was not vexed against me but he never does so I can't feel sorry enough for him to be constantly acting out a lie that I am not mad over simple requests. I DO feel sorry for him. It does NOT make me a nicer person. I am already a nice person. I just don't like people doing things to me that aren't nice like getting in my time and space.

Oh well, doesn't matter now. I should think about some more but that is only where it matters because he is not here.

How to please a woman...

After 2 unsuccessful marriages and finally got the 3rd one right.... 10 years now and she has the record...still happier than ever.

Here are my findings...
-First, get someone a lot like you...common interests, common likes, common short comings and traits
-Be honest...always...even if you are wrong, she will respect you
-Respect her... not always in an open the door for her way, but treat her like a person... not the cook or playtoy
-Confide in her, talk to her...she is your best friend, if she's not.. you messed up somewhere
-Unless you are working, be home everynight...be home everynight at a decent hour
-If you are going to be late, call her and go back to #2...be honest as to why
-Be constant...not predictable..most men are...but constant. The outlaw was fun when she was 24, but not at 39
-Be the man.. she is your equal but she wants you to be the man, even if she acts like she doesn't..be the man
-Treat her as your equal in all things, but take control sometimes.. in money, in life, in bed...drives her wild
-Love her kids...be they your children or her's from another relationship... she will look past many things for this
-Don't try to change her, let her be her and let her shine..if she wants to go to school at 41...OK
-Don't be threatened by her success, her intelligence or abilities...be the man that keeps it real..her anchor
-Read her signs/signals...when you see that little square bag that says Kotex...give her space

I could go on, but the point is..she is your best friend...good, bad, ugly....

Originally posted by AlreadyGone
How to please a woman...

After 2 unsuccessful marriages and finally got the 3rd one right.... 10 years now and she has the record...still happier than ever.

Here are my findings...
-First, get someone a lot like you...common interests, common likes, common short comings and traits
-Be honest...always...even if you are wrong, she will respect you
-Respect her... not always in an open the door for her way, but treat her like a person... not the cook or playtoy
-Confide in her, talk to her...she is your best friend, if she's not.. you messed up somewhere
-Unless you are working, be home everynight...be home everynight at a decent hour
-If you are going to be late, call her and go back to #2...be honest as to why
-Be constant...not predictable..most men are...but constant. The outlaw was fun when she was 24, but not at 39
-Be the man.. she is your equal but she wants you to be the man, even if she acts like she doesn't..be the man
-Treat her as your equal in all things, but take control sometimes.. in money, in life, in bed...drives her wild
-Love her kids...be they your children or her's from another relationship... she will look past many things for this
-Don't try to change her, let her be her and let her shine..if she wants to go to school at 41...OK
-Don't be threatened by her success, her intelligence or abilities...be the man that keeps it real..her anchor
-Read her signs/signals...when you see that little square bag that says Kotex...give her space

I could go on, but the point is..she is your best friend...good, bad, ugly....

Hmm... That's not a bad post I must say.

*applauds*

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings

What the

Originally posted by hillbilly4rent

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings

What the

it's these stupid little tabs on the pad that wrap around the gusset and get your drawers all tangled but protect them.
Aunt Flo is an aggravatin' bitch.


Side note... the young man that was living with me has gotten his stuff out. I now have more room. The silly thing had someone drive him all the way to the other side of the county before calling me to tell me he was getting his stuff. Good thing i was home and answered the phone. A lot of it was not in boxes. I was sleeping before I go into work... but it's done and now he can go do whatever he wants to do where ever he wants to do it until he gets aggravated there too and can find someone to come get him. This is why he needed a place and could have gotten all sorts of stuff, but he just lost a few of his benefits by moving out. I bet he won't even update his contact info on his application for his housing voucher. Ten bucks says he won't. We waited all day to get that for him. He'll forget.... but I guess it's not my place to wager bets against his memory anymore.

I'm just going to hate seeing him if he gets into a worse situation and gets taken advantage of by drunks or irresponsible people. He has some reckless friends, but he's in real hard headed mode right now before he left...being real stubborn. I know it's just his vice to deal with being upset but he didn't even pet the cat bye and he loves that cat to death. He'll probably never see him again and that was his buddy. He didn't say bye to me either just because we're pissed off at each other over making messes and arguing. Last time he did this he told me three weeks later how sorry he was and how he "gets it now" I'm going to laugh if he does that again but he can't come back. We can't do this again though. Here i am up when i'm not supposed to be up because of moving his stuff, but at least this time I didn't have to move it. Last time I packed it and brought it to him.

Even though he's being a butthole I hope his circumstances in life do not catch up to him before he realizes he needs to get his stuff together and not # off so much... and to think about things.

The Big Question: She asks, "Do I look fat?"
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

You lie (+1)
You lie convincingly (+5)
You say "No, but (insert friend she is jealous of here) sure has packed on a few pounds lately" (+15)

it's these stupid little tabs on the pad that wrap around the gusset and get your drawers all tangled but protect them.
Aunt Flo is an aggravatin' bitch.

Look, we don't EVER want to know what the wings are for, or how that plastic tube thingie works, etc. It's bad enough we even know they exist and have vague ideas about their general purpose....please DON'T enlighten us, hehe... I think this was the genesis of the saying, "Ignorance is bliss"...and while it contradicts our slogan here...well, some things man just wasn't meant to know....

reply to post by alysha.angel


How to make a woman happy is do everything you can to keep her away from you.

This is the best way.

reply to post by andy1033


Haha...

There are elements of truth there. You have to know WHEN to leave the room (and when to return).

Too long of a time, and you don't care.
Too short of a time, and you just made it worse.

The key is finding the RIGHT amount of time (which of course, varies by infraction)....

I found this very amusing.

I gave you a star and flag.

reply to post by Gazrok


I meant just tell her to look elsewhere, and she will find happiness with another not you, lol.

Thats my attitude, and always has been. Any female ever tries to come near me, i try and put them off straight away, best way.The way i see it is, there is plenty of males looking for what i am not looking for, and those males can have those females.

I count myself lucky for one reason, i paid alot of attention about how to keep them away from me. Females mostly are looking for a few things, and i have none of those things, and they can stay away from me period.

I am just giving another view.

Originally posted by AlreadyGone
How to please a woman...

After 2 unsuccessful marriages and finally got the 3rd one right.... 10 years now and she has the record...still happier than ever.

Here are my findings...
-First, get someone a lot like you...common interests, common likes, common short comings and traits
-Be honest...always...even if you are wrong, she will respect you
-Respect her... not always in an open the door for her way, but treat her like a person... not the cook or playtoy
-Confide in her, talk to her...she is your best friend, if she's not.. you messed up somewhere
-Unless you are working, be home everynight...be home everynight at a decent hour
-If you are going to be late, call her and go back to #2...be honest as to why
-Be constant...not predictable..most men are...but constant. The outlaw was fun when she was 24, but not at 39
-Be the man.. she is your equal but she wants you to be the man, even if she acts like she doesn't..be the man
-Treat her as your equal in all things, but take control sometimes.. in money, in life, in bed...drives her wild
-Love her kids...be they your children or her's from another relationship... she will look past many things for this
-Don't try to change her, let her be her and let her shine..if she wants to go to school at 41...OK
-Don't be threatened by her success, her intelligence or abilities...be the man that keeps it real..her anchor
-Read her signs/signals...when you see that little square bag that says Kotex...give her space

I could go on, but the point is..she is your best friend...good, bad, ugly....

^^^Excellent ^^^ I completely agree....and I also think this is vice versa too in making a man happy...and I could probably add a number of things.....but....

I dont buy into the point system and dont believe everything on the OP list is necessary or something that would make me happy or make the relationship or break it.. And it really does not take all of those things to make me happy. Im very easy to please and make happy.

Now finding that perfect match....hard as hell.

Originally posted by alysha.angel

Simple Duties:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

I could care less if a man makes his bed. I have no issue making it myself.

You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom (-2)

The whole toilet seat thing does not bother me. If he has to put it up to use it....what is wrong with me putting it down to use it? I prefer it completely closed - so that both genders have to open it to use

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
In the snow (+8)
But return with beer (-5)

I would never expect or require a man to buy this stuff. I probably would never ask him too...as I like to be prepared anyways. However, if he volunteers too...and wants some alcohol...he deserves it.

Social Engagements At a Party:
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
Named Tiffany (-4)
Tiffany is a dancer (-6)
Tiffany has implants (-8)

Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted in all of the colors of your favorite sports team (-10)

I like hanging out at sports bars.....so no point loss here.

A Night Out With the Boys:
Go with a pal (-5)
The pal is happily married (-4)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Mustang (-10)
With a personalized license plate that reads GR8 N BED (-15)

Eh...hanging out with the guys...important...breaks are much needed in any relationship.

A Night Out:
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called DeathCop 9 (-3)
Which features cyborgs that eat humans (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

Id be happy just to be with "him" no matter the movie.

Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-800)

Nobody stays in perfect body shape for their entire life.....better make sure your other half has somethng going on inside

Communication: When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+100)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)

Communication important.....when you are trying to "communicate" in this fashion...important. I think too many women just pick the wrong time....and ive known men to do the same.

The Big Question: She asks, "Do I look fat?"
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

Why the hell would a woman ask a man this? You know if you are fat. Try your clothes on. Do they fit? Yes? Your fine. No? Put down the ice cream and hit the gym. Dont put a man in this horrible situation. It is not fair at all. Either look in the mirror or ask your girlfriend. Do not ask your significant other!


Great thread....funny

Well I know one thing that wont get you any points is when your sitting with your wife or girl dont pass gas and look at her and say "yes dear"