need answers to my disease.

Hello everyone, my name is Justin. I am 26 and have been struggling with alcoholism for a couple of years. I have been depressed since I was 13. This has triggered alot of problems in my life, and in turn I used alcohol to self medicate. 2 years ago I was drinking a fifth of liquor every night, sometimes a little more. I realized from my family how bad I was making everyone suffer, so I decided to quit. I went through DT's, about a week exactly of which I do not remember anything that occured. Time has gone by now, many changes in life good and bad, but I have resulted to the bottle again. My wife had to go to my sisters the other night because I went on a drunken rampage and put my pistol to my head and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. I spent the next day in the E.R after realizing what I did and what I tried doing. I hate what I have become and I would like some help with this. I have an appt. With a psych on the 18th. Has anyone else ever been through this? I am losing my family and myself.

reply to post by MarineSniper12Kills


Justin,

First of all let me assure you that you are not alone. There are many, many people who have struggled with these same demons. Myself included in that count.

I'd strongly urge you to contact a local mental health provider, a church, anyplace that might host a support group and find out what night of the week this group meets. I attend and host such a group locally and just being able to talk about things, with people who understand, will make a world of difference for you. I promise it will.

Medication is also an option that I recommend, but I do understand that medication is not for everyone but if you speak to a doctor and they suggest such measures... well it's worth a try.

If you need help locating groups, help, or if you just want to talk, please feel free to U2U me and I will do my best to assist you.

Just please remember that you are not alone in your struggle. Also that your family is also effected by your struggle. Please keep their well being in mind as you proceed. They love you.

~Heff (John)

Justin, this may fall on deaf ears, but please get rid of that gun. Having said that, I am one of the clan. A little info: I am 53, I have been drinking on and off (sometimes off for years at a time, right now I am typing with a quart, more or less, of vodka in me) since I was 13 or so. It's because of the cessations in drinking that I am still alive. I am one of those people who can drink in quantity without detection (although that "power" is waning). And, yes, I've gone the AA route (didn't work for me - my fault). Quite frankly, I am getting too old for this. I've heard it said that you can find a lot of old heroin addicts, but not too many old coc aine addicts. I believe you won't meet a lot of old active drinkers. That may or not mean anything to you. I know there is the odd exception, like Winston Churchill and my own father, but I'm not here to lecture you on the pros and cons of drinking. Without going into details, it does seem to me, however, that alcohol (my secret lover) is, plain and simple, a drug that leads to more strife and violence than any other. Why it is legal and other drugs are not, I will never understand. But you and your family deserve better than what you are experiencing now as a result of drinking. I'm not telling you to stop; just please, PLEASE, do no harm to others. OK?

reply to post by MarineSniper12Kills


Justin, sometimes we must hit rock bottom to rebuild our lives. You have two choices, to continue on the same path that has brought nothing but destruction to your life, or to commit to some radical changes.

Alcoholism made my youth a living hell. I am now an adult and still suffer from the dysfunction of my childhood. When alcohol causes problems in your life, you have a problem with alcohol and you must stop.

When those around you see that you have made radical changes to better yourselves, and your life- forgiveness is possible and can happen.

Your words will mean nothing. You have lost all credibility....but your actions can redeem your life. I know you will miss the buzz, the high, the altered reality.......we all would love to 'escape'......but when we finally grow up we recognize our limitations and our vulnerabilities. You can't drink Justin. It will never be an option, unless you want to lose everything.

The past is now done. It is over. Now you must look ahead, and take the steps to become accountable for what you have done, and what you are going to do. You can rebuild your life. I pray you will rebuild your life, and become the man you know you are. You didn't do those things, the alcohol did....but you made the choice to drink. Now you can no longer blame it on the alcohol. You know what it does to your life.

Live strong. Take the bull by the horns, and live today like today is the first day of your new life.....because it is. I will say a prayer for your family to forgive you, and for you to begin building a foundation to restore your life. There are many, many people who have been in the same situation. They became strong and they put their lives back together.

You can do it....but you will need a good support system. You will need to read some good books on addiction and family dynamics. Find a psychiatrist that you connect with. If you don't feel you connect with one, move on to another. This is very important. Good luck Justin.....and if you can go sober, you will be okay. Things will become right again.

I wish you the strength and courage that you need right now. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it to put your life back together. Bottom line is that you have to help yourself. You have already decided that you want to change your destructive pattern. You are stronger than you know. See your doctor or counselor for what will work best for you. Stay close to family and friends. You CAN do this!!!!

Just remember that if you were to continue on the way you were, things would get progressively worse. You have already taken a step in the right direction and from there things can only get better. Take one day at a time, one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time to see your way through this. Much luck and a big hug to you!!!!

I really appreciate the responses guys. Heff I sent you a U2U and I did turn all my guns over to my father until I get healthy. My wife is still standin by me but I know I can't screw up like this again. It takes total control of me.

reply to post by lostviking


Thank u so much man that meant the world. It really hit me when my sister told my wife yesterday that this is why she wont let my niece stay the night with us. She's my only niece and she only grows up once. It kills me

reply to post by Night Star

Thank u so much night.

Originally posted by MarineSniper12Kills
Hello everyone, my name is Justin. I am 26 and have been struggling with alcoholism for a couple of years. I have been depressed since I was 13. This has triggered alot of problems in my life, and in turn I used alcohol to self medicate. 2 years ago I was drinking a fifth of liquor every night, sometimes a little more. I realized from my family how bad I was making everyone suffer, so I decided to quit. I went through DT's, about a week exactly of which I do not remember anything that occured. Time has gone by now, many changes in life good and bad, but I have resulted to the bottle again. My wife had to go to my sisters the other night because I went on a drunken rampage and put my pistol to my head and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. I spent the next day in the E.R after realizing what I did and what I tried doing. I hate what I have become and I would like some help with this. I have an appt. With a psych on the 18th. Has anyone else ever been through this? I am losing my family and myself.

Hey Justin, You certainly are not alone. My problem was not alcohol but cannibas. I lost everything from my health to my family which led to depression most of my adult life so far and Im only 28. I don't know what to say because everyone is different, My way of dealing with cannibas was to find things that I loved doing to take my mind away from it, whether that was playing sport, travelling, even just fixing a car or something. You need to find something that makes you feel good about yourself, Once you find it you will never look back. I hope you worth things out bud. Hang in there

reply to post by Redevilfan09


Thank u very much man, ya its more humiliating to me...makes you feel weak, not trusted etc. I just wish I was the person I was 6 years ago.

Justin- please put that gun away, have someone else put it away, please.
Go to AA meetings and get help. If you are willing, there is help and support out there. My husband is an alcoholic. He says beer isnt alcohol. 30 yrs later, into our marriage, he still drinks at least a 6 pack. He says he doesnt need help, and furthermore, beer is just soda, as far as he's concerned.
Too bad that "soda" has made our entire life miserable.

Justin, you are AWARE that you have a problem, which is the first step, dear. Please get yourself some help, and you will see your life changing.

I wish you all the best and please have someone hide that gun until you recover.
God bless

reply to post by dgtempe


Thank you very much dg. My dad has all of my guns as of yesterday until I get healthy. I cannot imagine what you go through, same as my wife. It kills me because she deserves so much better.

my name is justin also, i also have been depressed forever (33 now) and bad alcoholic. almost put my pistol to my head last week as well. My family tells me that alot of diet choices can affect depression etc, so if u can try to eliminate aspartame, gluten, dairy, high fructose corn syrup.....and it is easier to say no to the first drink than the fifth one.

i'm doing better now thanks to the universe which i talked about a bit on this thread www.abovetopsecret.com...

i got very lucky

stay positive

reply to post by BadBoYeed


I really appreciate it man I hope everything works out for u.

Do keep us posted on how you are doing Justin. You have people here who care and are here for you. There are many people who have been where you are and made it through. You can too!

reply to post by MarineSniper12Kills


I do not drink alcohol, but your problems are spiritual not anything else, when your addicted, your spiritual self is in trouble as sorts.

For me what cured any addictions i had when i was young was i went out raving, and would dance all night. Raving is very spiritual, and it helped me alot, i have always looked in me anyway, while you lot look outwards.

All addictions are caused by spiritual emptiness for me.

I really appreciate it guys, thank you so much night. I did call AA and got a website from them, www.aanc32.org. that's the district I am in so I am going to go to a meeting tuesday at 7 am, kinda nervous but I will def let y'all know how it goes.

Originally posted by MarineSniper12Kills
I really appreciate it guys, thank you so much night. I did call AA and got a website from them, www.aanc32.org. that's the district I am in so I am going to go to a meeting tuesday at 7 am, kinda nervous but I will def let y'all know how it goes.

Justin!

I just stopped by to see how you were doing and I am thrilled to see that you are still making all the right decisions! Don't stress my friend, you are doing everything right and you are going to keep all the important things together. You are honestly an inspiration and a lesson in how to overcome adversity. I feel a great deal of pride and positivity towards you while reading your words.

Keep doing what you are doing and this will all work out exactly the way you want it to.

~Heff

reply to post by Hefficide


Thank you so much buddy you don't understand how much that means to me. I just realize I have to much to lose and I cannot lose them. My family, my wife, I cannot be without that. Im gonna get stuff right with me first than next weekend I am attending a church with my family. Maybe I can meet some friends there. I really do hope to gain some friends from the AA meeting as well, I dropped all my others as they were really just drinking buddies. I have never been to one so im nervous as all hell.....wife is going with me though, will see how it goes!

reply to post by MarineSniper12Kills


Check your U2Us

meant every word, man.